A dramatic reading of Napoleon's unhinged letter of 10 Germinal, Year IV (March 30, 1796) to Josephine.

Yes, this letter is 100% real (unlike the I'm Coming Home In Three Days, Don't Bathe one). And it just keeps getting worse 😭

(This is more like me enduring the pain of sharing oxygen with these poveri sfigati)

To be honest, even he didn't always say the best things about her on St Helena. He sometimes criticised her "weak" character, her spending habits.

That doesn't mean he ever disowned his own feelings for Joséphine, nor ever questioned her loyalty when it mattered most. Almost as a rule, Napoleon was very cynical towards people, especially after his last defeat when everyone would have benefitted from betraying him; and yet, he was sure that Josephine would have followed him everywhere in the world, had she not been dead before him. He had no reason to resent her.

(And even decades later he would praise her gorgeous ass - which is not very respectful either, but damn that's a yearning man who misses tasting paradise on Earth talking right there)

He had been far from the perfect husband even if they lived in the XIX century, but never stopped valuing her as a person with sincere fondness, nor his own choice of making her his wife.

In general, Napoleon idolised Reason and would despise any man who acted upon blinding passions, especially about a woman. To him, resentment and revenge were irrational manifestations of a barbaric nature that no respectable man, especially a politician, should ever have.

But there are redpilled pezzi di shierda on TikTok saying that he should have k*lled her for her cheating (which is actually alleged and that's another whole can of worms - more on that here).

Napoleon was a mysoginist, even slightly more than the average for his age; but he wouldn't reach Andrew Tate levels, as that rubbish values rage and violence - especially around women - much more than self-control and reason. The whole manosphere would make him retch.

So I was chatting with @aedislumen about The Nanny, she told me Fran Fine gave her strong Joséphine vibes, I then told her Mr Sheffield has definitely something of Napoleon, then she suggested creating a Nanny AU and my mind went crazy✨️

Despite the associations, I thought about using Armand Assante and Jacqueline Bisset's incarnations of Napoleon and Josephine from Napoleon and Josephine: A Love Story. Maybe it's because this is a vintage miniseries too, but also because it's the only piece of media where we actually see this couple in their domestic life together and it's depicted very well. Joséphine is given complexity and Napoleon a full emotional range, thus he also gets funny and chaotic at times, instead of being constipated and obsessive all the time. I've long discussed how good their depiction is and also the chemistry between the actors is crazy, just like between Fran Drescher and Charles Shaughnessy.

Josephine is definitely a more refined and accomplished Fran Fine: she's a shopping addict, she has style, she has flair, she's sexy, caring and extroverted, has a heart of gold, not to mention she's a dog mom. We can call her Jose Fine (badum tss).

But she's also the rich widow with two sons and great connections in the upper society, just like Mr Sheffield rather is. And just like him, she has experienced a huge loss who has left her disillusioned and cautious around love for a long time.

The Napoleon-Mr Sheffield comparison seems much more like a stretch at first sight; and yet young Napoleon is defined by a strong dicothomy between his heart and what rationality and circumstances tells him to do. Maxwell is also a man who hides himself under a demanding job and many responsabilities, especially towards his family. His whole arc is about letting himself go and open his heart once again, just like Napoleon did when he fell in love with Josephine.

But Napoleon shares many things with Fran as well: he's the one with humble origins who painfully sticks out in a fancy environment. He's dynamic, resourceful and bold just like her and has her same street-wiseness if trouble comes. And he also has the same huge family Fran has and, just like her, he keeps inserting his relatives in every situation possible. He is finally a caring father figure towards children, especially Joséphine's; too bad they never welcomed him as warmly as the Sheffield children did with Fran.

Originally Fran Fine was supposed to be Italian-American and here in Italy they have actually made her an Italian immigrant (we wouldn't have understood all the complexity and cultural references about her Jewish-American identity), just like Napoleon's heritage is Italian, so another interesting analogy!

So here it is. This AU is set in the 90's, just like in the sitcom (not to mention it's exactly two centuries after the period Napoleon and Josephine met), in France of course.

Josephine is a prominent figure in the fashion world, either leads a communication agency or is Vogue France's Editor in Chief (Devil Wears Prada reference wink wink).

Edit: BETTER YET, she substitutes Jacqueline Follet so we can create a crossover with The Devil Wears Prada. Joséphine aims to become Editor in Chief of Vogue America (Runway is meant to be Vogue anyway), thus Miranda Priestly becomes the Andrew Lloyd Webber to her Maxwell Sheffield. GOD I'M A GENIUS

Her former husband has died in an accident and she has no intention of dating anyone since then. She has two closed off and troubling children, which of course are teenage Eugène and little Hortense.

Their elder cousin Émilie lives with them too, as her parents have fallen apart badly, and she has the same role as Maggie. Joséphine's hyperprotective towards her and treats her no less than a daughter.

Barras and Thérèse are her business associates, with Barras being the equivalent of CC Babcock, constantly wooing Joséphine yet being the worst option possible as a love interest for her. Maybe Euphémie could become the equivalent of Niles?, but of course they wouldn't end up together. Thérèse chases Barras instead, whenever she's not having fun with some model.

Napoleon is a Corsican immigrant of humble origins. As a teen he was a street thug and even got involved with the Corsican independance movement for a bit, so his mother sent him at a military high school and then he also went through the draft, who has changed him a lot and made him much more responsible, along with his father's death. After a leg injury, he was unable to stay in the army so he had to reinvent himself. He went working in a cloth firm and started dating the boss' sister, Desirée. But after discovering more about his background, the boss has forced Desirée to break up with him and even fired Napoleon in one of those crushing scenes.

So over the bridge from Montreuil to the Beauharnais' door he was there to sell books but the mother saw more, he had spark, he had fate, he was there and that's how he became the nanny.

Josephine is efficient and rigorous at work as much as she's a chaotic and chic mess in her private life. She has an overspending problem and, believe it or not, even if she's the French Miranda she tends to be a pushover and that's why she needs Barras and Thérèse at her side, but they also tend to step over her sometimes.

Bonaparte is rough, and rugged, and sometimes he ends up embarassing himself because he tends to speak his mind a little too sponteaneously; but he's also bold, biting, sarcastic, only talks without mincing words, he is decisive and never avoids taking up tasks and responsibilities. He can get a little too loud and obnoxious sometimes. He often gets too involved in the decisions concerning her children and sometimes even her work. And yet there's something so charming and adorable in him. And he's also kind to his children. He's gentle and cheeky with her daughter and niece, while he's justifiably stern yet also warm towards her son. No matter how out of place he looks and behaves, especially in such a fashionable and fancy environment, Bonaparte carries himself with such pride and confidence that Joséphine can't help but being inspired by him. He keeps her grounded when she's tempted to run away. He encouraged her to be more assertive, yet he also clearly appreciates her sweetness, no matter how she thinks it makes her a terrible Editor in Chief. As I said, you need to picture Armand Assante's Napoleon. He can get so unapologetically weird and intense, yet also so cute. And charming too.

Napoleon often brings his relatives and friends into the Beauharnais' life: Caroline and Hortense form a frenemy bond, his brothers and sisters are unbearably loud and invasive. Letizia is a little bit sweeter, more like Sylvia. I don't know who could be Yetta, she could be herself, just called Minanna Buonaparte or whatever. All of them are much, much nicer to Josephine than their original counterparts, but sometimes will get jealous of Bonaparte's dedication to her family.

Nadine, Fran's sister, is Lucien, because contrary to Joseph he had a huge rivalry with Napoleon.

Junot is Napoleon's old draft pal and is the equivalent of Val. Hortense first dates Louis, then ends up with Duroc, another draft pal.

Murat is much younger in this version in order to be able to date Caroline. He works in the fashion industry and is the equivalent of the actually-not-gay nanny, Kurt Jacobs. Everyone believes he's gay just because he's a flamboyant and fancy fashion guy, but then he starts to flirt with Caroline, and their relationship buds offscreen ever since.

This is implictly reflected by Napoleon's style evolution: since Caroline dates a fashion guy and she's the one who goes shopping for her brother along with Pauline, her fashion choices improve, and so does Napoleon's wardrobe. That's how he gets accidentally attractive and stylish, despite not being a fashion victim like Fran is.

Napoleon dates a lot, as there's this recurring gag that women actually love rugged bad boys, and all of these are his real-life lovers. Of course there is Maria Walewska, who is a top model, Giuseppina Grassini is a rock singer etc. Marguerite Weimer (AKA Mlle George) is the equivalent of the child actor, Jack Walker, due to her being a very young actress as well in real life. Of course she's not going to be Napoleon's date in this version, instead he cautions her about behaving like she was an adult.

There's definitely going to be an episode where Napoleon and Josephine go to Malmaison, for a runway or something, and do some meta gags mentioning their historical counterparts.