#journal 11

Who: Higgs When: Writing year unknown Where: Unknown

BB reminds me of a baby doll, but it's no toy, that's for sure. Neither dead nor alive. Half human, half... something else. An inhabitant of the in-between, like a mummy. A lump of flesh wrapped around a shrivelled yet still-beating heart. So many symbols to choose from, all signifying that humanity's reached the end of the road.

The Stranding was big number six. I see that now, and so much more. The voidouts, the bodies birthing BTs— all aspects of a single phenomenon that exists solely to wipe us off the face of the earth. We can't stop what's coming. It's inevitable. Putting Humpty Dumpty back together won't change a goddamn thing, and risking life and limb to try's a fool's errand. Why sacrifice what little you've got in the here and now for a future that'll never come? It's wasteful and meaningless. Amelie'd agree, for sure.

1. First of all, Happy New Year 🎆 everyone.

I feel good about 2020 because it feels like the positive energy is with me and I can accomplish anything. The holidays were great because I spent the time with friends and family and I had time to reconnect and get to know each other again. The family time ended and I received some pretty cool gifts and I have been enjoying them. I received Mutant League Football, Catherine Full Body and Nier. I have only played Mutant League and I can say this the best football game I have played in such a long time. The one criticism I have is the A.I. uses the dirty play when they fall behind and since there's no way to counter them, The A.I. can make a comeback and it leads to a frustrating experience. I did play Catherine Full Body for a few hours and I'm really enjoying the story. I don't play anime game Every often but this game and Persona 5 changed the way I view anime games and I want to experience more this year. I plan to install Nier at some point because I have seen and heard positive things about it and I can't wait to dive into the game.

My backlog has grown to unmanageable levels lol. I think I need to figure out a schedule because I have found myself playing NBA Live 19. I have a difficult time focusing on one game and that's partly the reason why the backlog hasn't gone anywhere, the second reason is laziness. I want to change that here in 2020 and focus on the games that I want to play and finish. I play games to experience and have fun but since this backlog has grown, I have been rushing through games and not enjoying them and I feel awful about it. Hopefully, I will be able to sit down a game and play it and enjoy it without putting so many mental barriers on myself.

Journal 11: X’s in Space

I had a really incoherent shift where I was tied to an alien with a glass pyramid for a head, he saw things as though through a kaleidoscope 3 fold vision. His vision was blurred and he was attacked. I went through phases of his life with him and he was very attached and fond of me. The codeword for this reality? “Phantom”.

The next strange thing was I was laying in bed and I heard a voice. An elderly man's voice and it said "yes adam your almost there!" Very calming almost. That's when I shifted to the diamond boy on the table.

Lastly as I was getting ready for bed I was greeted by a black puffy cloud of smoke with a teenage white girl with glasses face. She told me she was my x from another reality then switched to a mature attractive black women's face. She compared me to “her Adam” who was a cisgender male. She told me his mother yells and his sister beats him up and I said that, that's how my life used to be but it's not that way anymore. I don't go by “Adam”. She was pissed when she found out I go by a gods name and not “Adam”. She told me we should date and went "wow it really is you but more raunchy." "I'm still me regardless of the reality" she complimented my red hair? At Least I think it was a compliment and that was the end of it. I reality shifted to the soundtrack Almost Alice. It's a trippy soundtrack that I have memorized on my Walkman and I personally find the music so repetitive it helps me shift easier. Anyways those are all my notes for now. Night!

-Olive Brimstone

4:43 AM

Gender isn’t a big deal to me. And I mean that both as a nonbinary person and as a pansexual.

Personally, it doesn’t matter to me if someone is a man, woman, or nonbinary. If I think they’re attractive, then I think they’re attractive. If I see someone and think “oh he/she’s hot” and it turns out they’re actually nonbinary, I’ll just go “oh THEY’RE hot”. No fuss, no worries. It doesn’t matter. Simple as that.

Though for a lot of people, it’s actually not that simple. They get confused about it. Sometimes they think it’s just the same as bisexuality, or that we just made up the label for attention, or that we’re more likely to cheat in a relationship, we’re always horny, etc, etc, etc.

That’s not it, though. Pansexuality is its own sexuality and it’s what we are. And we’re proud.

So today is mmy first day back and I am so nervous wow wow wow wow wow wow wow okay so i got there just today and waited awhile. He was not there when he said he would be but I'm used two it bi now ! So when he arrived we had some general welcome back type chatter then we discussed what has been worked on and what still needs finished since I was gone!  After that he and I waited for the new help that he had obtained for the project. [The project is still the haunt by the wai even thou he now has some new side project.z..] ok ok so... My advisor and I met up w the help and it was very nice too meet thm they r nice and very smart and skilled. After a little bit my advisor left to go and tend to some work! So my new friends helped me remember some how-to's and then we began work. We spent all day cutting masks and painting them and airbrushing things! We had some nice talks all the while. My favorite part ov th.e day is wen we got to [and I am not kidding!!] Go and get like literally 6 or 7 or 8 skeletons out of a locked truck and dragged them up to our lair. After that we all departed around the same time. It was cool two c the progress and the weird dip my ma left me fr my lunch was strange and I am not personally a fan.2day was full of Fear but it was fine I guess. I'm just sicker and weaker than last time so reasonably I'm feeling scared?¿

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Because I’ve only seen an OBGYN about my pcos, and well...she basically didn’t tell me anything, and has been no help at all. All she did was prescribe me birth control pills, she didn’t tell me anything about pcos potentially causing diabetes (which you would think would be an important thing to mention) I learned that on the internet.

December 5, 2016

Wow I haven’t written one of these in a while. Actually the last one was on the first day of school... And now it is the end of the first semester almost. Sorry bout that guys.

Today’s Topic: Birthdays and loneliness

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