#jonghyun.

My heart goes out to Kim Jonghyun. My condolences to his family, friends, co-workers, loved ones, and fans... an angel takes his spot up in heaven today. This angel was iconic, empowering, inspirational, talented, influential in all the best possible ways. He was a master singer, brilliant song writer, charismatic radio host, and captivating author. But most of all, he was human.

Jonghyun was a human, a person just like each one of us, who had been suffering with all sorts of personal battles that ultimately forced him to take his own life.

But what made his problems so unspeakable? He was an advocate of mental health, suicide, the lgbt community, and bullying. He was one of the only people that dared to speak up on such issues shrouded with such stigma, yet he became a victim who succumbed to it? The fact that he was unable to seek the help of others when he really needed it the most is absolutely heartbreaking. There are countless of reasons why he may not have reached out for help, but don’t most (if not all) allude to the reputation mental health has in South Korea?

I hope this unfortunate event sheds light on such stigma, I hope this causes people to realize that mental health is no joke. Please be kind and thoughtful of others, please do not treat matters as if they should be something to be ashamed of. If you can help others in need, please do your best to provide them with what you can. If you are in a position of suffering yourself, please do not hesitate to seek the help you deserve to have. No one deserves to suffer alone. You are not alone.

From the bottom of my heart, I’d like to express an infinite amount of gratitude towards Jonghyun. I am eternally grateful for all the ways he has influenced my life, and I am blessed to have been following you until the very end. As devastated as I am to see him go so soon, I hope he’s in a better place now, a save haven someone as wonderful as him deserves.

At first, it was only by a minuscule amount. One. three. five on occasion. now it exceeds by the tens. I blink a few times and it already goes onto the next hundredth. by the time I post this particular textpost, it must’ve exceeded 1k. well over if the news has really spread.

And I will still never be able to get over what has just happened.

At first, I could barely compose myself to make the post. I could barely compose the post itself, though you may find the original floating around here or there. With every update I could find, I updated the post. I needed to know. I needed others to know. I had even considered messaging people who reblogged the initial post to check my update, but then there were too many people. And I could hardly bring myself to discuss the matters with anyone who contacted me personally. Even the asks I got (which also helped my update the post) were a challenge to answer.

I can barely take a glance at my dashboard. It’s only about him. I only see notifications from the update post, or a few other posts by other thoughtful people that have been reblogged by equally as thoughtful others.

I want to stop. I want to log off, go to sleep, and pretend even just for a moment that this isn’t happening. But I can’t. If Jonghyun was strong enough to keep up with his life despite all the hardships he faced, then I should be able to carry on and mourn for him.

Chosen: park jonghyun

CAN THEY USE CHOPSTICKS -  yes.

WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY CAN’T SLEEP -  usually, jonghyun curls up on the side of his bed and watches his pet fish. he’d spend time chatting up with them and if that doesn’t work, he just gets up and looks for any task to do. 

WHAT WOULD THEY IMPULSE BUY AT THE GROCERY STORE - sweets. he’s got a mean sweet tooth and is almost always carrying a candy or chocolate.

WHAT ORDER DO THEY WASH THINGS IN THE SHOWER - his routine has never changed since he was a child. he’ll start by his hair, then go onto his back. he always makes sure that his armpits are clean as they can be before moving to the next of his body. he leaves his face for last, as it gives him a more clean sensation when he steps out the shower.

WHAT’S THEIR COFFEE ORDER - anything with whipped cream and sweetener. he’s not picky as long as it’s sweet.

WHAT SORT OF APPS WOULD THEY HAVE ON THEIR SMARTPHONE - he has many sudokus and puzzles. lately he’s downloaded a crossword app, though he’s not that fond of it; he prefers the old fashioned paper crossword. additionally, he has some reading apps and podcasts are always on.

HOW DO THEY ACT AROUND CHILDREN - he’s generally nervous around children since he’s not sure how to look after them. most of the times, he just ignores them, though he’s very happy whenever kids smile at him. 

WHAT WOULD THEY WATCH ON TV WHEN THEY’RE BORED AND NOTHING THEY REALLY LIKE IS ON - jonghyun doesn’t watch tv, even if he’s bored out of his mind. he’d rather nap.