#isalesson

How could you separate love and lust?

I wrote this awhile back in one of my profile, love and lust could be separate or intertwined. 

I met this guy not too long ago. Italian, dark hair, wonderful smile. But what strikes me the most is the sadness in his eyes. He may not notice that his eyes always wandering to something far, far away. I have no idea what makes him stare in such distance.

Our first encounter was not something special. I almost thought there was no chemistry at all since he’s not much of a talker, and I kind of felt like it was an interrogation. Hence when our date ends, he (impulsively) kissed me in the elevator. It shook me as something that wasn’t expected at all. 

Fast forward on two weeks, nothing happened. 

I learned that the first gesture always comes from me. Took him a week to even respond a casual invitation for simply dinner. Lost hope.

Until I lost it and luckily he’s a guy with manners - who apologises and inviting me for a redemption. It was the best two week(end)s I’ve ever had of feeling something had sparked in my cold heart. Felt like you can have freedom whenever and wherever you want with joy hand in hand.

And after that, a month passes. Same old, same gesture. 

I thought I had it in me to let this end. I’m not a girl who waits. Not a girl who let her feelings being used. The only flaws that I had in this situation was, I am a girl who feels too much.

Until I met him today, in the midst of the rain. He was giving back something that was in his possession for quite some time. 

The way he talk was no different.Short, concise, and showing a little interest of me. Unconsciously my sight always directed to his eyes and his eyes only. 

The question that keeps ringing in my head: Why won’t you let me clear the sadness in your eyes?

And along with it, he gives me clarity in the end. Classic as old as time, he’s just not looking for anything serious. While I get that, the thing that I don’t get the most why was I always felt too much?

I clearly get that it may not work. To clear sadness and give smile back to your eyes - that’s all I wanted.

Understandably, everyone came with a baggage. And the thing is, my quest for that emotion beyond is once again, faded.