Lord knows, I know where I've been and it hasn't always been pretty, boo
19. 19 and a half years that has been completed. As 2016 closes, I've noticed that I have taken a lot of L's. The bad part is that it's not the L's that are associated with loses, but instead lessons. Dealing with mental issues and insignificant problems can magnify any situation given the appropriate stimulus and cause people to seek happiness in whatever (which ever) way they can. So I bring you back to 19. 19 years where I tried to achieve some light of happiness. I often tell myself that if others are happy then I will be happy. While that is true and my purest intentions, I realized that I deserve the same happiness I wish others would have. I realized that my self-actualization has allowed me to understand my flaws and embrace them to better my self esteem. And I often ask myself that at 19, am I anywhere that I want to be. I still don't have my license, no degree, broke, tired, anxious, lazy, and lonely. And with all these problems and trials that I go through, I still see myself smiling. There is more to life then the things that keep you down. There is always optimism where you least expect it. But overall there is happiness out there but it will not go out and find you. You have to go and get it. So ideally I'm not exactly where I wanted to be at 19, however, I'm finding my way. Use that pride in your heart and lift yourself into tomorrow, because I know where I've been. Famous lines from Hairspray that has a layer of meaning outside of racial segregation and discrimination. Use that pride to better yourself. As I close this journal and my 2016 for that matter, I will always reflect on the struggles I face. Embrace them because they are the reason for who you are, but they are not what you are. In the end, we don't know when we will die so make the very best of your life while trying to reach that small glimmer of happiness. So I'm concluding my thoughts and if this helps anybody get through any struggle, please realize things will get better but you have to want it and get it for yourself because time stops for no one. I am. 19. Intelligent. Black. Gay. Content. Kind. Grateful. Classy. Wise. Caring. Impressible. Important. Calvin. "Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." -Kevyn Aucoin -C
