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I'm going to send Jack a bunch of ridiculous asks. And if he doesn't answer them publicly... I'm going to break up with him. Which will be a lot of work, because I'll first have to start dating him, and then break up with him. It'll be sort of like how to lose a guy in 10 days but with a lot more dick.
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DEAR JACK,
I write you as a friend. I have a cousin in Ethiopia that is dying of testicular fusion and I just need your social security number and your credit card and I'm going to give you a shit ton of money so that...
wait, wrong letter.
DEAR JACK,
I think your face is pretty. I would like to touch it with my dick hand. I would also like it if you came to cuddle me. And. touched me in the dick hair. And I would maybe like to kiss you and consider reserving special kisses for you.
Xoxox, please reply soon.
alex.
