#j.hernandez

Without them you cannot have me. I'm always stuck somewhere in between. This is the shit that needs parental guidance. They wanna see my mental silenced 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN THINKING OUT LOUD.

Little flower, over watered by her own tears. Over thrown by her own fears. Over looked through her own thoughts. She hasn't felt alive in over so many years. How could it be, something so lovely, so free.. is trapped in her own mind? You see, she's searching for love, but left with nothing to find. As if her own conscious is leaving her blind. Her only desire is to blossom in due time. & she will. Little flower, dreams to be planted on the moon, just to be closer to the stars. But she's been implanted to soon, now nothing's ever seemed so far. Every petal was meant to be loved, for each one makes her whole. For every one you remove, you take a piece of her soul. You take away the shine, that which will help her grow. Oh, little flower, how afraid she is to be clipped. She can almost feel the damage that will inflict. Alone in a garden filled with others, she only dreams to be picked. & she will.

My body is much colder than it should be. It's as if I've become so numb, I don't feel the heat of my frustration and anger anymore. However, it is pretty cold in the train cart I'm in. I sit next to a window, with my arm against it, and my head resting on my knuckles. I know there's people around me, I can see them, I just don't feel it. What's in front of my eyes, I can't seem to make out. My mind is out of focus, not my sight. I don't know what sort of thoughts are lingering around in my head today. I've learned to accept them. They're the only ones who keep me company at night anyway. How I actually wish this cart was empty. I look out the window. It's a cloudy day. Not an eerie one, though, where the clouds seem like they're angry at us, ready to unleash all the pain they're holding in. More of a peaceful one, but it's teasing me. Where's the rain, God? Give me a drizzle at least. I'd much rather feel the rain pour over my head. At least something is touching me, keeping me going. I don't seem to remember what it was which I was seeking in people. It couldn't have been love. That'd be too cliché. No, it was more along the line of buoyancy. Everyone today has become so reserved. The lack of communication amongst one another has reduced their value towards each other. Communication has become scarce.  They fear rejection. Humiliation. Embarrassment. They've lost their sense of humor. They forgot how to feel pain, as if life is supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies all the damn time. If I've become as hopeless as them, then my world has been doomed.

I am the best of me.