Sinead Starling (basically canonically trans, and everybody knows she's a lesbian I mean come on)
Amy Cahill (disaster bisexual, her friendship with Sinead was NOT platonic + her evil taste in men (minus Evan rip))
Jonah Wizard and Cara Pierce (bisexual, based purely off of vibes and no evidence)
Ian Kabra (straight, but I swear to god there could be something there with him and Jonah. please listen to me I swear I'm not crazy. they're taking me away you believe me right)
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Political affiliations of 39 Clues Characters by a Girl That's Too into Politics and Too Online
Going off of vibes mainly but also some of them do show their whole ass in the series so they made it easy for me. *Cough* Ian *cough*
Disclaimer: I love everyone, I am roasting them lovingly. Except for JAKE.
Amy Cahill - Average white liberal girl. Pronouns in bio. Land acknowledgement at the start of every Cahill meeting. Always says "Listen to x voices." Unfortunately frequently dates men that are "politically neutral" 💔
Dan Cahill - Normie. Knows enough about politics to make memes about it (would really be into the current Kirkification jokes) but doesn't really know a lot about it and doesn't care to. It bums him out.
Ian Kabra - ... Oh boy.
Ian is complicated because he's smart enough to know better but he's literally a Tory rip. He's that annoying British person that (rightfully) criticizes America constantly but thinks Europe is somehow exempt from all those problems. Pulls out all the big words like "colonialism" and "imperialism" when talking about America but has definitely said at some point "we're not obsessed with race here like you guys are in America." *Insert "Does he know?" image* He will be joking all day about Donald Trump, has a field day when Charlie Kirk bites the bullet, but gets rage baited on Twitter (by Cara) about the Queen dying because "joking about that is SO disrespectful." Inshallah he gets class consciousness soon because he could be suchhhh a good champagne socialist. Cara do something.
Natalie Kabra - Low key feel like she might get into the divine feminine thing. Like she's already so snobby and ridiculous (loving) I can totally see her saying shit like "I don’t chase, I attract" "I don't grind, I align" "holding space" and shit about Mercury retrograde causing Ian to be in his feminine energy or something. Always talking about seeking a high value man as if she's not literally the most high femme lesbian ever.
Jonah Wizard - Jonah WILL be the next 2Pac. He clearly is not the shallow artist that he used to be and that everyone thinks he is. He genuinely cares about people and art. I can very much see him be vocally socialist and incorporate leftist themes and iconography in his music. Black Panthers themed song and music video by Jonah Wizard when?
Hamilton Holt - Wholesome gym bro leftist. Making TikToks on how to get shredded to protect vulnerable people at protests. Physically fights counter protesters.
Jake Rosenbloom - most obnoxious liberal man you've ever met. Epitome of the performative man reading feminist literature and drinking matcha. Has a "Met God, She's Black" T-shirt. Always talks about the importance of "listening to x voices" and then immediately speaks over said marginalized voices. Low key like Hasan. Omg wait this is literally him
Cara Pierce - Demsoc that could transform into actual socialist. Dealing with her father - the epitome of corrupt American politics, capitalism, and imperialism - radicalized her. Loves Zohran Mamdani and was low key a Bernie bro. She definitely reads a lot of political history books and theory. Leans a little bit too much on the side of "theory bro" or "philosophy bro" just arguing semantics and playing devil's advocate on Reddit (hashtag women in men's fields) but eventually she will go outside and do something though, I'm sure of it, and that's when Ian is gonna get bullied into stopping his nonsense once and for all.
Sinead Starling - biased perhaps (hashtag Sineamy) but she is genuinely such a lesbian feminist to me. Her main priority is feminism, all her politics stem from what will lead to women's liberation.
Nellie Gomez - An anarchist, always talks about how punk is political and she lives that shit. She has blue hair and pronouns and a septum piercing, she WILL firebomb a Walmart.
Alistair Oh - he's just a capitalist tbqh. Whatever sells his microwaveable burritos. Really into the stock market.
Irina Spasky - COMRADE AND CANON I ❤️ MY TANKIE DIVA
Anyways that's it, hope you enjoyed or it made you frown and click away.
Since Scholastic has decided to delete the last remaining 39 Clues site, I wanted to share this website that I found.
Basically, a college student did a project on the 39 Clues for one of their classes where they made a webpage to resemble the old 39 Clues message board. They wrote a bunch of posts from the perspectives of the characters on it updating the rest of the Cahill family on what they’ve been doing since the series ended and the old message board was deleted.
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Amy, Ian, and Jonah have formed a book club. It’s Jonah’s turn to pick what they read. And he picks Shakespeare. Again.
Very minor spoilers for Into the Gauntlet. Set in January 2012 so Amy and Ian are both 18 and Jonah is 19.
“I pick When You Were Mine by Rebecca Serle.” said Jonah.
Ian pulled out his phone, typed something in, and then looked up a moment later. “No.”
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
“I mean we’re not reading that.”
“Yes, we are. It’s my turn to pick. That’s what I pick. That’s what we’re reading.”
“No. Not happening.”
“Ian, it is his turn.” Amy said.
“It’s a Romeo and Juliet retelling.” Ian argued.
“Jonah, we said no more Shakespeare.”
“Shakespeare didn’t write it.”
Amy had not looked this exasperated since the last meeting between the branches ended in a screaming match. “It’s a retelling, he came up with all the major beats. He might as well be a coauthor.”
“You only explicitly banned Shakespeare. You said nothing about retellings.”
“It’s implied.” Ian snapped.
“It is not.”
“I told you three weeks ago that if you picked Shakespeare again, then you’d be forfeiting your turn. So. Amy, what do you want to read?”
“This is such bullshit. It’s my turn. We’re reading what I picked.”
“No. We are not.” Ian said. “You made me suffer through Hamlet, The Tempest, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and The Taming of the Shrew. Shakespeare is banned from this book club until the end of next year. Majority decided, majority rules. We are not reading Romeo and Juliet.”
“It’s not even about them, it’s about Rosaline. The girl Romeo was supposed to marry before he met Juliet.”
“Oh, my mistake. It’s about Rosaline. That changes everything.” Ian said sarcastically. “Look. I’m giving you one last chance to pick a book or play for us to read that wasn’t written by Shakespere or inspired by one of his works.”
“Fine. I pick Contested Will by James S. Shapiro.”
Ian narrowed his eyes. “Is Will short for William? As in William Shakespeare?”
“It’s not about him. It’s about how someone else might’ve written his plays. It’s a loophole.”
Amy put her arm in front of Ian to keep him from strangling Jonah.
“Okay.” She said, “Consider your turn forfeited. Our next book is The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins; the movie is coming out in a few months. We can see it together after our next meeting.”
“Brilliant.”
“Hmm.” Jonah said, considering. “I guess that’s chill. I’ve been meaning to read Hunger Games for a while now anyway. Miss Pluderbottom said it’s mad popular with her students.”
“Who?” Ian said.
“She’s kind of like my grandma.” Jonah smiled. “I met her after that whole fiasco at the Globe, towards the end of the clue hunt. Maybe I can get her to read Shakespeare with me. The Globe’s doing a hip-hop production of Othello in a few months, she’d love that.”
“As long as you don’t try to make me sit through it.” Ian said and Jonah gave him the middle finger.
