#journal 19

Who: Higgs When: Writing year unknown Where: Unknown

Well shit. Sam and Fragile managed to dispose of my nuke before it went off. They weren't smart enough to see through my disguise, but something must've tipped them off. Probably what I wrote on the tag. I know I should've resisted the temptation, but come on— who the hell reads that shit these days?

And now he's halfway to the coast. But he's in my neck of the woods now, and my boys ain't about to let up. We're gonna make him regret ever fucking with me and mine.

[[8//21//19]] Journal 19 -

[[ sorry this report is late ! ! ! i dont have a very good excuse, honestly... it happened this way purely because i was just so, so, SO exhausted and sick. i got so tired of everything- so i didnt really talk to anyone or use any electronics for awhile. basically, i self-isolated for awhile. but now im fine-ish so i’ll try to write my report now... once again, sorry for the delay ! ]]

BATS. BATS EVERYWHERE...!? There was a bat all over the place. seriously! im not making this up... and it was flying all over the place [even into the hallways and other areas- and it apparently came from the first floor somehow...] and you’ll never believe this...? i went to the bathroom at one point and the bat flew up into my stall while i was using it!!!!!! it was a horrifying experience... i wanted to grab it so that i could release it and all, but... i didnt want to get rabies so... i just froze up in fear with my arms up in front of my face. what a wild day! i was not expecting to be dealing with bats my last day LOL...

okay so whatd i do on my last day... well... not a whole lot, to be honest. i wish i had been a lot more productive... but i just couldnt. i was distracted by the bad and eager to have everything over with- and i was super sick still! well, that i DID manage to do... i clipped some latex, popped out some new eggs and put together some new ones... added a final layer of latex to some things too. oh, and i cleaned up a tad as per usual... my last day was not very eventful really...  even despite the bat thing haha. it was nice because my instructor and some helpers were there all day... and i guess thats really all i have got to say about it

im so happy its over with, and i feel like i learned and grew thanks to it.

im so thankful... and i cant wait to see the finished results later.

July 12, 2018

Today Topic: Coming out to my best friend.

Let’s see how many type o’s I make as I type this out since I can barely see the screen and my hands are shaking

I wasn't supposed to get home for a few more days but I got to leave LA early and I got here and I decided to go see Dill at the office and bring him lunch. But…but when I got there a guy a fucking model was there kissing him. He wasn’t even trying to stop it! I swear I haven’t felt so sick and heartbroken in my entire life! I yelled at him and took my rings off and put them on his desk and ran off to vi and gabis to get away and see my baby girl

And of course he came and I screamed at him…I have yelled at Dill before, I’ve yelled at him and he’s yelled at me when we’ve fought but I’ve never screamed at him…Im just so heartbroken and hurt! I don’t…I don’t know if I can do this.

We have a daughter for Christ sake! We’ve been married for 2 years! I don’t know what to do…I’m staying with Gabi and Vi with Zoey until I figure it out…I’m not putting her in that environment.

Sausage Fest was a Sausage Success.

Yes, I know, its been a long ass time.  I'm inconsistent alright? I have a life and sometimes I'm too damn tired to write.

SO I figured out the reason why I know I am gay:

I like masculinity.  I just enjoy looking at muscles and touching muscles and seeing that and its just so amazing...

I don't like vaginas.  They are gross.  They bleed, they are squishy and wet and gross and that shit is not for me.

I don't really like boobs either.  There just kinda there and they seem useless and squishy and I don't like squishy things...

I like the way they smell. Like... Its just nice.

I like the heat that comes from their bodies.

That is all.

Anyway, I am currently at Harvard and this week has just been a hot ass mess because my laptop stopped working and its been fucking 93 degrees all week so now I'm black as hell and its really making me upset.  I want my damn natural color back...

Also, I think I'm having a relapse and its making me really upset because it took too fucking long for me to get over this shit the first time and I don't have time for this shit to be happening again.... I just, I can't do this...

Another thing that I want to talk about will be talked about tomorrow morning because if I talk about it now, I will be awake all damn night because of how pissed it makes me.