#jayblues

Growing up in American as an African American Male is already hard. You have to fight your way through a lot to get to the top. Add being a christian, chubby and Gay to that & it’s pure hell. Waking up everyday feeling ugly and alone, you begin to live a lie. A lie that is keeping you from being yourself. A lie that’s keeping you from being happy. A lie that has you trapped in a grave when you supposed to be living your best life. 

The church is already against you, especially the black church. Imagine hearing Sunday after Sunday you going to hell. So Jesus only died on the cross for straight people? Am I his child? Does he love me as much as he loves you? These questions pondered in my mind growing up because I was very involved in the church. I love him more than anything in this world. Our relationship was and still is DOPE. I did not want to go to hell because of this one thing. As I went to college and got to know God for myself, i began to think I have two options: A) Try to hide who I am and marry a woman & have a family. Live a lie or B) Walk in my truth and love God as much as he loves me. I chose option B however I was not putting i’m gay everywhere. I just start being myself.

However being Thick, Chubby, Fat, or whatever the hell you want to call it in the gay society is like being invisible. No one is really checking for you. They want to be your friend but not your man. They want to fuck you but not date you. They want you to be their side piece and ask you for money because they know you got it. When i typed in black gay relationship goals this is what I saw: 

My first thought is damn, where the men with the extra pounds. I know that they are out there. Are we as black gay big men not enough for love? it has us stressing over losing weight. Trying to make sure we “fit the imagine” so that we can get some attention.  We would like men like  Micheal B Jordan, Drake, , Chris Brown, Trey Songz, Dewayne Wade, and Kevin Hart. However the gay community want us to be with other big men. As I begin to think ever more about this problem. I had some questions: What do other gays have against the thick ones? All in college the Dl guys, gays, and bisexuals guys would only go after the gay guys with the slim waist, extra as hell, and trans. Now I know people like what they like but it was like damn why no one wanted the guys that didn’t have the slim waist. If I could keep it real, some of those gay guys were messy, dirty, and told others they business. I knew some of us wouldn’t do that but no one would give us a chance. I just don’t understand. Then again I think no one really saw things from our point of view. 

I really appreciate how far we came with black gay representation on Tv and Netflix but I think we need to take it a step further. The transwomen and transmen, drag queens, black gays and lesbian have had their spotlight and chance to be a voice for their community. I think it’s time that we did have a black gay guy who isn’t perfect, skinny, or over feminine to have the spotlight. Matter of fact we need a show with a black gay chubby guy as the lead as with his friends and their college experience or quest for love. I am speaking up for the younger me that would cry himself to sleep at night. I am speaking up for the little boys who might be dealing with low self esteem because they feel unattractive. I am speaking up for those who are in the closet for religious reasons or society’s stereotyping. I am speaking up for other thick, chubby, fat, big gay black men that want love. 

Reblog if you agree...P.S. I will be uploading different short stories with black thick characters, blogging, and let me know what you want to see on here.

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