#johan loh

Johan has been oddly antsy, the past few days. He's always been one to be doing something more often than not; sometimes to the point of concern when he refuses to take breaks. Gets away with it mostly because of the knights perceptions being skewed by Rouin. Today, though, there's no denying he's got more going on- going through his head- than usual.

Now you don't want to jump to any conclusions, of course, but it doesn't escape you what day it is. It couldn't even if you had forgot, after Charlotte and Schneider gave everyone small gifts for the holiday. Or after the former gave a larger, intentional gift to Mikhail and the man seemed to shut down long enough Lyn laughed herself into pain.

Just another day in the knights, but one that's chaos is focused. So of course, what else could have Johan so unable to stand still? So eager to do... something?

Problem is...you don't know who he's so antsy about. There is, of course, the Lord. Though Johan has never been so bold with his feelings towards them and… and you thought he'd made peace with those feelings and settled them down in a place that's platonic. Most of the other knights are out, because you're certain he doesn't have those kinds of feelings for them.

Which narrows it down to a few options. Joshua, who Johan has so quickly gotten so close to. The reason you've suddenly grown so unsure of your choice not to confess to Johan, yourself, as well as why you still haven't.

Or- well- you. Yet no matter how much you hope that's the case… you don't want to get your hopes up. And besides, maybe he's just doing something for everyone, like Charlotte and Schneider.

Your anxiety over the matter only seems to grow as the day goes on. As more people share both platonic and romantic gestures with each other. You can't help watching Johan when he's in sight, and Joshua when he isn't. The latter must notice, because he starts standing with people between you, blocking your view. You'll apologize for that later, of course, but right now you're the one growing antsy.

Finally deciding that no this cannot be healthy, you choose to do something more productive with your time. Training, maybe? It's as you're going to leave that Johan rushes into view, searching for something- someone- with his eyes. They land on Joshua first and- yeah, okay, you need to leave.

Rush out as subtly as you can to reach the training grounds. Take some of your emotions out on training dummies instead of processing them. It isn't even that you're mad, or even really hurt. You like Joshua fine, and more than anything you want Johan to be happy. Because you love him. So it aches, hurts, that you aren't the person he wants, but you aren't hurt by the choice. You don't feel scorned or whatever you might be expected to.

The day of love and yet here you are, training. That seems more in character for Johan than you; a thought that amuses you enough to ignore the ache for a moment.

And then you hear rushing footsteps and a call of your name. Johan's voice registers before you've even turned around to see that it's him. Followed by Joshua looking down at something in his hands as he trails after Johan.

"Johan?" Your confusion must be evident in both your tone, and expression. Johan comes to a stop in front of you, a kind but nervous smile on his face. Slowly, like he's afraid you'll pull away, he takes one of your hands in his.

"I have something to tell you."

"O-okay?"

"You are...one of the most incredible people I know. Someone I care a lot for, in ways you probably haven't realized." You stare, wired eyed. Glance past him shortly at Joshua because now you're more confused, then back to Johan's face. "I debated if I should say anything, because it felt wrong to do so when I have those same feelings for someone else, as well. But I… care about you, I want you to know that. I love you."

"Oh." Processing, processing- Johan just confessed to you. And pieces fall in to place slowly. Johan's antsy behavior, Joshua's presence, why the later didn't seem surprised when Johan started confessing to you. Something presses into your hand.

"Please accept this, even if you don't…feel the same."

You look down at the object. A small charm in the shape of your weapon. The choice in gift almost makes you laugh, but your focus is on something more important.

"I feel the same for you, Johan."

"Oh. That's good." He pauses, glancing behind him then back to meet your eyes. "Are you...okay with the other part of what I said?"

You debate this, for a moment, but realize yes. You are. You want Johan to be happy, more than anything and…

"As long as you're honest with me- both of us - I'm okay with it." It may be more complicated than that, but at the end of the day you trust Johan. Have always trusted him with your life on the battlefield, and trusting him with your heart is just as easy. Though… "is Joshua?"

"That's why I'm here," Joshua says, simply. Then he smiles at you, which is a rare enough sight you pause. You can't imagine him just saying that, to make Johan happy, so...it seems that isn't a problem.

"I see. Then… I guess the only problem is I don't have anything to give you." You turn back to Johan who is beaming, now.

"That's alright! You can just join me for dinner, then."

"Okay…" Since when was Johan so good at this kind of thing?

You follow Johan back to food, eat a meal with him and Joshua where he regularly swaps hands so he can hold each of your hands for an amount of time. You think it's amusing, cute. Joshua looks like he's going to spontaneously combust.

You could probably get used to this, honestly.