#jack fulton

It's been "weeks" and now Max looks like this:

Ariana Williams: Caption this , Madzie in the Lightwood-Bane family photo #Shadowhunters3x22 #malec #flowergirl #love

Date watched:  28 January 2020

My main problem with this movie is that it has a real pacing problem – there were stretches where things are happening, the Critters are attacking, people are being eaten and then it goes flat again. We're following kids in this movie and I feel like it had the right ingredients to be "fun" but the whole thing just fell flat.  The kids weren't great actors.

This movie also introduces a black and white female Critter named Bianca – of course – who has big black eyes and is super fucking cute.  Like, she could sell plush toys is what I'm saying.

Again, it totally reminds me of Gremlins.

The other thing I'll say is that 90% of the effects in this movie were practical effects – the Critters looked like the same ones they used in the 80s version; same roly-poly behaviour, bouncing all over the place.  I don't think there was any CGI (they probably couldn't afford it, let's face it). I quite appreciated that, because for sure someone would've been like, "let's CGI the Critters."  I'm glad they didn't.  I like how shitty the Critters look.

Also, I'm pretty sure this is more of a reboot than a sequel – the actress who played the mother from the first movie is in this, but she's playing a different character (a Critter hunter).

Let's get into what I can remember of the plot:

A Critter crash lands on earth and eats a pizza delivery guy.  The Critter then gives birth to more Critters.

(I'm not sure what the female has to do with this because the males seem to be able to give birth to Critters on their own?)

The female also crash lands on earth but in a different location.

The Critters then eat a hiker and have more Critter babies.

Meanwhile, our hero is a teenage girl who has a whole subplot about how she wanted to get into the same college her mother went to, which is on the outskirts of whatever town it is that they're living in.  She takes a job as a babysitter for one of the college professors in order to assist in being accepted to the school? I'm not sure how that's supposed to work.

So she and her little brother babysit two kids, and they go for a hike in the woods and find the female Critter, who they take with them to the park rangers office.

Meanwhile the Critters have eaten the park rangers. That part was actually pretty funny.

The Critters then attack our heroes and hitch a ride on their car back into town.  They then eat the sheriff of the town and overrun the whole place extremely quickly.  Again, my theory on the Critters is just to feed them burgers and that will make them happy.

Everyone ends up at the university. The Critters follow them there because they want the lady Critter.  They then turn into a big giant Critter ball and eat a guy which was really funny.

And then there was a lot of stuff that I don't remember, but finally the lady Critter takes them all out?

Yeah.

It was pretty ordinary but I will say that I appreciated the fact that they used practical effects for the Critters.  That was very cool.

Critters Attack! will be released on Blu-ray, DVD, and digital on July 23 via Warner Bros. The fifth installment in the Critters franchise will also debut on Syfy in October.

Bobby Miller (The Cleanse) directs from a script by Scott Lobdell (Happy Death Day). Tashiana Washington, Ava Preston, Jack Fulton, Jaeden Noel, Vash Singh, and Dee Wallace star.

Wallace, of course, starred in the 1986 original Critters as Helen Brown, but she’s playing the character of Aunt Dee in this one. The press notes call it a “mysterious role,” so perhaps she’s covertly reprising her original role.

The trailer, synopsis, and special features are below.