#jen lancaster

I never felt a biological tug looking at children. It’s not that I’m missing maternal feelings, it’s more like they apply only to cats and dogs, possibly small monkeys. While I’m happy for everyone who wants a family, I look at the notion of having kids the same way I look at people who get tattoos on their faces, like, “Hoo-boy, that’s permanent.”

It’s human nature to have reactions to what we witness, and it’s my job as a writer to call them out anonymously.

While it’s human nature to form an opinion, so many people have forgotten that it’s polite to keep their thoughts on pacifier use to their damn selves unless their opinions are requested. If we went back to talking behind each other’s backs instead of posting comments, I imagine there’d be an immediate reduction in our overall stress.

The portmanteau “hangry” didn’t randomly become part of our lexicon; it speaks to our most primal, basic urge. Peckish diners’ lizard brains perceived the feckless waitress as standing between themselves and imminent starvation/death, so it often got ugly when I forgot the extra salad dressing.