#jamesiesposts

The checkered flag waves. Fuck. You finished second behind Fernando, your rival, which means you lose the title.

Your engineer speaks to you, telling you how well you did, how hard you tried, but you barely take any of it in. A thanks leaves your lips before saying some positive words about the team, all while your thoughts race. 

Where did this go wrong? Will the chance of winning a championship ever occur again?

Before you know it you're parked in front of the P2 sign in the main straight. 

Interlagos had never been one of your favorite tracks, today's result having been your best at the track… but only due to the lucky safety car. 

Everything feels slow as you climb out of the car. Your number one mechanic, Kevin, is the first to greet you. He gives you a hug, pats your helmet and says a soft “it's okay”. 

The noise of the track is drowned out by the defeat you feel, your eyes lock on him. The driver in red, who just won his third title. You can't help but envy him.

You walk past the team mechanics and engineers, giving them high-fives and receiving more pats on your back and helmet. It doesn't feel the same as it usually would.

Next thing you know you're in the cooldown room, not interacting with the other drivers and they don't seem to mind your silence.

It's only on the podium when you break, you've had tears in your eyes almost the entire time, though when the Spanish anthem starts they finally spill out of your eyes. You dip your head down, not wanting to appear weak in front of the other drivers, least of all the cameras which are pointed directly at the podium.Your shoulders shake as tears spill down your face, you wipe them away.

The anthems finish playing, which means that you'll finally get your trophy for finishing second. You lift your trophy, trying not to break down again. You don't participate in spraying champagne, only taking a sip of your own and trying not to get too much of the champagne spray from the other drivers on you. After taking your sip you grab your trophy, trying to make a run off the podium only to be stopped by one of the officials who tells you you still have to do the interview on the podium.

“Please just let me go.” You beg the official as you wipe your teary eyes again. The official shakes her head, you sigh. It's then that you feel his eyes on you, and in that moment you're sure he knows how you feel. 

A sigh escapes your lips as you shuffle back, you put your champagne and trophy down on the podium before getting in it again to lose for the photographers with the other drivers.

The interview after the podium ceremony goes by quickly, you don't say a lot, even when asked, since you're still high in emotions. Through this all you feel his eyes on you, the world champion hardly looks away from you. He reaches out to you the moment the interview is over, however you've already bolted, wanting to get yourself ready for the interviews in the media pen.

–

You're in the media pen, your second interview. Your eyes are still red rimmed despite your best effort to calm yourself down. Just as you're about to answer a question from the interview you dip your head down, feeling the tears coming again as you're reminded of losing the championship.

“Ah.. sorry.” You murmur to the interviewer who gives you an apologetic smile. You take a slight step back as you take in a shudder breath, the interviewer letting you go, only to bump into someone.

“Woah there, amigo.” The voice of the guy you bumped into sounds, that familiar Spanish accent which you immediately recognise as Fernando's.

You turn to face Fernando, your eyes on the Ferrari driver. “Ah… congrats on the championship.” 

“Thank you.” He replies with a soft tone to his voice.

The media pen is quieting down, most of the drivers just finishing their last interview while you’re only half way through yours. Just as you look away from the other driver, Fernando opens his mouth again, just to shut it, and you feel his hands on your shoulders. You can’t help but lean into the touch despite the public setting and the cameras all around. 

Fernando moves closer to you, sensing you just need a hug from someone you're close to. He knows how hard you can be on yourself.

“What if this is it?” A soft murmur. “What if I never get the chance again?” You question again as you allow yourself to be weak in Fernando's arm, the press around you momentarily forgotten.

“Hey, you’ll be fine, you'll get another chance and you know better than to dwell on the what-ifs.” Fernando whispers against the side of your head. His lips brush past your ear, the warmth of Fernando's breath only makes this moment… intimate. It reminds you of the moments you've spent together in private.

You nod against Fernando's shoulder. You slip back into your professional racing driver persona as one of the other drivers walks past. “Uhm.. interviews.” 

The air between you and him is awkward as you pull away. You take a step back and send him a reassuring smile, silently telling him you're fine for now.

–

When evening rolls around you find yourself back to your hotel room. You managed to go 

through the rest of your media duties without issue, no more breakdowns or near breakdowns. 

Earlier, Fernando had invited you to a post-season party, to celebrate, though you had kindly refused, not in a partying mood at all after the loss of the championship. 

You’re in your bed, the soft sounds from outside the only noise present. You stare up at the ceiling as you lay on the bed, not under the covers. Just staring, thinking what you could’ve done differently. 

A knock is heard on your door and you look at the time on your phone, 00:19 AM. Another knock is heard on the door, more insistent this time. You sigh as you get up from the bed. Who would even come here at this time? You ask yourself, though it’s obvious when you open the door,

“Shouldn’t you be partying?” You ask as you take in Fernando’s figure.

A smile spreads on Fernando’s face the moment he sees you. “It’s not fun without you.” He says in a soft murmur, stepping inside the room and closing the door behind him. You don’t get a chance to respond before his arms are around you.

A soft huff escapes you despite leaning into his touch. “Are you drunk?” You ask softly as you rest your chin on Fernando’s shoulder, not even smelling a bit of alcohol on him. 

Fernando’s arms tighten around you. “I’m not drunk.” He whispers, his lips brushing against your ear. “Didn’t even have an alcoholic beverage."

A soft sound is heard as you shift in Fernando's arms. You shift your head, turning it so you can nuzzle against Fernando's neck. Your shoulders shudder a little as a quiet sob escapes you.

“Ssh..” Fernando whispers, his lips now just behind your ear. “You'll get another chance, okay? You're a good driver.” He adds before pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

A soft, comfortable silence falls between the two of you in the quiet hotel room. The outside sounds are still hearable, though now the main sound is your soft breathing. You pull Fernando to the bed, not saying a single word just yet. 

You sit down on the bed with a sigh, your eyes on him. “I was just gonna cry myself to sleep.” You admit with a sad smile.

The sheets ruffle underneath you as you move to lay down in bed, like you had done before Fernando knocked on your door. You feel the bed dip next to you and before you can react you feel his arm slide around your waist, pulling you against his chest. “You’re not going to anymore?”

“No, you make this bearable.” You murmur softly as you turn, now able to hide your face in Fernando's chest. Before you can stop yourself you press a kiss against Fernando’s chest. “Stay.”

A soft chuckle sounds, a kiss is pressed against your forehead. “I’m staying.”

It’s a quiet Friday afternoon, three weeks after the start of your second year at university and everything has been going well for now. The start of this year has been so much easier than the last so far since you don’t have to adjust to a new living situation nor a completely different curriculum and way of attending classes. 

Class had ended at midday which means you got home just before half past twelve since the apartment where you live is a 20 minute walk from campus. You’d made yourself a sandwich before going straight into studying, needing to be at least a bit productive before the weekend actually starts. 

The living room is quiet as you study, you look up from your laptop with a smile on your face as you look around the place. It’s a comfortable living room, with a balcony just outside the glass door, overlooking the street you live in. The quiet, however, doesn’t last any longer since your roommate, who’s been your best friend for 6, almost 7 years, steps into their shared apartment. 

“¡Hola, mi amigo!” Fernando chirps with a happy singsong voice as he drops his bag by the door. 

The sound of Fernando shuffling through the apartment is quiet and comfortable. “Hi, Fernando.” You reply the moment the couch dips next to you.

Fernando closes your laptop and cuddles up to you for your weekly cuddles and TV time together. 

After half an hour of watching TV, on which FRIENDS is playing, Fernando speaks up. “My mates are coming over later.” You hear him say with that soft murmur that makes you feel things in your chest that you shouldn’t be feeling.

“For the football?” You ask since you know the team Fernando and his friends support is playing later today. You don’t mind Fernando’s friends, even if you have heard them, especially Daniel, make comments which weren’t very kind.

A soft rustling of fabric is heard as Fernando nods his head in confirmation to your question. You feel the warm weight of Fernando’s arm settling around your waist, his fingers fidgeting with your shirt as you trace patterns on his arm like you’d been doing for years. 

–

Soon enough, evening rolls around which means Fernando’s friends could be coming over any moment now. The football match only starts in half an hour. You’d only just finished dinner, and still busy cleaning up the kitchen together, when the doorbell rings. Fernando leaves you in the kitchen, going to open the door for his friends. 

Once you finish with the dishes you decide to head to your room, not wanting to bother the guys watching the football match. You hear the lively chatter between Fernando and his friends, though the sound is muffled through the thin walls of the apartment. You put on your headphones and sit down at your desk, deciding to work a little on one of the projects for your English Literature course.

–

A little later in the evening you head out of your room, entering the kitchen to grab a snack and a drink. You catch a few words of the ongoing conversation. As you peek your head into the living room to get a look at the score, Fernando’s team is currently winning, one of the guys makes quite a nasty comment about trans people and how they don’t belong in sports. Fernando’s eyes lock on you, your eyes lock on his. He’s not out to his friends, though he shut down after the comment and no one seems to notice. 

“Oi, what do you think you’re doing?” One of Fernando’s mates speaks up, clearly targeted at you.

You open your mouth to answer, though you get cut off before you can speak. “Leave the man alone, Daniel.” 

“Oh come on, Fernando.” Daniel’s eyes roam over you in an invading way, seemingly picking you apart. “That’s no fucking man.”

Your eyes drop to the floor and before you know it you’re back in your room, trying to calm your heavy panicked breaths and your racing heart. The noise canceling headphones prevent you from hearing Fernando’s defence of you, how he lashes out at Daniel and kicks him out of the apartment, the other remaining friends completely supporting Fernando, agreeing that what Daniel said was absolutely wrong.

The knock on your door goes unnoticed since the headphones really cancel all noise. You’ve buried your face in your pillow and you've curled up a little on your bed. What you don’t expect is a warm body to press against your back.

“Hey…” A soft whisper as your headphones get taken off by him. You know it’s easier for him, he’s had top surgery and all while you haven’t even started with hormone replacement therapy. 

You push Fernando back, not happy at all. “Why do you even have friends like that? I don’t get you, mate.” You say with a very agitated tone.

Fernando blinks in confusion at the loss of contact. “I- look, I kicked him out. We won’t be seeing that prick anytime soon.” You hear him state, his hand finding your shoulder. “Lucas kicked him from the groupchat..”

“Go back to watching your stupid game.” your voice dipping a bit lower in frustration, not wanting Fernando’s company right now.

–

The sound of the front door closing echoes through the apartment, you’re still in bed, trying to fall asleep. You hear noises of someone cleaning the livingroom, Fernando’s footsteps sounding through the place and eventually reaching your door. A silence falls before you hear a knock on your door.

“Hey, you up?” Fernando’s voice sounds, merely a whisper, as the door creaks open and closes again. 

The bed dips behind you, though you ignore it, ignore him. You pretend to be asleep but you assume Fernando knows you’re awake since he starts speaking. “Look, what Daniel said.. It was stupid. I froze and I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you when you were there.” Fernando whispers with that softness that makes your chest feel tight.

Fernando presses up against your back and his arm wraps around your waist, like before. However, this time you don’t push him away, you just let him be. Finally you manage to fall asleep, quickly and comfortably, an effect Fernando’s had on you since you met years ago.

–

Sunlight streams through the slightly parted curtains as you stir awake. A warmth presses against your back. Warm breath on your neck and that arm is still wrapped around your waist. 

A soft sigh escapes you as you bask in the warmth and comfort of Fernando’s embrace, something you’ve been doing more and more. 

“Morning, mister.” You hear Fernando whisper which causes you to laugh a little. That laughter, however, dies when the words from last night replay in your head.

A soft ruffle sounds as you turn. “Does it get easier?” You ask Fernando. “Not feeling man enough..”

Those last words seem to grab Fernando’s attention, and suddenly he is fully awake. “You don’t feel man enough?” Fernando asks as he searches your face.

“I mean, it’s true what Daniel said, right?” A pause. “I’m no man, right? That’s what he said.”

Your eyes are shut closed when you feel his hands on your cheeks. “You’re a man. We both are.” Fernando whispers softly, his thumbs brushing over your cheekbones. “It’s slow.. But when you start T, god it gets so much better. And before you know it you’ll have top surgery.”

“I’m so jealous of you.” You manage to laugh softly, reading your hand to rest on Fernando’s chest, feeling how flat it is despite the muscles that are present. “You’re handsome, you have nice facial hair,” a soft confession. “And your chest is nice and.. so are you.”

“You’re man enough.” Fernando states as he wraps his arms tighter around you. Your breath hitches as you feel a press of lips against your temple, Fernando’s body going rigid as he realises what he just did. 

You blink your eyes open, holding on to the other tighter than before. “Fernando?” You whisper softly, leaning in closer to feel his breath on your lips, and before you can process it his lips are on yours.

The kiss is soft, trusting, like you’ve been doing this for years though in reality you haven’t. You sigh against Fernando’s mouth, nipping at his bottom lip as you slide your hand in his hair.

The bedsheets ruffle as both of you shift, pressing closer together as you kiss. You deepen the kiss, gently forcing your tongue into his mouth as you try to sit on his lap just to get pushed down against the bed. 

“Boy.” Fernando whispers as he pulls back, a cheeky grin on his face. “Stop that.” He adds with that teasing tone when you put your hand flat against his chest, feeling the pec he has built back up since his top surgery all those months back. 

You pause and actually pull back, earning a pout from Fernando in response. “No… Don’t stop, I liked that.” Fernando almost whines, something you haven't heard from him besides from the times he’s ill. The look in your eyes is quite serious, a little nervous too. 

“You okay?” Fernando asks, a hint of worry shooting through him at the thought of you possibly feeling dysphoric.

Your face breaks into a smile and you peck Fernando’s lips. “I’m a-okay.” You whisper with a happy tone to your voice, pulling Fernando in for another deep kiss.

–

By mid-morning, after an hour more of cuddling and making out, you’re finally out of bed, leaving Fernando behind in the bedroom. Despite it being a weekend day you go through your usual morning routine, which as always ends with a self-made flat white.

This morning you’re on the balcony, overlooking the quiet street below, an occasional car passing by. You lean against the railing of the balcony, the sun just about hitting your face. The rays of the sun on your face feel nice and warm despite the cool morning temperature. You sip your coffee, replaying the events of earlier until you feel a warm body pressing against your back. “Finally decided to get up, lazy?” You ask with a soft laugh, tilting your head a little to the side as you feel Fernando’s kisses against the side of your neck.

Fernando chuckles in response. “Yeah and you didn’t even get me coffee.” He complains when the smell of your flat white hits his nose. “Oh wouw, look at that.” You hear him say as he points out an expensive looking car driving into the street below.

A soft hum escapes your lips as you watch the car drive by and you take another sip of your coffee, finishing the drink. You lean back against Fernando, feeling at peace with this new dynamic between you. 

“You know..” You start as you push Fernando back just a little. “I think we’ll be just fine,” you turn around before finishing your sentence “boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend.” Fernando nods in agreement, pulling you in for a sweet kiss. “And you know…” He whispers against your lips, pulling back slightly. “I came out..”

You freeze ever so slightly. Fernando hasn’t told anyone he’s trans ever since starting uni. “Lucas and-” 

“Yep,” Fernando cuts you off. “They were even more angry at Daniel after I came out. They were really chill about.. Everything.” He murmurs, pecking your lips again. “And turns out Lucas is bi too.”

“Could’ve seen that coming” You smile against Fernando’s lips, feeling happy and relieved that his boyfriend dared to come out to two of his closest friends. “And I’m proud of your stupid ass.” You laugh, insulting him a little like you’d done since you first met. 

“I know,” Fernando says as he starts to pull you back into your shared apartment. “Now go on, I still want coffee.” He says as he gently nudges you back towards the kitchen, staying by your side the entire time.

It’s an off-day. The first off-day you’ve had since you started with your testosterone shots two months back. It’s the same kind of feeling you had before you started T, the mood changes, the weak feeling in your body. It’s all the same as when you would get your period in the past. The weather doesn’t help either, it’s cloudy and grey in Silverstone, a few drops of rain falling just as you enter the big building which is the Aston Martin Technology Centre, moving towards the gym. It has been just over a year since you joined the number 14 garage of the Aston Martin Aramco Formula 1 Team. You joined just a few months after legally changing your passport, hence why you never came out as transgender within the team. 

You quickly put your stuff down in the dressing room before heading into the gym, your headphones on your head and already playing music, towel in one hand and a water bottle in the other. You start with your usual warm up by doing cardio, already feeling a very specific and uncomfortable flow in your body. You don’t mind it, though, your doctor had told you that you would stop getting your period when you started your T-shots. You’re already a bit shaky on your legs when you finally move to start with your weight training, the cramping in your abdomen not getting any better.

What you hadn’t noticed was the driver on the other side of the room, the one in whose garage you work as one of his mechanics, Fernando Alonso. The two-times world champion had noticed your nervous energy the moment you walked in, which peeked his interest.

You do a few of your reps, only getting a small chunk of your workout in before you sit down, shaking worse than usual, which you blame on the fact your breakfast hadn’t been great. You pull at your shirt as you look down at yourself, finding that it sticks to your chest too much. What if someone notices? What would they think? You fidget with your fingers, nervously tapping as a worried scowl makes its way onto your face when you feel that oh so familiar feeling of a starting period. You notice how your heartbeat increases, your breathing unsteady as you just try to calm yourself. Your head is tilted down, resting on one of your knees, your eyes closed to prevent the tears that want to slip from your eyes.

“Hey.”

You hear that familiar Spanish accent, finally noticing his presence which only makes you react worse. He doesn’t know. No-one within the team knows. You make a small gesture with your head, acknowledging him, just hoping he wouldn’t pry. You pick at your skin, a nervous habit you had picked up in your teenage years, especially doing it when you felt dysphoric. 

Fernando crouches down in front of you, his hand finding its way onto your shoulder. “Are you okay?” The man asks with a gentle tone, recognising that you’re in fact having a panic attack. 

You shake your head, not trusting yourself to speak. Not wanting to possibly out yourself to the driver. Fernando sits down next to you, his arm draped over your shoulder to pull you in for a gentle side hug. “Ssh, deep breaths.” The Spaniard whispers, counting along with the breaths to pull you out of the panic attack, which works. The process is slow, but he manages to get you to calm down. “You can tell me what’s going on.” Fernando whispers to you, rubbing soothing patterns with his thumb on your shoulder.

You sigh and shake your head, clearing your throat before speaking. “I can’t.” You say abruptly.

“What?” He asks you, sounding so confused. “Why not?”

“No, I cannot. I mean, if I tell you you’ll probably hate me and I work in your garage and I don’t want- I can’t lose my job, Fernando.” 

Fernando only looks more confused after your rant. “Just tell me. I don't care.”

You shake your head, dragging your hands down your face in frustration. You move a bit away from Fernando, only to feel a cramp shooting through your body. “It wasn’t supposed to happen anymore.” You state, realising Fernando probably needs more context when you see the confusion in his eyes. “I got my period. Or well, I’m about to start it.” 

“But you’re a man?” 

You look into Fernando’s eyes, seeing the gears turning in his mind. “Fernando..” You whisper, waiting for him to realize what you’re trying to tell him.

“I don’t understand.” He shakes his head, the gym sounding eerily quiet despite the music playing as you wait for him to process the information. He looks back at you, looking into your eyes as you stare into his. “Oh.” You hear him sigh out, his shoulders dropping. “Oh, man.” 

“Yeah.” You sigh out, still looking at the driver next to you, not expecting to get pulled into a tight, comforting hug. You hesitantly hug Fernando back, trusting him.

Fernando runs his hand up and down your back. “It’s okay, you’re still a man.” He whispers against your hair. You tighten your grip on the driver, clinging to him as you try to keep yourself from breaking down in his arms. 

It’s October 31st, one of your favourite days of the year because it means that it is Halloween. This year’s Halloween also means that your friend, who has a massive house, throws a big party for all final-year students of the University. 

You’re in your final class of the day, though you’re hardly paying attention to what your history professor is saying since you’re too busy planning an outfit for tonight’s party. Eventually you settle for a Spider-Man inspired outfit, having seen some nice inspiration photos on Pinterest. 

“All right class,” the professor starts, which catches your attention. “That’s it for today. Enjoy your Halloween.” 

When class ends, you’re one of the last to leave the classroom, wishing professor Alonso a happy Halloween.

–

After a long trip home, having to take both the bus and the train, which is never boring since you travel with your friend, you quickly get changed for the party. You decide to wear a blue long sleeve with a red T-shirt over it which has the Spider-man logo on it, you don’t change your jeans, since they’re the perfect shade to fit the casual Spider-man vibe and lastly you do put on different shoes, much preferring the red Converse over the white shoes you were wearing.

Before you leave for the party you grab some food, knowing there probably will be quite some alcohol at the party and you don’t want to go there without having a good meal. You opt for a quick, yet healthy sandwich which fills you up quite well.

–

You arrive at your friend’s house a little past 7 PM, you’re the first one there since the party doesn’t actually start until half past 7. No sooner than you arrived you started helping your friend, Maxime or Max for short, with setting up the drinks and snacks for the party, besides that you also set up the music since you prepared a playlist for the party. 

“Ready for the party, Spider-man?” she asks you and grabs your shoulder and presses her thumb just below your collarbone which makes you squirm.

“Max!” You exclaim, swatting her hand away. “And yes, I am ready for the party.” You laugh as you straighten your outfit. 

When on the couch you pull out your phone, checking the time. It’s only 10 minutes to the start of the party.

Together with Max you scroll through Instagram, laughing at the reels that come on your feed, until the doorbell rings as soon as it hits half past seven, signaling the first party-goers.

Soon the party is in full swing, the attending students dancing, drinking or just having a casual conversation with each other. Some of them make friends based on the outfits they’re wearing. 

As the party wears on, nearing the time of 9 PM, the house starts to get more crowded since it's getting a little too chilly outside. Due to this the house gets warmer, louder, which overwhelms you so you decide to head for a walk. Before you leave you send Max a quick text to tell her that you'll be out for a bit.

You walk through the streets of the village you know so well, having lived here your entire life. You walk past the Halloween themed decorated houses, a barely there smile on your face as you feel yourself calming down after the overwhelming situation of the party. As you turn into the next street you hear a soft sound of music, like someone is playing the guitar on their porch. It's not loud enough to disturb the neighbours, but it's enough to lure you towards the sound.

What surprises you when you reach the house the music is coming from is that it's your professor playing the guitar. “Professor?” You call out softly as a shiver runs down your spine due to the cool breeze.

The professor messes up the piece he was playing, not having expected someone to call out for him. He looks up, seeing you standing just a few meters away. “Oh hey, what are you doing here?”

“I was just on a walk-” you start, pointing towards the direction you came from. “Escaping a party.” You pause again. “Besides, I live two streets down.” 

He laughs in response to your words, his shoulders shaking. “Yeah, I know.” He puts his guitar to the side and makes sure it can’t fall over.

“What? How?” It’s safe to say that you’re quite confused, maybe even shocked, that the professor knows you live two streets down.

You feel a drop of rain on your nose as the professor answers. “I’ve seen you around.” 

A laugh escapes you, making your shoulders shake a little. “Professor!” you exclaim while laughing. “And you didn’t say hi.” You say as you cross your arms, ignoring the soft raindrops, which are slowly getting worse, and the cold breeze against your skin.

Just as the professor gets up and grabs his guitar again it starts raining even harder, it looks like some sort of storm is inbound. “Come on, I’m not letting you stay outside in this weather.” He says as he motions towards the door.

You move quickly, following the other man inside the house. “Thank you, professor.” You say with a polite tone as you run a hand through your slightly damp hair. 

“Just Fernando, please.” The professor says in response to your thanks. “You’re in my house after all.”

You shuffle through Fernando’s house, following a sweet, pumpkin-ish smell towards the kitchen. “Alright… Fernando.” A hint of hesitation laces your tone. The pumpkin scent only gets stronger when you enter the kitchen and what you see next kind of surprises you. “You bake?” 

“I do, yes. Pumpkin-spiced muffins.” Fernando says in response, amusement lacing his tone at  your slight surprise. “Want one? And a drink?”

–

As it gets later the weather gets even stormier, it's raining tapping harder on the windows and the wind is more powerful. An occasional lightning bolt is heard along with the sound of leaves brushing the window.

You've moved to the couch, a movie plays on TV, which doesn't help with the spooky weather outside, while you sit with a blanket draped over your shoulder. Fernando's been so nice to lend you one easier when you were discussing similar interests.

At one point the sound of thunder is heard from outside just as a jumpscare plays in the movie, the combination making you actually jump for once. “Gosh- Jesus.” You sigh and tighten the blanket around yourself, not even having noticed you shifted closer to Fernando. You shoot a glance at the clock on the wall, noting that it's almost 11 PM.

Fernando pauses the movie, you give him a confused look. “I thought I heard something.” And just as he finishes his sentence a soft knocking sound is heard on the window, but it's singular so it could've been a branch hitting it. And well, that's what you tell yourself until you hear it again.

“But why- it's Halloween. Why must it be scary?” You complain audibly which earns a chuckle from Fernando, who gets up to inspect the knocking sound of the window. Another knock is heard just as Fernando approaches the window, you see him pause which sets something off in you to get up too. “Fernando? What is it?”

The rain taps harder against the window, it doesn’t stop Fernando from opening the window. “A kitten.” He whispers as he picks up the frightened animal, he’s gentle as not to startle the kitten. 

“Aw poor baby.” You whisper as you see the drenched kitten in Fernando’s hands. The kitten gets handed to you and you feel it shiver in your hands.

Fernando closes the window. “I’ll grab a towel.” He says as he walks off. You move back to the couch, not bothered with the fact that you’re getting a little wet because of the drenched cat. Not even a minute later Fernando walks into the living room and sits down on the couch, your shoulders touching. He lifts the kitten up from your lap and winds it in the towel to dry it off.

“You’re all wet.” he comments when he sees the wet patch on your shirt and trousers.

A soft laugh escapes your lips. “Well I had to hold the cat.” You shoot back, causing him to laugh.

A soft meow from the kitten is heard, you reach your hand out to pet the now slightly drier kitten’s head and you scratch the animal under its jaw. You’re so focussed on the kitten that you don’t even notice the sound of the movie that's still playing on the TV- or the fact that Fernando’s eyes are trained on you, taking in your every movement. He’s mesmerized by you. The dim light in the room, and the occasional flicker from the TV, hits your face just right, illuminating your features.  

Soon the movie ends, which snaps your attention to the time again. The rain is still clattering against the windows, the wind is still howling and it’s still thundering. 

“I should probably-” 

“No, stay.” Fernando interrupts you before you can even finish saying that you should go home. He clears his throat, gaze still locked on you. “It’s still storming. I’ll set up the guest room.” The words flow out and it’s clear that the professor isn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer. You nod and take the kitten from Fernando, allowing him to get up and actually get the guest room ready for the night. 

In the time Fernando was setting up the guestroom you shifted to lay down on the sofa with the kitten on your chest. You gently stroke its fur and earn a few loud purrs, the kitten is clearly comfortable with you.

When Fernando gets back to the living room he pauses in the doorway, his eyes on your relaxed form on the couch. He has to remind himself that you’re his student before he gets any other ideas. With a shake of his head Fernando moves to the couch ending up standing beside you and reaching his hand down to pet the kitten. “It’s all set up.” He murmurs softly, it almost sounds intimate, domestic.

Your eyes are on Fernando now, taking in the way the light hits his eyes and how it illuminates his face, making him look softer than the usual professor image. “Okay, thank you.” You swallow and your eyes dart away from Fernando as you sit up, making sure not to wake the cat. With a gentle movement you put the cat down before you get up from the couch. “Lead the way.”

Fernando motions for you to follow along. You move up a flight of stairs, and stand in the hallway, doors on either side of you. “This is mine, if you need me.” Fernando says as he touches the door left to him. He then moves to the door on the other side, opening it for you and turning on the light. “Make yourself comfortable.”

“Thanks” You say softly as you wander into the guest room, taking in the cozy decorations. “Uhm, goodnight then, Fernando.” You say as you sit down on the bed to take your shoes off.

- 12 July 2015 -

You set out early in the morning, wanting to run some errands and claim a job for the day. You settle for border watch, which means guarding the QZ on top of the massive walls surrounding it. 

You arrive back at the apartment at around 11 AM, noticing how everyone seems to be awake and having breakfast, which you had hours before. You feel your stomach grumble, knowing you have to eat something again. “Got any leftovers?” You ask Nico since he’s in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey Y/N” The German responds, preparing a plate with food for you. “Here ya go.” He says, handing you the plate. You give Nico a nod as a thank you before moving to the living room, joining Sebastian, Jenson and Fernando there.

You eat your food in silence, listening to what the guys are talking about. “Yeah I’ve been called in for my IT job today, apparently there’s been an issue with the new software. And that on my day off!” You hear Sebastian complain, you shake your head.

“You should be blessed that you have a permanent job, Seb.” You chime in, knowing Sebastian could as well use your words against you. “And not a dangerous one at that.”

“It's not my fault you choose whatever you choose.” Sebastian grumbles in response to you, you look at Jenson, seeing him shrug. You look at Fernando next, seeing the confusion on his face.

Fernando looks at you, almost like he’s studying you again. “Do I get a job?” He asks curiously.

“Yeah, you’re coming with me today.” You respond with a nod of your head. “We have borderwatch, the afternoon shift.” You explain to Fernando. You see the Spaniard nod despite still being a little confused. “We leave in half an hour.” You say as you get up to wander around the place.

–

You arrive at the wall at 12:30 PM, half an hour before the shift starts. You walk into the baraques there, giving Fernando a quick tour of the place. 

“Here, put this on.” You say as you hand Fernando a safety vest, sticking a patch on that says ‘trainee’. 

“Really, Y/N? A trainee badge.” Fernando scoffs, not pleased with the label.

You look at him, finding this the most normal thing in the world. “What? It’s protocol. First time on the wall means wearing the badge.” You explain as you move to the guns, grabbing a handgun, a Type 64 with suppressor, a similar one to the one you carry around yourself. “You keep that with you at all costs, okay?” You say with an intense look in your eyes.

“Okay” Fernando responds with a shrug as you hand him a holster for the hand gun. “This is all?” He asks as he watches you move through the room, grabbing a pair of sunglasses and a cap for Fernando.

“That’s all.” You announce, shoving the items into the man’s hands. “Semi’s are over there but we won’t be needing them today.” 

Fernando looks even confused now. “Why not?” He wonders out loud as he looks at the semi-automatic assault rifles. “Are we not supposed to be guarding the wall?”

You shrug “No, I’m just showing you around today.” You state as you run your hand through your hair, making it stick out into every direction. Fernando watches you closely as you put on your cap and move to grab one of the rifles anyways. “Come.” You say as you move out of the room to lead Fernando up to the top of the wall.

The two of you move over the wall, greeting the men and women who’ve already started their shift. They move to the commander, or shift leader. You greet her with a handshake and a hug, asking how it’s been until now before letting her go home.

“So, basically what we do, I watch whatever is coming for the wall.” You start explaining, watching Fernando intently.

“I’m guessing you shoot the infected, let in the non-infected for check-ups and filter out the ones that are infected?” Fernando questions, you look at him, seeing his intense gaze.

You nod, patting his shoulder. “Yeah, precisely.” You murmur to Fernando before continuing with your story, grabbing the assault rifle. “Ever held one?” You ask Fernando, who shakes his head. “Okay, it’s like this. watch” You say as you take the rifle, lifting it the way you’re supposed to, your right hand on the handle, finger not on the trigger. You position your left hand against the support grip, gripping the rail. You place the stock of the rifle against your shoulder for support and place your cheek against the stock so you can see through the sights to aim. “Got that?” You ask as you lower the rifle and hand it to Fernando.

Fernando tries to replicate what you just showed him. “Like this?” He asks, though he’s gripping the rifle oddly and not pressing it against his shoulder.

“Almost” You murmurs, moving to stand behind Fernando. You adjust Fernando's right hand so he’s gripping the handle correctly, then placing your left hand over Fernando’s, feeling the bandage you wrapped around it the day before, adjusting it slightly. “Much better” You praise, your breath brushing Fernando’s ear, not noticing how flustered Fernando looks right now. Finally you adjust the stock against Fernando’s shoulder before stepping back.

“Thanks.” Fernando murmurs, resting his cheek against the stock now, aiming the rifle. “Feels more natural like this.” He adds before lowering the rifle and looking at you with that intense gaze you’ve come to know over the past few days.

–

During the day you show Fernando the ropes to a successful shift of border watch on the wall, giving him insights on how to handle certain situations and even teaching him some shift leader things, like opening the gate or making a break schedule.

“Y/N, don’t I have to register my residency here?” Fernando questions suddenly causing you to snap your focus to him.

“That’s been taken care of, don’t worry about it.” You dismiss and check the time, seeing you only have half an hour left of your shift.

Fernando looks confused again, looking you up and down. He realizes how easy it has been for him to settle into society, no fuss at all. “Are you important here?” He asks suddenly.

You look at Fernando, taken off guard by the question, or maybe Fernando’s attentiveness. “What?”

“You know, are you some sort of leader here?” Fernando asks and you shrug. Sure, you were one of the founders of the QZ, you’re still one of the most important people when it comes down to jobs and exploration. 

“I guess.” You respond, your arms crossing over your chest. “I’m one of the founders, if that is what you mean” You pause “and I’m head of exploration.” 

Fernando looks at you, his eyes scanning your face, not at all having expected this answer. He realises you’re a big force in the QZ, someone who shouldn’t be messed with. “Okay.. Good.” He says with an awkward nod, realising this unexpected quality of leadership is what Jenson had seen in you that made him tell Fernando you can be trusted.

–

I watch as you retreat to your room the minute we get back to the apartment. I can’t seem to get that moment out of my head, you pressed against me, adjusting the rifle in my hand. Fuck.

I slump down on the couch, just relaxing after a long shift on the wall.

“Fernando! Hey.” I hear Sebastian say, I look up at him, seeing his relaxed body language and comfortable clothes, wishing I had a hoodie as well. “How was the wall?” The German asks.

I nod in response, crossing my arms. “Yeah, fine.” I say with a bored expression on my face. “So, you’re an IT-guy?”

“Yes! Y/N says it’s my calling.” Sebastian explains happily. “Jenson is a teacher, he’s really good at it.” Sebastian adds as Nico walks in. 

“And I’m an engineer.” Nico butts in. I laugh, looking at the other German before I zone out again, disconnecting myself from the conversation between the Germans. 

I get up after a couple of minutes of sitting on the brown leather couch, exploring the apartment to get my mind off you. I walk through the hallway, taking in the photos hung up on the walls, photos of you and the guys, beautifully displaying the bond you’ve built together. My eyes linger on your face, the way you smile in the photos. I shake my head, moving on from the nicely decorated hallway to the empty room I have been given. I take in the emptiness, the mattress on the floor. I lay down, simply staring at the ceiling, my mind going back to that moment on the wall. Why do I keep thinking about this? You were just helping me. But I haven’t been close to anyone like this in years, not since I lost Mark in the ambush. God, three days ago I was running for my life, ready to perish at the hand of an infected, and now? Now I have my old friends back, I have a safe bed to sleep in, enough food to eat. But it’s different, I had to get rescued by some.. some guy, by you. Oh and the way you touched me when you wrapped my hand- I shake my head, telling myself to get it together, I’ve known you for three days.

I turn on my side, shutting my eyes tightly. I fidget with the bandage around my hand, trying not to think about you, about this, whatever this is, between us. And soon enough I manage to drift off into a light, restless sleep.

You had retreated to your room about an hour ago, leaving Fernando with Jenson and Nico to let them catch up. You’re hard at work, documenting what you have seen during your travels, trying to figure out the date for yourself. You had been traveling for 26 days, so you look at your calendar, since they’re still a thing, and see that it’s actually the five year anniversary of the start of the apocalypse. Five years since the world had fallen.

You walk out of your room, moving to the living room area of the neat apartment, something you really cherish in this world of pure chaos. “Why didn’t you tell me it’s been five years?” You ask the second you’re in range of the rest.

“Five years?” You hear Jenson ask. You turn to the Brit with an unamused look on your face. “Oh, you mean since the apocalypse?” He asks again, you nod as you move to sit down on your designated favorite chair.

You sigh, sinking into your chair. “It’s July 11th.” You state as you look around the room, seeing how Sebastian is doing his thing, as usual, Nico is cleaning his hand gun, Jenson seems to be processing the fact that it has been five years already, his face scrunched up in that difficult to replicate expression. 

Your eyes settle on Fernando last, keeping your gaze on the Spaniard longer than you would’ve liked, even a little eye contact as the man turns his head to you. You send him a small smile, he smiles back. It’s the first time you’ve seen him smile since you met, you don’t mention it though, you just cross your arm and puff your chest out in that nonchalant way, ignoring his intense gaze on you.

–

The day goes by at a slow pace, mainly just catching up with the guys, settling back into living in an apartment after almost a month outside.

“Hi.” You murmur as you approach Fernando, just wanting to check in on him. “Settling okay?” You ask, trying to actually get a conversation going with the still grumpy looking man.

Fernando stays silent for a moment, just studying you before he shrugs. “Fine.” He grumbles. “It’s good to see friends again.” The Spaniard says, you nod sharing the sentiment.

You sigh softly moving to grab some medical supplies before even asking Fernando about his hand. You reach your hand out, grabbing Fernando’s hand without saying a word. “Let me wrap it.” You say as you feel him tense, half expecting him to protest but to your surprise he doesn’t say a word, though neither do you. 

You take your time to gently wrap Fernando's injured hand, not noticing the man’s softening gaze on you due to your intense focus. Your touch is gentle against Fernando’s hand and wrist. As soon as you finish up you gently caress the bandage wrapped around the other man’s hand, noticing how his breath hitches and his eyes widen at the touch. You slowly get up to put the medical supplies back, feeling his lingering gaze on you.

“Thanks” Fernando grumbles, inspecting his bandage as he gets up. He notices how perfectly you wrapped it. “So, how’d you learn to be so good at this?” Fernando asks you with a gentle tone which you didn’t know he possessed. 

“You learn these things along the way” You start, though you realise you’re not really giving context when you see the confused look on Fernando’s face. “I was a clumsy kid.” You say as you itch the white lines on your right hand.

His eyes narrow as he studies you, as though in disbelief. He nods after a while, after seeing a few more scars on either of your arms. “Oh, okay.” 

You look at Fernando and shrug, not bothered by the fact he’s looking at the scars littering his arms. “It’s a handy skill” You say nonchalantly, grabbing a soft jacket and pulling it on. “I mean, I met Seb and the guys because of my bandaging skills and we stuck together.” You explain, seeing Fernando nod which confirms your suspicion that one of the other guys had already told that story. 

“Jenson said you could be trusted.” Fernando states, though he sounds doubtful. You remember Fernando's words, how he had told you that you shouldn’t be so trusting of people.

“Okay, well” You start, letting out a sigh as you look at Fernando, “He’s right.” You confidently, looking directly into Fernando’s eyes, seeing something soften in the man’s expression despite his grumbling.

–

You move through the apartment with an easy flow, even though you’re just settling in again. The evening had fallen sooner than you expected in the peaceful QZ, you’ve gotten so used to using the position of the sun as your time indication that you’ve lost track of it. You’re marking things down on the map, like where you had killed the infected just the day before. Sebastian, your best friend, checks in on you regularly, offering snacks and drinks even if you don’t have a lot. 

“Come on, Y/N.” Sebastian whines, pulling on your arm. “Sit with us, you’ve been at this for hours.” The German complains as he looks at you with those kind, blue eyes. You sigh, giving in to your friend’s wish.

“Fine, fine. What are we doing?” You grumble as Sebastian drags you along to the others, though you see they’re just playing card games, a variation of Crazy Eights. You sit down next to Nico nudging his shoulder so he can play along with him. 

“I’m winning.” Nico says to you, and you laugh, already having observed that Nico is, in fact, not winning. You look at him like he’s crazy and Nico just looks offended. “No trust in me at all these days.” He says, shaking his head at you and you laugh in response.

“Jens, that one,” You hear Sebastian say to the Brit  “Shut up, Seb.” Jenson responds to the younger German. You decide to get up, wanting to get a peek at all the players' cards. You already know Nico isn’t going to win by the sheer amount of cards he still has, you take a peek at Jenson’s card, seeing he has decent cards but possibly too many to beat Fernando, who only has one two cards remaining.

You move to stand behind where Fernando is sitting on the floor, crouching down behind Fernando, slightly to the man’s right side to properly see the cards. He looks back at you, you nod confidently, knowing he can and might just win. You watch throws a 9 of hearts onto the pile, knowing Fernando has won with this move. Fernando puts down his final cards, effectively winning the game.

“Nice.” You smile, patting Fernando’s shoulder in a friendly manner, properly sitting down next to the man.

Fernando smiles at you. “Thanks” he responds to you as the next round is already being dealt. You politely decline. “What? You’re not playing?” Fernando urges and you shake your head.

“No, absolutely not, I’d rather watch and laugh.” You say honestly, still looking along with Fernando. You see him shrug and relax a little, noticing how he seems to be warming up to you and your efforts to befriend him. 

The game starts again and you try to help Fernando out as best as possible, both of you have a similar competitiveness, wanting to win the game just as much. 

“No, put that one.” You point out, though he does the exact opposite, insisting it’s the better choice. “Ugh, Fernando” You groan, seeing how Fernando’s move is now causing them to lose. He looks at you, his lips pursed as he realises the mistake he made.

“What now?” He whispers to you and you explain the next move, hoping you actually get the chance to pull the move off to win your third game in a row.

You and Fernando work together, carefully plotting the next few moves, “And-” You whisper as Fernando throws on the second to last card, Nico has to grab a card, Sebastian throws on a similar coloured and signed card followed by Jenson who also has to take a card. “Boom.” You say as Fernando throws on the final card, winning the third game in a row. “Told’ ya it would work.” You say with confidence.

Fernando laughs at your confidence and hums thoughtfully, “You’re not that bad when you’re on my side.” he says and nudges you with his elbow.

You laugh, nudging Fernando back. “Well, count yourself lucky then.”

- 17 July 2015 -

Over the past few days you keep letting Fernando take shifts on the wall, watching over him as he settles in. You plan the shifts precisely, having the power to have a say in the planning of the shifts, making sure Fernando has the same shift times as you do despite a difference in function since you’re a shift leader. 

A day ago Fernando had told you he spotted an infected, kilometres away, so far away that the assault rifle couldn’t possibly have reached it, today hadn’t been any different.

“Y/N, there’s a couple of infected, east side.” You hear a voice, Fernando’s voice, say over the hand-held transceiver. You move immediately, getting to Fernando’s location. 

“Where exactly?” You ask as you look around the seeming clear landscape, not seeing anything besides the forest in the far distance. You look at Fernando, seeing him point slightly to the east, something moving in the distance, about two and a half kilometers out. “Well spotted.” You praise as you raise your own rifle, mirroring Fernando’s stance.

“Hold, they’re not in range.” You hear Fernando state, admiring his assertiveness. The infected move closer and before you can even react they’re already down, precisely shot by Fernando. 

You lower your rifle, taken aback by Fernando’s accuracy, keeping it in mind for your next travels.

–

It’s just after dinner time, you’re all gathered in the living room of the apartment, Jenson is telling some sort of story about what happened at the school. You haven’t been able to keep your eyes off Fernando since you returned home, still thinking about how quick Fernando had been to shoot the infected, and how accurate his shot was. You abruptly get up, grab Fernando’s arm and drag him to the kitchen.

You don’t notice Fernando’s flustered look. “Hey, you okay?” He questions, seeing your serious, thoughtful expression. You shake your head.

“Look, you’re a good shot, you have a sharp eye.” You start without any context to what’s going on. “I have to travel up north, Fernando. Scotland.” You murmur, not able to look at Fernando, not even realising you’re still holding his arm.

Fernando dips his head down a little, wanting to look you in the eyes as you speak. “You’re telling me this, why?” 

You run your hand through your hair, something you usually do when you’re nervous. “I need you for the job. You’ve been out there longer than anyone here and I need someone who won’t hesitate to kill whatever comes on their path.” You explain as you look up into the other man’s deep, hazel eyes, noticing how gorgeous they are. You look away from Fernando before you can get lost in his eyes, cussing silently at yourself. “So? What do you say?”

Fernando thinks, you await his reaction, hoping he would say yes. “Why not.” He shrugs, you look at him, a little shocked at the fact he’s willing to go along with this without any protest. 

“Cool, cool.” You nod nonchalantly, stuffing your hand in your pocket. You look at the man’s hand, seeing how the bandage has loosened over the past few days. “Uhm, how’s your hand?”

“It’s fine.” Fernando says as he raises his hand, flexing it to show that it’s fine though you catch the slight wince. You instinctively reach out to unwrap the bandage, making sure to be careful and gentle as you check for any swelling on the man’s hand, finding none, making the connection that it might be a fracture or bruise in one of the bones of Fernando’s hand.

“I’ll rewrap it.” You say, holding Fernando’s hand up with one hand as you open the cabinet with the medical supplies before wrapping Fernando's hand the same way you did a few days ago, with that same gentleness, that same focused intensity. Fernando looks at you, noticing the slight shadowy stubble appearing on your face, noticing the way your hair falls on your forehead and he can’t help but find it majestic with the way the setting sun is shining through the window, beautifully illuminating your face.

You pull away, giving Fernando that final pat on his hand which tells him the bandage is done. You turn, putting the medical supplies back in the cabinet, your shirt riding up just the tiniest bit, giving Fernando a peak at a sliver of your back. 

Fernando looks away and scrapes his throat as you turn around again. “Thanks.” he grumbles as you smile at him, giving him a simple thumbs up before moving back to the living room, joining the others and leaving Fernando in the small kitchen. 

You join back on the couch as you announce that you and Fernando will be leaving the next morning to head to Scotland  to chase the signal Sebastian had picked up, hopefully to find more survivors. Sebastian moves to cuddle up to you, whispering how he’ll miss you like always. You rub soothing circles on Sebastian’s back, your eyes on Fernando as you watch him walk in, his expression unreadable when he sees the way you are with Sebastian.

–

Your bag is packed and you’re ready to head to bed, wanting to get a good night’s sleep before heading out the next morning. You give the guys a big hug, lingering a bit longer with Sebastian, knowing he gets fussy whenever one or more of you have to leave for an extended period of time. “We’ll be fine, Seb.” You whisper to the German as you pull back, ruffling his hair a little.

“Promise?” Sebastian asks you, you nod in response. You watch him turn to Fernando, hugging the Spaniard tightly. “You promise too?” Sebastian whispers to Fernando, not wanting to let the man go now that he’s back in his life.

“I promise too, Seb.” Fernando responds, hugging Sebastian tightly before breaking away from the hug, not wanting to get sentimental now. 

The five of you say goodnight to each other before each of you retreats to their respective room.

- 24 July 2015 -

Fernando POV - 

I wake up to you stirring against me. I watch you closely as the soft sunlight hits your face, making you look absolutely gorgeous. I brush some of your hair off of your forehead, tracing my fingers softly over your jaw to feel the stubble growing there, all while trying not to wake you up just yet.

Your hair looks soft, a bit messy. I run my hand through it before softly massaging your scalp, just wishing I could hold you like this more often. Wishing you’d use me as a pillow more often. 

I think back to the times you wrapped my hand, remembering that gentle focus in your eyes. I still think about that moment, the first time we were on the wall and you helped me hold my rifle, you pressed up against me. I remember how I hugged you yesterday, after that fight you had gotten into with those two hostile people, how scared I was for you to get hurt badly, how relieved I felt when I found out it was just a little cut on your cheekbone and unfortunately a bruised rib.

You slowly stir awake, I keep gently massaging your scalp. I smile down at you looking down into your eyes when you tilt your head up. The initial eye contact is intense, yet gentle in its own way. 

The room is quiet around us, only the sound of our soft breathing filling the room. It's peaceful, relaxing. You watch away, nuzzling closer against me in your sleepy state. I tighten my grasp on you, though keeping the embrace gentle.

“Goodmorning.” I whisper softly, as you look away and shift a bit, my eyes flicking down to your lips, oh how I want to kiss them- no, stop, you're my friend.

–

I trail slightly behind you as we move through the deserted city. I'm extra alert after what happened yesterday, not wanting to get split up like that again. Not wanting to leave you to fend for yourself, not wanting you to get into a fight on your own again. 

A quiet sound ruffles from an alley, thinking it’s probably just the wind I bump into you. “Why are we stopping?” I ask softly, still standing against you as you peak into the street. 

“I can’t see, probably a stray infected.” you whisper softly and I immediately pull my hand gun. “Easy, I’m not sure.” I feel you touching my hand, as if you want me to put the gun away. 

I move to look into the alley, seeing the creature move past a dumpster. It looks infected, quite clearly as well. I raise my gun again, shooting the infected with a clean shot, the silencer dampening the shot. You start walking again, moving forwards. “Y/N, wait up.” I grumble as you move a bit too swiftly.

“We need to get out of here before nightfall, Fernando.” You say with a slightly worried tone, knowing that if there’s one infected, there are more. That’s how it works. A soft sigh escapes my lips and I nod my head before following you again.

After a few minutes I grab your wrist, pulling you to a standstill. “Y/N, please listen to me.” I murmur with a softness I didn’t know I possessed. I raise my hands, framing your face with them to make you look at me. “You’re tense, alert, worried. I get it. But you defeated two people yesterday who are much more capable than any infected,” thumbs tracing your cheeks as I speak, looking into your eyes with a determined look. “I promised to stay by your side, remember? Promised to kill everything in our path.” You nod in my hands, almost like you're leaning into them for reassurance. “We’re in this together.” I whisper softly, pulling you into a tight, comforting hug.

You relax a little, reassured by my words. “Yeah, okay. Yeah.” I hear you whisper, your tone already sounding calmer as we hug in the middle of a street of this deserted city. 

–

It’s nearing the end of the evening when we finally make it out of the city, moving through a forest nearby. I’m walking besides you, glancing at you from time to time to make sure you’re still okay. 

“Hey, look.” I hear you say, watching you point at something. I look at you with a confused expression, not really sure what I’m supposed to see. “A lake, Fernando. It’s a lake.” You say with a sigh, heading towards the lake. 

I look around, noting that the area is quite remote, not even a hint of a road or building in sight. “We can camp here for the night.” I say as we walk closer to the lake. I set my pack down and move closer to the water, just feeling the temperature of it. “The water is nice.”

A soft, warm breeze ruffles through the leaves, nothing out of the ordinary. I watch you move around after you’ve set your pack down, finding a spot to sit. “You can clean up if you want.” I hear you murmur as I get up again, moving towards you. I take off my jacket and sweater, leaving it with you along with my holster and other equipment.

I leave my clothes at the edge of the lake, walking into it and sinking down, not wanting to go too deep into the lake. A few minutes later I hear something, more like someone, moving in the water. I turn, being greeted by you standing next to me in the water, your muscular chest on full display as I watch you hesitate to sink down as well. 

“I wouldn’t say the temperature is exactly nice.” You complain as you sink down, your shoulders just above the surface of the water. I watch as you shiver a little in the water and I see you let out a deep sigh, seemingly relaxing.

A soft chuckle escapes my lips as you complain. I move through the water to look at you, taking in how relaxed you look in comparison to earlier in the day. “Ah, but it is decent, no?” I tease softly, watching as you shrug in response.

We stay in this silence, a surprisingly comfortable one, for a few minutes before I decide to get out of the water, ruffling your hair as I move past you. 

When I’m out of the water I get dried off and get dressed before I start to look for some wood to use for a fire, though I get distracted as I look at you in the water. I silently wonder why my thoughts keep going back to you, back to the fact I feel this need to keep you safe and wrap you up in my arms. I think back to earlier today, replaying that moment when we were still in the city. Why did I have to grab your face? Why was I so intense and why did I feel the need to reassure you? I never do that. My thoughts die down as I watch you get up, seeing your muscles ripple under your skin which causes my throat to go dry.

“Hey, pretty boy! Come here for a second!” I call out to you with a slightly sarcastic tone, wanting to playfully insult you with the nickname. 

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” You call out as you turn around, moving to get out of the lake. “Because it’s not an insult.” You say with a shrug, a very light blush creeping up my cheeks. “I know I’m a pretty boy.” I hear you say, noting the arrogance dripping from your voice. 

I clear my throat, my eyes on you as you get dressed. “I wanted to discuss plans for the night?” I grumble, slipping back in the old grumpy behaviour, though with a warm feeling in my chest. “A fire, who keep watch. That stuff.” I suggest, already moving around the makeshift campsite, making a start to collect wood for a fire, hoping to quiet down my thoughts about what I feel for you. 

–

Night has fallen quite a while ago, I’m still awake since I have the first watch of the night. My eyes are trained on you, it’s become like a routine to watch you while you sleep, to take in your features, to fantasise about how soft I know your hair is. I look away, not noticing that you’ve turned around.

“Fernando?” I hear your sleep-laced voice. “I can’t sleep.” You whisper as you move closer to me, actually cuddling up to me. I let you get comfortable against me as I blame your behaviour on just being tired. 

“Sshh, I’m here. I’ve got you.” I whisper softly, running my hand through your short messy hair, wanting to soothe you to sleep. I hear a hum escaping you, your body starting to feel heavier against mine as you drift off into a peaceful sleep. “Goodnight, Y/N.”