#itmfl

In the Mood for Love, 2013, Wong Kar-Wai

This is the third time I’ve watched In the Mood for Love (itmfl), and I’d say the older you get the harder this movie hits. I’ve been thinking a lot about the social rules that make up our society, all the little rules we come up with in order to make our lives easier, or more understandable at least. I think “the marriage state” is one of the biggest of these, and infidelity is one of its cardinal sins. 

Günce Gözütok

for ITMFL | SS21

PLEASE REFER TO THE UPDATED NOTICE FOUND HERE: http://damasceen.tumblr.com/post/171140628211/updated-notice-i-am-selling-my-bangtan-merchandise

(Chapter 1 / Chapter 2)

Next morning Seokjin woke up early like he always did to go running. He was a rising actor, having a small but faithful fan base who had come for his looks and stayed for his talent. So he always made sure he was at his top form, not wanting to disappoint anybody about his body when he had ro do a ropless scene- which he always had to do for some reason.

It was so early that the sun hadn’t even fully rised yet, so he didn’t expected none of his roommates to be awake. Nor did he expected to find you cooking breakfasts, your long brown hair bobbing in a high ponytail along with your head, in rhythm to whatever music you were listening through your headphones.

He didn’t made himself know so quickly, having a moment to really look at you without being noticed and without Yoongi barking at him. You were really pretty, even prettier than some of the models he worked with some times. You were tall too, maybe a couple inches smaller than your brother, but tall for a girl, with long legs. Even looking tired and upset, he had to admit you were one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen.

Seeing you stop mixing the scrambled eggs, looking at the phone buzzing with a incoming phone call in your hands, he decided that it was time to stop being a creep and make himself known.

“Wah, who would’ve thought Yoongi’s own blood was capable of waking up this early. I thought it was in your genetic code to hate mornings.”  His loud voice had made you almost drop your phone, that now you had brought along with you hand to your heart while you cursed low.

Seokjin had to resist the urge to laugh at you.

“Jin-ssi.” You breathed in relief, knowing that your life wasn’t in danger. “I thought i was the only one awake. Have you been there for long? Did you eat yet?”

He leaned against the kitchen countertop beside your. The phone had started buzzing again, making you sigh, throwing him dangerously near the sink.

“I didn’t. Aren’t you gonna answer that?” he asked, eyeing the pink device.

You bitted your lower lip, looking a little embarrassed again. “That’s Jaebum, so no, not gonna answer. I wouldn’t even know what to say. Do you like eggs?”

He nodded, sitting at the kitchen island. He had always  found the kitchen to be the best thing in this apartment, maybe the most spacious he had seen in Seoul. You didn’t find kitchens this big in central Seoul anymore, so he appreciated it even more. He still didn’t know how Yoongi didn’t charged more for rent, with all the space the apartment had.

He watched as you easily found where everything was, having to remind himself that you used to live here before. The room that was always locked was actually yours, answering one of his biggest questions since he moved in. He had always assumed that the room was just somewhere where Yoongi kept the body’s of the people he murdered hidden.

“I assume you are the reason why there’s real food in this house?” You asked after setting a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him, filling his coffee mug. You looked right, being in there, he thought. In the well loved kitchen, the early morning sunlight hitting the top of your cheekbones, setting a golden filter through the whole room. “God knows Yoongi oppa and Tae only eat junk food.”

“Yeah,” he answered before chewing. It tasted exactly the way he liked, the right amount of salt and butter. “They wouldn’t eat if it wasn’t for me. I have to make them coffee everyday when I wake up.”

She chewed on her food a little more before speaking again.

“Why are you awake so early, anyway? Do you have somewhere to be or is it an actor thing? I googled you, by the way. You have a lot of fans already, I was impressed.”

He stopped chewing, blurting with his mouth still full, “You googled me??”

You looked awfully entertained by his reaction, your hand covering your smile again, just like last night. Jin felt a little disappointed at not seeing your smile again, but he pushed it to the side for now. You scoffed lightly at him. “What did you expected? I had to know who I was sharing the same roof with. You’re very photogenic by the way. Your selfies are great.”

“God that’s so embarrassing!” whined Jin, hiding his face behind his hands. “You should’ve just asked me what you wanted to know, I would’ve even shown you my best selfies.  What else did you found?”

You shrugged, wiping your mouth delicately with a napkin. “Nothing much. Just that you have nice abs and great singing voice. Oh, and that you apparently blink with your left eye when you’re hungry, which is ridiculous. Is that even true?”

Jin looked at you, seeming more hurt than he should. “Yeah it’s true. Do you really think my abs are nice?”

You rolled your eyes, finally looking like Yoongi again. “You know they are nice, you have about a thousand shirtless selfies. You didn’t answered​ me, you know. About why you’re up so early.”

“Meeting with the boss. He likes to see my pretty face first thing in the morning. I don’t blame him though, the sight of my beautiful face can make anybodys day better. ” He sipped his coffee, looking through his bangs at you pressing the decline button on your phone again. “Do you want me to answer it for you? I could act like I was with you the whole night, make him have a taste of his own poison.”

You looked thoughtful for a moment, a half smile lifting the corners of your lips. “Nah, not now, maybe later. Thanks for the offer, though. I’m gonna take a shower, you finish your breakfast. It was nice talking to you, Jin-ssi, good luck with your meeting. Try not to blind anyone with your good-looks.”

You left him then, disappearing behind the door to your room. Jin finished eating, noting how you had barely touched your food, going to take a quick shower after because you had distracted him and he was going to be late if he didn’t hurry up already.  

Seoul’s summer was still strong even at the beginning of September. The drive to his agency building was longer than it should’ve been, but even still he still made it on time. Smiling at the receptionist, he took the lift to the director floor, where he promptly listened about the same old thing. He was getting more popular, his Instagram being partly responsible for it, attracting modelling jobs for him. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, to model. But still, it helped pay the bills, so he took it anyways. Acting roles came more sporadically, but every one of them since someone had recorded him singing shirtless at the beginning of his career had been a hit. He was lucky, really, that because of his looks he attracted a large number of female audience, but that didn’t mean he didn’t put everything he had into each role, rehearsing nearly to exhaustion just so that nobody could say he was talentless. Acting was his dream, and he wasn’t going to waste a single opportunity.

He made his way to the the theater where his next play would be. He didn’t had to be there for another two hours, but he was a rehearsal freak. Parking his 4x4 at the underground parking lot, he made his way through the building, putting the code to open the door. Turning the lights on, he threw his bag with a set of clean clothes for later when he would be drenched in sweat in the corner.

Suddenly he remembered how you had said you googled him, cringing at himself and the ridiculous things you must had found. Smiling to himself, he typed you name in the search engine, being greeted by way more information than he thought there would be. But Yoongi had said your father was a big shot, so the media being curious about you wasn’t so surprising, after all. Korea always had a sick interest at digging through rich heirs lifes.

One of the most recent articles was about your father death, which he skipped. He already knew about this, and death wasn’t a subject he wanted to dig. There was something else he was curious about. The guy who was stupid enough to cheat on you.

It was actually the second article, named ‘Match made in heaven! Seoul’s elite sweethearts to become one soon!’, which he particularly thought was a terrible name.

He skipped through the text, looking at the photos intently. Taehyung was right, you looked way skinnier now than in the main photo of you, in a elegant black party dress smiling brightly at the man beside you, both of you showing the diamond ring that sat on your finger. He was handsome, Jin had to give him that. Auburn hair well styled, a nice smile and a suit that must have costed more than his last show had made.

Im Jaebum, 24, last year of law school, is bound to take over the Min Company in the future. With their faces, Korea’s bound to have the most good-looking babies in the future!

Jin scoffed. The guy wasn’t that pretty. He read through the comments, where surprisingly the couple had their own fans, who were babbling about how they should win the award of best looking couple of Seoul. Rolling his eyes, he opened your Instagram page. His eyebrows shot up. You had even more followers than him, but your last photos were two months ago. One was with Taehyung and an extremely big ice cream in each hand, both of you smiling big for the camera, looking more like siblings than you and Yoongi had at first, the caption being ‘My favorite dongsaeng treated his noona today! Everybody, go see his show, Thursday, it’s gonna be great!!!’, where she tagged him and the theater company. It had a extreme amount of comments.

The other one was you with Jaebum, posing in front of a pool, both looking like you had came straight out of a photoshoot with your cocktails in hand, your head resting at his shoulder staring at the camera while he looked at you and smiled. The caption now was a simple heart emoji.

He threw his phone over his bag, felling complicated. All the comments were talking about how great the two of you were together, other expressing condolences about you father, even though he had died four months before the photo was taken. Jin stood up, stretching his arms. He obviously wasn’t that great of a guy if he had cheated on you. He wondered how Seoul’s avid gossip readers would feel if they knew.

Sighing, he started practicing his dance for the play. He shouldn’t meddle in other people’s affairs, he knew. He especially shouldn’t meddle into his roommate little sister life. But it was hard to not feel a least a little bit protective about you. He, even more than Yoongi, knee how you must been feeling. He was also cheated in once, for the only person he had dated seriously. It was partially the reason why he never had gotten serious with anyone after that.

The door opened then, pulling him out of his thoughts. He smiled at the other actor who had gotten there early, deciding it was best to focus on rehearsing for the play that would soon be premiered.

-

You peeked under the pillow you were using to ignore the constant buzz of your phone that had now decided to thankfully remain silent. Feeling a little sick to your stomach, you pressed the button to your voicemail, closing your eyes in advance before hearing his voice.

‘Hey, did you forgot to power your phone again? Are you still at Jackson’s place? Don’t come home too late, it’s dangerous outside.’

‘Did you fell asleep there again? Aish, sleepyhead, couldn’t you have waited till you got home? Jackson isn’t picking his phone either, answer his home phone okay? Miss you.’

Lies.  You thought bitterly. How could he miss you after moaning the name of someone else like that? You took a deep breath, the last voice message was from ten minutes ago, at 9 o’clock. You knew that was the time he usually left for work, after kissing you goodbye in the morning.

“Y/N, where are you?” His voice sounded a little desperate, his satoori coming out a little bit like it always did whenever he was nervous. “Jackson just called me to tell me you didn’t slept there. Where are you? Why aren’t you calling me back? I’m almost calling the police, please call me back.”

You rubbed your eyes, feeling a little bad for having made him bother Jackson about you. You scrolled through your contact list, finding your blond friend name easily.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Came his voice through the speaker beside your head, your hands too busy hugging a teddy bear to keep yourself from falling apart. “I just stopped your fiance from going to the police to report your kidnap. He came here and almost knocked my door down when I told him you had left early yesterday. Were did you went?”

You gulped, feeling you throat drying. There was an uncomfortable feeling in your eyes, which you closed again. You wouldn’t cry. It wasn’t like you to cry so much like this. You had to get a grip.

“I’m at Yoongi’s place. I’m okay.” You finally answered, hearing your oldest friend sigh in relief at the other side of the phone. “ Jackson, I need a favor. Could you go to the apartment while Jaebum oppa is still at work and grab some clothes for me? The ones I have here are all ridiculous.”

There was a pause. “Why do you need clothes? Are you going to stay there now that you two made up? Why didn’t you called Jaebum hyung?”

“Please, go for me.” You said, your voice finally breaking at the end. “I’ll text you what I need you to bring and where they are. We can talk here. Don’t tell him where I am, just say that I’m okay. Please, oppa, do me this favor.”

You heard a car door closing through the phone, the car starting. You smiled a little, knowing that Jackson had probably started moving even before asking you why.

“Why are you crying? You never cry, not unless it’s something serious. I’ll be there with your things in a couple of hours, text me what you need me to pack and the apartment key code. But you have to promise me that you’ll explain, okay?”

“I promise. Thank you, oppa. See you soon.”

You lied there for a couple minutes, feeling grateful for having a best friend like Jackson. Eight months older than you, you both had met still in middle school. He was one of your father’s business partner and friends, and with both your moms being friends, you two had always a reason to be in each other’s houses. He was probably the person you most trusted your secrets, him being the first person who you had runned to after you horrible fight with Yoongi.

A head popped in your door , startling you. Taehyung had his signature boxy smile already set for you. He looked ready to leave, having even combed his mess of a hair.

“Hey, you going already? Did you eat the breakfast I made you?” You managed to say, sounding much more brighter than you felt. Walking over to him, you patted his head, a habit you had for a few years, since when you did it accidentally and discovered how much his hair was soft.

“Yup, it was it really nice. Usually Jin hyung is the one who cooks, but your food is much better.” He looked at you again then, pulling you to the living room. “ Don’t tell him I said it though. Anyway, noona, how are you feeling? We can go for ice cream later if you’re up to it, it’s been a while.”

You smiled at the younger boy. He was always so cute, like a puppy. You smoothed the collar of his shirt, pretending to be considering the offer. He was slowly starting to make a sad face, thinking you were going to turn him down, so you said quickly, “Of course I’ll go. I’m sorry I wasn’t better at keeping in touch. I’ll even pay for you, how 'bout that? You can tell me more about what’s been going on with you then.”

He hugged you, lifting you from the ground, making you yelp in surprise. He was never one to be shy at skinship, which was actually refreshing after all the coldness in which you were treated when you visited the company building, basically the only place you willingly went to. He said his goodbyes then, rushing out of the door, already late for class.

Shaking your head at his retreating figure, you turned around. Yoongi was smirking at you, leaning against the hallway wall, shaking his head.

“That boy never asks me to eat ice cream. I guess he still has a crush on you, after all.”

“Oh, shut up, you know Tae has a crush on everybody. He text me about his crush on a photography major last week.” you grumbled, plopping yourself in the black leather couch. “I’m just his noona, it’s nothing like that. Not everybody shuns human touch, you know.”

He shrugged. “Sure, sure.” Looking you over, he asked then, frowning. “Did you even sleep? I heard you talking on the phone.”

Turning on the television, you scrolled through the channels nonchalantly. “A little. Are you going to work already?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, no doubt having caught how you were changing the subject.

“Yeah, so I can finally finish in time for a change. You’ll be okay alone in here? You can come with me if you want.”

You rolled your eyes at your older brother. “You would hate that, you always said I never let you focus. Jackson is coming here with some of my things, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, oppa.”

He walked to you, his hand ruffling your head just like you did with Tae five minutes ago. You grunted at the mess your hair was now, glaring at him half menacingly.

He poked your left cheek. “It’s my job to worry about you. Call me if you need anything, and don’t let the men get you down. Peace.”

Your sleeper missed his mint head by a few inches, unfortunately. Trying to fix your hair without bothering to go look at the mirror, you settled more comfortably at the worn out couch, finally settling to Discovery Animal, and it almost felt like when you were a teen, when your mom was still alive and you would  school, pretending to be sick so that you could sleep the whole morning.

You must have dozed off, because the next thing you knew was that the doorbell was ringing. You opened the door, Jackson being on the other side, a suitcase in his hand. He looked you over, scrunching his face at your dark circles. He handed it to you, stepping inside with you.

“This place looks the same. Where’s Yoongi hyung?”

“At the studio.” You answered. Biting your lips, your mustered you courage again. “Did you told Jaebum  I wasn’t kidnapped?”

He sighed, sitting at the same couch you were drooling two minutes ago. “Yeah. It was really hard making him not come here with me, by the way. He was worried sick, went to my house before going to work looking like he didn’t slept all night.”

You snorted loudly. “I bet he didn’t.”

He lifted one eyebrow at you, silently asking for an explanation. And you gave him one. Telling him all that had happened since the moment you left his house, were the both of you were working on your guest list for the wedding, up until when you had listened to all his voice mails in the morning.

Jackson looked expressionless, like you never saw him before. The line of his jaw getting sharper the more you told him, finally breaking his silence when you had cried again, embarrassed for being so pathetic, not because you were feeling hurt, you told yourself.

“You’re not pathetic.” he was quick to assure you, making you realize you had said it out loud. “Jaebum is. Couldn’t even keep it in his pants like a horny teenager. What are you going to do? Are you calling off the marriage? Do you want me to kill him?”

“I don’t know. You know that he was basically forced into this engagement, just like me. I’ve been thinking the whole night, about if I was mad at him or not. I’m hurt, yes, but i don’t know. Can I blame him for that? Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe my father was right when he said I wasn’t really enough for Jaebum and that i should be thankful for marrying him.”

“Don’t, Y/N. It isn’t your fault. You are more than enough, for Jaebum and for everybody. Don’t put yourself down like that. He’s the wrong one, just him. He’s the one who broke your trust, my trust.”

You stood, walking until you were standing in front of the windows. You watched Seoul’s busy downtown, bursting with people even in the morning going about their business normally.

“If I was enough that wouldn’t be happening. Yoongi was right, when he said all those things to me about this engagement.” You sighed deeply, feeling a little bit numb inside. “ Maybe there’s something wrong with the women in my family, something that make us unlovable.”

His strong arms circled your shoulders, pressing you to his chest.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not unlovable. I love you, your brother loves you, Taehyung also loves you. Jaebum loves you too, he just seems to have forgotten about it. Come, let’s get some fresh air, put on some clothes that aren’t pink pajamas. Seoul can’t handle you being  so cute so early.”

You complied, going to your room, dragging the suitcase behind you. Jackson had gotten everything you asked, even your skincare and makeup pouch. You smiled to yourself, knowing that you could easily trust your life in Jackson’s hands. Changing to a summer dress[ and sandals, you tied your hair in a elegant bun, doing your best to conceal the lack of sleep from your face. Feeling almost human again, you went out, stopping in your tracks when you heard your phone buzz with a text message.

From: Jaebummie Oppa <3</b>

I am so relieved you’re okay. Please call me back, miss ur voice.

Something in your chest tugged. Was he just pretending? Did he really care? You turned your phone off, not wanting to have to deal with it right now. You smiled brightly at you best friend, who was entertained with his phone, giving a nauseatingly sweet smile and typing at the same time.

“Is Mark oppa still in LA? Are you smiling like a fool because he just said how much he missed you or something disgustingly sweet like that?

“He just sent me a photo of him and his dog, so cute. Look.” He showed you the screen, and you hated to admit, but it was cut. The small white puppy was nestled in his chest, sleeping peacefully. “What you wanna do? Want to go shopping? Heard that’s your favorite sport.”

You punched his arm not so lightly. “Screw you, Wang. Let’s just eat lunch at that place that only sells organic that you love so much. You’re paying anyway.”

He laughed his infamous laugh, making you smile in return. You could always count on him to boost your mood. It made you think that even though things weren’t good now they would be again someday. 

************

Is this a plot forming?? Maybe??? It’s a little less of a mess now, isn’t it? Opinions would be greatly appreciated, as well as corrections about my grammar (english isn’t my first language)