#jaheria

Gale: A completely accurate and detailed lecture regarding the theories of teleportation magic, how it works, and the differences between it and plane shift. There are multiple charts and graphs.

Wyll: “Choosing your hero name: an adventurer’s guide” He does have suggestions for the entire party.

Karlach: “Ranking bars in the gate based on how much they remind me of Avernus.” She has provided illustrations that she made herself. Anything in the Upper City is ranked “like Avernus” because “occupied entirely by pricks.”

Shadowheart: “So I was wrong about Shar: a reluctant apology.” It’s mostly a debunk of Shar’s lies but the entire time it does look like she is pulling teeth. However, she cheers up considerably when she presents on some of the church’s secrets, including the weird ass code names for things that she always thought were a little silly.

Lae’zel: a very educational and complete history of her people’s war against the mind flayers. It’s all rather academic until the last slide which says “AND THIS IS WHY WE DON’T EAT THE WORMS” in all caps.

Astarion: “Ranking you by whose blood I’d want to drink most.” In order, it is as follows Gale (rancid), Karlach (spicy), Minthara (probably is poisonous after all the poison she’s been exposed to), Jaheria (that story about what she did to one of the spawn was memorable), Shadowheart (does cleric blood taste radiant?), Lae’zel (curious how Gith taste, doesn’t want to die), Minsc (large and has extra blood to spare), Halsin (can turn into a bear, think of all that real estate), Wyll (canon verified snack)

Halsin: “Foraging: what’s edible and what isn’t” Gale takes very dutiful notes given someone gave him a mushroom two ten days ago that gave the entire camp food poisoning. Astarion, the only one who did not get food poisoning, who has completely forgotten what he foraged was the culprit, takes 0 notes.

Minthara: Battle orders and tactics. All of these fools need to get whipped into shape.

Jaheria: “Get it Fucking Together: Stop Doing this Shit.” What follows is a callout of everyone’s worst habits and decisions. One slide just says “stop snitching.”

Where are they going? What does Shadowheart see? What is Gale’s coffee order?

Kethric actually listens to you and redeems himself and/or Withers uses his #totallynotJergal powers to res him and now Camp is really awkward because you've got Dame Aylin in one corner literally biting through armor because she wants to kill him so hard and Kethric on the other who's trying desperately to reconnect with Isobel but Aylin keeps glaring at him from across the fire and it's really awkward but who he SHOULD be worried about is Jaheria who's plotting different ways to poison him. Also Aylin and Isobel are NOT quiet in their tent and there's some things a father doesn't need to hear.

Orin would be really hard to redeems because she's just... awful, but I see it less like convincing her to join and more, like, keeping her on a leash while exposing her to basic human empathy and kindness until she starts crashing out and having an existential crisis. Minthara would be pissed but somewhat mollified by treating her as a servant. As Tav it'd be like adopting a rabid stray dog but as Durge it would be like keeping your annoying little sister around to make sure she can't get into dad's gun case and shoot you again.