#johnny simms

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Starting the episode with the birthday tape was already gut punching enough in and of itself, but hearing the way Elias/Jonah sings “Archivist” while everyone else sang “Jon”?? 🤬 Just the utter smugness. And it’s such good way to illustrate how he never saw John as a person he was always just a pawn.

Then we hear the second tape from Gertrude, and while we already know most of the information, thats not really the point. The point of both tapes is to help put us in Jon’s headspace. This aching “if only…” dwelling on what could have been. If one thing had been different. If they had just had that tape…

And that feeling is made even worse by the juxtaposition of how Jon pushes away from connection and seeks "peace and quiet" in the past, with his vulnerability and desire for love from Martin in the present.

When Jon and Martin are talking, there’s a casual reference to this heartbreaking scene we never get to see, of Martin sleeping, terrorized by nightmares, and Jon unable to wake him up like, jesus they really just dropped that image in my mind and moved on but damn if it wasn’t effective at making me feel things!!

The “Jon It’s not your fault” followed by the tone Jon uses when he says “Martin, can we not do this again.” They have had this conversation multiple times since the eyepocolypse began. They’re just running eachother in circles at this point.

Also the casual way Jon says “I love you” to Martin like it’s nothing, so we know it’s definitely not the first, or even the second time he’s said it, even though it is the first time the audience has heard those words.

The LAYERS to Martin saying “I’m good at waiting.” Like??? damn

I really could go on and on but I’ll spare you. This was such a good opening to the season I’m so hype but also terrified.

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I went into TMA completely blind, and have been listening for like six months but I’ve been avoiding engaging with fandom because I’m desperately trying to avoid spoilers.

I might share thoughts on future episodes by shouting into the void like this, but I’m still not really going to engage with fandom until I’m finished.