So today was interesting. I set up two friends. All I did was tell me friend about my other friend, and tell him they'd be sweet together. Hours later they're watching movies at her home. I love that I can make others happy but hate that I can't make that happen for me. Why? I want happiness too. I haven't been able to fall asleep before 4 am for nearly 2 weeks now. I hate it. I think it could be a side problem from my eating habits? That's a whole nother story right there. Anyways tomorrow I'm waking up early to call my doctor and schedule an appointment. I need to get on something and get some sleep before my winter term starts at the uni. I'm taking 12 units there, plus 7 high school classes. I'm adding a yoga class with my friend, and possibly a Tai Chi class. I need to be on something soon. I plan on rationing my pills when I get them. They won't be a huge dose at first, but I'll have them up it over time. I'll only take a pill every other night or something like that, and save the others in my box of saving items. I don't plan on using them soon, but it's good to have a stash just in case things get bad. I'm fairly sure I don't have an eating disorder at all. I go through fucking cycles I swear. I ate nothing but a clementine until about 5:30. Then I ate an entire bag of chocolate and some fake bacon. Didn't purge any of it. Took a ten minute cold shower though. Doesn't make up for my lack of self-control at all, but at least it burned a few calories. My mom put the scale from our farm home in this house. I'm excited, but worried. I haven't weighed myself in a couple weeks because I was sure I gained. I usually only use my dad's scale. This scale says I dropped 3 lbs, but I think it's a difference in scales. I'll find my accurate weight once I go to the doc tomorrow. I still only see myself getting fatter. I've somehow lost 12 lbs that I can't fucking see. Great. Helped my friend ask her boyfriend out to Winter Formal today, I was dressed as Vegeta. I'll add a picture of that in a bit. Not super exciting. I managed to resist the cookies and hot coco and went for water instead. That's all for this this paper. I think South Africa is very misrepresented in the media. And I hope Bernie becomes president with Elizabeth Warren as his running mate. The world is fucked up big time.