#jjb3

I know that he is really happy because she is everything he has ever wanted  and i am happy that he is happy, but I also have moments where i can't breathe because i wish he could be happy with me. 

I like him and I always have. From the very first time we met when when he transferred I liked him. And we became best friends and then stopped because being best friends with a girl was lame. But we were always friends, no matter how distant. We would never like each other at the same time. I would love him from the corner while he would gaze at another girl or he would like me while I was completely unaware and drooling over some other distraction. And then I actually got in a relationship with someone who I thought would make me happy. He was at a different school that I had transferred to. And we were happy. But then I saw him at a party and we spent the whole night talking and he told me how he used to like me and still did. And I left my boyfriend for him because I still loved him. But he wasn’t there for me when I went after him. And it broke my heart. Now he is with someone he has always dreamed about, I know because he has gone through several individual crushes on her. And I want to be happy for him because he is happy. But it hurts, because I have changed too much for him to love me again. I have become everything that we used to talk about that bothered him. So now I sit here, at 2 in the morning, and hate every decision I made that took me away from him. I hate what I have become and want my simple life back. I miss what used to be and what could have been. That is all.