#islagabs

isla, ‘01, she/her, ♈︎ ☼ ♎︎ ↑ ♉︎ ☽

hello everyone. i shift to just a few realities but the one you'll find details of here is my home reality. i love hearing people's thoughts on shifting, non-dualism, law of assumption, etc. so don't be a stranger.

#islasdr - dr lore/stories

#islalore- the bitch herself

#islavibes- yknow...the vibes!

#islasthots- advice / ideas

sometimes, when i'm manifesting something, i get sooooo obsessed with it. and obsession is such a strange one, 'cause it can shape-shift, speaking in so many little ways. it will politely tap me on the shoulder, smile at me, "hello, hi there, remember that thing? is it here yet?" or it will be chasing me down the sidewalk "ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE ARE WE?"

i think this wriggliness makes it harder for me to sit with than my other emotions. and yes, for myself at least, i'm categorizing it as its own separate emotion due to its nature to eclipse my brain and turn it into a car with an incessant child inside. right now i'm still in a stage of just...not really knowing what to say to this child. the one who says "no" to everything but THE thing.

how oh how to hold space for something that wants all the space all the time? my guess is with a hug. this seems like remnants from past instances of craving where i've felt unsafe, so i'll do my best to not get irritated and meet it with love (and maybe a little nervous system regulation, as a treat).

i want to shift more often. i want my will to instantly materialize. these are cravings of the ego, of control. if i could just have it instantly, the ego tells me, then i could have it whenever i want forever. if i could only do it on command, then i would have they key to everything. i would never worry again, i would never spend my nights missing my parents, pets, my friends. if only if only if only.

these cravings, however present, aren't the pillars of my being. i won't build a house on their foundation. and i certainly won't take them seriously because frankly they aren't serious. i'll pat them on the head, say a quick hello, but i am not their keeper. the cravings say that my desires exist outside of me, and that if i keep reaching and working then maybe they'll stroll in someday. i know this to be nonsense.

i am in my DR already, even if my awareness rests here for now. and the gag is it IS instant because it was all done as soon as i conceived of it. not to say i'm ditching the feeling of craving forever, but that i'm changing what it means to me, taking my power from it.