#isys777

*

"Sirius knows something's going on," James said, looking behind him in worry. 

Remus snorted, completely unsympathetic. "Maybe that's because you said we had to leave to study while we were all doing homework, you pillock." 

"Bugger off. We needed an excuse or we were going to be late." They still needed to change clothes and sneak out of the castle so they could make the appointment at the cake shop, and James had sort of lost track of time surreptitiously watching Sirius while writing his essay. It's not his fault his best mate was so gorgeous, okay? He was allowed to get distracted every now and then. 

"I think you're getting a little too obsessed with this birthday thing." 

"Sirius is only going to have one seventeenth birthday, and it needs to be incredible," James said, swatting Remus upside the head. "With his parents being such shite, he needs to be able to have a good time without focusing on his family not being there for him." 

"Okay, but it's Sirius. How much is he really going to give a shit?" 

"How dare you, Moony. Sirius loves parties!" 

"Yeah, but when has he ever liked celebrating his birthday?" 

James swat his head again, glaring. "We're going to make it so kick arse that he has to enjoy it. Now are you going to help or keep talking about how we're wasting time?" 

"I'll help," Remus rushed to say, but James wasn't fooled into thinking that Moony was suddenly on board; he was here for the cake. 

*

"Hey James?" Sirius asked, chewing nervously on his bottom lip as he stared unseeing at the fire. 

"Yeah?" 

"You can tell me anything. You know that right?" 

"Course," James said, grinning at him. 

"You... like, you don't need to be worried about how I'll react. As long as you're happy, I'm good." 

James was too focused on the butterflies fluttering around his stomach to notice Sirius's weird mood. "Thanks. That's- that's great. I knew you were my best mate for a reason." 

Sirius glanced over at him, mustering up a smile. "'Course there's a reason. I couldn't get everything in my life from my stunning good looks." 

*

James was getting happier, and Sirius was getting better at forcing himself to be happy for them. Remus seemed pretty much the same as he always was, but Remus was a lot better at hiding emotions than the rest of them combined; it's like he wanted to make everyone think he was at the same level of slightly amused at all times.

He could deal with this. James was so bloody happy; Remus was (probably) just as happy; he needed to accept this once and for all. 

*

His birthday was tomorrow. Sirius had never dreaded a day more. The Marauders all tried to make him enjoy his birthday because they thought it was a really buggering important day or some rot, which meant he was going to have to suffer through a dessert and James giving him a present when all he wanted was to turn into Padfoot and not think for a while. 

Maybe that wasn't fair of him. Dessert was always delicious, and it was nice to have a day dedicated to just the four of them instead of worrying about upcoming exams and shite. James always gave him the best presents ever, and it made him all warm and happy to know that James cared enough to pay attention to the little things about him. 

It was going to hurt like hell no matter what happened. Either they did the normal shite and he had to try and wriggle a confession out of his friends because all this hiding-in-the-shadows really wasn't necessary, or they went lighter this year and he spent his time dreaming that James would give him a birthday kiss and beating himself up over it. 

So yeah. He wasn't looking forward to his birthday. 

*

Sirius did his best to avoid any chance at festivities. Only as much as he thought he could get away with without alerting James, though. If he was too obvious about it, James would double down on trying to make sure he had a good day. 

It only bought him a few hours, and James caught up to him in the dormitory a couple hours before lunch. He held up a chocolate cupcake with a single candle in it. The candle was tipped with an unnaturally red fire, clearly magical. James had a wide grin on his face, as he held the cupcake aloft. "I know you wanted some time alone, but c'mon mate, it's time to start celebrating. You have a good time every year." 

That was true, but, "Yeah, I'm not erm in the mood to celebrate. Thanks though." 

"Just one present? It's from Mum and Dad." 

Sirius wanted to say no and go back to moping, but James had this hopeful gleam in his eyes that he couldn't refuse. "Fine." 

James put the cupcake on the bedside table and held out a small box to him. "They wanted to give it to you themselves, but I promised I'd take care of it. No point in waiting until break, y'know?" 

Sirius took the box and flipped the lid open. A watch. It was gorgeous, all shining gold with two different faces-- one to tell time and one that was currently blank, probably for personal customization. There was a note underneath the metal, the parchment sticking out enough that it couldn't be missed. They'd remembered. Sirius had told them when he was- Merlin, maybe twelve?-- that he wanted his watch to be gold but he knew it would be silver because that's what everyone in the Black family did: black and silver were their colours and they weren't going to stray from that, not for him. But Potter-Mum and Potter-Dad had remembered. He'd told them that he wanted a two-face watch, and that's what they'd gotten for him. Sirius snapped the lid back closed. "Thanks." He leaned over and opened one of the drawers in his bedside table, shoved the box in, and slammed it shut. "I'll make sure to write a thank you note. We done now?" 

James didn't answer for a moment, and when he did, his tone was subdued but hopeful. "One more thing? Please?" 

"Fine." 

James picked up the cupcake and held it in front of Sirius's face with a tentative smile. "Here," he said grabbing one of Sirius's hands and pulling it up until he could put the cupcake in it. James put his own hand under his. "Close your eyes." 

Sirius did. It made the warmth of James's hand more obvious, and he hated himself that much more. 

"And think of what you want. If there was one thing you could have today, what would it be?" James paused, then said, "You got it?" 

He did. His self-disgust was mounting, but he had it. If there was one thing he could have today, it would be a kiss from James. It made him feel small and pathetic, but he wanted it. His normal parents hadn't wanted him the way he was; James didn't want him the way he was. This was a fantasy, and in his fantasy, James didn't just love him, he was in love with him. "Yeah," he whispered. 

"Blow." 

Sirius did, and the candle went out with a quick spark as he was opening his eyes again. 

"Now," James said, still smiling because that's what James did-- he smiled-- "what did you wish for?" 

"For you to kiss me." 

James put a hand on one side of Sirius's face and leaned in, gently pressing their lips together. 

Sirius jerked back, but it was several seconds too late. He'd let James lean in, and he'd let him end it before he reacted. "What the hell are you doing?" 

"Kissing you?" 

"You're-" Without thinking, Sirius put his hands on James's chest and pushed, getting some distance between them. "You're dating Remus!" 

"I'm what?" James asked, looking confused. 

"Moony!" 

"Yeah, I know who Remus is, thanks. We're not dating, Sirius. Why'd you think that?" 

"I- you kept sneaking off!" 

James blinked. "And?" 

"And keeping secrets! We don't keep secrets from other Marauders. What else was I supposed to think?" 

"That we were planning your birthday party?" 

"Why wasn't Wormtail invited?" 

"Because Peter can't lie to you for shite, and we wanted it to be a surprise. Well, I wanted it to be a surprise." 

"Oh," Sirius said faintly, because that did sort of make more sense than what he'd been thinking. He glanced down and realised that he'd smashed the cupcake-- candle and all-- into James's shirt. "Erm. Sorry." He gingerly started to pull his hands back, and the cupcake fell to pieces on the duvet. He wiped his hands on it since a glob of frosting had already landed. "I can't believe you kissed me just because it was my birthday wish." 

"That makes it sound like I was coerced. You know- I mean, Sirius, you know how... I feel about you, yeah?" 

"I'm your best mate," Sirius said, nodding. 

James snorted. "Obviously. But like, best mates don't kiss for fun. That's more of a boyfriend thing. So er. I guess what I'm offering is to do the boyfriend thing. With, er, you."