#itscalledgrowth

Since moving back to Los Angeles, I’ve decided to use this time to work on myself holistically, meaning feeding my mind, body and spirit. I could have surrounded this move with negativity and sadness because I moved in with my grandparents, moved away from friends, no money in my bank account, no job secured, blah blah blah. But instead I decided to take this opportunity to focus on parts of my well-being that was screaming for attention. Basically, seeing the light at the end of the so-called tunnel or some other cliché phrase. And to be quite honest, my spirit is yearning for attention. So much was going on around me, that was not for me. With that being said, I focused my time working on my spiritual self. It needed the most attention. So, what exactly have I been doing? Been intentional with meditating everyday (of course some days I don’t, no one is perfect), thinking positive thoughts, making vision boardS (yes more than one. Ya girl got a lot of goals that she trying to manifest), writing out my goals, writing in my gratitude journal or outwardly expressing gratitude for the people around me, basically vibrating at a higher frequency.

Some days it is hard. Some days I feel so inspired like I can take on the world. As the days pass and I reflect on my current state of mind, I realize yes, I’m making progress but I’m also cheating myself. I think about this blog every day and wishing I could share it with the world. Yet I don’t write anything. I come home from work, take a shower, maybe eat dinner and go to sleep. My excuse is I’m tired and want to be well rested for work the next day. Honestly, I’m being lazy. Or maybe I’m scared? Scared of expressing my thoughts. Scared of connecting with people on a deeper level. Or maybe I’m nervous about sharing something that’s very personal to me. My holistic wellness journey is very personal. I’ve been through so many highs and lows and although I love sharing affirmations and how I’ve come so far and where I want to be, I only share it with a select few. Some family members and my two best friends at most. Could it be possible that they see this greatness and light filled person in me because I’m truly vulnerable with them. Do they see beauty and success in me because I am truly myself around them? If that’s the case, what would happen if I show my vulnerability to more people? If I share the things that truly make me happy and light up. If I shared my rock bottoms and my mountain peaks and everything in between?

Honestly, even if no-one reads this, I did it for myself. Because I decided to stop only thinking about it and actually JUST DO IT (shout to Nike and Colin Kaepernick).

Every day, I hope to make strides toward growth. Whether that’s physical growth, mental growth, or spiritual growth. I hope to take each day as an opportunity to be a better person. It’s time for some things to start changing. It’s time to stop being scared or making excusing. The fact that I gotten this far in this blog post means something already :) 

-E.