#janat

#help_janat_hemaid_and_her_family

While you are in a warm house full of tenderness, food and drink, and your warm clothes in the winter, my family and I in the street are a cold nylon tent It's full of insects, full of mice, and we're trying to keep living, please donate to me🙏🏻💔

I let you leave your mark on my favorite wall , I let you walk in through the door and make me your home . Our first conversation felt like I knew you somehow . I felt like you're the one I'd be falling for . Now I hit the floor and scraped my knees . I'm eating all my feelings .

I don't say a word about it just incase it loses it's meaning. For better or for worse , you asked . For better or for worse , you said. I'm still healing from the day you locked me out . I fell to my knees when you said you're out of love . I bled all my tears out hoping it'd help somehow , it didn't . I'm left with a million doubts , questions of where we went wrong haunt me now .

I barely knew you before I knew I'd be falling in love. I barely caught myself when I lost you. I still watch you from the window , wondering if I'm still the home you want to walk into . I bet my money on never losing you . I watched as I lost to you . I watched it all happen like I wanted to hurt .

I know I'm a conundrum . When we spoke I found hope . You were ready to leave before I was willing to let go . I never gave a damning thought about anybody until you walked in . Then it began , the fear of you leaving I kept projecting before you even had a chance to walk an inch .

I bet I'll leave the light on for forever hoping you'd walk in . You turned me into a tragic story . I was so at peace with being alone , you pushed my walls till I broke . You were ready for the pouring rain of my skies until you weren't. I lost you willingly , I let it happen . I took your guilt , never let you know about it .

The glass pieces from the mirror I broke the night you left still hurt . I trace their edges with the tips of my fingers , let it hurt sometimes . I told you I'd spare you all my pain I can and I did . I told you a week into us that you're the one I'd gladly fall for . I spared no expense , I put all my feelings in . I bet against fate knowing it'll win . So it did .

I'm aware I told you I'm fine with being alone , I let you go . I stay here hoping you'd say something more . I stay up hoping you'd tell me you weren't so sure . I spent all my time only for you to turn around the hourglass and tell me it never happened . I hoped you were worth all the time . I let you turn me into a mess , I let it happen .

You were too scared , I must've been too scarred . I know I need to get my shit together , it's been months . I write this thinking you'd never see this . I swore I'd spare you the pain even if it meant I'd lose myself . I'm still reeling from all those feelings .

I'm doing just fine without spending every painstaking minute of the time I've got pondering . I make up lies to paint over your shortcomings all while knowing you're never coming . i know i left you broke , you bought all my lies . I know I left you home all alone , tried not to look back.

Here I am again , a walking contradiction . I swear I don't feel pain while I am soaked in my tears . Here I am , a tragedy waiting to happen . I hold myself with cello tape as I tear my flesh to get you outta my veins . I can't even look into mirror without finding you in my reflection .