#jankosacki

in his bio i say that

With regard to his gender identity, it isn't something that concerns him. The extent of his transition is building a body he is comfortable in or that "suits him". In a perfect world if he could choose to rewrite the past so that he could, in his mind, "pass" as a "normal woman" he would. Though, his current state is not unbearable. He does not insist upon being gendered correctly by anyone but the most intimate of friends, it doesn't bother him to be referred to as a man but he prefers being acknowledged as a woman.

And while this is true, his apathy isn’t based in a philosophy of body neutrality or a healthy relationship with gender as a concept. I think that because he appears “put together” and accomplished it is natural to assume that he’s come to his personal philosophical conclusions via learned means.

(Side note, he doesn’t usually wear suits. Or clothes really. He’s kind of perpetually uncomfortable and would rather be back in his kaftans and slippers. So a lot of the butch excellence is expert level projection.)

A lot of Jan’s behavior is a result of a cosmic form of learned helplessness, he has mostly relinquished control over his own life, hence the hermit behavior. In the last decade the only real active choices he’s made have been to start estradiol and get on a plane to amchitka, both as a result of hallucinogenic prophetic dreams, but he has no desire to follow through beyond the immediate repercussions of each decision as he can’t ultimately see a point to most things. (Theres an underlying constant fear that everything he values will be taken away, so committing himself to changing his body or name is pointless because he will soon die (passively suicidal for decades), or choosing to remove himself from Amchitka is pointless because the world is ending). I think he’s protecting himself from further harm by insisting on being perpetually unbothered and He positions himself as a neutral observer in his own life to get out from under the oppressive thumb of life/fate/society.

(Ok, hooking up with Raj was also an active choice but i guess im thinking about pre-Armageddon Jan)

On top of that, his butchness then does also exist at odds with his transness. Since this is in fact 1969, nobody is primed to assume he is a woman. He kind of exists as a feminine man and masculine woman concurrently. Because he is butch he doesn’t necessarily dislike being referred to as male, but assigning him with a fundamentally male identity (via misogynistic commiseration, assumptions about his lifestyle and “locker room talk”) bothers him. Though he isn’t often subjected to that BECAUSE he’s read as a feminine man. He’s at an odd place emotionally since being on the island is the first time he’s had to contend with constant misgendering. He could certainly insist on being gendered correctly, but chooses not to because he doesn’t see the point or the benefits of doing so outweighing the consequences. It’s all a little sad but you do have to understand he’s so totally numb to everything (in a gleeful and jolly way) that it doesn’t really weigh heavily on him. If he’s sad about anything it’s that he didn’t transition sooner, if he had he wouldn’t have lived the life he did. Which is a wonderful notion just as often as it’s a horrifying one depending on how he feels about his dead wife on any given day.

I guess I get a lot of questions about the beast. I like the beast. I do have to be clear that the beast is not necessarily my original creation.

Then the angel carried me away in the Spirit into a wilderness. There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and had seven heads and ten horns.  REVELATION 17:3

It’s pretty popular in protestant thought to conceptualize the beast as the nations that recognize the authority of the corrupt catholic church. (The woman is the church, different figure I can also talk about in depth.) there is also an argument to be made about the similarities between nationalism and religious worship. Replacing a religious identity with a national identity or cultural identity tied to one catholic church interferes with "true faith" according to the umbrella of Protestantism. (Soli Deo Gloria)

As an aside, while this criticism is usually leveled at the catholic church by Protestants. A lovely follower referenced Kierkegaard (who i admittedly wasn’t familiar with LOL) and his Protestant condemnation of the (lutheran, but I think this could be any denomination) church as an institution as well. Arguing that no cultural / national entity can claim to be truly devoted to faith. Reasoning that doctrine and practice is not an alternative to living in a christlike manner. It is important to note that nobody in opnero is “saved” on the basis of their perceived devotion to a “correct” faith. Theres an argument to be made from kierkegaard’s perspective that someone who has never even encountered the catholic church could still be more truthfully faithful than the pope.

Anyways. I think discarding ritualized practice because it’s an unthinking “shortcut” presented by a corrupt church is a very eurocentric idea. BUT! interesting way to play with the idea of salvation coming exclusively from the hand of one true god. It could even be argued that the bible itself, as a text penned by humanity, interferes with man’s devotion as well.

here I can posit that nationalism is essentially a form of idol worship, core tenants of nationalism (single shared identity and position of state and nation as ultimate authority, social and economic sovereignty) along with common results of unchecked nationalistic politics (ethnic, racial, religious division, suppression of democracy, etc. the classics.) all indicate a preoccupation with identity outside of ones faith. Not acceptable according to revelation.

Anyways, the beast is modeled after this one. It’s lack of consistent depiction being an intentional choice to reference the inadequacy of human visualizations of biblical concepts. Generally based visually on illuminated manuscripts of revelation and 16th ish century paintings and surrealism in the likes of Ernst and Böcklin. (Also check out Bosch and Michelangelo’s torment of st anthony). The kind of childish misshapen look contributes to the notion that the animal in question is no more than an idiots (me.) symbol for an unknowable evil. To be clear the beast is not actually physically present in any of the images i make of it. I kind of like to think about my illustrations as illumination for a manuscript in a sense.

Though, notably. The beast is only one half of the symbol.

 The beast and the ten horns you saw will hate the prostitute.They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked;they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire. REVELATION 17:16

I hope this is fairly easy to interpret. Scripture has a funny habit of misogyny. LOL! So The beast sans Babylon in my images is also a sexually charged symbol. In the way that sexual obsession can be worship which is then akin to nationalism. The church and it’s nations are characterized as self destructive. So my beast is following this near animalistic impulse to secure an object of worship via the destruction of it’s enemies, but it’s fervor is liable to turn inward to destroy the figure that facilitates it’s worship. Which is an obvious analogue to Danny, but has wider applications to the greater narrative and its context (mid cold war, arms races, nuclear supremacy, etc.)

I fear there is this idea of sin being divided into distinct categories perpetuated by like, hazbin hotel or something. Ultimately in OPNERO all the strife, violence, greed is rooted in a lot of the same amorphous hatred. (Patriarchy? MISANDRIST NEXADON STRIKES AGAIN!!!)

I think raj and jan are easily misread as a blessed yuri foil to red and danny. First of all NO because those other faggots aren’t even operating under an intimate relationship framework and also dont think about my art like that ill kill myself infront of you.

Anyways raj and jan are hubristic asf for trying out such a mind meltingly obsessive relationship at the end of the world. They are opposed on every axis, they privately hate eachothers politics and blame eachothers “tribes” for “hastening the apocalypse” (romeo and juliet?) jan defuses every argument by becoming invasive and insultingly intrusive and raj lets him in because he dreads leaving this earth without ever having had a truly exciting and intimate (meaningful) relationship. Jan acts as a “do over” for an entire life of missteps, their sexual relationship is largely raj being permissive for fear of missing out on something that could help him discover what kind of man he’s supposed to be and then just drowning in post coital guilt bec he naturally does not feel enlightened. And for all of jan’s virtues he is selfish and human, it isn’t in his best interest to really challenge raj on his fundamental principles (many of which he finds objectionable) because really digging into him means he wont get to have crazy office sex. He’s habitually isolated and is on a bit of a hedonistic death spiral, while still trying to maintain a positive social contribution. He correctly identifies that something is wrong with raj but doesn’t contend with the fact that the solution is support and probably not sex. Sex kinda helps though and its a two birds one stone situation. Jan is making efforts to be less avoidant as a widow who watches all his loved ones die and raj is just plain avoidant, almost hysterically so. Jan just places far less emphasis on the sacredness of sex and sexual intimacy than raj does so they have a slightly insurmountable gap and zero time (or desire, do to end of world nihilism) to start bridging it.

From an outside perspective, they just seem like they don't like eachother. Rajiva is generally hostile in response to anything Red says, he addresses Ainsley over him and does not appear to like being near him physically and will not make eye contact with him or touch him if he can help it. Red appears mildly hurt but generally unbothered by his dislike, often brushing it off as the impotent rage of a man who is too smart to be friendly. He doesn't speak poorly of Rajiva, and is rarely especially rude in response to him. When he is upset about him in is more of a flustered anger than a seething distaste.

RAJ ON RED:

I highly recommend peeping Rajiva's bio. He encountered Red at a pretty formative time (mid 20s) so his bad impression shaped a lot of Rajiva's future behavior and personal hangups about relationships.

His opinion on Red is marked by discomfort, he holds a lot of resentment for him because he is a once-in-a-lifetime villain for him. The first and last time he encountered academic friction, someone he couldn’t prove wrong (Because he didn't care about right and wrong), and outright sexual harassment. Rajiva doesn’t KNOW a lot of people and he liked even fewer, he liked red and counted him in a small fraction of people he respected (even though he isn’t that smart, Raj is just not into humanities and is easily impressed by people that are socially liquid) 

He’s held onto a grudge for a decade partially because he has nothing better to do, but being confronted by the idea that he should probably let it go by now is only making him double down on it. At any point during OPNERO where he tries to calm down and let go of some if his resentment, or call up a little empathy for Red he finds himself unable to. He only knows him as a predator and does not want anyone to fall in with him, mostly out of jealousy for his magnetic personality. Red doesn’t interact with him directly with a lot of frequency, and he refuses to seek an advisor on how to deal with his feelings about him so its an internal debate. He also doesn’t know if red even really remembers him (awkward if he does, insulting if he doesn’t) or if he would find rajiva desirable now that their power dynamic is more level. He is a big question mark in his peripheral vision. The only good thing about seeing red again, for rajiva, is being able to dispel his former (mild) attraction to him that made the whole proposition issue so difficult. He doesn’t think red aged well. His magic has dissipated, he is yucky disgusting.

RED ON RAJ:

Awkward! Red is always a 50/50 tossup of being emotionally intelligent enough to notice but too mean to care or oblivious to how people feel about him. His resentment for Rajiva is incredibly juvenile and very much beneath him. Hes little worried hes going to take retributive action now that he has the power to do so, and hes a bit of a roadblock for him because he can’t start the relationship over and he cant apologize without admitting he fucked up in the first place (not that he wants to apologize, but its not even an option.) normally he would find his standoffishness appealing but Raj knows a little too much about him and his habits for him to inspire any emotion but dread. He avoids him out of a refusal to think about it, he doesn't even know what to say when cornered about it, and just falls back into staunch denial of any misdeed on his behalf.

IN OPNERO PROPER (RED-DANNY-RAJ):

It is Raj outing Red to Danny that Danny starts thinking he even has a chance at convincing red to traffick heroin for him. It’s kind of his fault they speak to eachother in the first place. Danny is really uncomfortable being in contact with men who are bigger than him in any way. Red being gay makes him 1. Less than Danny 2. Hypothetically more susceptible to flattery from a handsome young man (Danny is very certain that he is very sexy and also specifically attractive to submissive gay men, and he's not totally wrong)

What Raj DOESN’T tell Danny, in an attempt to posture or maybe preserve his pride, is that Red is highly manipulative, vindictive, and really aggressive about sex. So Danny has no idea that Raj’s hatred is anything more than petty dislike for a bad teacher (though, im not sure if knowing would have stopped him) Raj doesn’t really think for a moment that Danny would react to the fact that Red is gay with anything but disgust, because he has decided that Danny probably doesn’t get down with that sort of thing. He holds onto that assertion so strongly it doesn’t occur to him that Red and Danny would even KNOW each other, never in a million years would he clock that they're abusing each other (or rather, at that point, that red is abusing Danny) He’s too close to Danny and too detached from Red to be objective about dealing with the nightmare they created, he also isn’t very woke about it. A lot of “youre my homoerotic best friend why are you hooking up (hes ignoring the heroin and the sexual exploitation) with my number one faggot enemy” and “well if Danny is mad at you because youre a bad man thats deserved and im not interested in protecting you from him plus you deserve it” BOTH OF THESE OPINIONS ARE FLAWED FROM THE GROUND UP.

Danny, in part, kind of sees what he's doing with red as a way to degrade him. So it doesn’t occur to him that Raj would interpret him getting close to red as a betrayal, because they don’t have a relationship, they have a “deal” that allows Danny to hurt red in ways he couldn’t if he wasn't sleeping with him. Honestly, Danny sees Raj’s adoration of him as gay, which is why he likes him (nonthreatening because queers are weak, devoted to him beyond the realm of friendship) (Raj isn’t really into him, for the record. He’s just effeminate and friendless) His worldview changes pretty much immediately because red flips on him and he’s never encountered a sexually aggressive and domineering gay man, now any gay man could secretly be sexually aggressive and domineering, including RAJ. Totally fucks up their relationship, he can’t trust him because he can’t know if Raj is genuinely his friend or just trying to sleep with him too. Red doesn’t talk about Raj to Danny, or talk about him at all. He probably never figures out that raj feels almost as yuck about him as he does.

Red is anxious about Raj’s closeness to Danny, but in the back of his mind I think he recognizes that Raj would have never reported or outed him. It was by his infantilization and distrust in Raj’s maturity that he ended up making what was an embarrassing misstep into a full blown ethical issue. (Ok, aside, it was already an ethical issue because he is a PERVERT and was his TEACHER and also like A DECADE OLDER THAN HIM. but I mean an ethical issue by reds own warped standards.) His”thing” with Danny doesn’t concern raj, up until he needs someone to protect him from Danny. (Raj is not interesting in doing that, but do you know who is? His sexy girlfriend JAN KOSACKI!!!!)

(Rajiva and Danny have their own interesting, unrelated interpersonal tension WRT Vietnam. They are a weapon and a warmonger)

RAJ-JAN-RED BONUS ROUND:

I figure I have to mention this. Danny assaulting Red at the New Years party drives a rift between Raj, who doesn't appear to care, and the people who do care about Red remaining in one piece (Jan and Ainsley). Furthermore, Danny does also attack Jan and Ainsley so his aggression is evidently unchecked and overblown (From their perspectives). Unlike Raj, Jan is able to clock that Danny's desire to kill Red is intertwined with some kind of sexual violence, he just assumes that Red more the victim than he is the perpetrator. Red will not be open with him, and very explicitly does not want to be widely outed or even acknowledge that he knows danny on a personal level at all, so Jan has little to do with this information. His empathy for Red is too loud for Rajiva, who start to doubt Jan's sexual interest in him, drawing a lot of not unfounded parallels between Jan's behavior and Red's behavior a decade prior. He never fully trusts Jan, so this kind of just makes it worse.

Ainsley just doesn't think that Raj should have any authority if he can't be objective about it. She is a little protective over Red since he is her colleague and didn't want to see him hospitalized by a man she already considered a liability. It makes her afraid for her own safety because Danny also doesn't like her and has made her feel incredibly uncomfortable even before he attacks her on New Years. Male on Male apologia moment.

ON A GREATER SCALE:

HISTORY:

He was born on the outskirts of Wrocław. His mother was a seamstress, his father a bricklayer. Jan accompanied his mother nearly everywhere, because for as much as he disliked fabric and fittings, he hated stone more. To this day he holds a resentment for dust and calloused hands. He was a markedly sensitive child, often characterized as stubborn or disobedient. He and his mother were made refugees by the September campaign when he was eleven, he has no earthly idea where he father went, or whether he is alive or not, though he is quite sure it is the latter. His unwillingness to spend time with him in his youth does haunt him profoundly, as they never had a poor relationship, just a distant one. As a widow with a young child, Jan and his mother were adopted by distant Parisian cousins, she was exceptionally talented with language and an adept seamstress, who easily found menial work as a dressmaker. Jan ended up spending a lot more time alone, wandering the city.

Having been directly affected by the nazi regime and subsequently brought up in an extremely active postwar political forum, Jan became very involved in politics. He is a casual anarcho-syndicalist who doesn't believe in much of anything anymore, but at one point activism was his career. He is largely pulling away from politics when he meets his wife at his synagogue. Her passion is in religious art preservation, and it is at her request that they attend Sorbonne together. Instead of pursuing political science, which she feared would put him in danger, he became invested in religious studies instead. His wife is the coauthor of his first few publications, and she dies suddenly in 1963 from a brain aneurysm only a few months after Jan's mother passes from pneumonia. He is consumed by existential loneliness, falling into a depression he does not ever recover from.

He is unspeakably angry at the world for taking everything he has time and time again, he stops going outdoors, begins binge drinking, essentially attempts to self destruct. He habitually uses mescaline at the peak of his psychotic break hoping it gives him the clarity to either recover or kill himself, and it kind of just makes him realize he's a woman and turns his shambling depressive episode into a persistent malaise. Jan has been on estradiol since 1965.

ON SEX: Jan ascribes a lot of sacredness to sex, in the free love sense. He would be casually sleeping around a lot more if he wasn't trans and a shut-in. With regard to his gender identity, it isn't something that concerns him. The extent of his transition is building a body he is comfortable in or that "suits him". In a perfect world if he could choose to rewrite the past so that he could, in his mind, "pass" as a "normal woman" he would. Though, his current state is not unbearable. He does not insist upon being gendered correctly by anyone but the most intimate of friends, it doesn't bother him to be referred to as a man but he prefers being acknowledged as a woman. Specifically a butch woman, but he doesn't really care to acquire the vocabulary to identify himself that way.

(as an aside, no I don't care what pronouns you use for Jan. He or She is acceptable. Most characters in OPNERO will refer to him with he/him pronouns.)

He is otherwise exceedingly sex positive, oftentimes to the degree that other people are made uncomfortable being so frankly confronted with sexual sociopolitical conversation in the workplace. He prefers women, but doesn't mind effeminate men.

ON DRUGS:

It is only through repeat indulgence in hallucinogens that Jan is inspired to engage further with the seals presented by the lamb of god. He is a habitual user of mushrooms and cannabis, and occasionally procures mescaline. He has no interest in stimulants, and often begrudges those who do for being "addicts". Though not much of what Jan says is ever fully serious.

ON WAR:

Jan abhors war, for obvious reasons. News of foreign conflicts is one of the few things that make him upset about his lack of control over the world. He generally has a lot to say about the evils of the military industrial complex, the persistent myth of holy war, profiteering, environmental destruction, etc. He has a hard time playing devil's advocate for anyone arguing on behalf of warmongers.

ON RELIGION:

He actively practices. Though has little relevance in his community. For Jan, his religion is more rooted in a continuance of an ethnic tradition rather than a belief system. Though he doesn't disagree with most jewish teachings. He does not fully believe in a loving god, nor does he forgive his God for allowing so much agony to permeate his life. All of this just enriches his relationship with spirituality, which he would prefer to interpret as a conversation between humankind and its own consciousness.

RELATIONSHIPS:

RAJIVA PATEL

Rajiva is immediately a target of Jan's prodding. He has a "black sheep" quality to him that Jan is intoxicated by, all associated microaggressions apply. In some ways, Jan likes Rajiva too much and will tolerate behavior from him that he wouldn't from a man he enjoyed less. His staunch refusal to budge from his extremely flawed principles is more of a cute quirk. He tends to tease Raj.

AINSLEY DOHERTY

Ainsley is an ally to him. She acknowledges him as a woman pretty quickly but is quite low-key about it. They have solidarity as visibly GNC people in a difficult workplace. She is also just charming to him, and he likes her energy and nippy personality. it is unfortunate that she isn't very interested in debating him.

DANNY GREEN

Danny has a tendency to flee from Rajiva's side when Jan appears. So Jan initially characterizes him as timid. He trusts that Rajiva says he is a good man. He is proven wrong.

RED GORCHAKOV

He doesn't take Red seriously. He can tell that he is a deeply hurt man who is projecting his insecurities onto him. He enjoys prodding him as well, as it's far easier to get Red on an existential spiral. Something about his attitude is more annoying though, it's mostly the machismo. In a way, Jan pities him, and sees him as exceptionally soft and weak.

GERALD MASTERS

Their bios have brief overviews but heres a little more detail.

Ainsley: raised in derry (since relocated to letterkenny, on account of the troubles) ainsley is her mothers only daughter but has stepsisters from an affair-turned husband situation he mother had. Though, she is much older than them. Her father has run off, and her stepfather was killed in an accident following a pub brawl when she was about fifteen. She has always been simply minuscule and dealt with a lot of bullying. She did well in school and liked team sports and youth outreach charity work. She is lower middle class and has held political aspirations for most of her life. She liked to draw as a child but doesn’t anymore.

Danny: grew up exceptionally poor in a multigenerational household in Trenton, new jersey. As previously mentioned his father abandons his family or dies when danny is like 6. And his mother doesn’t remarry successfully because until hes like 18. He was fully smothered in his home life, intensely coddled by his mother and grandmother. Danny was briefly abused by his peers (little fat boy) but pretty quickly switched to being the most evil 7 year old ever. He has always done extremely poorly in school, and is a bad sportsman, but played a lot of empty lot baseball as a child (could never afford to be on a team). He never had any aspirations, at least not realistic ones. He wanted to be a baseball player. He liked to throw rocks at cats as a child (no toys)

Red:

Wholly forgotten middle child. Raised extremely wealthy and had a fully private education. I mean he was definitely coddled as well but as soon as he could reliably walk places on his own he was mostly expected to go off in the other room and play by himself. None of his siblings were in his age range so he spent most of his time being quiet by himself when family friends weren’t around. Extremely sensitive child. Most of his extracurricular activities were related to piano and good equestrian husbandry. Weird period of severe regression at 13 he never really socially recovered from. Liked to collect stuffed animals but all were eventually given away to his younger siblings. Good in school but not exceptional, nothing man. He just figured he would work for his older brother, if he worked at all.

Raj: born in Gujarat but raised in the uk, mostly in Hove. He was born with a few odd health issues and was generally a bit of a fragile child, his father was not happy about his singular son being kind of fail and that generated palpable resentment towards his mother. Raj definitely picked up on this, but was actually a fairly happy, if self contained, child. Pretty noticeably autistic, naturally this was “corrected”. Always hated the ocean but is reconciling his relationship with swimming as exercise. Fantastic student, poor sociability. Wanted to be a surgeon, or something gritty like a mechanic. Played obsessively with toy soldiers, blocks and trains and tweaked out when his buildings were tampered with.

Jan: