a letter that i re-wrote (completely) thrice,
The year is 2014 and Iāve discovered one plus one doesnāt equal two.
Itās been odd without you here at Hogwarts; youāre a constant presence I didnāt realize I connected with on such a deep level. Almost spiritual: how I fall asleep with your sighs on my lips, how your eyelashes hold hands with mine in lucid dreams, day dreams, quietly connecting like a puzzle piece. The extended jigsaw metaphor is an exaggeration; weāre whole and complete without one another. But when we consoleā¦ Calm, complete serenity.
One plus one equals one.
A foretaste of our full potential ā physical, emotional, harmony. A level of ease. In this way, I know, we were meant to be. When you can argue, be upset, spar words with someone and still sit down, say āIām angry but I love you, so so much.ā I miss you, I love you so so much. Thatās a level of harmony and coexistence so divine, itās important to recognize it when he stumbles into your life, clad in ice-skating clothes, marching with handcuffs. I canāt explain how liberating it is to feel completely sane with someone. And Iād devour anyone who dared to touch you unconsentually without reservations or hesitanceā¦ Iād also let you go without a single regret if it made you happier. You arenāt property, but a complete entity that astounds and awes me to silence. One.
Yuzuru Hanyu.
Such peace.
Read between my lines.
There are never enough words to describe everything. Even with simple things. Like, the specific set of butterflies that flutter when I catch you murmuring to yourself. There isnāt a word for that.
I, Jaymes Morgan, admit to harnessing a whirlwindās worth of energy. Iām not a peaceful person. But you center me, often, make it easier to think. An addictive gravitation. Break down my ideas, divide concepts, piece them back together slowly, with me, beside me. Build a solid foundation. I feel everything at once when weāre together, of course ā!! Passion, need, covetous love. But, thereās an overwhelming sense of tranquility, like itās okay to feel everything and anything. Does that make sense? I remember why Iām alive, whatās beating underneath the skin covering my chest. Itās comforting to feel everything.
If this world is so bigā¦ Why did we meet? Thatās really existential, right? And weāre sitting here, contemplating it in our late teens. Weāre not the only ones doing so, but to us weāre the only ones who matter. Right now, here. I donāt think you can answer that question in words. It becomes a myriad of touching, breathing, animalistic urges and sensations after a whileā¦
A lot of intimacy that I crave isnāt here now, not that itās anyoneās faultā¦ But I think about our time together. Running my hands through your hair, a tiny figure curled up like a fetus laying on my lap, dark eyes that reply to mine. And a current of happiness surges through me, something warm rises and spills over. Good spirits that cause a chain reaction. Excitement, surges of blood. Thatās whatĀ constitutesĀ being alive, right?
A confession: I get madly desirous of your approval. I crave being intimate with you in every way. One heartbeat plus one heartbeat equaling one heartbeat. That in synch. The world hides behind the thumping of one chest. Our chest. When I look at you, I envision kindness, compassion, love, lust, adoration I havenāt known. Iāve seen those things operate outside of each other but you hand me all of them so easily, all at once. Iām struck by it. And I donāt act irrationally, butā¦ Thereās a chemical rush when I take your hand. I kiss it afterwards. Just the natural curiosity, me moving closer to things I donāt understand, conceptsā¦ AĀ never endingĀ quest for knowledge. The journey counts.
Am I making sense?
Itās important you realize that Iād wait a thousand years.
I love you.
Jaymes Morgan.
P.S. will you date me?
