#it's routine

It's re-watching tony's death scene + the deleted scene hours

whatever. i can’t fucking do this to my mother. i WILL write this shit.  do y’all really think 20 pages of some nonsense would be stronger than me. do y’all think it’s a valid reason to end my life and ruin the lives of my family over. do y’all think i’m that worthless. hey, i’m trash but not that level of trash.  fuck it. honestly. fuck all of it.  i have some theory to bring and slam down on her desk. to begin with.  i have a prooooblem, no i’m whining worse than a 5year-old. a prooblem with processing text. i can’t fooocus i start panicking every time i so much as look at the book. what goddamn level of shit is this. it worked. finally. the profs have been right all along. i should have started earlier. then, i’d have understood it by october. i’m a dumbass tho. they might’ve accounted for that. but i got it, it’s no longer an existential crisis, i know what to do. the rest is just whining. this. is. not. worth. ruining. their. lives. this is just some.. garbage paper nobody will remember in a year. anyone can do that. i can.  i must. just like with the bridge. i literally don’t have any other choice.

I love to think that when it’s time to turn and John’s going through it, Brian has gotten to the point where he keeps himself busy with listening to a podcast or something. At the very least, he wear earplugs and knits something. (He is surprised that John hasn’t screamed himself hoarse and/or blown out his vocal chords yet.)

fucked up again

every so often i just Have to listen to courtney hadwin perform born to be wild