#jads thoughts

Am I the only one that feels guilty about taking rest days? In my brain, I know that my body needs rest or I’ll burn out, but at the same time, I can’t keep the negative thoughts and self-doubts away.

It’s something that I am really working on. Today is a rest day for me after nine days of working out. I’m going to enjoy it and relax. And then tomorrow I will be back in the gym. I will be so much better off than if I decided to try and workout today.

My lesson:

I have always wanted to be a runner, but I have never made the effort to become a runner. I would go for one jog and quit a few minutes in. Then years would go by before I tried again with the same results. But one of my Bucket List items is to run a marathon. So how am I supposed to run a marathon when I can’t even run a quarter mile?

Well the past couple weeks at the gym I have been running a little. When I say a little I mean like 1 minute. Here are my stats:

I still can’t get over my stats from yesterday. I am so proud of myself.

It was a goal of mine to intentionally burn 4000 calories one day. I didn’t know it was going to be yesterday until I saw how close I was. That’s why I took my evening walk.

I love my dogs. I do. But this morning I hate them.

My dog woke me up by standing on my chest and crying. She had to potty and she had to go at that moment. Alright I get it. I got up and took her out.

But it was 3:30 IN THE MORNING!

And when we went back inside, I tried to go back to bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. So that means I started my day (which was already going to be a long one) at THREE FUCKING THIRTY IN THE MORNING.

💤 💤 💤 💤 💤

11/27/19

I am pissed! It is only 8:30 in the morning and I already ready for this fucking day to be over. My period came in the middle of the night. I spent most of the night tossing and turning and I had some TERRIBLE nightmares.

Then all the bullshit that comes with this bitch monthly visitor. I decided I still wanted to try and go to the gym because my goals are important. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. I did 20 EASY minutes on the treadmill and not only did I overflow my tampon, but I ended up vomiting and having diarrhea.

(I know disgusting, but I did warn you in the title that this was going to be a TMI RANT.)

I’ve already cried three times this morning and now I’m at work trying to hold my shit together and just utterly failing. I just feel like I can’t do this today. I’m disappointed in my weigh in this morning. My cramps are so bad that I feel like scream. And I’ve only been up for 3 hours and I’ve gone through 5 tampons.

This is utter bullshit. It’s the day before Thanksgiving and all I want is to throw shit and complain about how miserable I am. I took a double dose of pain killers and it hasn’t helped AT ALL.

How the fuck am I supposed to sit here and talk to stupid people all day? (I’m a receptionist.) I have a feeling this is what HELL feels like. I know life is unfair, but I want to stab every male I see in the gut and see how they feel when they are bleeding and in pain and still expected to go on like nothing is wrong!

*Deep Breath*

Okay. I think I’m done. But I have officially thrown all my daily goals out the window. My only goals now are:

1) Don’t get fired.

2) Don’t murder anyone.