#it's... hard

I keep typing up personal posts and then not posting them. I feel stuck and I don't know how to get unstuck; everything I try feels like using a spoon to chip away at a wall that really needs a bulldozer to tear down. Not sure how much of this is just me having trouble coping at work (and only by extension coping with everything else) and how much of it is bigger than that. I wish I could talk to someone but I'm afraid to, because there's every chance that once I start I won't be able to stop, and I couldn't bear for people to leave halfway through because they find it's all too much for them. (So don't worry, I'm not going to ambush you or anyone with my shit the moment you try to talk to me. Promise.) I'm grateful for every bit of company and comfort, but there's something missing and I don't know how I can find it again.