#j;ask

if goong min was to come back to her life. she doesn’t like to admit it, but he had and still has a great influence on her. joohyun loved him to death, even though he was terrible and abusive. if he was to come back at any point, he’d probably break her so easily it wouldn’t even be a fair fight. 

it’s not a supernatural happening of some sort, but it’s something that, to this day, joohyun doesn’t understand. soon after she came to seoul, she was scouted by loen. joohyun thought she was being a good trainee, but after a year, they decided to terminate her contract without any explanation as to why. it’s something that really bothered her for some time, but she’s mostly past it now. she just wishes to get another contract and not let something like that happen again. 

THE FOOL:what is the stupidest thing your muse has ever done?that’s actually hard. joohyun made a lot of stupid things during her whole life, one of the stupidest thing she’s ever done was probably deny help when she didn’t even have a place to stay. she never wants anything out of pity so even though she really needed the help, joohyun didn’t accept it because she was way too proud. however, she did try to go back to her abusive relationship once, so i don’t know what’s worse. 

“as for the effects…” she shrugs once more. “i don’t know, i fit into the standard of beauty naturally. so there’s not much to talk. there’s this… well, you’re just another pretty face thing… but yeah. i don’t have any kind of problem with that.” 

“i... i don’t know, honestly” joohyun shrugs. “i can be a different person after debut, you know. probably won’t think the same as i do right now.” she looks down for a second or two before raising her head to resume her answer. “but as the person i am right now, i’d probably leave the person. if this person is indeed my perfect partner, then... there will be a way to work things out after my career calmed down.” she bits on her bottom lip. “my dream became my life, now. music is my life. it’s what gave me hope. it’s what made me leave my family, fight them, come to seoul without money and without a roof on top of my head. i can’t give up on this easily.” - “also, most of my life, i’ve been choosing other people over me. and right now, i don’t feel like doing that anymore. i’ll choose me.”

“nooot really” she says, a grin to her lips. the very idea of being in a variety show was ridiculous to say the least. “i don’t think the public would like me that much. i usually think those variety shows are ridiculous” joohyun shrugs. they were never her kind of humor - obviously, because she had a sick one, but details. “but if i were to be part of one, i’d choose running man. i mean, i’m pretty competitive and i think i could have fun in those missions, as silly as they can be. and being a competition, maybe i could let people see a different side of me?” she raises her eyebrows and chuckles. “but yeah, i think it’s sad to be considered just the variety talent. i mean, all idols have something they want to show and i don’t know, putting their fists in their mouth isn’t really what you do to get a contract”

“i...” her tongue comes to wet her lips as she thinks about it. she had these mixed feelings about herself. “i like who i am, but that doesn’t mean i think i am a good person.” she scratches the back of her neck, in annoyance, and goes on. “you see, i think i’m a despicable person. i’m awful. truly awful. but i’m damn pretty. also, i’m fucking good at what i do. i think i’m a wonderful performer.” she tilts her head a bit while thinking about the other half of the question. “i think i would be okay with that. that is, because none of my fans will truly know me.” joohyun gives a lazy smile and fixes her hair. “they will know the performer, the idol. they won’t know how i am a terrible person because i’ll act like i’m not when their eyes will be on me. and that’s who they will love: the idealized person in their heads. not me, precisely. and i’m fine with that”

“well, it depends a lot on my situation” joohyun says. the question was quite the interesting one. “i think that if my company wasn’t satisfying me or if i thought they weren’t giving me the opportunities i deserve and if i had a great chance to get a contract with another one, then yes.” she pauses. “i wouldn’t give up on a chance to put myself out there” she nods and then talks again. “but, if something seems uncertain and if i feel that it wouldn’t bring me nothing great, i don’t think i would. having a contract gives you some kind of assurance and that’s not something to take for granted”