#jintrants

it hurts, I really like the guy and I think he likes me, but not sure it’s on the romantic spectrum or friendship spectrum

he’s the type who’s really quiet and enjoys his time alone... I’m trying really hard to get closer to him and I’m trying to message him and poke him but so far it’s not very encouraging for me to continue

I don’t have much time left I’m heading back to UK in a month’s time so.... I did something that I would never, ever do today. I messaged him. For those who know me, I simply do NOT start a conversation with someone else unless it’s in order to do something that I need to do. I tried so hard. So. Hard. It’s like I talk a a lot and he just replies me a line or two

I’m hoping that it’s just he’s too busy to reply to me or its one of those times where he needs to be on his own >  <;; I really don’t want to be a bother but I’m very scared and I want to grasp all the opportunities that I can get

I’m confused, and I’m scared. I’m so scared of falling in love because I’m scared of failing. I don’t want to put all my efforts into something that I’m just going to lose. I want to stop thinking about him but no, I can’t. I’m trash. T__________________T

I tried to suppress it, I tried to suppress a lot of my feelings so I can tell myself no its alright you don’t need him you are not in love with him but no its not working its not and im just

idek if i should be mad at myself or what i dont know what to feel at all tbh

love is so foreign to me to the extent that im terrified at that strong emotion im actually feeling

I need to breathe, and I need to chill.

On the other hand I’m going to japan like, the day after tmr so hopefully that can clear my mind for a bit

I’m very tired. I’m very tired of dealing with a ton of things -- irl, online in general, and on here. One has limits that they can tolerate things, and I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who can’t tolerate much anymore.

Seeing everyone’s reactions towards recent events has been very frustrating and it’s been putting quite an emotional burden on myself. Frankly speaking, if it weren’t for my friends still being on here, I would have left apres long ago.

I thought things would improve, but it just spiraled downwards. I got my hopes up for nothing and I’m blaming myself for actually thinking that things are going to work out.