Joe rested his head in the crook of your neck, where small red blotches and purple and dark bruises from kisses of last night's love sat happily. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

You smiled, laughing as his voice tickled you.

Joe, grinning to see you awake, ran his hands down to your hips and turned you onto your back. His hair curled down, eyes lit up, lips pink. He was still bare, the two of you falling asleep in the sheets after your 'early' birthday present. The covers slipping dangerously low on his hips.

The necklace with your initial hung between you, the silver chain teasing you.

"Happy birthday to me, indeed," you hummed, finger hooking around the chain and bringing him down to your lips.

There was no hesitation in the kiss, no gentle ease into it, Joe kissed you like he may never get the chance again. His lips slotted over yours quickly, tongue winding its way back into your mouth where it had spent most of the night.

When you were losing breath Joe pulled back, bumping his nose with yours.

"I love you," said Joe, looking down at you with eyes creased with adoration. "I love you more than I did yesterday, but not as much as I will tomorrow."

You smiled up at him. "I'm jealous of tomorrow me."

You'd always been one to cry on your birthday, but never through love. Every birthday you'd spent with Joe, he went bigger. Not in scale, but in love. In the small things.

The first year it was a large bouquet of your favourite flowers and a meal out. Nothing crazy but all you wanted.

Last year he took you on a trip to Europe.

This year you didn't care for anything but his company.

He kissed you once more before reaching down to under the bed, pulling out a small and sleek black box, handing it your way. "Your first gift."

"First?" you pushed yourself up, pulling the covers up to your chest, tucking it under your arms. "Joe, you didn't have-"

He gave you the look that was enough to quieten you as you slowly pulled the ribbon off, sliding off the lid and staring down at the necklace.

"It's to match the one you got me," he said.

It was a simple chain in the shade you always wore, a simple 'J' at the end.

"The J is my handwriting, I dunno if you can tell. And I know sometimes you want chains to be longer so I got you some different chains too, so you could... you know, wear it as much as you want, or as little, I won't be offended."

It was enough to make you cry and it was only the morning. Joe with the first letter of your name, you with his, it felt precious and beautiful and like you belonged.

"Joe, I love it, I love you, thank you." You kissed him, sweetly.

Joe smiled into it but pulled away first. "And now for the bad news."

"Oh?"

He took a deep breath, shoulders heaving with the effort. "Adam and I have booked in at the studio. I didn't realise it was today but we've been trying to get a day in for a while and it's been impossible and-"

You were tempted to let him ramble, because you loved to watch him talk but his anxiety over disappointing you only made you feel bad. "Joe-" you cut him off. "It's okay, I want you to get in the studio."

"You're sure?"

You rolled your eyes, playfully. "I'm sure, I'll just, keep myself busy, go out or something."

"Baby, I don't want you to be alone on your birthday."

"I won't," you said. "I'll call a friend or something."

There was a flicker of un-certainty in his eyes but it was gone as quick as you noticed it.

"I love you," he said again, leaning in closer. "And tonight I'll be back, seven, cook your favourite, light the place with candles and it'll all be about you. We can pick up where we left off last night?" he wet his lips, teasingly.

"Is that a promise?"

He nodded. "Oh, it's a guarantee." His tongue darted out, licking your lips before he was interrupted by the door, a hard knock there. "That'll be for you, I'm sure."

As much as you were loathed to, you rolled out of bed and threw on Joe's robe, one he got from a tour dressing room that swallowed you whole. You did the belt extra tight as you padded across the apartment, bits of you and Joe littered around, plates left dirty in the sink and wine bottles left at the kitchen counter.

The knocking was insistent.

You swung it open, the smell of roses hitting you in the face.

"Happy birthday!"

"Jack- hey!"

He crushed you in a big bear hug, the roses hitting you in the back of the head. "Happy birthday!" he said again.

Jack, one of your oldest friends, the sort of guy you always ended up back in contact with. Sure you were good friends through both your parents for the much of your younger life but you grew apart, then you kept meeting through your mutual friends, you moved to New York with Joe, choosing love and Jack got a job in the city the next year.

And it was nice to have a familiar face in the front of the big city. You loved Joe, you'd take his company over practically any other, but his friends were his friends and his sisters, his.

You liked that Jack was your friend. Though you knew Joe's friends were yours as well there was always that small voice in the back of your head that told you you didn't truly belong.

Not always.

"What are you doing here?" you asked as he strode into your place like he lived there.

"What? I can't come and wish my best friend a happy birthday?"

"You can but it's early."

He chuckled, setting the roses down on the kitchen. "It's ten. What? You sleep in?"

"Evidently."

Jack tutted, starting to fill the sink with hot water and soap. "People always sleep in on birthdays, take it easy. I like to work, you know. Treat it like every other day."

You rolled your eyes at him. Sure- he was your friend, your oldest- some might say best if you weren't counting your boyfriend. But he said things that you found easier to ignore then face. "The roses for me?"

"Of course, who else? What? Joe not get you flowers?"

There was heavy padding of footsteps and Joe appeared around the corner, grey sweat pants hanging low.

You suddenly really wished Jack hadn't shown up and that Joe didn't have the studio booked today.

Joe found Jack around by the sink. "Hey man."

Jack eyed him. "Hi."

You knew things weren't exactly great between them. You always assumed it was a dick measuring thing, though Joe was too good for that- Jack wasn't.

You fell to Joe's side, arms wrapping around his waist as his went to your shoulders, slinging there and holding you in.

"You don't have to do the dishes," said Joe in good nature.

Jack shrugged. "They were here."

"Yeah, sorry, we were supposed to-"

You nudged Joe, squeezing him. "Don't say sorry, it's our place, Jack's trespassing."

Joe smiled down at you, kissing the top of your head while Jack clattered the dishes around. Your boyfriend stilled.

"So, what are your plans today?" Jack asked over his shoulder.

"Well I actually have a free day," you said.

Jack wiped his hands on the tea towel at the side, peering at Joe. "Forgot?" he teased. You were sure it was a tease.

"Forgot I had the studio booked," Joe's hand rubbed up and down your back soothingly though you figured he was getting more upset than you were.

You really did appreciate that Joe, who hadn't seen or known Jack growing up, could put up with some of his crap just for you. His little bitchy comments or remarks that you try to ignore or laugh away. The fact he always turned up at the worst times and such.

"So, you wanna hang out? Treat me for my birthday?" you asked.

"Yeah, love to."

You smiled up at Joe, catching only his plain expression for a second before he smiled down at you. "See? Not alone."

He nodded without a smile. "Okay, okay, perfect."

The next hour of the morning was spent slowly getting ready with Joe while Jack helped himself to coffee, making you one, 'forgetting' to make Joe one.

Joe was first to go up to your room to get ready and when Jack was sat, looking from his phone to you every few seconds, you followed him up.

"Okay just don't let him ruin your day," said Joe, tugging you in closer by the belt loops of your jeans while he was sat at your vanity, watching you get ready. "Sometimes he makes these little comments and I want only smiles from you today, okay?"

"I'll send you a smile every hour."

"Half-hour."

You kissed his cheek, his recent stubble rubbing your lips.

Joe smirked. "And if you wanna send me any other pictures of yourself, you know, you in this pretty little necklace and nothing else, you know-"

You hit his bicep and squeezed it because sometimes you forgot how much you loved them.

Joe stood up, the necklace dangling from his fingers. "C'mon, turn around."

You spun your hair up, showing the back of your neck and all the other bites of love he'd left that you'd done a poor excuse of covering, maybe slightly on purpose.

The metal was cool against you as Joe made sure you were okay with where it sat before clasping it around the back of you, kissing where the clasp met at your neck.

"Hey, I'll miss you today," he said, spinning you again, hands holding yours. Where his were large, rough with years of playing guitar yours were his, beautiful and fit like a puzzle.

"I'll miss you. You know there's nobody else I'd rather spend my birthday with."

"Okay but I want you back by seven okay, no more, no later. Got a special evening of you and I planned."

You hummed again, mischief laced in your lips as you reached up to peck his. "I quite like the sound of that."

"Then you'll love doing it even more."

Joe walked into the front room, tugging on a hat and searching for his keys.

Jack sat on the sofa, scrolling on his phone, thumb going from left to right quickly and Joe was left with no guesses as to what he was doing.

"Hey," he said, walking closer, taking a seat at the edge of his chair and leaning forward, dropping his voice low to a whisper. "Listen I got a little something planned today, I need her out of the apartment all day, you think you can do that?"

Jack looked up suspiciously, an arch to his brows. "Out of the apartment?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

He had guessed he'd make it difficult, Jack often did. At first it was funny, then it got annoying and quick.

Joe didn't want to have to explain his crazy plans to him, he just needed to have his word. He actually had nothing on at the studio but he was meeting Adam to pick you up a crazy cake that had been in the works for days, balloons, banners, more presents, collect friends and family and bring them here by tonight for a party that you didn't know was happening.

A couple months ago you'd told Joe you'd never had a surprise party. He'd been scheming ever since to change that.

However, Jack was not known for his ability to keep secrets.

Joe had learnt the hard way when he'd booked a surprise trip for you and him, telling Jack because he knew you'd worry about the plethora of plants not being looked after in two weeks. Only for Jack to 'let it slip' to you about the plans. It wasn't the only example Joe had.

"Just... no reason," he shrugged.

Jack looked at him, sceptically, like he didn't trust him.

That was fine. Joe didn't much trust Jack, at least not the kind of guy he was. He'd cheated on a girlfriend or two, that much he could gather, always worse tacky suits though his job didn't call for it and the worst part was how much of an asshole he could be to you and how you let him.

'He's an old friend,' you always said but that made it all the worst.

Since the day Joe met you he felt like he'd known you forever, he learnt your likes, dislikes, the way you were happier on days when it was sunnier and he knew your coffee order within weeks.

Jack who'd got years on Joe didn't know any of that, or would 'forget'.

Before Joe could chance it and tell Jack, you entered the room with an easy smile and slinging a jacket on and Joe lost his train of thought, not that it could have been important, not if it didn't involve you.

"Did you want this jacket today, baby?" you asked.

It was one of his own jacket that of course was baggy on you but he knew that was how he liked it.

"No," Joe smiled. God, he loved to see you drown in anything that was him. "No, it looks better on you anyway."

You walked to him and he took the collar of his jacket, tugging you in close and grinning into his kiss.

"Get a room!" Jack called.

Joe had patience, his sisters and his mom always congratulated him on how much he had but it wore thin with a 'friend' waltzing in and acting like he owned the place-

You squeezed his biceps, calming him before pulling back and finding your bag that Joe left on the chair for you.

"Oh, nice necklace," said Jack. "J for me?"

Maybe Joe wasn't as good at hiding fury as he thought as you looked to him, mouthing an apology.

"J for my amazing, sweet, kind and loving boyfriend," you corrected.

God, Joe loved you.

"That doesn't start with J," he heard Jack mumble.

He really hated that friend of yours.

"I think Joe's cheating on you."

You were in a cafe, some time in the afternoon with a coffee in front of you and a half finished cake (that Jack hadn't paid for) when Jack said those words out loud.

You laughed. "What?"

Jack rubbed over his chin where he was yet to grow any facial hair. His eyes were dark and he was hunched over like he was telling you some dark secret. "Listen... I didn't wanna tell you today, your day and all but I think you deserve to know, that I'm pretty sure Joe's cheating on you."

You'd dreaded those words. The 'cheating' word. Or you thought you were scared of it, but the words left him and you didn't panic. Your heart didn't race, your brain didn't short-circuit to the worst case scenario.

Because Joe and cheating didn't go together.

Calmly, you took another forkful of cake into your mouth.

"Okay."

Jack waited for more. "Okay? That's it? Joe is cheating on you!"

"You think."

"What?"

"You said you think," you said. You couldn't help but chuckle. "You think Joe is cheating on me? Why?"

"I mean it's not like I've just thought about it, I've been watching."

Finally your mind got angry, raced up to catch up with itself but not at Joe, at him.

"Jack, what are you trying to say?"

Jack laid his hands out on the table. "I'm saying he's not at the studio today, he told me himself. He said he wanted me to keep you out."

Joe was no a secretive person, never. He hated secrets, told you himself. As soon as one of his friends told him something, a discreet 'don't say this to anyone' or a casual 'you didn't hear it from me,' Joe was coming home and telling you, just to have that weight off his shoulders.

"He told you he wasn't at the studio," you affirmed.

"Yes."

"So, that means he's cheating?"

"What else is he doing if he's not spending time with you on your birthday? And- and I've seen pictures-"

"Pictures? Of him?"

"And some other girl, you haven't seen them?" Jack reached for his phone like it was a live gun, searching frantically.

You took your own phone into your back pocket. "You're crazy, crazy, okay? I'm going to the bathroom."

"But-"

"I'm going to the bathroom."

You didn't wait for any more of his words as you walked away, shaking your head. It was crazy.

But-

You knew Jack wouldn't intentionally try to hurt you, least of all on your birthday. He was an asshole sometimes, but not the sort where he'd try to create a mess. If he had a hunch, a crushing hunch that Joe was up to something he would say. He'd proved times that he would do anything for you.

So you had two options: ignore him, go home now, continue on to have a good day. But the second option would end your mind's curiosity before it could come up with the worst solutions which slowly, as you stood in the cubicle, it was.

You were calling up Electric lady studios before you could think about it, getting through to reception, Linda who you'd shared coffee's with while Joe and the guys worked on music they weren't ready for you to hear yet. Typically, Joe wanted it to be as near to perfect as he could get before showing you even a chord.

"Hey, Linda, it's y/n, Joe's girlfriend."

" Oh y/n, I know it's you silly. Isn't it your birthday today?"

"Yes, yes it is."

" Oh, happy birthday, what can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering if Joe was there? I think he said something about coming by?"

" Joe, honey. No, he's not booked in for another month."

Oh.

Oh.

For the next five minutes you made polite little talk before Linda let you go. You wished she hadn't.

Another text settled into your phone, one's from Jack and you saw the pictures he must have been about.

The outsides of a cafe, a place you didn't recognise, was pictured grainy. Paparazzi.

In the picture Joe- it was your Joe- was next to a blonde woman, sitting close and nursing a coffee. The photos were shot by shot of laughter's, Joe talking with his hands, the woman squeezing his arm, leaning closely to him and showing something on her phone, in some pictures he even had her phone in hand and was showing her him phone.

It was close.

It was almost-

No, not intimate.

There could've been hundreds of reasons.

But you didn't know any woman that looked like that. You knew all his friends and their friends, you knew his family and the extended. Heck, you were friends with some of his sisters friends.

The last time he'd looked so close with a blonde was when you were a nobody to him and he was getting pictures with his now ex.

He wouldn't. Joe loved you, god, he was obsessed with you.

Wasn't he?

You tried his number, calling quick.

The ringing echoed in your ears before it was hung up after three rings.

Joe never hung up.

A quick text popped through.

Hey, busy atm. Are you smiling?

Busy. But not at the studio.

You couldn't jump to conclusions. You should just ask him and sort it, on a day that wasn't your birthday maybe.

Still, you did not want to leave him on read. You worked you fingers over the keys.

Like an idiot.

Maybe it was a distance thing.

You weren't there, she was.

Maybe she's a friend.

Is he bored in your relatoniship?

All things Jack said as the two of you made your way back to yours and Joe's place, the street lamps lighting the way in the dark.

"I don't know, I-I didn't think so."

Was Joe bored with you? The more you thought about it the more things started making sense.

Joe had always been loved by everyone, after Stranger things and now his music he was skyrocketed into fame, everyone was talking about him, loving him. At the start he'd assumed it would peak and fall but it stayed, steady. A steady stream of love that was hard to compete with.

And you, you weren't a big name. You'd worked in a cafe for gods sake. Your biggest ambition was just to be happy.

You couldn't be surprised if Joe got bored of you and maybe wanted someone who could keep up. Someone new.

"Surely you know if he's bored or not?"

"Everything is fine," you said.

Your phone pinged, a text from Joe.

He'd been calling and texting, asking when you would be back, you were supposed to be back by seven, it was going on eight. Being lost in your mind and your own doubts really made time fly by and by the time you were insisting you go back, sort these things out, Jack was forcing himself to go with you.

He thought you needed backup.

"Not fine, he's cheating on you," Jack insisted as you threw the door open to your apartment complex.

You greeted Freddie at the door who startled at seeing you back then smiled but you saw him reaching the for the phone as you and Jack stepped into the elevator.

You tried not to look back and wonder if Freddie was in on it too.

"You don't have to face him yet," he said. "I can go in, get a bag of your stuff, take you back to mine. Have a good time of what's left of your birthday?"

"I think this birthday's already pretty ruined," your body slumped on the elevator walls, remembering every time you and Joe had took it together, desperate hands or polite standing side-by-side if Mrs Dwight was in the Elevator. "I just want to ask and get it over with. Before I can go crazy."

"Haven't we passed that?"

The both of you were silent as it came to your floor and you un-locked the door.

"I'm worried about you," said Jack as you opened the door to what once could've been your safe space but now all you thought of was him and that woman you didn't know.

Was she older?

Available more?

Did she love him?

"I'm fine," you said but your voice held no recognition of being fine. No idea that you'd been happy at any time in your life and you could hear it in yourself.

You didn't want to start over thinking things but you had and ended up here.

The door creaked open with a squeak and you could've sworn you heard voices, not that you thought this place was haunted.

Unless she was still here.

Suddenly the lights went up in the place.

"Happy birthday!"

You heard poppers, felt confetti rain around you. When the shock vanished you were faced full of a room with friends and family. There were balloons around you, littered of your favourite colour.

Joe's sisters greeted you first, Kate and Lizzy wrapping their arms around you.

At once you forgot about what Jack had been saying, about the rumours and the doubts. Would a man who didn't love you throw a surprise birthday party with all of yours and his favourite people.

Your eyes studied the group of people for him until you found him leading the birthday song, Adam and Javi behind with their camera's out.

"Happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you..." Joe carried a large and extravagant chocolate cake lit with candles. He was grinning but he wasn't watching his steps or the cake, his eyes were on you.

"Happy birthday to you!"

At the command of the end of the song you thought about every terrible thing you'd assumed and banished it from your mind. You blew out the candles.

Everyone cheered around you and Joe balanced the cake on one hand, wrapping his arm around you with his free arm.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," you said into his ear.

"Where were you, honey?" he asked, still keeping a light nature but he only called you honey when he was worried.

Adam took the cake from his hand, patting you on the back with a smile as you and Joe pulled away.

Joe got one look at your face and his smile dropped. "Have you been crying?"

"No, no."

Kate and Caroline came up to you next, stealing you away from their brother but you could feel his anxiety like you still held it in your hand.

That's how most of the night ended up going. You were so rushed off your feet saying hello to everyone, having a polite sip of your drink that you had no time to console the aching in your heart. From the anxieties of the day to Joe knowing something was up. He knew you well enough to recognise your moods sometimes better than you did.

But this was what he was doing today- not cheating on you like Jack insisted.

There were hugs between your few friends and Joe's and catch-ups, telling of old stories and such. On occasion, Joe would fall at your side, wrapping a stable arm around your waist and dropping a kiss to the top of your head. He'd check if you needed another drink or if you needed air, all efforts you assumed to get you alone and pry some answers out of you.

He was never too far.

By the time you snook off under pretence of using the bathroom you'd lost sight of Joe.

You hid in your bedroom, closing your door quietly. The stress of the day pushed your body down on the bed. With every deep breath you took, your hands clenched into the covers.

With the hours you'd had to spare you had thought of all the terrible, debauched things Joe and his 'cheating partner' could have been doing. In the apartment you picked out together, in the sheets that smelled like you. Only for it to all be a fabrication.

The door opened and closed as the first tears fell- from grief or relief or pain, you weren't sure.

"Are you okay?" asked Jack as he wondered in.

You'd hoped it would be Joe.

"I'm fine, I just needed a minute."

"We can leave if you want?"

You looked up at him, releasing a shaky breath that betrayed you. "Why would I want to leave?"

"To get away from it, it's a bit toxic," he said with a scoff, like it was obvious.

There wasn't a sniff of toxicity in the room back there.

Jack went on. "I mean to cheat on you, lie to you and then throw this party like it's a cover up? Or a sorry?"

You wiped at your tears, your chest doing that clenching thing again as if Jack had a hold on your heart. "Joe isn't cheating on me," you said.

"Oh, what? So you've asked him?" he said, more angry than you.

"I don't need to- if he didn't love me why would he throw a party? Have you thought maybe that's- this is what he was doing all day?" you stood up, trying to get sense through to him instead of the other way round. You understood this was all moving a bit backwards but it felt like you were consoling yourself through him, like talking in a mirror.

"What all day to blow up some balloons and buy a cake from Target?" he laughed. "Why-why even throw a surprise party, you hate surprise parties."

"No I don't- I've never had one!"

"You-"

The door opened again, with more strength then probably needed to be.

"Hey?" asked Joe, seeing you and Jack alone in your bedroom. He got maybe a glance at the tears that had once been down your cheeks and your glassy eyes before he was rushing to you, voice softening. "Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Baby, look at me."

His hands cradled your cheeks, thumbs wiping at any more tears that he coaxed out. He was trying to get you to look at him all the while you couldn't bare to be under his gaze.

How un-grateful were you to think Joe would ever cheat on you? While all the time he'd been doing this?

"Hey, what- what-" he mumbled.

"She knows, man!" said Jack.

Joe didn't even look back to him. "Knows? Knows what?"

"You've been caught man, give it up!"

"Jack!" you scolded.

Joe finally looked back to him, more than air of irritation to him, a whole damn hurricane of annoyance. "Caught what?"

"You're cheating on her!"

Joe's hands fell away from you, landing at his side.

It was as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown over you.

Then- Joe spoke, voice icy. "What?"

"The pictures, the sneaking around," said Jack, siling smug. "You-"

Joe didn't care to give him more time of day. His body curled around yours, hands on your arms as he got you to look at him. His voice was still kind to you, it always was, but there was an air of finality to him too. "I am not cheating you."

And there was no discussion about it. It was stupid to even think that.

"I know, I know you're not," you said.

"Is that.... Is that why you've been crying?" he asked, low to a whisper.

"Don't listen to him, y/n-"

Joe whirled back on Jack, the kind of angry he never got in front of you. The only sort of anger he ever showed around you was the kind for a joke. "You need to leave."

Jack made some more noises that you didn't care for. "I'm not leaving until I know she's okay."

"She's fine-" snapped Joe before attending to you, voice dropping again. "You're okay, right, honey?"

"Yeah, Jack can you just-" you cleared your throat. "Can you give us a minute?"

"Not just a minute, I want you out our apartment!" snapped Joe.

He held up his hands, smug. "Alright, alright..."

You expected more of a fuss, more driving him out but he left with a minimum slam of the door. You still had to wait till you heard his footsteps descend down the hall before you took a deep breath, hands running through your hair.

Joe turned to you, letting you go. "Baby, what is going on?"

Slowly, with deep breaths and no tears you explained. The idea of Joe cheating on you planted by Jack, how convinced he was, examples he gave, the pictures-

Joe was shaking his head, but letting you speak through. "Pictures? What-what pictures?"

You hands were shaking just enough to make it difficult to un-lock your phone and show him the pictures.

Joe took your phone gently and flicked through them. He sighed, not like he'd been caught, like he was disappointed. "Honey, this is me with Sarah. She made you your cake- we were looking at cake designs! We weren't even there an hour!"

He dropped your phone on the bed and took a step back.

Your heart cracked like it was glass applied with pressure.

Joe was stepping back because he was innocent and in a weak, foolish second you'd believed Jack was right- when had he ever been!

You'd ruined it all.

"This-" Joe chuckled, hands brushing back his hair in the same way he did when stressed. "This is exactly like Jack, to do this."

"Jack?" your lips were twisted into a frown before you could help yourself.

"Yes!" said Joe. "Baby, he knows I'm not cheating on you. He's just doing this so you would break up with me."

You wished that was almost as ridiculous sounding as Joe cheating on you but you knew which one you'd bank on in a court of law.

"What? Wh-why would Jack want to do that?"

Joe looked at you. "Because he wants you. He has a crush on you."

"No he doesn't."

"Honey, yes, yes he does," he said. He had been pacing, wearing a path into the carpet but stopped and saw you. "You really didn't know? I thought you knew."

"There's nothing to know, he doesn't like me like that." Your cheeks heated up in flames as your stomach churned. You fell back on the bed, resting your elbows on your knees and dropping your head in your hands.

Joe rushed to your side, dropping to his knees in front of you and gently prying your hands away. "Hey, hey, hey, I'm not mad- honey, I'm not mad."

Tears slid silently down your cheeks as you faced Joe who looked just as torn apart as you felt. "You should be."

"What- why? Never, never, I could never be mad at you-"

"-but for a second, a split second I did think you were cheating on me-"

"-hey, hey, that's okay, hey, you're okay."

You took another deep breath. "Okay? No it's not!"

"Listen," said Joe. His thumb was running soothing circles around your knee, resting his chin there. "I don't blame you, I'm not mad at you. Okay? I did lie today, to get you out the doors and get your party ready and I get how those pictures look, and if I has someone spinning it all into the worst light I'd think things to, okay? This is not your fault. It's Jack's."

Still, you denied it.

Since high school, even longer you'd known Jack and he had never made a move. Nothing more than an arm over the shoulder, or a kiss on the cheek on occasion. His hugs maybe lingered and he was always around when you least wanted him.

"Jack wouldn't-" wouldn't what? Hurt you, he had done so all day? "I don't like Jack, I don't."

"I know, I know," he said, taking the back of your hands and peppering them in kisses. "I trust you but I'm sorry, I don't trust him."

He said it with such finality that you didn't doubt him.

"How long have you known? That he liked me?" you asked.

"Since I first met the guy, it's pretty obvious."

You stood up. "Well not to me. I-I didn't know."

Joe scrambled up. "I thought you knew, I'd have said something if I knew you didn't know, baby, you know I would have."

Were all the hugs a misguided temptation? Was Jack planting all these doubts in your head to get you to break up with Joe? The one who made you the happiest you've ever been?

"Jack is a friend," you reasoned, your own turn to move around the room. "I've known him for years, he wants me to be happy."

"With him! You'd know I'd never cheat on you, ever!" said Joe. "And if he had these ideas of me sneaking around with someone else why'd he wait to tell you on your birthday. God- he's evil."

"Joe, he's one of my only friends," you said, a weak defence but the truth none the less.

"That's not true, there's a whole room full of people out there waiting to celebrate you."

You chuckled just as he had. "Joe, half of those people are your friends. I just tag along."

Joe looked crestfallen. "That's not true."

"It is! Okay, I haven't been here as long as you, I've made a couple friends at work and then Jack moved. Everyone else is your friends that i've just intruded on."

"You haven't intruded on anything! They love you, I love you."

The words, as true as they were, hung out in the room, heavy.

You folded your arms over yourself, caving in around yourself.

Joe's steps were slow and soft, his hands just the same as they rubbed up your forearms and helped you look up at him. "I don't wanna fight about this, not tonight, not on your birthday. Okay. We can go back out there, enjoy what's left of the night or if you like, I can get everyone home and we can talk-"

"No, no."

Joe froze. "No? You- you don't wanna talk?"

You gulped down the choak in you throat. "No, no I do. But not now, I wanna go out and see everyone."

He was slow in his consideration but slowly nodded. "Okay. Okay."

Neither of you moved.

Slowly, Joe's arms circled around you. There was no hesitation, the same old tight hold and squeeze of love in his biceps, the same warmth from this morning heating your body.

"I'm sorry, Joe, that I ever doubted you," you cried into his chest.

"You're okay, it's okay," he whispered, a hand smoothing back your hair.

"It's not, I can't- you should break up with me."

Joe grew still. His hands cupped your cheeks and tilted your neck back to look at him. "Never. You had a small doubt because of what he was telling you, I'd have thought the same. The way he must have made it sound, what were you supposed to think?"

"But all the while you were doing this for me? Throwing me a party and I've done this-"

"You haven't done anything, okay?"

Your heart couldn't live without the weight of him but you feared what sort of person you were for not believing your boyfriend to be the saint he's always been. All you could do is hide in his arms a little longer.

Joe let you, resting his head on yours and mumbling all the right words you wanted to hear.

"Are we okay?" you whispered.

"Always, honey."

The party lasted only an hour after that. Perhaps the guests could see the puffy eyes and tense smiles or maybe a discreet word went round. Everyone gave you hugs and wished you well but left in drips and drabs.

Your nerves were shattered, head ached and body heavy but you piled cups and plates, a playlist Joe put on sometime in the night drifting between the walls.

Scrubbing the dishes didn't help.

"Hey, hey," Joe came up behind your, hands on your arms and kissing the back of your head. His hands worked down your arms till they were at your hands and taking them from the sink. "That can wait, I'll do that tomorrow."

You let him stop your cleaning. "I can- I can take the sofa tonight."

"What?" he laughed, like it was a joke.

You turned to him, drying your hands on your shirt. "You know, I'll sleep on the sofa, maybe you want a night to yourself or to think-"

"No," he laughed. "Who are you trying to punish? Me or yourself?"

You rocked on your heels, wondering if there was a right answer. "Me?"

Joe turned you around, wrapping his arms around the back of you and resting his weight there. His feet shuffled, dragging the two of you to your room. "You sleep in the bed, only, ever."

You nodded but even as the both of you un-dressed slow and kissed even slower he could feel your hesitation.

He dragged his lips back from yours, holding you gently in the bed you made love in. "I don't want you to feel guilty," he brushed his lips against yours, light as a feather. "I don't want this to ruin us."

"Neither do I," you admitted, a breath against him.

"Then don't let it."

You slept through exhaustion. If you hadn't cried as much as you did you were sure you'd be awake all night. Instead you woke feeling less heavy, well rested.

Joe was asleep next to you, snoring softly, the kind you always teased him about. His arm was draped over your waist, not pulling away but not holding tightly like he was scared you would leave. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

But it had and you had only one thing on your mind.

Jack.

You shuffled enough to get your phone from the side table and text him. He hadn't been seen at the party last night and hadn't dropped you a text.

Can I come over?

The reply was instant.

Yes.

You got out of bed slow enough and dressed quite enough that Joe didn't stir. You didn't want him to worry, so you wrote a note and left it in your place.

You didn't want to spend another day with it hanging over you, with the idea of Jack purposely hurting you blocking all thoughts. You'd sort it and give the rest of your life to Joe.

Jack was a subway trip and a couple away that by the time you got there Joe had dropped you a text, asking if everything was okay? You told him yes and that you'd be back soon. You didn't think that whatever happened would take long.

Jack gave you a smile when he opened the door. He was in black joggers, shirtless and breathless like he'd been doing push-ups or something before you entered.

It did nothing for you.

"Hey."

You walked by him into his small apartment that could only be described as 'bachelor pad'. You didn't take your coat, not that he offered.

"So, are you and Joe-"

"How long did you think Joe was cheating on me for?" you asked, instead of letting him talk.

"Oh so you've brought all his lies, have you?"

Your eyes rolled. Where his tone had worked like a spell on you yesterday it did nothing today. "Just answer the question?"

He shrugged and didn't think long about it. "A few weeks."

"And you told me yesterday? Not when you first thought something was up?" you asked, accusation lying under the words. "Or when the photos first came out? You waited for my birthday?"

Finally, Jack stuttered. "Well I wanted to be sure."

"And you were sure yesterday?"

"Yes!"

It was only then that you realised he was flexing, pulling his body taunt to look strong in all the right places.

"Well you were wrong."

"Oh so that woman was just a friend?" he said, as if he was the one being cheated on.

"No, actually, she was the cake maker."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, of course she was."

"And I think you knew Joe wouldn't cheat on me, I think you wanted to hurt me because you know, not all guys cheat, not all guys are you."

His laughter died in his throat. "Oh that's a low blow from you."

"Oh it's really not and I can go lower you've given me plenty of material."

"What has gotten into you?" he snapped, getting dangerously close to your space.

"Some sense because I've been doing some thinking-"

"More like Joe's been doing some thinking for you-"

"Well it doesn't matter because we're over," you lied. It was all a formatted plan in your head, just to see what he would do. "I can't trust him so I broke up with him."

Jack's body straightened up, his chest protruding. "Oh, oh- well I'm proud of you," his hand, clammy grabbed yours, devoid of any of the tenderness Joe gave you. "You deserve someone who really cares about you."

You peered at him like you were seeing him for the first time. "And do you think that's you?"

All the supposed 'sorrow' was gone from him, replaced with a self righteous grin and squeeze in your hands. "I really think it is. I've loved you forever, thought about this, forever."

"Thought about what? About us?" you asked.

His teeth sank into his lower lip. An arm quickly wrapped around you and pulled you into his chest. "Yeah."

You cringed away from him but he didn't get the message.

He dropped his voice low, breath hot on your skin. "I've been thinking about how tight your pussy is for months now."

Your brain cut short, breath lost in your throat because-

What the fuck?

Maybe he thought he was getting a chance, or maybe he finally caught your bodies aversion because you pushed at his chest and in the moment of his surprise you slapped him in the face.

You were glad you didn't take your coat off or get comfy as you were storming to the door.

"Hey!" he yelled, slamming it again.

You weren't scared like you thought you maybe would be. You struggled to be scared in front of a guy that had to puff out his chest and lie to get you to give him a chance. "If you don't let me out of here I'll scream."

"Well let's talk about this, you don't just come in here, lead me on like that-"

"Lead you on?"

"And then act like i'm holding you hostage-"

You opened your lungs and screamed over his words, screamed loud enough the entire block would hear you.

Jack didn't let up, he held on longer but when the scream became piercing he covered his ears and you bolted out the door, letting him scream 'bitch' down the hall way as neighbours poked their head out.

You got in the elevator, alone and felt nothing but freedom.

You'd decided on the ride over being alone with Joe and his friends, making new ones was more freeing, better than sticking with the oldest you had when he was a dick. There wasn't any second thoughts about it as you rode down, only relief.

On the tube it continued, only being replaced by a moment's terror when you realised how tight his hold had been, the strength he'd slammed the door and the words he'd called you.

You'd never have to see him again. The idea keeping you going.

On the way back to yours and Joe's apartment you stopped by his favourite cafe, picked up a cappuccino and wished everyone a nice day.

The domesticated view of Joe cleaning the space from bottles and mess from last night had every ounce of you calling for him.

"Hey," you greeted.

Joe turned to you and smiled, body slouched in relief just a little, enough to tell you he'd been worried. "Hi, honey," he ditched his efforts and greeted you, an arm around the shoulder, kiss to your lips.

You shoved the coffee in his hand.

"For me?" he teased, taking a sip and licking the chocolate dusting off his lips. "That where you went this morning?"

You took a deep breath, sitting on the couch. "I went to see Jack."

The coffee cup froze mid way. Joe's brows furrowed. "What?"

He joined you on the sofa, coffee ditched on the side as you went over everything. You spilled your thought process out, what went down when you got there, every bit. You didn't watch for his reactions, knowing what they'd be without looking. Only once you were done did you stop and give him time.

Joe sat and took it all, his coffee going cold. "Are you okay?"

Were you? Physically, yes, mentally, you think you were okay. Emotionally you were exhausted.

"You were right," you uttered.

"Baby," his hand sprawled on the back of your chair.

"I hate myself I really do, Joe," you admitted. This was a guilt you'd never felt. Like you were cheating on him.

"No, okay. None of that," said Joe, voice hard. "The guy is out now, okay? I'll call it, he's out of our lives."

You nodded. He wasn't a friend, not really by the end of it. "Can you forgive me?"

Joe looked at you, taking his time to work out what you were asking forgiveness for. "Forgive you?"

"For a second I thought Jack was right, I did think maybe you wanted more, more than you could get out of me and I thought there was somebody else," you admitted, tasting the words slow in your mouth. "Can you forgive that?"

As always he was patient, let you talk, let you voice your thoughts.

"Yes," said Joe. "I would never, ever cheat on you. And I can prove it-"

"You don't have to prove anything Joe-"

But he was already searching for something and when he returned he had a small box in hand, another ribbon around it.

"This was supposed to be for yesterday but maybe now's a better time," he said, handing you the box.

You were breathless before you even took the ribbon, before you flipped open the top to reveal the ring, steel matching the necklace.

"Happy birthday."