#jck update

Of course the school tripp we have planned for almost a year happen the exact time the heat wave hit europe!

I am currently in Annecy (France) for a film festival and my Swedish ass were not meant to survive 35°C! I'm lucky the festival has good ventelation and ac, but there's a lot of walking between places and the busses are a death trap! (I do rather suffer hell for 10 minutes instead of suffer almost hell for 30, lol)

I drew kinda how I have been feeling lately???

Big rant. Tldr at end: I am socially and mentally drained... I have a very powerful social battery, as I love interacting with people. But my battery drains quickly and it needs a lot of time to recharge. And sadly, I have been needing to over use my social battery lately to survive this summer: - At my work, selling strawberries I'm making an effort to make sure everyone are as satisfied as possible and interacting with the costumers. Everyone's been super sweet and wholsome, but I easily get overwhelmed when there's too many people at once. - At home as I don't have my own space to escape to, needing to seem ok and be sweet as I kind of am not allowed to have my own opinions (my mom is a bit of a control freak) and need to act "baby" as otherwise mom will feel sad, but at the same time need to handle things myself. I also need to be the families emotional support, listening to their struggles and come up with solutions/compromises. I often disassociate in conversations too as no one listens to my side/opinion in conversation. - With friends too as to some... I am just emotional support, never able to talk about my own struggles as they seem to have it so much worse. And then they don't even listen to my advice a lot of the time. I also worry a lot if I am too weird or if my words come out wrong when talking to them, Sometimes wondering "is it the real me that is interacting with them?" as the other day one called me sassy and my reaction was "... I'm sassy???".

The other day when I was walking to the car after my work shift, I heard three guys say something like "she looks so mad"... and it made me realize how deadpanned my expression was. The only real break I get is when I'm going to and from work as then I don't need to interact with people and my parents aren't there for me to walk around eggshells for... Life is just easier when you follow/please people... But STARS.... it's exhausting....