Wizarding World AU please? Famous tattoo artist Bucky is doing his best to keep his secrets safe. The first being he is madly in love with Tony the baker in the little steampunk bakery across the street, who sings beautifully when he thinks no one is listening. The second being he's a wizard. Who may sometimes do magical tattoos for the magicking community. Little does Bucky know is that Tony is also a wizard who happens to be a very startling animagi. Please and thank you?
A/N: There is a lot going on in this prompt and I didnโt manage to fit everything in. I hope the prompter doesnโt mind.
Click here if you want to see what kind of animal Tonyโs animagus is.
Chapter 1 /2 (on AO3 )
The harbingers of spring were already coming to the small town of Rosendale in upstate New York but the nights in early March were still icy cold and Tony felt like his paws were about to turn into ice clumps as he traversed the street and hopped gracefully on top of a garbage container. It was time's likes these that he wished his animagus would have taken a more cold-resistant form, something with thicker fur under his paws to protect his sensitive toe beans. โToe beansโ, Tony snorted - a weird sound when done as a cat - muggles and their memes. He didnโt know where that thought had come from and he pushed it aside, cold paws or not, he was on a mission.
Bucky Barnesโ birthday was on the 16th and Tony needed a present, a good one, a great one, a spectacular one even.
And he only had 10 days left.
Bucky was Tonyโs neighbor who owned the small but popular tattoo parlor across the street from Tonyโs bakery. Tall, dark, broody turning into shy once you got to know him and incredibly handsome with long brown hair and silvery eyes Tony could get lost in. Scratch that, had gotten lost in. Tony was utterly in love with his sweet and caring neighbor, had been since he had first heard Bucky laugh and those silver eyes had lit up with mirth. Unfortunately, it was a sound that was rarely heard in the town of Rosendale and Tony wanted to change that.
Unfortunate was also that fact that Bucky was a muggle and so Tony couldnโt just invite him into his bakery and put on a magic show, dish up some of Buckyโs favorite baked sweets for him on his birthday and make it a grand event with a cake that baked itself as the main course. He had to find a muggle present.
Maybe it was just the way Tonyโs brain worked or maybe Bucky wasnโt just shy but also secretive but even though theyโve known each other for months now and talked almost daily, he couldnโt remember Bucky mentioning one thing that he liked, no hobbies, no TV shows, books, sports, all these muggle things that Tony knew off (and he knew a lot, partially due to the fact that he lived as the only wizard alone in a muggle town and you tended to stick out like a sore thumb if you didnโt know what the Super Bowl or an iPhone was and partially due to, well, being Tony and being naturally curious about absolutely everything).
So here Tony was, trying to figure out what hobbies Bucky had by sneaking into his house in his animagus form because who gets mad at a kitty walking around your house, right? Itโs what cats do after all.
He spotted a small basement window that was maybe a foot tall and not much wider, certainly not big enough to fit an adult human through, but cat Tony would certainly fit and as luck would have it, the window was slightly ajar.
Eager to get out of the cold and into the house Tony wasted no time to stick his head through the gap and wriggling the rest of his body after it, thanking evolution for the lack of collarbones. Gravity seemed to work differently for cats as well because he landed lightly on his feet on some dusty surface but thatโs where his luck ended.
A subconscious flick of a tail and something tumbled to the ground producing a deafening crash and not a moment later the room was suddenly flooded with light and Bucky was standing in front of him.
Pointing a wand at him.
โโ
Bucky had just finished his talk with Steve at the fireplace, one of the reasons he had never wanted a fireplace when moving to Rosendale in the first place. The thought of Steve or any of his other wizard friends trying to take the bus or -god forbid- an Uber to his place had convinced him, however. Anything to keep his friends away from the general Muggle population, or else heโd had to move again, and he didnโt want that, not after he had finally managed to settle.
So Bucky put up with the calls and the occasional visit having a fireplace brought with it and it did have a few advantages. If he really needed to go to a wizarding shop he could do so easily and the few magical customers that wanted a tattoo from him had it easier as well.
Now he was getting ready for bed, massaging his left shoulder before throwing back the covers. Talking to Steve was exhausting, not as much physically - though sitting on the ground in front of the fireplace was getting to him too - it was the mental exertion that drained Buckyโs energy. Steve rarely showed interest in Buckyโs day to day life, his work or the friends heโs made in town, or his recent fame on Instagram. (โInstagram? Is that one of these weird metric measurements those Europeans use?โ Steve had asked him when he had mentioned it, but what could you expect of a guy who thought muggles were only able to produce smartphones because they had imprisoned a wizard or witch somewhere.) Itโs always the past for Steve, stories from before when they had both been Aurors, before Hydra.
Bucky shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts out of his head lest they turn into nightmares again.
When he heard the crash all of that was instantly forgotten as he apparated into the cellar to face the intruder.
โโ
Tony blinked against the harsh lights and almost missed how Bucky put the wand away. It happened so fast that Tony wasn't even sure Bucky had been holding a wand at all. One moment he was moving his right hand like he was about to put his wand in his left sleeve, like lots of wizards and witches do, and the next moment it's gone. Except, Bucky isn't wearing a robe or anything with sleeves for that matter. Bucky was wearing a tank top that was showing of previously unknown tattoos on Bucky's shoulders and revealing the whole expanse of Bucky's muscular arms to Tony.
"It's just a fucking cat, Barnes, get it together." Bucky cursed and pushed his hair back with one hand, visibly shaken. He stood still for a moment, just breathing and staring at the floor, his eyes betraying the internal struggle his mind was fighting. Tony didn't even dare to flick his tail. After a while, he looked up and eyed Tony and then the open window above him.
"You squeezed through that, huh?" Bucky shook his head in amazement. "Were you looking for someplace warm? You don't look like you are made for the cold, you're someone's pet, huh? You're a graceful thing, though, quite adorable."
Bucky took a step closer and before Tony knew it his cat instincts made him jump off the table and away from Bucky. The rational side of his brain protested once it had realized the mistake. Being petted by Bucky would have been amazing.
"Woah, didn't mean to scare you. Just wanted to open up the window a bit more so you could get back out again if you want to." Bucky didn't come any closer, instead, he rested his chin in one hand and his elbow in his other and put on an adorable thinking face. The one he often wore when Tony went on a rambling streak too fast to follow. That face did things to Tony, plus that pose put Bucky's biceps on display like Tony would a particularly fancy cake in his bakery window.
Tony started to drool.
Literally.
It was a cat thing, nobody could blame him for that, but he did wonder why Bucky didn't wear sleeveless tops more often. It was a delicious sight.
"You should probably stay indoor anyway in this weather. Don't want you freezing to death somewhere. This your first time outside?" Bucky looked at Tony like he was about to answer him then shrugged. "Probably better you found your way inside then..." He trailed off and looked around the room at the various shelves and cupboards. " I gotta have a box for you around here somewhere. You can hang out with me tonight and then I'll make some calls in the morning, see if anybody's missing you."
Bucky walked over to an old antique wardrobe and stretched to get one of the boxes off the top, giving Tony a good view of his back. He noticed a fine silver line running across Buckyโs left shoulder that he hadnโt seen when he had been ogling Buckyโs biceps. Some kind of scar he reckoned, it looked unusual though as it appeared to be shimmering as Bucky moved about.
The most striking feature of Buckyโs back, however, wasnโt his muscles, despite being quite impressive, it was a tattoo that stretched over Buckyโs back and right shoulder. It was partially obscured by his tanktop but nevertheless, it was clear what it portrayed.
A white wolf howling at the moon.
Tony was mesmerized. It was so detailed it looked almost real.
If he werenโt in his cat form Tony would feel bad for staring but right now he was just enjoying the sight, memorizing every little detail as Bucky moved about and peered into boxes.
Bucky had never mentioned liking wolfs so it came as a surprise to see him having such a big tattoo of one on his back. It stood in stark contrast to his other tats which were mostly small and kept almost exclusively in black ink, like the scrawly handwriting on the inside of his right wrist that read โTill the end of the lineโ or the black widow spider dangling on a string on the inside of his elbow. Not to mention the tattoo sleeve that covered his left arm in gears and metal plates, while those also looked realistic and well done it was nothing compared to the wolf on Buckyโs back.
Tony decided to get a better look and sneak a little closer. To not make it too obvious that he was watching Bucky and that he wasnโt quite a normal cat, he padded around the room in a circle. He stuck his head into a few things to add to the illusion (and damn those cat instincts) and suddenly he couldnโt shake the feeling that he was being watched.
He glanced back to Bucky but the man had a box in his hand and was staring into it, mumbling something to himself before he closed the box back up and put it back on the wardrobe and took down another one. Bucky really was taking this box things serious but Tony did love a good box when he was a cat so he appreciated the effort.
But if Bucky wasnโt looking at him, why were was the fur on his back standing on edge? Tony was starting to get creeped out and thatโs when he noticed it.
It was the wolf.
The wolf was looking at him. The wolf - the wolf tattoo was looking at him. He could have sworn the wolf had been howling at the moon. Tony seriously started to doubt his sanity right about now and wondered if he had drunk any hallucinogenic potions lately that still had an effect on him, but he had sworn off that stuff after he had accidentally turned Rhodey into a platypus while at the Academy and it had taken the headmaster and three high-ranking wizards from the Agency of Magical Mishaps two weeks to figure out how to turn him back. That couldnโt be it.
Except then the wolf tilted his head and regarded him curiously and yeah, the tattoo is actually moving. Of course, it is. It's not the first moving tattoo Tony has ever seen, he was a wizard for fuck's sake, and then it finally clicked in Tony's head.
Bucky had a magical tattoo. Bucky was a wizard.
BUCKY WAS A WIZARD! His mind was screaming at him. It hadn't been his imagination then earlier, Bucky really had had a wand. This was like winning the lottery as the muggles would say and he wasn't even consciously initiating the shift or thinking about any consequences. All he was thinking about was how he didn't have to keep his biggest secret from his best friend and secret crush and then โ
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Tony came to the sweet and all too familiar sound of someone singing a healing spell to him. His first thought was of his mother and the countless times she had sung the very same spell for him after his father had drunkenly slapped him against a wall or down the stairs. Except the voice was too deep and his mother was long dead. Rhodey maybe. At the Academy, it had always been Rhodey who had healed him when one of his invented spells or magiGadets (โItโs gonna be a thing, Rhodey!โ) backfired on him, but Rhodey had always sounded just a tad bit annoyed and hurried the singing along (not because he wanted to hurt Tony but because they had snuck into something they shouldn't have and had to make a run for it). Tony had kept a few scars from those injuries which he probably deserved.
He knew this voice, knew the familiar baritone and the slight tang of Brooklyn accent thatโs almost hidden if you didnโt know it was there.
โBucky!โ Tony shot up and was immediately pushed back down by a firm hand against his chest, the song stopping with it.
โStay still and let me fix this, doll, you banged your head pretty hard,โ Bucky explained. With the healing spell gone Tony suddenly felt the sharp pain in the back of his head and his vision started to get blurry making Buckyโs face swim in front of his eyes. He nodded weakly and closed his eyes again, letting the healing song wash over him once more.
When Bucky let the healing spell fade away Tony blinked open his eyes, his vision much clearer now and his head pain-free. He still felt a little woozy, an after-effect from the stunning spell Tony was also only too familiar with. Bucky helped him sit up and lean against a shelf, the same one he had banged his head on.
Bucky sat on the floor across from him, pinning him with a look that sent chills down Tonyโs spine. Those silver eyes that usually held so much warmth were cold as ice now and when Tony let his gaze wander over the rest of his friend he noticed how tense Bucky was. He was holding his wand in a death grip that turned the knuckles on his hand white.
Neither of them spoke and Tony shifted uncomfortably against the shelf under Buckyโs scrutiny until he couldnโt take it anymore and he just started talking.ย
โYou always stun first and ask questions later?โ Tony asked with a nervous chuckle hoping to break up the tense atmosphere with a little humor. To his relief, the corner of Buckyโs lip twitched a little. โI swear I can explain why I break into peopleโs houses in the middle of the night, well, your house specifically and it will all make perfect sense. Maybe not so much logically but from a Tony-point-of-view โ and you know me, Bucky, โ it will.โ Maybe it was his imagination but Bucky seemed to relax just the tiniest bit.
Bucky sighed and lifted his wand. Tony tried not to flinch away, Bucky would never hurt him even if this situation was more than eerie and the other man was acting more than a little weird (besides the whole "OMG my best friend is a wizard"- thing).
Tony was unfamiliar with the spell Bucky cast silently but he recognized it as a detection spell when Bucky drew dark lines in the air. It looked like a lopsided โFโ when Bucky lowered his wand again and the rune hovered between them.
โFor the sake of my sanity and your continued well-being you should answer truthfully,โ Bucky looked almost sad when he spoke again like he had done this before with a not so favorable outcome. Tony gulped. This got dark really fast.
โAre you HYDRA?โ
Tony blinked at Bucky in confusion, then eyed the floating rune suspiciously.
โIโm guessing you donโt mean the magical beasts that live in Greece? Because last time I checked I only had one head.โ
Bucky shook his head.
Tony had no idea what Bucky was talking about, but to the best of his knowledge, he was not whatever this HYDRA was. If he had to guess heโd say it was some kind of secret organization with the way Bucky was freaking out. He remembered that Bucky told him he was ex-military once, Tony had assumed that had meant the Muggle military. Bucky being a wizard shed a whole new light on that information though and there had to be a reason he lived out here alone pretending to be a muggle without even a magical marking on his house to let other witches and wizards know who he was. Suddenly it all made sense. How secretive Bucky was with information about himself and his past and how paranoid he had seemed at times.
Something clicked in Tony and suddenly he was able to see past his own confusion and fear and see Bucky, see how terrified he was that Tony was with this mysterious HYDRA, see the betrayal and yes, that hurt when he hadnโt done anything, but Tony could also see the hope underneath.
โIโm not HYDRA,โ Tony said with confidence and the rune glowed white before a deep voice boomed through the room making Tony jump.
โTRUTH!โ
Tony watched fascinated as the rune turned black again and then transformed into two ravens that cawed a few times before flying out of the open window.
"I'm so sorry, Tony. I'm so so sorry." Bucky's pleading voice made Tony look back down. The man looked absolutely miserable, completely deflated and hunched over, arms wrapped around himself, wand abandoned beside him on the ground. "Please forgive me. I had to make sure.... had to make sure..."
Bucky continued to mumble about how sorry he was. The complete one-eighty threw Tony for a loop if anyone had to apologize it was him for breaking into Bucky's house.
Tony slowly reached out, intending to pull the other man into a hug. "No, I'm sorry. I swear I can explain why Iโm here - โ
He didn't get to finish his sentence because a moment later he had an armful of Bucky clinging to him.
โI donโt care if you broke in here to rob me, Tony, as long as youโre not them,โ Bucky mumbled into the crook of Tonyโs neck. Slowly Tony let out a breath and let his arms settle around Bucky, one hand coming to rest on the back of his head. He could feel the cold sweat still present on Buckyโs skin and his hair was damp and greasy, nevertheless, he ran his fingers through the long strands and tried to sooth the other man.
โThat bad, huh?โ
Bucky made a choking sound. โYou have no idea.โ
They stayed like that for some time until Tony felt the tension drain out of Bucky.
โMaybe we should go somewhere more comfortable? My legs fell asleep. Or, you know, you go and Iโll leave you alone,โ it hurt to say because he desperately wanted Bucky not to kick him out, wanted to hold onto him for so much longer. โIโm sure you want to rest - โ, Tony was interrupted by Bucky squeezing him more tightly. โNo?โ
Bucky shook his head and looked up, his eyes were red-rimmed from crying but they had gained their warmth back.
โStay, please,โ Bucky slowly extracted himself from Tony, but he held onto Tonyโs hand. โLetโs go upstairs, Iโll relight the fireplace and weโll talk a little.โ
They ended up not talking very much once they had settled on the couch in front of the fireplace. Bucky had curled against Tonyโs side and Tony had wrapped his arm around the other manโs shoulders, holding him close. It wasnโt an uncomfortable silence, the fire was crackling softly as they sat together, thinking about what had transpired.
Bucky was the first one to speak. โSo why did you break into my house?โ
Tony laughed and hid his face in Buckyโs hair. โItโs so silly now.โ
โHow come?โ Bucky sounded truly curious.
โYour birthday is coming up and I wanted to find a good present for you.โ
Bucky chuckled. โSo you broke into my house? Did you want to steal something I already own and then gift it to me?โ
โGod, no, I just wanted to find out what you were into because you were always so secretive.โ Feeling Bucky tense under his arm Tony quickly added, โand I totally get that now, half the reason I never let you into my shop was so that you didnโt find out Iโm a wizard, but youโre a wizard too and you probably had the same reasons for not telling me what you did in your spare time.โ Tony stopped rambling and just hoped that it was enough to convince Bucky he really had no malicious intent when he broke in.
Bucky didnโt say anything for a good minute before he spoke again. โWhatโs the other half?โ
โHuh?โ Tony had lost his train of thought completely.
Bucky sat up to look at Tony, their sides still firmly pressed together, like he really didnโt want to lose the closeness. โThe other half of the reason why you never showed me your shop.โ
โOh, uh. Like health and safety regulations for oneโฆ though thatโs mostly a muggle excuse. I take care of any issues with a flick of my wand obviously, but mostly because itโs a mess and it doesnโt exactly look like a muggle bakery. And youโd give Dum-E a heart attack, though he technically doesnโt even have a heart.โ
Bucky nodded thoughtfully, then a small grin spread on his lips. โThereโs no reason you canโt show it to me now, is there?โ
Tony lit up, a wide smile on his face. โNo, I guess not. Iโd love to show you around. If you want.โ
โOf course I want.โ Bucky leaned his head back on Tonyโs shoulder but not before a puzzled look crossed his face. โDonโt you call your mixer Dummy?โ
โHeโs more like a personal assistant but he does mix and knead most things.โ
Bucky laughed into his shoulder. โOh my god, and to think Iโve missed out on that. So the talk about building your own machines for baking and things?โ
โMagical gadgets really. I take the engineering side of muggle machines and invent spells to automate and improve them. And, well, some gained an independent personality.โ Tony shrugged with the shoulder Bucky wasnโt leaning on. โBeen doing that since I could hold a wand, my mom was a half-blood and she kept a lot of things from when she grew up with a muggle parent. She liked to bake and cook without magic. I just like mixing magic with machines, got me into a lot of trouble in the Academy.โ
Bucky had turned awfully still while Tony talked
โSomething wrong?โ Tony asked, suddenly worried that his ramble had spooked the other man.
But Bucky shook his head and slowly sat up, this time putting some distance between them and Tony instantly missed the closeness.
โI think I have to show you something.โ Bucky wasnโt looking at him, instead, he looked at where he was worrying a loose thread at the edge of the couch cushion.
Tony tilted his head in confusion. โOkay?โ
Bucky reached for his wand that was lying on the couch table and nervously rolled it between his fingers as if he wasnโt certain he should use it.
With a deep breath, he tightened his grip and pointed the wand to his left wrist. He mumbled a spell and suddenly his skin started to change. He guided the tip of his wand up his forearm, over his elbow and up to his upper arm until he reached his shoulder. The change followed the movement of his want, the skin rippling away like fabric being pulled from a table.
What was revealed made Tony gasp.
What had previously only been a very elaborate tattoo had suddenly turned real. Buckyโs arm was made completely out of metal. Brass and copper rods interlocking with cogs of various sizes with brass plating covering certain parts but leaving most of the mechanism out in the open for Tony to marvel at. It was beautiful in its complexity. However, on second glance it became obvious how much wear and tear the arm had seen, the metal was dull and some cogs were so worn down it was a miracle they were still holding onto each other. Nevertheless, it was a beauty in Tonyโs eyes and as his gaze traveled up Buckyโs arm he soaked in every detail.
That was until his eyes landed on Buckyโs shoulder and the mass of scars that were barely covered by the tank top he was wearing. The metal arm was grafted onto his body in the most horrific way imaginable and Tony hoped instantly that there was at least some pain relieving enchantment on this thing because that had to hurt like hell.
โWow,โ Tony finally managed to say. He looked up to see Bucky watching him with a carefully guarded expression. โMay I?โ He held out his hands, telegraphing what he wanted to do. Just because Bucky showed him the arm, didnโt mean he wanted to be touched.
Bucky held out his arm as an answer and the gears and rods shifted with the movement. He turned his palm up and Tonyโs eyebrows shot up in surprise as he saw the inside of his forearm. There was a long recess running from the wrist to his elbow about half an inch wide and suddenly what he had seen earlier this night made perfect sense.
This is where Bucky kept his wand!
Safely hidden by the concealment spell on his arm and always in reach. It was genius.
Tony slowly took Buckyโs metal hand in his and started to examine it more closely. He ran his fingers lightly over the metal, tracing where the one mechanism started and ended and how each gear fit into a bigger whole to make up a human hand.
โThis is amazing,โ Tony finally said and he made sure to make his admiration audible in his voice. Bucky had been awfully silent and tense as Tony had turned his hand this way and that way to look at it from every angle but he had not pulled back or objected. โCan I ask where you got this? This is not something Iโve ever seen before.โ
Bucky looked away and slowly pulled his metal hand back, cupping it with his own flesh hand. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before he spoke. โIโm sorry, Tony, maybe some other time.โ
Tony nodded. โThank you for showing me, Bucky.โ He was sincere, he would love to examine the arm some more but Buckyโs comfort was more important to him and he already felt honored that Bucky even showed him. He would have never guessed Bucky had an artificial arm from the way he could move it. There had to be some very advanced spells on it for it to be able to do that.
โActuallyโฆ,โ Bucky said slowly, โI was hoping you could help me with it.โ
Tonyโs eyes went huge. โAre you serious?โ
Bucky nodded a little hesitantly. โYou donโt have to obviously, but I thought with your engineering background and, you know, being a wizardโฆโ He shook his head and turned away. โNever mind, it was just a silly thought.โ He pointed his wand at his left wrist and mumbled the concealment spell but Tony quickly covered Buckyโs hand with his own and stopped him from casting it.
โIโd love to, Bucky. Iโd be happy to help you with it. Whatever you need me to do.โ Tony couldnโt believe his luck. How could a night that had started with him being knocked unconscious turn out so amazing?
Before Tony could react, Bucky had closed the distance between them again and pulled Tony into a bone-crushing hug. He buried his face in the crook of Tonyโs neck mumbling โthank youโ over and over again. Tony was only too happy to return the embrace and wrap his arms around the other manโs back, smiling widely.
AN: It turned out to be a youtube Gamer AU, I hope the prompter doesnโt mind.
Bucky scrolled through the comments on his newest video. Most of them were positive or neutral and he replied to a few of them. ย He was always anxious to find a negative one, he worked with a webcam when recording himself playing games and there was always the risk of someone commenting on his appearance, which wasn't what Bucky was worried about. He could deal with people making fun of his hair or his disheveled clothes, unshaven face. No big deal. And the few asshats that find his videos and see it necessary to comment bigoted shit on it when he talks about his LGBTAIQ+ related topics weren't anything new to him either. Block and move on. What he was more worried about was someone noticing. ย
He hadn't been using the webcam for long and he was always careful not to show anything, always keeping his shoulder covered, always keeping to the left of the screen. It had helped his channel grow a lot but he didn't want people to know about his missing arm. It was hard enough dealing with it in real life he didn't need to be exposed to hundreds of abelist comments on the internet too.
There were no comments that indicated someone noticed. A few general comments about how people loved his videos even though watching him try to do redstone was cringeworthy. It was nice seeing that people still enjoyed his content even though he made mistakes. He had tried to take everything with humor when his contraption hadn't worked after the third time building it. But that was Minecraft for you, he had made up for it by starting a new creative project for the end of the episode. The blanket he used to cover his shoulders had once again drawn some attention, it had become somewhat of a meme at this point because it had pictures of cats on it. Other than that there was nothing out of the usual in his comment section.
Bucky refreshed the page again and was surprised to see a new comment had already been upvoted several times. ย People were commenting on it as well and when Bucky looked at the username he also knew why.
Ironman42 had commented on his video.
Bucky panicked and threw his phone across the couch.
"Fuck."
(More after the break!)
If that was a negative comment his youtube career could be over. The guy had 7 million subscribers which were about 6.99 million more than Bucky had. He didn't have any business commenting on one of Bucky's videos, how did he even know about him?
Not to mention that ever since Bucky saw the man in a PAX East panel live stream he had a tiny crush on him. The way he had swaggered across the stage, blowing kisses to the camera... it should have been obnoxious and arrogant, but it had stirred something in Bucky and maybe he had been a little bit jealous because that was something he could never have.
Bucky had to calm his racing heart for several minutes before he dared to pick up his phone again and actually read the comment.
Hey WinterSoldier,
I see you've got some problems with the falling edge monostable circuit, maybe I can help you with that. Do you mind if I contact you?
-IronMan
PS: You're cute! ;)
Bucky threw his phone away again, got up, walked around his room running his hand through his hair, then picked up his phone and read the message again. It still said the same thing.
PS: You're cute! ;)
Hesitantly Bucky pressed the answer button and typed out his reply.
I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm always willing to learn. Just message me. :)
The video was an episode of his Minecraft Let's play series, it was one of his lesser watched series, Bucky was mostly known for his strategy games Let's plays like Rimworld, Stellaris and now Surviving Mars. He had also tried his hand at more technical games like Factorio but he wasn't good enough to draw an audience with those. Ironman42, or Tony how most people referred to him, however, became big with his Minecraft series, hosting several multiplayer servers and it was every Minecrafters dream to be invited to play with him. An invitation to the server basically meant instant fame in certain circles of the youtube community. Now he mostly played Battle Royale games with his best friend Rhodey also known as Warmachine and more or less dominated the Fortnite and PUBG scene. Unfortunately, those games were too far paced for Bucky to keep up with and so he had never gotten into the hype.
Bucky had little time to think about what that meant for his channel because only seconds after he had pressed sent his phone vibrated again and he had an email on his business address. Something that rarely happened unless some indie game developer found him by accident and gave him a free code to try out their game.
This time Bucky held onto his phone only barely when he saw who the mail was from. Ironman had already messaged him. This was at the same time exciting and extremely terrifying and Bucky needed a moment to calm down again. He went to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water then sat down at this desk and pulled up his emails there. It made him feel a little bit more professional.
The email was long and the nerdiest thing Bucky had read since that one time he had ventured too deep into a comment section under an Oxygen not Included video that discussed the behavior of pressurized gases on a meteorite.
Bucky wasn't a Minecraft crack, he mainly played it casually to build nice things and chat with his viewers. He had no idea about redstone or circuitry when he wanted to automate something he followed tutorials from others. He read the email a couple of times but he had no idea what Ironman was getting at, only after the third time he got through to the end and noticed the sentence at the end.
If this is too much how about we chat in (Discord? Skype?) and I'll show you on a server. Hope this is not too forward.
-Tony
Bucky sat in front of the email for a long time, not sure what to do with it. Was this an invitation to one of Tony's servers? Bucky had no idea what he had done to deserve that, how he had gotten Tony's attention. It was freaking him out and causing his anxiety to sky-rocket so much he thought about taking some of his meds to calm down. He certainly wouldn't be able to record anything in this state so he pushed the foot control further back under his desk and wrapped himself in his blanket to watch calming kitten videos until Steve came back from work and would make him some food. One thing just didn't want to leave his head.
Being with Tony was amazing. Bucky hadn't felt so happy in years. They now talked about everything and nothing, not afraid anymore that there was some line they could cross that would ruin everything. They often talked late into the night and sometimes morning, much to Steve's chagrin. But even Steve was happy and didn't tease Bucky as much about his love-struck face when he looked at pictures of Tony.
There was, however, still one problem between them and that problem was about the size of the US with Bucky living in New York and Tony in California. Despite Bucky's desire to see Tony in person and finally be able to touch him, run his fingers through Tony's hair, hold him and kiss him, he was scared.
Tony seemed to have resigned himself to waiting until Bucky was ready, he mentioned it casually on occasion but he never pressed the issue. Bucky was thankful for that but it didn't make it any easier for him. It wasn't just meeting Tony in person, thanks to Rhodey's assurance he wasn't scared of rejection anymore, ย not as much at least. He still hadn't told Tony and there was still the low-key fear hanging out in the back of his mind that once Tony saw him, he'd just laugh and throw the door in his face.
But more than that it was traveling that terrified him. In the last couple of years, he had barely left the apartment, let alone the city. He had relied on Steve to go grocery shopping and run errands, the only times he really went somewhere was when he had a doctor's appointment and even then Steve usually accompanied him.
The thought of traveling alone was terrifying.
Of course Tony had offered to visit Bucky, but that would have meant he had to reschedule meetings with game developers, charity live streams etc. Bucky didn't want Tony to go through that effort just for him.
But Tony was suffering, Bucky could tell.
"I wish you were here," Tony mumbled sleepily. They were doing their nightly video call and both had already settled into bed with their phones.
"Me too, babe," Bucky answered. "Me too. I'm sorry. I'm such a bad boyfriend. I should just get my shit together and - "
"Hey, no, don't beat yourself up over it, cupcake." Tony prompted himself up on his elbow and adjusted the phone. "I can understand, Rhodey doesn't like to travel either, it's a fucking nightmare for him."
Bucky nodded somberly, beating himself up over it nevertheless. He had never specified the reason why he didn't like to travel and yet Tony was so understanding without even knowing what it was all about.
Flying across the country wasn't fucking rocket science, thousands of people did it every day. It wasn't that big of a deal, but the thought of going through security alone, people patting him down, made Bucky nauseous.
"Hey, stop that."
Bucky looked up at the phone, Tony was so close to the camera the screen was only showing his eyes and nose. "Stop what?"
"You've got that look on your face that tells me you're worrying too much and I don't want you to break your brain over me, okay?" Tony moved the camera even closer so only his eye was on the screen. He tried to sound serious but failed miserably. Bucky had to laugh. Tony's antics never failed to bring him out of a depressive thought spiral. "And now show me your neck so I can pretend to nuzzle you."
Bucky happily obliged.
(More after the break!)
----
Over the next couple of days, Bucky made a decision. He would face his fears and fly to California and he wanted to make it a surprise for Tony.
He talked to Rhodey who was fully supportive of his idea, to figure out a good date and then booked a plane ticket. He tried to ignore how much he was shaking when he was clicking on the confirm button to finalize his travel plans.
Steve freaked out that evening which did nothing to calm Bucky's nerves. He would only be traveling in a few weeks but Steve was bouncing around the apartment and putting together a travel kit with Bucky's medication, figuring out which bag to take so that it was allowed as carry-on and so on and so forth. When Steve asked him if he had all the necessary vaccines Bucky had to put a stop to it.
"It's fucking Malibu, Steve, not Malaysia."
"Oh."
Something good came from Steve's overzealousness, however, Bucky started to pack early. He kept the half-packed bag next to his desk and added stuff now and then. Preparing everything for his trip over the course of a couple of weeks helped Bucky keep his cool about it and when the day came he was ready. He had debated whether or not to take his prosthesis, it would make people stare less but it would also make the security check immensely more complicated. Bucky rarely used it at home because it was useless for gaming and a hassle to put on just for one or two things and he had Steve for that after all. So he had decided to leave the prosthesis at home in favor of a hopefully smoother travel.
Keeping the whole thing a secret from Tony had been difficult because despite Bucky's best efforts to appear casual he couldn't quite hide his giddiness and Tony was just too fucking smart. He definitely knew something was up but Bucky was pretty certain he didn't know what exactly and he had sworn Rhodey to secrecy.
The worst part was that Bucky had to keep up the facade while traveling as they rarely stopped texting each other these days.
When the day came and Steve drove Bucky to the airport Bucky didn't know whether he was more nervous about actually traveling for the first time in years or meeting Tony in just a few hours. He had barely slept that night and he had to fight the urge to run straight out of the airport when he saw the number of people there, but he pushed through and got in line at the check-in. He distracted himself by texting Tony sweet nothings and looking at cat memes on his phone. The security check was less of a hassle than he had anticipated and a nice security lady helped him pack his laptop again and before he even knew it he was sitting in the plane and was off to California.
After landing at LAX Bucky quickly spotted the person Rhodey had sent to pick him up. A middle-aged man who went by the name Happy and politely led him to a fancy car Bucky remembered from one of Tony's vlogs.
"Tony doesn't know I'm coming, right?" Bucky asked after he had settled into the comfortable back seat of the car. Now that the anxiety from the flight had left him his nerves were all Tony related.
"Not as far as I know, he has a stream today and should be finished when we arrive." Happy replied.
"I am fucking nervous," Bucky mumbled and watched the Californian landscape pass by his window. The trip from the airport to Tony's house took about 40 minutes but within this time his nerves had multiplied tenfold and he was shaking when he got out of the car and walked towards the front door. This was the moment, there was no going back now. He dropped his bag on the ground before he rang the bell, he wanted to have his hand free.
Bucky didn't hear the doorbell but he suddenly heard yelling behind the door.
"Someone get the door!" That was definitely Tony.
"No, you get it!" Rhodey yelled back and then there was some cursing and footsteps and then the door opened and Tony stood before him.
"Hey, Tony," Bucky said unoriginally and waved a little awkwardly.
"Bucky..." Tony checked Bucky out with wide eyes, letting his gaze run over his body from his head to his feet and then back up. Bucky noticed how his eyes only minutely lingered on his empty left sleeve and then he suddenly had Tony clinging to him, squeezing him tightly and he automatically put his arm around the other and held him close.
"You're here! You're really here!" Tony mumbled almost unintelligibly
Tony was smaller than he had thought and the top of Tony's head just reached past Bucky's chin and the way Tony nuzzled against Bucky's chest meant he could rest his chin on top of Tony's hair.
"Yes, I'm here. Tony."
They stood there for a long time, Bucky felt Tony shake against his chest, slowly hiccuping a few sobs, always mumbling how he couldn't believe it.
Eventually, Tony let go and stepped back, but kept his hands on Bucky, one resting on Bucky's right arm, the other against his left side.
"I am so happy to finally see you. I... I don't know what to say." Tony was still trembling.
Bucky stepped forward, all nervousness forgotten and cupped Tony's face and leaned down. "Don't say anything, babe." He whispered before he pressed his lips to Tony's and gently kissed him. Tony responded immediately and grabbed onto Bucky's jacket pulling him closer. Bucky thrust his hand up into Tony's hair and holding him tight. They kissed for an eternity, trying to make up for the lost time.
"Gross, get a room you two." Someone suddenly said behind Tony and that finally made them break their kiss. Bucky looked up to see Rhodey in the hallway, sitting in a wheelchair and suddenly everything made a bit more sense to him.
Tony turned around and wrapped his arm around Bucky's waist, pressing himself against Bucky's left side, resting his head on his shoulder and almost giving Bucky a heart attack with this simple gesture alone. "Rhodey, this is Bucky, Bucky, Rhodey, my best friend."
Rhodey nodded to Bucky. "How was your flight?"
"Good, uneventful, thankfully." Bucky grinned, his face still flushed from the kissing.
"Wait, you knew about this?" Tony suddenly asked gesturing between Bucky and Rhodey.
"It was his idea. I just helped with the planning." Rhodey shrugged and turned his wheelchair around. "Now, do you want to stand in the doorway all day or do you want to come in?"
Tony laughed, picked up Bucky's bag with one hand and grabbed Bucky's hand with the other and dragged his boyfriend inside.
"Wait, Tony...", Bucky hesitated and held onto Tony's hand without moving. Tony turned to him, tilting his head questioningly.
"Yes?"
"You -...about my arm."
"Oh god, I am so sorry. Was I too forward? Fuck, I didn't know, I should have asked. Fuck, just tell me when I need to fuck off next time, I-"
Bucky stepped forward and brought their joined hands up to Tony's mouth. "I just wanted to know how you knew."
"Oh.." Tony blinked a couple of times. "I didn't... I mean, I kinda figured you had something going on with your left arm, but yeah... I figured you were going to tell me when you were ready."
Bucky cringed and looked away. "I was scared, didn't know how you would react. I'm sorry. I should have told you."
Tony dropped the bag and reached out, he gently turned Bucky's head towards him again. "No, you shouldn't have, but you need to tell me when something I do makes you uncomfortable, alright?"
Bucky nodded and smiled. "I don't think anything you could do would make me uncomfortable." He leaned down and stole a soft kiss, which Tony deepened without hesitation.
Somewhere in the house, they could hear Rhodey yelling.
"For fuck's sake's guys! GET A ROOM!"
-----
Three months later Tony was getting ready to start his usual stream only this time there was no docket, no games planned. Bucky was sitting next to him, a bundle of nerves. He had his blanket around his shoulders and was hacking away at his laptop.
"Are you ready?" Tony reached out and tickled Bucky just behind his ear. Bucky made a surprised noise.
"Gah, stop that." Bucky waved at Tony's hand.
"Are you ready, I asked." Tony continued to try and tickle him.
Bucky finally turned and caught Tony's hand in his. "And I said stop that." Bucky bit the tip of Tony's finger and made a nomming noise.
"You're not ready, are you?"
"How can I be ready? Your stream is viewed by 10.000 people. I am not ready. I'll never be ready."
"It's going to be alright, I won't tolerate any bullshit. My moderators are ready to block people who are going to be rude and we're just going to talk a few minutes, introducing you and then we'll play some Minecraft. Later Rhodey is going to join us for some Don't Starve Together. It's going to be fine, once we start playing nobody is going to mind."
Bucky intertwined their fingers and held Tony's hand tightly. "I hope you are right. I am still not sure about all of this. I mean... I'm fine just staying in the background, you know that."
Tony used his other hand to slide under Bucky's hair and pull him closer by his neck. "I know, but I want to show my amazing boyfriend to the world." He fell silent for a moment. "But if you really don't want to, I understand, we can cancel. I don't want to pressure you."
Bucky shook his head. "No, I'll do it. Only so the unsolicited advances towards you stop. People need to know you are taken." He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Tony's lips. "I'm ready."
Tony let go and turned to his computer and the webcam, making sure Bucky's left side was mostly off-screen. "Going live in a minute now. I'll let the intro run." He heard Bucky take a deep breath and then felt him sneak his hand into his, out of view of the camera.
The intro finished and the view of the webcam went live.
"Hello everybody. This is Iron Man with the Iron Man Live Show and today we have a very special guest. You might know him already, please be nice to him. This is Bucky, aka, The Winter Soldier. My boyfriend."
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The next weeks Bucky and Tony met regularly and played games together, in private, off their youtube channels. It was a nice change to recording games. There was no pressure to do everything right and be funny at the same time. It was care-free and they could talk about a lot of things besides games as well. Both Tony and Bucky had outed themselves on their youtube channels and that exposed both of them to some hatred online. They talked about their experience with past boyfriends and what they had done before they had started on youtube. Tony had been an engineer before and he still was to some point. He told Bucky about his plans to start a new series testing out gadgets and tech devices, most likely involving explosions in one way or another. It all sounded very interesting.
Eventually Tony brought up the subject of doing a series together.
"I don't want you to think that I wouldn't want to do a series with you, I really do, but I don't want to pressure you into that kind of exposure because I know it's not just all hunky-dory, so I want you to make the call." Tony had said one day and Bucky really had to think about that.
He wasn't sure if he really wanted to be put on the spot and exposed to potentially 7 million viewers. Bucky was very happy with the way his little community was growing and you really needed a thick skin if you did a collab with Tony because Tony's hardcore fans rarely liked a newcomer and were not afraid to show it. He would like to see his channel grow but was it worth the risk that someone found out his secret.
His secret, that was a whole different story, because he hadn't even told Tony about his missing arm.
"I'll think about it. I like what we got going right now, Tones." Bucky didn't say that he feared their relationship would change if they started doing videos together.
"Yeah, no problem. I know my fans can be difficult."
(More after the break!)
---
It was a few weeks later when Tony was preparing to leave for PAX. The gaming convention was a regular thing for Tony and he always had large meet-ups with fans and was invited to speak on several panels for new games.
Bucky, on the other hand, had only ever seen a convention via the live feed and he didn't want to change that any time soon.
"You could come with me, you know? You could stay backstage if the exposure is not your thing, I'm sure I can get you a pass, they always give me some."
"Nah, It's too far away for my taste and too many people."
"Okay, I can understand." Tony had sounded disappointed at Bucky's refusal to come, had even offered to pay for the flight to Boston and accommodations, but Bucky had made up excuses that he couldn't come. Tony's desire to meet him had become clear to Bucky for some time now. Their friendship had evolved over the months, seeing as their relationship had started with both of them admitting they thought the other was cute there had been a certain vibe of something more since the beginning but it had become clear now. They were talking more and more outside of playing games, leaving each other messages on discord for when the other was offline.
They exchanged phone numbers at last, so far they had always been on their computers when they talked to each other, but now that Tony would be away for a while it had become necessary. Bucky hadn't thought about it much, it was just another way to message each other, but he was soon shown otherwise when Tony started to message him pictures of himself making funny faces when he was waiting backstage and bored.
"Even mining cobblestone for 5 hours wouldn't be as boring as waiting for them to set up the stage. You'd think they knew what they were doing." Tony wrote him on the day the panel with him and a few other YouTubers with a high sub count was being held. Bucky was sitting in front of his PC watching the live stream. It was currently displaying a message about technical difficulties.
"If only they'd let me help. I could figure it out." Tony wrote and Bucky could imagine the cute pout on his face.
"I'm sure you could," Bucky answered with obvious sarcasm.
"Hey, I totally could. I've got a Ph.D. in engineering."
"You what? O_O" Bucky almost dropped his phone.
"Yeah, I studied at MIT. Did I never tell you?"
"Nooooooooo! I mean... I knew you were smart but not that you were an actual genius." Bucky couldn't believe it.
"Got the paper to prove it an all. Oh, I gotta go, they finally figured it out."
That was the last message before the panel went live and Bucky could watch Tony answer questions about games and youtube. The fact that Tony was an actual genius never left him that day.
Tony sent him more and more selfies and photos of his day and Bucky had to grin at every single one of them. Tony was hilarious and extremely handsome. Of course, Bucky knew what Tony looked like but seeing Tony so carefree and private was something different and to know that these pictures were just for him. It made Bucky's heart beat a little faster and Steve occasionally caught him staring at his phone for minutes on end grinning from ear to ear.
"You're crushing so hard, Buck," Steve said one day when Bucky was lying on the couch scrolling through all the pics Tony had sent him.
"I'm not, I just like the guy, that's all," Bucky said and when Steve didn't answer with a snarky comment again Bucky looked up.
Steve was smiling at him, not that shit-eating grin when he wanted to make fun of Bucky but a fond smile that made Bucky pause for a moment.
"I'm happy for you, you know," Steve said. "After all you've been through. I'm happy that you found someone again."
Bucky had had a few relationships in the past and none of them had been particularly bad, but after he lost his arm he had never gone back to dating or meeting people in general. He had lost his confidence, didn't see himself as attractive anymore and so he had holed up in his room most of the time. It had only been a year or so ago that he had found the courage to be more open again. He had started using a webcam for his videos and had joined Steve on outings on occasion. Still, he had never thought about dating again. The thing with Tony, however, it had grown into something more than friendship without him even realizing what was happening.
It hit Bucky like a fist in the stomach. He had fallen in love.
With Tony.
He swallowed hard and buried himself deeper into his blanket. "He found me if anything..." Bucky mumbled and then gasped and dropped his phone when Steve hugged him without warning.
---
Bucky woke up at 3 am to his phone furiously beeping. It could only mean one thing.
Tony.
Already smiling Bucky reached for his phone and found that he had several messages from the other. Excitedly he opened them up and was surprised to not only find a few messages but also a rather large video file.
"Bucky"
"Bucko"
"Buckaroooooo"
"I hav to tel u somthin"
"Fuk, why is the"
"screen so fuzzy?"
Bucky chuckled. It looked like Tony had been out partying and was now drunk messaging him. He wondered what kind of shenanigans Tony got up to this time and clicked on the video.
The video was shaky and it looked like Tony was sitting in his bed, hair a complete mess and his eyes bloodshot.
"Bucky," he slurred, definitely drunk, "Buckaroo, Buckster, Sunshine. I have to tell you something." His tone was serious unlike the other drunk messages Bucky had received and a dreaded feeling came over him.
"I hope you're not mad at me. " Tony grabbed for a pillow with his free hand and hugged it to his chest. "I did something. I am drunk, as you see, but that is not the thing I did. It is /a/ thing I did but it's not /the/ thing I did." Tony shook his head and needed a moment to focus on the camera again. "I hope I don't regret this because I really like you. Like really really like you and that...that's the problem." Tony ran his hand through his hair, disheveling it even more and Bucky started to worry even more. He had a feeling Tony was going to cut off all contact between them, that Bucky was just not good enough. Tony certainly had more important things to do than hang out with Bucky late at night.
"Bucky." Tony's stern tone of voice made Bucky focus back on the video.
Tony had brought the camera close to his face and was staring right at it.
"I love you."
Bucky threw the phone across the bed like it had just bitten him. Surely he hadn't heard that right. Bucky stared into the darkness, the phone had landed screen first on the end of the bed and he could still hear Tony's muffled voice coming from it. It had to be a joke, Tony was drunk, that had to be it.
With a racing heart, Bucky crawled to the end of the bed and picked up his phone again. The video had stopped.
Slowly Bucky sat back down again, pulling the covers around himself and then played the video again and this time he kept watching after Tony had said the words.
"I said it. I said it. Yes. Bucky, I love you. I've been crushing on you so hard ever since I saw your first video and then I contacted you and then you turn out to be this amazing person and I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. You probably don't need someone like me in your life, but I couldn't stop myself. The way you smile, the way you laugh. You're such a wonderful person and you put up with me of all people when I'm such an obnoxious douchebag. I'm an arrogant asshole. If you looked up narcissistic Youtuber on urban dictionary there'd be a reference to me." Tony had worked himself up into a full-blown rant, about himself. Bucky could hardly listen let alone watch how self-deprecating Tony was behaving. It made no sense to him.
How could Tony even think that Bucky wouldn't want him?
Eventually Tony ran out of steam and he hid his face in the pillow.
"Please don't be mad at me, Bucky. " Tony mumbled, barely audible and then the video ended. Bucky sat in silence, stunned and confused. He had never dared to hope that Tony reciprocate his feelings and now Tony had been the one to confess his feelings to him and he even felt bad about it.
Bucky was still thinking about what to write Tony back to assure him that no Bucky he wasn't mad, quite the contrary when his phone rang with the call from an unknown number. Thinking it might be Tony Bucky answered without hesitation.
"Tony?" He asked hopefully.
"Sorry to disappoint you but this is Rhodey, Tony's friend. You might know me as Warmachine."
Bucky frowned, he had never talked with Rhodey before but Tony had talked plenty about his best friend. "I know who you are. Is Tony alright? Has something happened?"
"Tony's fine. He's passed out after he sent you that video, that I only got to see the end of. Live and in color. That's why I wanted to talk to you." Rhodey sounded serious and Bucky's heart sunk.
"I'm not gonna use the video to black mail him or anything."
"Didn't see you as the type to do that but I appreciate it, but that's not what I was worried about." Rhodey paused for a moment and sighed. "Could you let him down gently? When you tell him you're not interested? Make it a bit easier for him?"
"Hold on." Bucky sat up straighter. "Why would I do that?"
Another sigh on Rhodey's end. "I didn't want to go into details but Tony's had some not so nice relationships and he doesn't take it easy when he's rejected, so maybe tell him you're seeing someone else - "
"No, I mean, why would I tell him I'm not interested?" Bucky asked thoroughly confused.
Rhodey sounded as confused as Bucky felt. "Because you're not? Or.... are you?"
"I- ", Bucky was suddenly put on the spot and didn't know how to formulate his feelings. "I think I am? I don't know. I always thought he couldn't be interested in someone like me and I never thought anything would come of it." Bucky confessed, trying not to think about that he was talking to a stranger, a stranger that was Tony's best friend. But from what he knew about Rhodey from his videos and Tony's stories he seemed like a guy you could trust and so it just came spilling out of Bucky. "I'm a fucking nobody next to Tony that he even talks to me is a miracle in my eyes and I like him. I like him a lot and I didn't want to ruin our friendship because I suddenly developed feelings. And I haven't told him a few things about me. Important things that he should know before... you know."
Rhodey suddenly chuckled, a soft laugh with no malice. "You two are something. Tony told me the exact same thing, that he didn't want to ruin your friendship, yadda yadda and that you wouldn't want him if you knew about his past relationships."
"But I know about his relationships..." Bucky said.
"Yeah, he probably told you everything was fine and mutual."
"Oh," Bucky said intelligently, suddenly realizing what that meant. A long silence followed afterward before Rhodey was the first to speak.
"And what about you, what is your secret, huh?"
"I...," Bucky hesitated, was he really going to tell Rhodey what he hadn't even dared to tell Tony?
"You don't have to tell me, but just so you know, there is very little that could make Tony turn away from someone he really cares about. He's not shallow, contrary to popular belief. So whatever it is, I think you can stop worrying." Rhodey assured him
"I'm disabled." Bucky blurted out and was surprised at himself. That was probably the first time ever he had said it out loud. He heard Rhodey laugh and Bucky felt like throwing up. It had been a mistake. His thoughts were going haywire about possible consequences, he was screwed, absolutely screwed, he'd have to break off any contact-
"Hey, don't worry about that, okay?" Rhodey said and brought Bucky's racing thoughts to an abrupt stop. "I can assure you Tony's not an abelist asshole if that's what you're scared off. He knows how to deal with it."
"Okay." Bucky managed to say after taking a deep breath.
"I'm gonna go and tuck Tony into bed now, maybe you can write him a nice message so he doesn't freak out in the morning because I'm sure he will."
"Yeah, sure. I wanted to do that anyway." Bucky leaned back in bed, suddenly feeling like a weight had lifted off his shoulders that he hadn't even known he was carrying.
"And Bucky?"
"Yes?"
"You're all he ever talks about and I haven't seen him this happy in years, so...." Rhodey trailed off, leaving Bucky to figure out the rest.
"Is this the shovel talk?" Bucky grinned, Rhodey was clearly joking.
"I used to be US Airforce, just so you know," Rhodey said in all faux seriousness.
Bucky snorted. "So what, I was in the army, I can take ya."
"Treat my boy right and you don't have to." With that Rhodey hung up and Bucky fell sideways into his pillows completely exhausted, but wide awake. He spent a long time thinking about what he wanted to write back to Tony. He finally settled on a heart smiley followed by a simple: "I love you, too, Tony." And after a few minutes, he added a few more lines explaining that he had been scared to tell him too and what two fools they were by not realizing sooner.
Bucky lied awake after that, phone clutched in his hand, thinking about what that meant for them because if they were to take it to the next level Bucky would no longer be able to hide behind his PC and weasel out of meeting Tony and he didn't really want to now anyway. If Rhodey was to be believed and Bucky trusted him because Tony trusted him then there was nothing to worry about.
He spent the next hours looking up flights to California until Tony started to send him a barrage of messages with how, what, why and a bunch of question marks. Bucky suggested they take it to Discord and talk there. Tony couldn't stop asking questions, Bucky got the feeling that he wasn't quite sober yet from the way he slurred his words but he managed to convince Tony that yes, he meant what he had said. Eventually Tony started to make all sorts of adorable noises.
"So does that mean we're boyfriend and boyfriend now?" Tony cooed into the microphone for probably the 6th time in the past 20 minutes.
Bucky laughed and wiped the wetness from his eyes. "Yes, that's what it means." He explained patiently. Tony was so adorable but that he felt that it was necessary to ask over and over again that this was real and that it was really happening, made Bucky ache for him. Rhodey had hinted at it earlier and that made Bucky not only sad but also angry. He was mad at Tony's exes for installing such a fear of abandonment in him, that he couldn't believe Bucky even after assuring him over and over again.
It also made Bucky worry, that he might not be enough for Tony, that he wasn't able to give Tony what he needed and he would end up just like his previous relationships and leave Tony. It terrified him.
A knock on Bucky's door brought him out of it. Tony was hiccuping softly into his ears.
"Bucky?" Steve asked from behind the door. "Have you been up all night?"
"Who's that?" Tony slurred.
"That's my flatmate, Steve, told you he's a pain in the ass sometimes," Bucky explained.
"I heard that!" Steve yelled. "And all I'm asking is that you keep it down! I've been hearing you chitchat all night!"
"Well, excuse me. I've been talking to my boyfriend, didn't know that was a crime!" Bucky yelled back and then the door burst open.
"Boyfriend?" Steve stared at him with wide eyes. "When did that happen?"
Bucky checked the clock. "About 22 minutes ago." He said, grinning smugly.
"Tony?" Steve asked, searching Bucky's monitors for a clue and when Bucky nodded Steve tackled him in his chair with no regards to any recording equipment still attached to Bucky. They both tumbled to the floor, Steve enveloping Bucky in a bear hug and squeezed him tightly. "I am so happy for you!"
Bucky struggled to breathe under Steve's crushing weight and tried to get his arm free. He was worried that Tony might get the wrong impression. Finally, he managed to get his hand free and hit Steve in the shoulder, who finally let go. He hurried back to the computer and put his headphones back on.
"Tony, you still there?" The line seemed dead and Bucky quickly checked if the call was still connected. It was and then after listening closely, he could hear Tony softly breathing. Tony had fallen asleep.
"I hate you." Bucky punched Steve in the shoulder a few times for good measures because the guy was grinning smugly at him.
Bucky is a janitor working at MIT, he finds Tony holed up in the lab, sick.
Night shift (1 of 2)
Bucky didn't hate his job. There were just a few things that really annoyed him. Like when he had to take over a shift from his colleague unexpectedly and therefore stay longer than usual to clean out the trash cans in the laboratories. At least the labs were almost deserted this late, but unsurprisingly even the brightest of students still made a mess and how they weren't able to put their trash into the trash can instead of right next to it surprised Bucky time and time again. Unsurprising was also the huge amount of beer cans hidden behind a staircase like nobody would find them there. Yeah right, somebody had to pick them up one by one and clean the spilled beer off the floor. Why couldn't they party outside then at least Bucky wouldn't have to scrub the floor.
Bucky was almost done with his round and he only had a few trash cans to empty in the engineering department, which had one advantage that he didn't have the risk of finding some hazardous material in the bins like in the bio or chem departments. ย He was ready to call it a day and get home, take off his prosthesis, rub his sore muscles and relax with his cat but apparently his prosthetic arm had other thoughts and decided to clock out early with an unpleasant crack and a clank and then a tiny plink as a screw dropped out of Bucky's sleeve and onto the floor right before the trash can he had been in the process of emptying into his cart followed suit.
His left arm was dangling awkwardly from the elbow joint and Bucky cursed. It wasn't the first time this had happened, he knew that particular screw became loose after a long day at work but he usually tightened it after the work at home and everything was fine. The extra work must have messed it up more than he thought and now the screw was lost under a pile of soda cans, abandoned term paper drafts and granola bar wrappers. And right at the end of his workday too. This was not Bucky's day.
(Watch out for the break!)
After a thorough dig through the trash Bucky found the tiny screw but he soon realized he couldn't do anything with it because he didn't have any tools with him, which he usually kept in his cart, but since this was his colleague's section of campus this was also not his cart and of course his backpack where he kept a small multitool was in the janitors' office in his locker, which was all the way across campus.
There had to be another way. Bucky searched the cart he had but came up with nothing except grease and gunk from spillovers, expected from a cart for trash collecting. Bucky wiped his hand and sat down on the floor and pulled his malfunctioning arm into his lap. He mentally already prepared himself for the walk back to the office. It would add another half an hour to his shift at least and that didn't include tidying the mess he had made spilling the trash and then rummaging through it.
Except he was in the damn engineering department of the best university in the whole country, he'd be damned if he couldn't find a fucking screwdriver around here. He had the keys to all the labs after all and so Bucky got up, tugged his unresponsive left hand into his jacket pocket and started to look around. A few students were still running experiments here and there and he didn't want to bother them, most of them weren't too fond of the cleaning staff and had no hesitation to show it. Bucky looked for an empty lab and soon found one that was dark and deserted. To his surprise, it was unlocked but that wasn't too uncommon, it's the students' problem if their research or experiments get stolen by their classmates, not Bucky's.
He didn't bother turning on the lights, the dim lights from various apparatuses and the monitors that had been left on was enough to guide him around and he really just wanted to find a toolbox and take it with him so he could fix his arm in peace, he didn't want to get caught tinkering in the lab.
A noise made him perk up from where he had been looking through the lower shelves of some cupboards, he had thought he was alone in the lab but that had suspiciously sounded like...sniffling. He got up and walked around the lab tables and sure enough hidden behind some futuristic looking contraption was a student sleeping on his laptop surrounded by energy drink cans both empty and full. Now that Bucky got closer he could clearly hear the soft coughs the other made in his sleep.
A peak on the screen confirmed Bucky's guess that the guy wanted to pull an all-nighter to finish a paper. The title read "Using deep neural networks and sparse autoencoders for high-level feature generation in artificial intelligence" and he had been typing "ffffffff" with his left ear for 159 pages.
Bucky gently nudged his shoulder.
The guy startled awake, leaving a "fffffgjhkkkkkk" on the screen and a very visible keyboard imprint on his cheek before he doubled over into a violent coughing fit.
"Woah, there." Bucky rubbed his back and after several long minutes the coughing turned into wheezing and the guy was able to compose himself, grab an open energy drink and down it in one go after which he took a few long-ish breaths and finally looked up. ย He first noticed his messed up document and cursed, then he noticed Bucky standing next to him.
"I'm allowed to be here." He coughed again and a shiver ran through his body. "You can't throw me out, no matter how good looking you are."
"Not really concerned whether you're allowed in here or not, buddy. You look like death warmed over, that's what concerns me." It was true, the guy looked horrible. His skin was paler than it should have been in the blue lighting from the laptop screen and he had deep circle under his eyes, his hair was a mess and he looked like he was going to cough his lungs out again any second. Bucky had also felt how hot the guy was when he had touched his back, he was definitely feverish. "You should be in bed with some Nyquil."
The guy waved at him and turned to his laptop. "'M fine. I need to finish the paper." He moved to open up another can of energy drink but he seemed he had neither the fine motor control nor the strength to do so. "Fuck." He dropped the can on the table and it rolled away knocking over other cans until it came to a rest against a pile of books.
"I came in here looking for something but I'm not going to leave you in that state," Bucky said. "Let me make you a tea or something, I know you folks always got a water kettle hidden somewhere, you always do."
The other swayed slightly, his eyes focusing and unfocusing on the screen in front of him, then he nodded. "Coffee."
Bucky rolled his eyes. At least it was a warm beverage. "Where?" He asked and then went to the corner of the lab the guy nodded towards. The water kettle definitely looked like it had been tampered with and Bucky hoped it wouldn't explode as he set it up. He looked through the cupboard and found several open packages of instant coffee powder as well as a sizeable stash of cup noodles. He prepared both which was tedious with only one hand available and it also meant he had to walk twice after he had finished both the coffee and the cup noodles but the guy looked grateful when he set both in front of him.
"Thanks." He mumbled as he drew in a long waft of coffee aroma, both hands around the mug. "Are you a student here too? Can't be, I'd remember someone as hot as you." The guy asked and Bucky had a to laugh a little.
"Do I look like a student?" He gestured to himself and the other concentrated really hard for a moment before he recognized the janitor uniform Bucky was wearing and with some effort, he squinted at his name tag.
"J. Barnes. So, Mr. Barnes, you don't look like the grumpy guy that usually mopes around here and tries to kick us out?"
Bucky groaned. "Please, I'm Bucky. I'm not old enough to be Mr.ed by college students. I took over a shift from a colleague. Anyway, I'll leave you to your paper, but please don't kill yourself with those energy drinks. I'm not paid enough to clean up a dead body."
Bucky turned to leave, he would need to find a toolkit elsewhere or just swallow the bitter pill and walk to the office, he already wasted a lot of time anyway it mattered little if he wasted more.
"I'm Tony." The student behind him suddenly said. "Maybe I can help you."
Bucky stopped and turned around. "Help with what?"
"You were looking for something." Tony wrapped his arms around himself and sneezed. "And if my deductions are right, there is something wrong with your prosthesis."
Bucky's mouth dropped open for a moment before he composed himself again. "How did you know?"
Tony shrugged, then grinned. "There was talk going around that one of the janitors not only looked incredibly hot but also had a bad-ass metal arm, a Hammer prototype as the rumors go, and you haven't used your left arm at all while preparing the coffee and cup noodles, thanks again by the way. So..." He trailed off and then gestured between them when Bucky didn't say anything. "Engineering problem," he pointed to Bucky, "genius engineering student." He gestured to all of himself. "Come on, get out of that jacket and show me."
Bucky was still too perplexed to say anything.
"I promise I won't steal any tech secrets in case you had to sign an NDA or something, not that Hammer has anything worthwhile to steal." Tony laughed.
Bucky couldn't believe his luck, this guy really was something and so he shrugged out of his jacket and fumbled it off his useless left arm. "Alright, I lost this screw earlier when I lifted a trash can and then my arm just collapsed and let's just say it wasn't a pretty sight and I have to do some additional overtime on top of the stuff I'm already dealing with." Bucky pulled out the tiny screw from his pocket and put it on the table. Tony pushed his books and the laptop aside, causing a bunch of empty cans to tumble to the ground which he didn't seem to care about. He blew his nose and motioned for Bucky to come closer.
"There's gotta be a chair around here, you don't need to stand around."
Bucky settled on one of the other chairs and placed his arm on the desk in front of Tony. "You know if you just give me a screwdriver I can do this myself. I did it a few times already, that thing just comes lose all the time."
"Oh, a recurring problem, interesting. Did you report that?" ย Under a few coughs, Tony rolled his chair around and collected a small case from the table that has the futuristic looking apparatus on it.
"Do you know how hard it is to get decent customer support these days? Also, I want to keep the arm and I kinda have a feeling that if I tell them it keeps falling apart on me they will find a new person missing a left arm and give it to them instead."
"Ah... seems like a Hammer thing to do." Tony opened up the case and pulled out a few tiny tools, much more delicate than what Bucky used to use.
"You seem to know a lot about Hammer Industries."
Still sniffling Tony started running his fingers up and down the metal plates on the arm. "Comes with the business... engineering and stuff."
"The screw goes in here." Bucky pointed to the tiny hole at his elbow.
"Yeah I know, but that won't fix your problem of it coming lose all the time now will it?"
Bucky looked flabbergasted and Tony. "You want to repair the whole thing? Can you do that?"
"Can I? Of course, I caaaa- ahchoo" Tony sneezed violently but had the decency to move his face into the crook of his elbow. "That is if I don't die first. Man, this flue is killing me."
"You need to get into bed ASAP."
"Yeah yeah, after this and then the paper and then I need to work on the semester project and then maybe." Tony took one of the tools and inserted it in between the plating and wriggled it around. Bucky got a little scared, but Tony looked like he knew what he was doing.
The metal plate suddenly popped open and Bucky blanched. "Is that supposed to happen?"
"Yep, perfectly normal. It's an access hatch." Tony used a small flashlight to have a better look and poked around in the innards of the arm with a little brush. "You got some gunk in there, aren't you cleaning this regularly?"
"Uh.."
"I guess not. I'll do some rudimentary cleaning but I think you might have to come back so I can get everything polished and oiled. Didn't you notice some other malfunctions? Like loss of motor control?"
Bucky thought about it for a moment. "I guess hand movements get a bit janky sometimes, but I could deal with it. What do you mean I have to come back?"
Tony shrugged. "Can't spend 3 hours doing maintenance when I have to work on a paper too. Okay, see, here's the problem." Tony shone the light into the inner elbow and Bucky had to squint a little to see what he meant. There was a tiny nut stuck in between two cables.
"That's what's supposed to hold the screw." Tony picked it up with a pair of tweezers and then wriggled it into the innards of the elbow, with his other hand he replaced the screw. "That should hold it for longer than a day, but it's still not ideal if it came off once it's going to come off again. This is a fundamental flaw in the design, who allowed this to be tested on humans. It could have caused a lot more damage than just some scattered trash. Imagine if you were carrying something more valuable." Tony huffed. "Incompetent fumblers, all of them."
Without a problem Tony replaced the plate he had removed and Bucky was able to move his arm again. He tested the elbow joint a few times and opened and closed his hand too, everything felt a lot smoother all of a sudden. He hadn't even noticed that the arm was getting less responsive over time, he had just gotten used to it.
"Amazing, I don't know how to thank you." Bucky could hug the guy. He had saved him so much trouble by fixing his arm, but Tony waved him off.
"It was nothing and you already did enough for me." Tony put his tools away and started to devour the almost forgotten cup noodles, which even from Bucky's point of view looked extremely mushy. "I meant it though," Tony said in between slurps and sniffling, "you can come back anytime. I'm here almost every day or night, depending on your perspective." He turned to his laptop and started holding down backspace. "And I'll probably be here all night tonight." He signed and then started coughing again.
Bucky frowned, Tony was sick and he had really come to like the guy and cared for him. "Do you need to finish the paper tonight?"
Tony nodded then rolled his eyes backward and made a grimace before sneezing violently and this time he wasn't so smart to cover his nose and he sneezed right onto the screen of his laptop. Both men made a disgusted noise at the sight.
"I guess I could write an email and ask for a few days more, the professor likes me I think, likes my genius in any case." Tony sniffled pitifully and turned to Bucky, his eyes were watery from all the sneezing and coughing. "You think I should do that?"
"Yes! You probably should have done that hours ago." Bucky said adamantly, but Tony managed a small smile.
"But then you wouldn't have met me." He wriggled his eyebrows in what probably should have been a seductive fashionif it hadn't been interrupted by another sneeze. "You want to know what I'm working on down here, Chappie?"
Bucky didn't know what that had anything to do with it but he was curious what Tony was doing down here. "Yeah, sure, if you write that email after that. Kinda don't want to lose my new-found mechanic to the common cold." Bucky scooted a little closer, assuming Tony wanted to show him something on his laptop. "I'm not that smart though, so maybe you need to dumb it down."
Tony just grinned and pressed a few buttons and a small application popped up with the letters J.A.R.V.I.S in white written over a dark blue background, the icon underneath reminded Bucky of HAL9000 only the "eye" was a swirl of blue instead of menacing red.
"Jarvis?" Tony said.
"Yes, Sir?" A distinctively British voice answered from the laptop. Bucky's eyes went wide.
"Please write an email to Professor Stane explaining to him why I need a few more days to finish the paper for his class. Choose an apologetic tone."
"Of course, Sir, how many details do you want me to include?" The voice asked confidently.
"Nothing embarrassing."
"I will not include your close call with death then."
Tony rolled his eyes. "He's so sassy," he whispered to Bucky.
"I have composed a message to Professor Stane, Sir."
"Display it." The email program opened up and showed the formulated message, Bucky was impressed, it already had the address filled out and when he quickly read it he found it included all formalities. He hadn't expected that. He really hadn't known what to expect.
Tony read through the email as well and with a 'Send it' command it disappeared and the email program closed on its own. The whole progress only took a few seconds and Tony hadn't touched the keyboard once.
"Jarvis is an AI I developed. He's going to help me with research and taking over some boring tasks like scheduling or writing emails." Tony gestured to the computer. "What do you think?"
"Holy shit, that was amazing. He's like a real person!" Bucky was really impressed. "I mean, I know about Siri and Alexa but that's a whole step above that."
Tony tsked. "Forget these amateur AI's. I am aiming to have a real personal assistant who thinks independently and actually does work for me. With those others, you need to spend more time on maintenance than you actually save by using them." He shrugged and closed the document with his paper, then shut his laptop down and yawned. "I guess I'm done for tonight."
That reminded Bucky of his own night which wasn't going to come to an end until he cleaned up the mess outside and he groaned "I still have to work to do." He got up and pulled his jacket back on. "I better get going, I hope you get home alright and get better soon. Thanks again for fixing my arm."
"Hey, no problem, it was my pleasure, it's not every day I get to work on a prosthesis prototype." Tony flashed him a dazzling grin, he had relaxed now that the pressure of finishing a paper was gone. Bucky hadn't noticed how handsome the guy was and yeah, maybe he was going to come back not only for some additional maintenance on the arm. He really liked the guy.
They said their good-byes and Bucky returned to the pile of trash in the hallway which unsurprisingly hadn't changed at all, but Bucky finished the work quickly with two arms available and was able to call it a day, or a night rather, after half an hour and go home.
A few days after Tony walked in on Bucky having a bandage change Bucky was allowed to leave and go back to his own room, he had to come back to the medical wing every day for a checkup and he had to keep the IV for his pain medication, because the cocktail of painkillers they used didn't come in pill form. But other than that he was free to do whatever he wanted, except go on mission or train.
Tony almost missed the moment if JARVIS hadn't told him very pointedly to stop working and go back to their shared bedroom and prepare for Bucky's return.
Thankfully JARVIS had ordered the chocolates, massage oil and a nice comfy sweater that was extremely fluffy on the inside and had a grumpy cat picture on the front and Tony just had to unpack and drape himself across in just his underwear and that red robe that Bucky loved so much. He was very excited when he heard Bucky being welcomed by the other team members outside like he had been gone for a month and hadn't just been a few floors below them. He couldn't blame them, he felt the same way although for him Bucky had been a few floors above as Tony had spent most of the time in the lab and had even slept there most days.
"Welcome home, Sunshine!" Tony greeted the unsuspecting Bucky when he opened the door and was rewarded with a wonderful grin on Bucky's face.
"Hey, babe, I didn't think you would be here." Bucky dropped the small bag he was carrying next to the bed and toed off his shoes then sat down on the bed. He was wearing one of his comfy sweaters and had tugged the empty left sleeve into the front pocket so it wasn't dangling. After a moment of hesitation, he picked out one of the chocolates from the box that Tony had placed directly in front of him.
"Why wouldn't I be here?" Tony rolled onto his stomach and got on all fours. He stretched seductively and fished the massage oil from the dresser with two fingers, dangling it in front of Bucky. "I wanted to pamper you after your hospital stay and since you shouldn't do any /strenuous/ activities I thought I could give you a nice long massage so you can relax. What do you say?"
"Is that plum scented?"
"Of course. Only the best for my boyfriend. What do you say?" Tony rolled back onto his back, wiggling his body around, trying to entice Bucky.
Bucky looked away and stayed silent, he was hanging his head, his shoulders were hunched and Tony slowly started to realize that something was wrong.
"Bucky?" Tony said softly, he sat up again and scooted to the edge to sit next to him. He gently laid a hand on Bucky's back and felt how the other tensed immediately. It reminded Tony of the early days of their relationship when Bucky hadn't been used to human contact and had flinched away at every touch. "What's wrong? Are you hurting? Do you need anything?" Maybe he had been released from the hospital wing too early.
Bucky shook his head and hunched down even further, his right hand went up to his left shoulder. "You don't have to do this, Tony." He said almost inaudibly.
"Do what, Bucky?" Tony leaned closer, trying to get a look at Bucky's face.
"All of this, you don't have to pretend that you want me."
"What?" Tony was dumbfounded. "What do you mean? Of course, I still want you. What are you talking about?" Tony touched Bucky's shoulder carefully and tried to turn him towards him, reluctantly Bucky followed and glanced up. "Care to explain what is going on?"
Bucky shook his head.
"Please?" Tony begged, rubbing Bucky's shoulder and when Bucky didn't respond he trailed his hand down Bucky's arm and grabbed his hand in both of his, that made Bucky finally look up. His eyes were wet and he looked miserable.
"You love the arm." Bucky finally said and that didn't help Tony understand any further.
"And it's not attached to me anymore." He continued and slowly, very slowly it dawned on Tony what Bucky was getting at.
"You think the arm is the reason I love you?" Tony asked and he tried not to be mad, how could Bucky think that way?
Bucky nodded and looked away.
"No... no. Bucky, how can you think that? Is it because I spend so much time in the lab?"
Bucky nodded again, his face scrunched up in anguish and he pulled his hand away from Tony's to wipe his eyes. "I'm useless like this. I'm ugly, my shoulder is just a bunch of scars. You've got no reason to be with me anymore and you don't have to pretend that you love me. I'm useless... so fucking useless... I-"
Tony stopped Bucky short by pressing his lips to his. Bucky pulled back surprised, his eyes wide. "What..."
"Stop talking, Sunshine, I love you, arm or no arm, you are beautiful to me no matter what. The only reason I spent so much time in the lab was for you. I wanted to finish the arm so you could be happy again. I didn't want to see you suffer anymore, I didn't want you to be in pain, Bucky. I love you."
Bucky looked at him, his bottom lip trembling and tears falling from his eyes.
"Please, believe me, Bucky." Tony cupped Bucky's face and rubbed his thumb over his cheek. "Say something... please." He searched Bucky's face for anything that indicated that he did.
Bucky was frozen.
"Sunshine? Babe?"
Then Bucky closed his eyes and leaned forward, a sob wrecked his body and Tony opened his arms to hold him. Bucky grabbed for something to hold at Tony's chest and found the edge of the robe and dug his fingers in. His head came to a rest on Tony's shoulder.
"Shhh, Bucky, it's okay."
Bucky cried, rubbing his face against Tony's neck. "I thought...," he hiccupped. "I thought, you loved the arm...and now without it..." Another bout of hiccups interrupted him.
Tony stroked Bucky's hair with one hand and kept one hand on Bucky's back. The other man was trembling against him. "Is that why you sent me away during the bandage change that one time?"
Tony felt Bucky nod against his neck. "It's ugly and disgusting. I didn't want you to see... to see me like that."
"Oh Bucky, I never minded your scars, you know that, how often did I give you a massage when they were making you uncomfortable, or just because? I love every inch of you."
"I thought... because of the arm," Bucky mumbled. "I mean... when I thought back... I thought." He made a pitiful noise in the back of his throat and tried to ย "I am so sorry... I got it all wrong. I'm horrible."
Tony didn't know what to say. Had he really been that horrible that Bucky had thought he had only been with him because of the arm? He was close to crying himself now. How had his planned pamper-day for Bucky turned into this? He held Bucky tightly, trying not to break down himself, he felt horrible.
"Bucky?" Tony asked softly after the other had calmed down a little bit, he only got a soft hiccup as an answer and that was enough for now. "Please let me show you how much I love you."
Another hiccup and Bucky lifted his head a little bit. "What do you mean?"
"Let me give you a massage."
Bucky tensed again.
"Please Bucky, I don't mind your scars, not the old ones and not the new ones."
"You haven't seen what it looks like."
"I don't care, Sunshine, the scars are part of you and therefore I love them. It's that simple. Please, Bucky." Tony slowly pulled away and with one finger pushed Bucky's face upwards to look at him. He wanted that Bucky saw how serious he was, wanted to look Bucky in the eyes and know that he believed him.
Bucky needed a moment before he even looked up, his eyes were trained on something over Tony's shoulder and he still couldn't breathe regularly. A few hiccups came up now and then. "You want me to take off my sweater?" Finally, his eyes met Tony's.
Tony smiled and stroked Bucky's cheek. "That's generally how a massage goes."
Bucky nodded and swallowed, he looked back down. His hand was still tangled in the collar of Tony's robe and his thumb stroked the soft fabric while he thought it through.
"Take your time," Tony assured him.
Ever so slowly Bucky let go of Tony's robe and grabbed the hem of his sweater. He took several deep breaths before he pulled the fabric up and over his head. He wasn't wearing anything underneath and the mass of scar tissue on his shoulder came into view before he even had his head pulled through the collar, but Tony didn't focus on that. Instead, he slowly helped Bucky pull the sweater off his arm, gently ran his fingers over the skin of his arm and over his chest.
Bucky wasn't looking at him, he had turned his head to the side and his long hair was obscuring his face but he was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Tony pushed forward, he let one hand wander up to Bucky's neck, his fingertips just brushing against his jaw. His other hand ever so slowly followed the curve of his left collarbone, the tiny bit that was left of it, before it dipped into the hole that had been left by the arm. There was still some padding of gauze, secured with a few strips of medical tape, in the middle.
Bucky shuddered and made a soft keening noise when Tony touched the new scar tissue.
"Does it hurt?" Tony asked before he went any further. Hurting Bucky was the last thing Tony wanted.
Bucky shook his head.
"Can I take this off?" He let his fingers brush against the medical tape to show Bucky what he meant. "Or is it still open underneath?"
Bucky shook his head again and swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly. "It's just...for protection." He said slowly.
Tony started to peel the tape away, one strip after another, careful to not irritate the sensitive skin. Bucky's breathing calmed down somewhat, but he was still tense, every muscle rock hard under Tony's hands. "Shhh, Bucky, I am not going to hurt you." He stopped for a moment, just letting his hands rest on Bucky's skin, feeling Bucky's heart beat furiously. "It's okay. Come on...let's lie down."
Softly, ever so softly, Tony pushed Bucky back and Bucky offered no resistance. Together they fell back onto the soft covers, lying sideways on the bed. Tony got up on his elbow and brushed the hair out of Bucky's face, then slowly leaned down and kissed him, but he didn't stop there, he let his mouth trail down Bucky's chin, feeling the rough stubble there, down to Bucky's chest to the crevice between his pectoral muscles. He heard Bucky exhale loudly and felt him shudder under his lips. Tony moved on, pressing soft kisses to every spot he could find, he was slow and deliberate so that Bucky could stop him at any moment when it was too much for him but Bucky just lay there, unmoving except for his shuddered breathing. Tony's journey across Bucky's skin led him towards his damaged shoulder but he took a small detour to Bucky's left nipple, unscathed from HYDRA's butchery, but only barely. He gave it a few sensual kisses before moving back up. He didn't linger too long, he wanted this to be relaxing and comforting for Bucky, he was too vulnerable, too raw with emotions for Tony to feel comfortable inciting anything sexual.
Bucky's skin tasted mostly of disinfectant as Tony got closer to his shoulder, not surprising in the least and Tony didn't mind. He felt the texture change against his lips and was surprised how smooth the new scars were. He was glad he always kept his beard hair soft and pliable otherwise it would have been to scratchy for Bucky. He started with the old scars, the ones HYDRA had made, they were flatter and almost blended into the healthy skin but he could feel the difference with his lips and he pressed a kiss to every single one of them. Soon he came across a thicker, newer scar from an incision the surgeons had to make to peel back the skin from the metal underneath. There were several of them, surrounding Bucky's shoulder like rays of a sun. Tony knew there would be almost identical ones on Bucky's back as well.
Then when he was done trailing kisses along those came the big one, the hole where the arm used to be, the spot where Bucky's shoulder just stopped and dropped off. Tony didn't know how much feeling Bucky would have there, there were skin grafts and scars intersecting and crisscrossing everywhere, it was impossible to tell where one ended and another began. Nevertheless, it was beautiful to Tony and he worshipped every single one of them, one by one was covered in kisses and he took his time. Slowly he felt Bucky relax under his loving administration of kisses. His breathing evened out and Tony almost thought Bucky had fallen asleep but then he felt a hand steak under his robe and up his side. It made Tony halt is his efforts for a second.
"Don't stop," Bucky said quietly, his voice hoarse, and Tony didn't need to be told twice. He continued his advances, kissing Bucky's scars some more until he was certain he had covered every possible spot. Slowly he trailed his kissed back up over Bucky's shoulder and towards his neck. Bucky turned his head to the side giving Tony full access which Tony greedily used to peck every inch of skin from his collarbone to the sensitive area behind his ear. Bucky squirmed a little bit underneath Tony making a soft cooing noise, a certain sign that Tony was doing something right and Bucky was starting to enjoy himself.
When Tony moved back to Bucky's mouth Bucky responded in kind and reciprocate the kiss, his hand tangled in Tony's hair and held him still. He was so eager that Tony was gasping for air soon but barely had time to catch his breath before Bucky leaned in again to capture his mouth once more. Tony was lying flush against Bucky now, chest against chest, their legs tangled in their eagerness both of them not wanting to stop for long, just short breaths in between to get enough air to continue.
After an eternity they finally pulled away. Bucky's eyes were full of wonder and disbelief when he looked at Tony.
"Told you, I don't care," Tony said, grinning, feeling as flushed as Bucky looked. "How are you feeling?" He propped himself up on his elbows and brushed a few stray hairs away from Bucky's forehead.
"Better..." Bucky's hand was back at Tony's side, holding onto him. "Thank you, Tony, I'm sorry I was so ... - "
"Shhh." Before Bucky could say anything self-deprecating Tony put a finger to his mouth and stopped him. "It's alright." He cupped Bucky's cheek and rubbed his thumb over the coarse stubble there. "How about I give you that massage now?"
Bucky blinked, confused. "I thought...the kissing?"
Tony laughed and shook his head. "You can consider that the foreplay, now we come to the main event!"
They rearranged themselves on the bed so Bucky was propped up on several pillows. Then Tony grabbed the massage oil and went to work to show Bucky just how much he loved him.
