#j headcanons

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A core set free

★ A knife of yours was lost to Alice's antlers. Added to the mess of sharp objects she chooses to decorate herself with. You never found that blade. And, to be honest, you're still mourning the loss. It was your favorite knife too!

★ You body? That's gone too. Left as a mere core without any metal to protect yourself. If you went back down, you could probably find some parts she didn't touch. But that might be traumatizing. So you try to keep away from there. Maybe some other time...

★ If you did go back, I'd be with N. Who tags along for moral support. Or perhaps J? She's good at pretending not to be scared.

★ Sentinels, with their three glowing eyes and sharp teeth, are surprisingly easy to hide from! You've spent countless hours watching them. Analyzing how they behave. Gives you an advantage when compared to others.

Thanks for the ask @alittlesmartcookie!! Heh, J is very picky indeed! I've formulated my own little headcanons about what he hates eating before so here's a list:

Applesauce. Do not even get him started. He hates it. His feelings towards it were mutual for most of his life, but after being put into Arkham and constantly being fed applesauce with most meals, he absolutely despises it. It doesn't help that the staff tried to hide his meds in it like he wouldn't notice. Sometimes he even gets nauseous at the sight of it.

Milk. He won't drink it straight up. If you add a ton of chocolate syrup he will 🙄

Certain veggies like cauliflower, broccoli, or squash. He doesn't like the taste especially when cooked. He's okay with most veggies like lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, (think salads) but if he had a choice they wouldn't be his first pick. This man has a massive sweet tooth.

Pretty much any food that's too mushy. He hates the texture and how it feels when he's eating.

-Has a JC Jensen mug

-Doesn’t like music at all

-Raised Tessa since she was young

-One of the smartest drones out there

-Not very emotionally intelligent though

-She/it pronouns

Anon, I'm so sorry this took me over 4 months to answer! 😭 I didn’t really know how to make this into a oneshot so I’m going to do this in headcanon format with little drabbles in between if that’s alright. This is kind of like a 'what if' situation. No way in canon would Joker let you keep a baby. But let's just pretend :3 I loved this request so thank you for the ask! <333

You understandably freak out when the pregnancy test comes back positive. You are pregnant with The Joker’s child! 

What are you gonna do? How will Joker respond? Will he leave you?

Eventually you gather the courage to sit him down one night and tell him, sobbing the whole way through because you are so scared of his response.

“J-Joker, please don’t be mad! I thought we were being cautious enough, I really did! I can get rid of it if you want-” 

But J surprises you with his reaction. He just shrugs off your hysterics and laughs. “Bunny, bunny, calm down. Is it mine?”

You look at him incredulously and shout, “Well who else would get me pregnant?! The fucking Batman?!”

Joker laughs harder. “Okay then. Why would I be mad at ya?”

You stare at him in disbelief. “Joker, do you understand what this means? We are having a baby! A tiny human! That we are now responsible for! Don’t you see how this is a problem?”

“I know, y/n. We’ll figure it out. You function just fine while I’m gone. The apartment is secluded. Nobody suspects us. You could keep the baby here with you and when I come home I can help.”

“But J, aren’t people gonna start asking questions when they see me with a newborn? And what about the baby? They’ll have to grow up knowing about you. What kind of life are they gonna have? I know this is a lot to ask and I probably shouldn’t, but if you want us to keep the baby, why don’t you just quit? It’ll make it so much easier on us.”

Joker sighs. “It’s not that simple, y/n. I can’t just…stop. I could lay low for a while and not be as active.”

“Can’t you just slowly ease out of it? Think of our kid, J.”

“I… I mean, I guess I could. It’s gonna be hard but I can try. It might take a while though. At least a year for me to get the cops off my back and then fully disappear. I could resume my identity if I need to…” 

“J, you don’t have to do all that. I just need you to step away from crime for the sake of our child. That’s all I’m asking. If we’re gonna have this baby, their father needs to be present.”

“I know. I wanna be. My father was shit. I don’t want to repeat that.”

You smile and nuzzle into his chest. “You won’t. I’m sure of it.”

During your pregnancy, Joker is constantly checking up on you and catering to your needs. He has to know you’re okay at all times.

Weird cravings? He’s on it. No questions asked.

Cramps and headaches? He makes sure you lay down and rest while he takes care of the housework and cooking like a true gentleman. 

All while he’s slowly getting out of the criminal realm by killing laying off his henchmen and letting Frost handle things until the organization can be fully destroyed.

Frost is in utter shock at Joker’s decision and cannot believe what he’s witnessing. But he’s also very happy for his friend. He hasn’t seen J this content in a long time. The idea of being a father must be doing wonders for him. Frost is also the godfather of the baby which gives him a warm fuzzy feeling he doesn’t quite understand.

Further into the pregnancy, you and J remodel your spare bedroom into a nursery. You paint it a neutral green since it's one of J's favorite colors and move a crib and a rocking chair inside. You also stock up on diapers and other supplies to prepare for the baby's arrival.

Finally the time comes for you to go into labor. 

You gasp and sit upright in bed as you feel your water break in the middle of the night. You grab J by his shoulders and shake him until he opens his eyes.

“J! My water just broke!” 

“Huh? Go back to sleep, doll…” Joker mumbles groggily and rolls back over.

You let out an exasperated noise. “J, you idiot! Get up! The baby’s coming!”

It finally registers with Joker and he jumps up out of bed. “OH! The baby. Right. Uhhh, wait here. I’ll call the doc.”

You couldn’t exactly go to the hospital in these circumstances. You wanted Joker to be right there with you when the baby was born and so did he. That wouldn’t be an option at the hospital. So Joker calls his personal doctor that he has on speed dial. His job came with many injuries and a doctor was an extremely handy person to have on staff.

While waiting on the doctor to get to the apartment, Joker lays towels down on the bed underneath you and tries to make you as comfortable as possible. 

You cry out as a sharp pain spreads across your back. “AH! J, I’m scared! I can’t do this!”

“It’s gonna be okay, y/n. You got this. I’m here.” Joker reassures you, squeezing your hand tightly.

There’s a sudden knock at the door and Joker receives a text on his phone. He gets up to go let the doctor in. As the door opens, she pushes past Joker and runs to the bedroom to attend to you. 

Joker pulls up a chair and sits by quietly as the doctor does her work, occasionally rubbing your back and comforting you when needed.

Unlike most men he isn’t grossed out or horrified by the gory sight of giving birth. He’d seen far worse before.

He watches in awe as you persevere through the pain and focus on delivering your baby. He couldn’t be proud of you.

After 8 hours of strenuous labor, it’s almost over. The doctor is encouraging you to make one final push as you grip Joker’s hand so tightly that your knuckles turn white.

“Come on, y/n. That’s it. One more push.” Joker cheers you on.

With a groan of pain, you push again. A sense of relief washes over you and then a small cry breaks out. You look up and see the doctor wrapping your newborn up in a towel and cradling it in her arms. 

“Congratulations boss, you have a healthy baby girl.” The doctor informs Joker and carefully hands the baby over to you. She leaves the room for a moment to give you and J some privacy.

You gasp as you hold the infant to your chest, the pain and exhaustion melting away. “It’s a girl? Aww, hi sweetie.”

Joker sniffles and tears up beside you. He's always wanted a baby girl. You notice him and chuckle. 

“I can see you over there, tough guy.”

Joker lets a choked sob escape his lips. “Sh-She’s so beautiful… Can I hold her?”

You’re taken aback by his sudden show of emotion but you nod and hand the baby to Joker with a smile. He cradles his daughter with a gentleness you’ve never seen from him before. Almost as if he’s afraid to touch her. He kisses her forehead softly. 

“Hi there sweet girl. I’m your Dad. It’s good to finally meet you.” 

The baby wraps her tiny fingers around Joker’s and stares up at him curiously. You laugh at the adorable display but then you realize you haven’t even named her yet.

“J, what are we gonna name her? I haven’t thought of anything.”

“Uh, what letter you thinking of?” Joker asks, not taking his eyes off the bundle of joy in his arms.

“J.” You answer with a soft smile.

Joker catches on and shakes his head. “You ain’t gotta do that, doll. Name her what ya want. I don’t care.”

“No really, I want it to be a J name.”

Joker relents with a sigh and contemplates on a girl name that starts with J. “Uhhhh, Julia?”

“Nah.”

“Josephine?”

“Eh, too fancy.”

“Jade?” 

“Maybe…”

“Jocelyn?”

“No.”

“Juniper?”

“Ooh, I like that one. Let’s go with that. Is that good with you?”

“Yeah. It’s different. I like it.”

The doctor comes in again to make sure that you are recovering well. After you get changed and cleaned up, Joker and the doctor leave the bedroom to let you rest while they take care of Juniper.

Joker adores being a father. He could now fully enjoy it after he officially retires from crime by the time Juniper is a few months old. The police are absolutely baffled. Where did he go? It was like he and his entire organization just disappeared off the face of the earth. Little do they know Joker is right under their noses in an apartment downtown.

Joker keeps an extremely low profile whenever the two of you make an outing, especially with the baby. As a disguise he wears sunglasses and special makeup over his scars. On short trips he just uses a scarf to hide them.

Joker slowly learns how to parent with your guidance and patience. You were new at this too but motherly instincts that you didn’t know you had were kicking in and you surprised yourself with how good you were at being a mom.

Joker is the peek-a-boo king. One of his greatest strengths as a dad is of course making his daughter laugh. He has more time now than ever to play and spend time with her. As hard as it was to let go, he can’t help but think that giving up his life of crime was the best decision he’d ever made.

Juniper has your eyes and Joker’s hair. When her hair started to grow, the curl pattern became evident. Though you knew the curls would be beautiful just her like father’s, they were going to be a pain to take care of.

Each night you and J take turns tending to Juniper when she cries or gets fussy. 

You and Joker are nestled together in bed, exhausted from a day’s work of parenting. The bedroom door is cracked so you can hear if Juniper cries. Sure enough a whine breaks out in the middle of the night, waking you both up. 

“Your turn…” You mumble to Joker, who’s resting his head on your chest. 

“Yes dear.” Joker says sleepily and kisses your cheek.

He sits up with a yawn and moves into the nursery. He picks Juniper up out of her crib and holds her to his chest, patting her back gently.

"Shhh. Go back ta sleep, darlin'. Daddy's got you."

would he ever teach his S/O how to use a weapon? and if so, with what intentions?

Hi anon! Ooh love this question! <333

Oh yes! If you don't already know self defense, he'll definitely teach you, and even if you do he'll still give you a few extra tips. J wants to keep you safe even when he's not around.

That being said he will teach you how to handle a variety of weapons, like knives and guns. Knives are pretty self explanatory but guns can be a lot more difficult.

He also teaches you to use your surroundings. Anything can be a weapon. J is a master at this. (Remember the pencil scene??)

One day J decides to take you to a deserted part of town and sets up a shooting range in an abandoned warehouse. There are cardboard cut outs and empty soda cans for you to practice on. This is yet another one of his twisted date night ideas...

J demonstrates for you first and then lets you have a go. The moment he slips the heavy pistol into your hands you feel nervous. But after a little encouragement from J, you give it a try. At the start you aren't very accurate and miss most of the time.

Being the supportive boyfriend he is, J laughs at all your missed shots. He sighs and stands behind you, steadying your hands with his and helping you aim. With his help you hit a few of the targets.

"Aim small miss small, y/n." J says and backs off to let you try on your own. You roll your eyes and take aim.

Your first shot nicks the side of a cardboard cutout, a lot closer than you were before. So you adjust and your next shot effectively hits it in the middle.

J whistles in approval. "You're a real sharpshooter, y/n. Now that ya know the ropes, wanna have a shoot off?" He grins as he reaches into his pocket and draws another pistol for himself.

Headcanons and a tiny oneshot

J is in love with your work. As an artist himself, he appreciates your creativity

He steals buys you more supplies when you need them. Which is such a relief because art stuff is expensive.

He is a huge help when you have art block

On days where he’s at home and not out spreading chaos, J sits down and paints with you. He finds it relaxing.

You draw each other often.

J’s favorite mediums are paint and charcoal because he loves the mess

He encourages you to experiment with new mediums and techniques 

You make sure to tell J how much you love his art and how proud it makes you 

Many J originals have made it to the fridge or on the walls

Speaking of walls, you and J turned your art room into a giant mural that you add onto and paint over regularly. It happened like this:

One day, J came home to you sprinkling paint on a canvas in your studio. He peeked through the doorway to watch your progress. You hit your paintbrush a little too hard and a glob of red paint splattered onto the wall. Horrified, you tried to scrape it off the wall but it was no use. J laughed at your attempts to clean it up. You whipped around to see him standing in the doorway.

“S’okay bunny. I like the paint on the wall. Leave it. It gives it some color.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Actually,” J grabbed a paintbrush and scanned the room, “we could paint this whole room.” 

You gasped. “J, I love that idea!”

The rest of the day, after you moved everything out, you and J devoted your time to painting the walls of the art room. J took one wall and you took another. You decided to take it one patch at a time.

For the first patch, you painted skyscrapers and tall buildings dotted along Gotham’s night sky. J had made something similar on his wall, except his buildings were outlined in fiery red, orange, and yellow, signifying their fate.

You looked up to see what J had painted after that and smiled to yourself. The man had an obsession with clowns and clown related themes so that’s exactly what he painted. Clowns of different sizes, shapes, and styles with many different colors and exaggerated expressions.

For the next patch on your wall, you decided to paint a circus theme. You painted elephants, tigers, acrobats and of course clowns. J loved this painting the most.

In the few remaining hours of the day, you filled up your wall with other unique things and J finished his. As soon as the next morning came, you both got started on the other two walls, filling them up with miscellaneous themes and objects. J’s walls seemed to reflect his personality and your walls reflected yours. His paintings were chaotic and messy. Yours were more refined and elegant.

When the mural was finally finished, you and J looked around the room in awe of how much prettier the room had become. You moved the furniture and supplies back in and plopped down on the beanbag in the corner with J.

You were both smiling and covered in paint. J leaned forward to kiss you.

I felt like ranting about him in my notes today ☺️

J loooves to draw or make any kind of art really. Painting, photography, sketching, etc. It’s therapeutic and it helps him sort out his chaotic brain. He considers himself to be an artist since he sees his “work” as art. 

He is super intelligent and creative. He can fix things and explain how they work. He’s even made his own explosives before.

I hc that he has ASPD, PTSD, and insomnia or other sleep problems, I’m not really sure. 

Many people think J hears voices in his head but I don’t think he does. The voices he hears are his own thoughts. He has a racing mind and too many things come at him at one time. He has impulsive thoughts  frequently but he doesn’t act on them much unless there aren’t any major consequences. This is a factor in his ASPD. He also gets bored easily (which is another symptom).

He has scars all over his body. Some are battle scars from the military and some are from his work.

Songs I think fit him really well - Anger Rising by Jerry Cantrell, Jeremy by Pearl Jam, Lithium by Nirvana, One by Metallica and Rooster by Alice In Chains (these reflect his military background), Once by Pearl Jam, Angry Chair by Alice In Chains, Where is My Mind? by the Pixies, People Are Strange by the Doors, Coming Undone by Korn and Play with Fire by Sam Tinnesz

J’s music taste is very similar to mine, if not the exact same. He’s definitely a metal head, he likes 60s and 70s classic rock, and grunge resonates with him the most cause the angst 😭 His favorite bands are Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Alice In Chains, and Pearl Jam. I hc he skateboarded in his younger years and PJ has the perfect music for skating. He likes Led Zeppelin because his mom liked them and he grew up with their music.

Speaking of his mother, he had a very close relationship with her. He takes after in looks except she has blonde hair and hazel eyes. He gets his curly hair from her. When he got big enough he would protect her from his abusive father even if it meant he got his ass kicked. Losing his mom was part of what pushed him over the edge.

He doesn’t drink or take any substances. I used to hc that he drank but now that I think about it, that doesn’t make sense for a number of reasons. He does smoke sometimes. Idk it just fits for some reason. He tries to avoid it when he can though because he knows it’s bad for him.

J is not a Christmas person at all. In fact he hates the holiday season with a burning passion. He says it brings out the worst in people with all the busyness, get-togethers, shopping deals, and the “gimme” attitude people seem to have. He thinks Christmas is just capitalism at its finest.

Don’t even get him started on Christmas music. One of his goons made the mistake of playing it in the car on the way to a job. Needless to say, he was killed on the spot.

But, if you celebrate Christmas, he’ll go through with it just for you. 

He goes all out with gifts and decorations that may or may not be stolen. Oh and he definitely chopped down a huge tree from the park. Only the best for his bunny.

J knows you so well that your gift is always spot on. That new outfit still sitting in your cart? He’s on it. A special interest you have? He’s got that covered too. You’re an artist? You wake up Christmas morning to supplies that'll last you through the next year. You’re a writer? You look under the tree and find a new computer to replace your old crappy one.

Now it’s your turn. J is a simple man. He doesn’t ask you for anything. But you still want to give him something because he gave you so much.

At first, you can’t figure out what to get him but then you remember that J loves photography. So you buy him the best camera you can find and wrap it with purple and green paper. His reaction is simply adorable.

"Aw bunny. Ya didn't have to." He said, as he examined the new camera in his hands.

"I wanted to." You told him as you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders.

He tilted his head back and softly kissed your cheek.