#its a requirement to decrease my tuition

want to unlock the doors at your school? get our app (it doesn't work).

would you like to unlock the doors at your church? use our app (it works if you're on wifi. why wouldn't you be on wifi when standing outside the building in the cold?).

would you like to see your assignments? you must download our app (it's extremely glitchy).

would you like to talk to people at school? you must download five new apps (they need ALL of your data and they WILL use your messages to fuel their imbecilic auto-text suggestions).