youre older than my mom btw!!! i just thought you should know >.< what if im like, totally vulnerable rn! what if my real mom is awful? what if i just need someone to teach me how to be a good mother to a daughter of my own? what tips do you have for me as a kiddo that somehow ended up with a daughter?
Haha yeah I’m old enough to be a grandma if I had my kids at a younger age. (Hot right?) If I’m older than your mom, your daughter must still be pretty young. Parenting isn’t super simple, but I’ll list out a few things I go by and what I’ve learned.
Don’t lie to children. This is probably me being autistic, but how can they trust a mom that lies to them
Talk to them like they’re small adults-in-training. That’s what they are. This doesn’t mean they need all the information, but start basic when answering questions and give more information if asked.
Don’t baby talk (maybe this is me, but it drives me crazy when people do this to kids). Use big words sometimes. This helps build vocabulary.
Consent is important, and can be revoked. We always ask our kids if we can hug them, kiss their head, etc. If a relative goes to hug or kiss them, we stop them and ask them to get consent first. This helps them learn it’s acceptable and safe to say no. This skill is definitely important later on in life.
Give them comfort and affection if it’s what they want/need. Some kids want space if they fall. This is consent again.
They don’t remember everything that happens to them when they’re very small, but bad memories are more likely to stick around. And even if they don’t remember events, their relationship with you and others is built upon what has happened before.
Tell them you love them. This love needs to be unconditional, no matter what happens or what they tell you. Help them feel safe telling you about things that have happened to them.
I believe in natural consequences, not punishment. One example is if they hit someone, obviously stop them, but talk with them about consent and potential social ramifications to something like this. The natural consequence is they might lose friends. No need to add an artificial punishment.
Rewards are good though. It feels nice and encourages behavior. Sticker charts or one-off rewards, whatever works for you.
I try not to say I’m proud of my kids. If they have an accomplishment, I might talk with them about how great the accomplishment is, how hard they worked, and how proud they must be of themself. But saying you’re proud of them can be interpreted as conditional love.
This list has gotten kind of big. But these are some of the foundations I use as a parent. I hope they’re helpful!
