ford as a child: i have the whole world ahead of me :) with my brother as my companion i will surely succeed
ford as a teenager: ok so familial companionship didn't work out so great. kind of ruined my chances at success. but there are other kinds of companions
ford in college: is it possible to have companionship AND succeed?????
ford watching his best friend get married: ok i get it. i am not fit for human companionship. but maybe this inhuman thing i found in a dank cave which everybody says is gross and nasty can help me succeed
ford calling his best friend: no i know i cant have human companionship. this is only for success reasons i prommy (<- lying) (<- he is lying) (<- bill's miserable excuse for friendship is different but ultimately unsatisfying) (<- he is desperate for human companionship)
ford in the portal: i can neither have success nor companionship. the only option for me is fixing my mistakes or die trying. probably the latter
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responding to this reply on my post saying stan and fiddleford don't like each other - i was going to reblog and add it but i forgot you can't add videos in reblogs so i guess this is its own post now; anyway here's stan talking shit about mcgucket for almost a minute from the land before swine hidden commentary track. video description below the cut.
video description: a clip of the land before swine in-character grunkle stan hidden commentary. the episode is playing as normal, but the volume of the actual episode is turned down to an almost inaudible level and grunkle stan is commentating. the video transcript is as follows:
oh, gosh. this guy. yeah, so, uh… y'know, old man mcgucket… he's a bit of a - he's kind of a liability. i mean i guess he helped us save the world with that robot and whatever, um, but, y'know, prior to me realizing he was a genius, he was mainly just a nuisance. like i think i run - ran over him with my car a couple times. he's like a possum, he just runs out in the middle of the road. (laughing) i mean - y'know, everyone in gravity falls has run over old man mcgucket at least once. it's kinda - it's kind of a rite of passage when you're in that town. y'know, obviously i didn't want him on this mission, y'know, mcgucket-ing up the whole thing. he's a liability, i mean, let's face it! various tales that we didn't need to hear. that gold tooth glinting in my eye distracting me all the time. uh, y'know, i'm pretty sure he was responsible for getting us to fall off of this thing - wait, let's wait and see. yeah, there it is. called it! his fault. sometimes i remember things being someone else's fault but in this case i was right! all mcgucket.
been seeing a lot of greenhorns in the tag asking why it's called fiddauthor and not fordford, so here's the answer: it's because people have been shipping them since before we knew the author's name. pretty much as soon as it was revealed that fiddleford worked with the author people were asking "in a gay way?". most of the content back then was highly speculative, too - ford's existence had not been confirmed yet and a lot of people thought his name was stanley because the whole nameswap thing hadn't been explained yet either. due to the confusion about the character's identity and name, people at the time decided it would be easier to just call it "fiddauthor" and so that's the ship name now. other names are used but that's The Main One
“Fiddleford and Stan did interact in canon, but they really don't like each other very much. Stan is also very emotionally immature and angry and would not be the 'ideal partner for Fiddleford' that people characterize him as,” I say into the mic.
The crowd boos. I begin to walk off stage in shame, when a voice commands silence from the room.
“She's right,” I look to the owner of the voice. There in the fifth row stands Mr. Mystery himself, having hit Old Man McGucket with his car twice on his way over and called him possum breath both times
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i want to write something nice and meaningful about fiddleford not hating gubby but i have to pack so this is all i have in me
transcript/screenreader version below cut because it's kind of long
image ID: a screenshot of a text file i wrote of a quarter-assed fanfiction about fiddleford and the shapeshifter. many words are misspelled and there are countless grammatical and punctuation errors. end image ID.
screenreader-friendly image transcript:
once upon a time fiddleford was hanging out in the bunker. bunkers are man-made underground spaces so you would think it would be really cold because places that are underground are usually cold. well you would be right but fiddleford was really hot today in the bunker because he was working so hard and sexily. he was sticking out his nonexistent ass as his head was buried in some machine thing i don't know engineering.
suddenly ford came up behind him. "hello" said ford.
"agh" said fiddleford and he was startled and banged his head against the machine and got a huge concussion and lost consciousness for a couple hours. but when he came to ford was still waiting there patiently so they continued their conversation. "what's up."
"look at this thing i found" said ford and he held up a pile of slime.
"that's disgusting waht is that. is that like a dead jellyfish" asked fiddleford. just then the slime moved! and took the shape of the wrench that fiddleford was holding (i forgot to mention he was holding a wrench but trust me it was there the whole time).
"what the hell is that." said fiddleford.
"it's a shapeshifter ❤️" said ford and he held the wrench up to his his lips and kissed it tenderly. for a split second fiddleford felt a little bit jealous of a wrench but stopped feeling that way because it was stupid. "i am going to raise it as my son" finished ford.
fiddleford watched as the wrench changed back into a grub thing and it jumped onto his head and started sucking on his open head wound. "idk it's kind of ugly" he said.
ford frowned. "fiddleford... i thought you of all people would be more accepting of guys who are a little bit different..." he said gayly.
fiddleford felt bad he didn't want to make ford feel isolated. and the grub was actually making his open head wound feel better or maybe he was just getting numb to the pain from blood loss. "well okay 🙂" said fiddleford and then they raised shifty as their child and lived happily ever after. the end. end transcript.
