#johnmon

Monica Reyes/John Doggett | post 9x08 Hellbound | for @fortes-fortuna-iogurtum | vignette; 723 words | tagging @taleasoldastime-andspace and @cosmicmulder :)

She has done all this before.

She knows it like she knows the back of her hand or the cool tap of her ring against the balcony railing. The smoke in the back of her throat is familiar, the only thing she could think of to still the shaking of her hands. Maybe it’s just to occupy them, really, but either way, it’s comforting even though it shouldn’t be, with shaking hands and smoke in her airway and the memory playing on loop in her brain of Van Allen confirming and condemning her to failure. 

Monica has admittedly never given much thought to reincarnation. As a concept, it fascinates her — the way fate and freedom hold hands, how much will always remain the same in each individual life — but she’s never considered how it could apply to her. She thinks if she looked over her shoulder she might see a premonition of the life to come, so she just takes a long drag of her cigarette and holds it in her lungs, burning, for as long as she can. She wonders if she always has been and always will be a smoker; she’s tried to stop often enough and never fully succeeded, and that’s just this one life. 

Behind her, the door slides open and she doesn’t even turn. “You left your front door unlocked,” says John, and she huffs out a little smoky cloud into the night air.

after Underneath, John is so completely drained and tired that he might straight-up fall asleep at the slightest hint of warmth. he's shaking a little bit, from exhaustion and adrenaline and relief and maybe also shock. Monica, very aware of this fact and also still quite damp, burrows a little deeper into her borrowed jacket (the only dry piece of clothing on her, currently) and steps a little closer to him. "I'm cold," she complains, and he doesn't say a word or seem to mind when she slips an arm around his back and leans into him (although when it comes right down to it, she's probably holding him up more than anything else). when she asks again if he's okay, he just shrugs, and she takes that to mean no and fully hugs him. he does, in fact, melt a little bit.

Christmas 2002 is a slight debacle having to do with a case only barely finished, a delayed flight back to D.C., and Scully having two celebrations (partially to keep her mind off her sadness) — one with her family (Bill & Tara and their son came to visit that year), and then leaving early to stop by Monica's. to absolutely no one's surprise, Monica goes all-out on decorations and she has a high enough ceiling to fit a pretty big tree (that presumably John helped her put up). by the time Scully gets there (with baby William in tow, of course) the Gunmen have already shown up and there's a Christmas card sitting on the counter with Skinner's name signed at the bottom. Monica and John are trying to get the kitchen cleaned up and the last batch of cookies out of the oven, respectively — John is wearing a "kiss the cook" apron and Monica (who possibly has flour in her hair at the moment) looks like she's considering taking him up on it. turns out, Monica is a fantastic baker, John is the best at picking out Christmas gifts, and William takes after his mother and gets along with Byers the best out of the three Gunmen. at some point John reaches over and swipes the flour from Monica's hair and she goes very still for a second, and after that mayyyybe she sits closer to him. not that Scully notices, of course, not at allllll, why would you ever think that?

Monica is not as good with cold weather and John sometimes makes fun of her for it. She laughs and just says "I grew up in Mexico, John, I'm never gonna be used to this," and gestures to the snow and wind outside. on at least one occasion, he's given her his coat. neither of them ever mentions it.

they find excuses to hold hands at every opportunity. hello

HWHDBDSJWN ok but I've seen at LEAST 25 MSR fics with this exact premise I'm cackling, it really is so intensely THEM innit? (there's at least three opportunities just in the Pilot smh). soz for not including the Scully cameo... however I will offer you the mental image of one of them accidentally mentioning something about this and her being like. oh my gosh. you're joking. you cannot be real.

also @taleasoldastime-andspace u might like this 👀

~~~~~

Her flight leaves in three hours; she has just enough time to stop by the office, say her goodbyes, and get to the airport in time to check her suitcase. She is intensely aware of the familiar clack of her heels on the floor, a specific sound she's hearing for the last time. After so long working here, it feels strange to leave. It feels a little bit wrong.

John has his back to her, sitting at his desk, when she walks in. Monica steps lightly, trying to sneak up, but he barely jumps when she taps him on the shoulder.

"Hey," he greets. "You heading out?" He says it like she's not leaving for good, like she's just stepping out for the evening. Monica smiles, a little bittersweet.

"Yeah, my plane leaves at nine. All my stuff is already down south, ready to move in." She shrugs. "I know we already went over all this, but I have a little time before I have to head to the airport and I wanted to say goodbye."

John stands up, the slow, natural smile she's gotten to know so well spreading over his face. She's going to miss his smile; it comes much more easily than it did a couple years ago, and she's glad of that. "You be safe, alright?" He says, and Monica laughs.

"Alright," she agrees, then tips her head. "I'm going to miss you, John, you know that?"

He looks down, then meets her eyes again. "Yeah," he says quietly. "I'll miss you, too."

There's a single moment where Monica feels as if she can't breathe. Six years they've known each other, five since the divorce, and two since she admitted to herself that she might love him. She hadn't meant to, at first; she only ever wanted to be his friend in a time when he needed someone to be there, no strings attached. At some point, though, something changed. She's far too aware, of herself and others, to think it's nothing. She knows what he means to her.

The clock on the wall is ticking, counting down minutes, seconds they have left. She's leaving to start over, to be nearer to family, but leaving is hard. Lingering is hard. Moments, the present, is easy, but it's the hesitation that can be the breaking point. Monica glances down at her watch, tries to act like she's not practically vibrating with affection — but then, she's never been very good at acting, or at lying. Especially to John.

"You alright?" He asks, with a tiny touch against the outside of her wrist.

Monica laughs. "I should probably go soon," she says, which doesn't answer his question but is still completely true. She steps forward and hugs him, relaxes into his hands coming to rest on her back. Hugs, she's found, are a good way to hide your face if you don't want someone to see what's written on it.

"Good luck." John offers another smile, lopsided and a bit wry.

Hesitation is too easy to get lost in. Monica doesn't; instead she's lost in sudden impulse, almost like a cliche — her 'Lita would be appalled at a grandchild falling for a blue-eyed white American. There's no strings attached, just this once. She loves John. She's leaving. She kisses him.

It's brief, barely more than a brush of lips, and Monica quickly steps back away. She only meets John's gaze for a split second after she kisses him — possibly the most impulsive thing she's ever done, which is quite honestly saying a lot — but when she does, it feels like they're both stunned. She can feel his eyes on her when she turns to leave.

"Stay in touch, okay?" He calls haltingly after her, and Monica stops, still feeling a little breathless.

oh what an episode. WHAT an episode. I say it every single time but who else other than Monica Julieta Reyes could make "You're a dog person" into something so near a love confession? and it's all ouroboros too, we end where we began and it's a mirror image of the opening scene, a new opportunity and more hesitation. and this time Monica doesn't say anything, she just accepts it. because she knows. she KNOWS more than she did before what they mean to each other. and so does he. and like... I think they both know that the other knows. they both know how they feel about each other and they know it's reciprocated, but the thing is that he isn't ready yet and she's perfectly content to wait until he is.

also Audrey thinking thay John is Monica's husband.... girl HELP

OVERJOYED to inform you that this trope has literally been done with these two in canon actually shsjdhsjsjdks HOWEVER I feel like it's only reasonable to pile on extra angst by reversing it. @fortes-fortuna-iogurtum hey babe :)

~~~~~

Monica wakes up in a hospital bed with a headache, no idea how she got there, and no idea who either of the people hovering in the blank white room are. A red-haired woman with tired eyes stands with arms crossed, a still point contrasted with her companion, who can't seem to stand still. Both of them look over when she clears her throat, and Monica can just about feel the relief coming off of them in waves.

"Thank God," the man says roughly, dropping into a chair beside the bed. "How you feeling?"

Monica blinks, glances over at the redhead. "Where am I?"

The woman sighs, uncrosses her arms. "Georgetown Memorial," she says. "You took a bad fall from that ledge, i won't be surprised if it takes a while to come back to you." By the way she talks, Monica thinks that she might be a doctor.

"They were afraid you might have more serious brain injuries," adds the man beside her, and Monica immediately wonders what the best way is to admit that she apparently has amnesia. Obviously, they both know her, and she thinks they should be familiar, but she can't remember why.

She bites her lip. "I'm sorry," she says softly, looking mostly at the redheaded woman because she thinks this is going to hurt her friend too much, "But I... don't know who either of you are."

The shock registers visibly on the woman's face and she looks over at the man, blue eyes flickering with concern. "John-" she says, almost warningly, and Monica realizes suddenly that this runs deeper than she can know. Both of them know that the one next to her, John, is about to fall apart. Even without really knowing this woman, there's somehow a connection in that.

"What do you mean, you don't know us, you- we've been friends for nearly ten years, Monica." His voice is shaking, just a little bit, barely enough for her to hear, but she does.

The other woman frowns, sucks in a breath. "I'm going to talk to someone, I'm-" Tellingly, she doesn't say sure. "Likely," she says, looking at Monica, "Your memories will return as your head injury heals. Don't worry, alright?" This last is said with another glance at John, like it's supposed to be a reassurance for all three of them. "I'll be right back."

Then she's gone, and Monica is left with only John, who's dropped his head into his hands. She turns her head to look over at him, but he doesn't look back. "I'm sorry," she whispers again. She doesn't really know him, except that she does, and all she's certain of is that she doesn't want to disappoint him.

4-D... like... ALL of 4-D... I was totally ready for them to be platonic besties but when I watched that episode I was like. oh my gosh. they're friends to lovers. he came over to help her move in. HER WIPING THE CORNER OF HIS MOUTH. the way she goes absolutely INSANE about him being hurt. "you hired cheap help". the hecking- the score in that scene toward the end??? THE HUG AND HOW CONCERNED JOHN IS. I cannot.

that part in Empedocles where John is going off on Mulder and then Monica walks in and he immediately chills out shdjdnsjsk

Audrey Pauley. need I say more?? I made a post saying this already, but NOBODY but TXF could make telling someone they're a dog person into a veritable love confession. "I don't see you ever disappointing anyone" I cannot have normal feelings about this. and John's absolutely desperate clinging to hope??? the way he breaks down and starts crying??? hnnsnnNNnnnsnsnsnsn (ALSO WORTH MENTIONING is that this is a really interesting episode for Scully's characterization in s9, but that's not the point of this right now. remind me sometime)

when Monica is freaking out during Hellbound and she runs out of the crime scene kinda panicking and John tries to grab her and stop her to make sure she's okay. also the way he's so staunchly skeptical but in that episode he kinda opens up to believing/working her theory bc he sees how much it's affecting her. the ONLY person he can even possibly believe this stuff from is Monica.

"I don't wanna see you disappointed. Not again." in Release. Monica is trying so hard to help him and like, in some ways she's trying also to protect him, and she's just... so intense about it?? like she does not ever want to see him hurt, and they've already kinda been through this once (John Doe) and it's just SO askskdnsjs — also this is the episode with the "John and Monica could have something together, he just won't let her in" line that made me about throw my computer across the room

also they're SO married in Scary Monsters, it's absolutely hilarious. it's like the moment Layla Harrison shows up they become pseudo-parents, and like... they literally act SO MUCH like my own actual parents. i will always find this hilarious. ALSO there's kind of an implication regarding Doggett and Scully's friendship based on what we know of his and Monica's shared past that's really interesting??? yet another thing to ask me about sometime lol