After they get together, Wade is instantly pulling away from physical contact. He is wearing the mask more, wearing long sleeved shirts and huge hoodies- even if it's the summer- and the whole thing really confuses the shit out of Logan.
It wasn’t like they had no physical contact before. Wade would wrap an arm around his shoulder when they had finished a mission, he would lean on him while they watched TV. They would end up holding hands while walking the dog and cuddled up to each other half asleep on the couch. Logan thought that when they officially started dating, it would be even worse. Not worse- but more. Honestly, he liked the gentle touches. Logan hadn't had that in so long, hadn't had someone touch him that softly or kindly with no fear on their face, that if felt special. Made him feel good and safe and cared for.
Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. They started dating, and not even two days later, it stopped. No more leaning, no more holding hands or cuddling, nothing. And then the mask started being put on more- even when they had no mission- then it was long sleeved shirts and hoodies. Quickly, Logan became all too familiar in seeing Wade head to toe covered up, even in the dead of summer.
Logan didn't bring it up for a few weeks- thought that maybe Wade just needed some time to adjust- but then a month had passed and they barely touched. He just wanted to hold hands while they walked Mary Puppins again. To feel Wade's head on his shoulder as they watched TV. To wrap his arms around Wade as they slept. To kiss him on the cheek for the first time. That was it.
Logan had his suspicions. It wasn't hard to put the dots together. And so he tried to bring it up. He tried to broach the subject casually, sitting at the table eating breakfast while sat opposite Wade.
"Ya not hot in that big hoodie there?" He asked, hoping that maybe just starting with the hoodie would be a good idea. Would be simpler. "What you on about? It's not even that hot." Wade had lied through his teeth. It was boiling in this apartment- the hottest week of the year- and the air con had broken a good few days ago now. He could see and smell the sweat on him. "Don't lie- Wade- just take the damn hoodie off." But he doesnt- he just makes some joke about how hot Logan is instead while finishing the last of his cereal, then heading over to the couch and pressing play on whatever he had paused.
And it hurts. He wants Wade to trust him with this. To let him help. He wouldn't date Wade if he didn't think he was attractive- both inside and out. Maybe he hasn't been has obvious about that as he should have. Maybe Wade is just feeling insecure. Whatever it is, Logan is going to help.
So he hatches a plan. He sits down one morning while Wade is still asleep, and writes down a list of everything he is going to do to help, and to prove he really does like everything about Wade (he isn't ready to say the big scary 'L' word yet). A plan that would respect Wade's boundaries while still breaking down that barrier that had been built.
Step 1) Start giving Wade his favourite snacks.
This would probably seem stupid to anyone else, but Logan knew Wade. He knew that he only had a few foods and snacks that didn't make him feel nauseous or sick (thanks to the good old cancer he had), so buying snacks for Wade that he knew he could actually stomach seemed like a nice but simple gesture to start with. Make Wade aware that Logan payed attention and remembered these things. He needed to work up to bigger stuff later. Make sure Wade didn't freak out or notice what he was doing.
And that's what he did. He bought Wade a few packs of his favourite chips (or crisps (the writer is british deal with it)) and gave them to him when they were sat on the couch one day. A spontaneous gift. Wade seemed more excited that Logan had remembered what kind and flavour they were than about the actual chips themselves, which was fine with Logan. Completely fine. Seeing Wade so happy at a simple gesture was both joy inducing and kind of sad. Had no one else ever remembered his sensitive stomach? Remembered that he had cancer? Whatever. It didn't really matter, because Logan was going to remeber every little detail he could.
Step 2) was a little harder. It involved a little more thought and care, and a little more risk.
Step 2) was to Get Wade a hoodie that smelt like Logan.
Again, something that seemed normal in any relationship, but he wasn't sure how Wade would react. He hoped that because it was a hoodie, and because Wade was currently wearing a lot of hoodies (the same 2 in rotation), it would be a well appreciated gift. He didn't know if Wade would want to change out of the 2 hoodies he was already comfortable in- he wanted to try though. Plus, having something of his boyfriends would be a good gift. Prove that he wanted people to know Wade was his. That he wasn't ashamed. And maybe he just wanted Wade in his clothes. So he headed to the store.
He got one in the same red as his suit, made sure that it was thin enough to not make Wade actually melt in the heat but thick enough to keep him warm in the cold (if he was still like this when it became cold again, he wanted to make sure he wasn't going to freeze), and proceeded to wear the hoodie around for the next few days. Logan made sure Wade was either out or not watching when he wore it, wanting it to be a surprise.
And eventually, a week later when he deemed it good enough, Logan left it out for Wade with his clothes for after he showered. Wade comes out with the new red hoodie on, and Logan can't help but smile at the other.
This is where Step 3) comes in. Step 3) Compliment Wade as much as possible.
"You look real good in that hoodie." He said, stepping closer to the other. Wade laughs a little, sounding slightly embarrassed, and just shrugs a little. The hoodie is massive on him- Logan's huge muscular build is far bigger than Wade's waisting away skinny body- and it looks like Wade enjoys that, because he is wrapping himself up in it like a blanket. "Smells like you. You're a sneaky guy, aren't you Peanut? Plus, it matches the mask. Very well done." Wade responds with an obvious smirk under said mask. "So you like it? Because you are very, very handsome right now. Also cute." Logan mutters, matching that smirk.
And okay, Wade directs the conversation somewhere else then, but he hasn't taken the hoodie off in a week and Logan takes that as a good sign. He also never combats his compliments. He never responds, but he never directly disagrees, which seems like a second good sign.
Next step it is then. Step 4) Start using pet names.
It's not that he doesn't already, it's just that he doesn't really use the normal relationship pet names. Bub and Mouth is about all he has for Wade right now, and he wants to expand on that. Logan likes using pet names for people he dates- people he likes (loves) in a romantic way- he just hasn't really used any yet. And he wants to change that.
"You want jelly (jam (again, british writer, deal with it)) on your toast sweetheart?" "Baby, do you think Mary needs a new bed? She's chewed half the corner of this one." "Honestly princess, I don't think anyone on this stupid show is even thinking about plot." And Wade seems to like every single one, because every time he says any of them (even if it's not the first time), Logan can hear his heart rate pick up, and he freezes for a moment before going back to the conversation.
And he keeps those three in rotation- the three Wade seem to like and the three Logan thinks fit the best- and Wade never tells him to stop, so he doesn't.
Step 5) is honestly one of his favourites, because Step 5) is calling Wade his boyfriend around other people.
He starts of light. Casually mentioning that they are dating to their friends when the see eachother for the first time in awhile. Then when they are out and about, and he casually mentions that "Oh yeah, just out with my boyfriend" "Yeah, just grocery shopping with my boyfriend" "I've got a date with my very handsome boyfriend after this" and he always makes sure Wade hears him.
He wants Wade to know that he isn't ashamed of people knowing they are together- he actually likes it. Being able to show off his handsome boyfriend to his friends or in public is very much fulfilling Logan's masculine side, and Wade is a blushing mess everytime. He can tell, he doesn't need to see. Wade is stuttering over his words, nodding along with whatever Logan is saying.
It's adorable and Logan wants to see it more often.
After another 2 months of dating, and a good two months or repeating his little 5 steps, Wade seems slightly more comfortable. Logan doesn't push him- doesn't want to break what trust he is building- and he accepts every slight change with gratitude.
Wade slowly gets alittle closer as they sit on the couch. He sometimes rests his leg against Logan when they sleep- and he doesn't seem as afraid to flirt back and forth for awhile now.
And now, he can try Step 6) Talking with Wade.
It's the most terrifying step of the 6. That's where all of this careful build up could shatter beneath his feet and he could ruin everything, have to start all over again. Or, Wade might pull even further away than he had at the beginning. But he knows he has to do it- wants to do it- and so he does. It's worth the risk.
So one night, while Logan and Wade are sat together watching some shitty late night shopping channel, Logan decides to bring it up. Not so casually this time.
"Hey Wade, can I ask you something?" He asks, his voice calm and soft, using the others name to hopefully make it seem a little more important. Wade turns away from the TV, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie (he only takes it off when it doesn't smell like Logan, and makes him wear it until he does again), a small nod. "Yeah- what's up babycakes? If its to ask if I think you'd be good on Bake Off, I may have bad news Peanut, because I've seen your attempt at making pancakes, and that would not make Paul proud." Wade jokes, his voice having a tiny hint of nervousness too it, and Logan is kind of glad for the joke but less for the nervousness Wade is expressing.
"Nothing bad, I promise- I just...I want you to know that I care for you. Alot. No matter what- and if you aren't comfortable touching and taking your mask or hoodie of that's okay. I-....well...I just want you to also know that I'm okay if you do. If you do want to take them off aswell. I do like how you look- ya know that, right? Like alot. And again, if you aren't comfortable I get it- but I also need you to know that I think your super handsome and hot either way. Sorry...I'm not great with this kind of thing- but I'm trying..." Logan rambles on like an idiot, something he doesn't do often, but he needs Wade to understand. Needs him to know. He isn't sure if it works or not, because for awhile there is a deafening silence filling the room.
Logan starts to panic, because, why was Wade so quiet? And still? Had he overstepped? Had what he dreaded would happen actually happened?
But all of a sudden, he hears quiet sobs. Which makes him freeze. "W-Wade?" He asks, his voice breaking a little. He had made Wade cry. Wade was crying. Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. This wasn't how it was meant to god. He really had fucked up, and he wasn't sure how he was going to fix i-
"I'm sorry." Is all he hears, cutting him away from his thoughts, and his heart breaks even more at that. "Hey- no, why are you sorry baby?" Logan asks quietly, moving alittle closer to Wade. He desperately wants to reach out and wrap his arms around Wade, pulling him close and rub soothing circles on his back, but he doesn't want to make Wade feel worse. He respects Wade's boundaries.
"Because I'm such a fucking mess....I'm ugly and-and I just...you can't really think that- can you? Your so fucking stunning and I'm....and I'm me! I'm covered head to toe in fucking scars and-and they aren't even good looking scars- and....and I just....I'm sorry.. I can't be...be normal.. " and every word is breaking Logan's heart even more. How the hell could Wade think that? Any of it?
Logan like- no- loved every single thing about Wade. His stupid jokes, his rambling, his cute little voice he put on for Mary Puppins, how he always helped any kids that asked for it, his body, his voice, hell- he even loved the nicknames. He loved everything this man did, does and will do. No matter what.
And here Wade was thinking he was ugly- thinking he was some fucking disgusting creature. Logan should apologise to him for failing to do what he set out to do. Failing to prove to Wade he loved him no matter what.
"Wade...listen to me right now. I...I love everything about you. Everything. I love every scar and every blemish because that makes you, you. I think you are the best boyfriend in the multiverse, and I am so fucking happy that you are mine. That you chose me, the worst version of me. I think you are a handsome, sexy, extremley good looking, kind, gentle, crazy, person, and I love it all. And I want to see you baby, I havent seen your face in so long. I want to see your pretty eyes again and that stunning smile- and I want to hold your hand in public, to kiss you on your cheek, to cuddle you at night- I want all of that. So...so please...please- if you want and only if you want....take the mask off- of just the hoodie. Please? Because I promise, I am going to spend the rest of my days proving that everything you think about yourself is wrong. That anything negative is positive." And maybe this is another messy ramble, but Logan doesn't care because he can't let Wade keep thinking like this. He gets having bad days- knows that there will come days in the future where Wade wants to wear the mask and the hoodie for a day, but he can't let him feel like this all the time. He can't. He won't. He refuses.
Logan stares at Wade, patiently waiting for any reaction. Anything at all. And there isn't one for a moment, until Wade is slowly pulling his mask off. As soon as he does, Wade looks at him scared, tears rushing down his face, eyes looking anywhere but Logan.
And it's been so long since he has seen that face- that face he fell inlove with- that he can't help the tears in his own eyes start to rush down his cheek. "Hey...there you are." He whispers, a small smile spreading across his lips. It feels so good to see him. To actually see him.
"H-hey..." Wade whispers back, his voice sounding broken and too quiet, and Logan is determined to fix that. "Can I...can I touch you? Just your cheek or hold your hand? If not that's okay. Take your time. I'll be waiting as long as you need." Logan says softly, waiting for Wade to shut him down- the mask being off already such a huge step, but suddenly he is nodding and Logan is placing a gentle hand on Wade's cheek, gently running his thumb over the scared skin.
In this moment, he can't understand how Wade thinks he looks ugly, because to Logan? To Logan he looked like he was sculpted by the gods themselves. Wade looked like something out of a painting. He looks so stunning that Logan just can't understand.
Wade must see this in his eyes, because Wade quickly looks confused. "You...you really do mean all that.." He says, and Logan nods with a smile on his face. "Of course I do. I love you Wade. Nothing is going to stop that- and...and I hate that you feel this way about yourself because you are the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on...and I'm going to keep my promise. I'm going to prove every word." And this time, Wade looks like he understands. Like he truly believes, and Logan can't help but lean in and softly press their lips together.
This time, Wade doesn't pull away from the touch, instead, he finally leans in.
