Nov 4, 2024
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If there is anything I have learned over the years, over the countless–in some cases, meaningless–relationships, it is simply that you cannot force love nor can you “fake it ‘til you make it.” I was always so quick to take any open arms and call them home if it meant I did not have to be alone. I was always so willing to give myself up to anyone who wanted to give me their last name, merely out of fear of ending up alone. I faked love because loneliness and solitude were too familiar; though ironically, I pushed away anyone who could get close enough to hear me breathe. While I feel sorry for those I have hurt in the process of finding myself, I am so grateful for each and every one I latched on to. Because if it were not for them, I would not have been led to you.
If there is one thing I am thankful for the most, with you, it is simply for loving me for the self that I already am, accepting my past and allowing me to keep finding what I was meant to be. There are no words to explain the way you make me feel, only that I know there is no place I would rather be than with you. I adore your patience with me and your ability to see past my flaws, past whatever front I keep up, past the strong and independent woman I try to uphold myself as and love me for the little, fearful girl inside. I think it is safe to say that it felt like it was us against the world at some points, even still as though the universe is not aligned with our plans. Despite all this, I do know that as long as I have you by my side, I can go through anything and everything.
I used to believe that a soulmate was your other half, someone who completes you. But you… You have showed me that a soulmate is rather your perfect half, one who shows you your strengths and balances your flaws, one who will continue to push you to be better not bitter, someone who will not drag you down. Tomorrow, we will take a step that I thought would take me years to even consider taking with anyone. I used to be so closed off and to myself, fearful of letting anyone in. Though I had plans for a big family and a happy marriage, it felt so out of touch, so out of reach, completely out of His plan for me. But you are my (only) exception. You made it feel like it could be my reality, a reality I cannot wait to share with you. Living with you is going to be one hell of a ride.
You encompass every precious aspect of love that I have ever prayed to have: the childhood memories drenched with the adrenaline of sneaking out, staying up late, and discovering ourselves, the stupid arguments over nothing and sharing firsts; the strength of the relationship between two best friends, a bond between two people that share no walls, no guards, and no boundaries but rather inside jokes, heart-to-hearts, and every miniscule detail in between; the embodiment of the phrase “opposites attract” where we challenge each other yet the epitome of my other half, my soulmate. What we have is not perfect, but it is one of a kind… the kind of love that both entices me and terrifies me, the kind of love in which every encounter still feels like the first.
Well, that may be a bit of a stretch. If anyone had asked me almost two years ago when our paths crossed for the first time what I had thought of you, it would simply be, “Yeah, he’s cute.” But if we fast forward through all the little encounters, the times we found ourselves to be at the same place at the same time, the rare moments I actually held a conversation with you in or outside of work… if we fast forward to that night that started this all, then you would know. You would know how fast my heart beats every time you come around. You would know how nervous I become every time you look me in the eyes. You would know how even hearing the sound of your voice gives me butterflies and how every touch sends chills down my spine. I am not here to recite every cheesy line that has ever been said, but you have shown me a love that is as cliché as it comes. You are my only exception.
They say that it is often the unexpected relationships that are the greatest, the ones that sweep you off of your feet and challenge every view you have ever had, the ones that happen after you vow that you are done looking for love.
It took me one week to fall in love with you. To most, we look crazy and stupid, maybe even naive and immature. But there is no possible combination of words to even begin to describe how I feel about you, how much of myself I can be around you, how much of my past I harbored that you willingly helped carry, how much I feel wanted and loved and sometimes even needed by you… It’s crazy.
I have known you for about a year and a half now. We have both admitted to having a crush on each other since we first met, both admitted to having talked about each other throughout the year and a half. And through the year and a half, sure I may have gotten to know you, but it was only through recent events that you let me in a part of your world that you have never opened up to anyone–including your past relationships. It was that one Monday one month ago when you took me to the beach late at night and we stayed up until 7 am that I started to see you in a different light. It was that Wednesday night that you allowed me to stay the night because I could not go home that I started to fall for you. And it was that one Thursday night after we came home from that same beach you took me to, that one Thursday night when our bodies were intertwined underneath the covers and you whispered “I love you” that I knew, I just knew that I love you, too.
You have proven to be everything I long for in not only a significant other, but in a best friend. Maybe the ideal is to fall in love with your best friend, but when we started dating you became my best friend, and I love you because of it. You have been nothing but good to me and not only do I hope that I can give you an ounce of happiness that you have caused me, but I also hope to become as good of person for you, to you. I do not think we are moving too fast, though to others it may seem. But when it is right, when it is the One, you just know. And boy, a weekend together in San Francisco sounded amazing, up until the moment we decided to move in together. In two months, we will have done both, and I could not be more excited.
I am so in (fucking) love with you.