#irl yonder rambles

(the full story under the cut)

The director (who was a member of my drama club many years ago) is still in the development process, but the basic idea he has for the film is this :

it’s a comedy about a play-within-a-play, if that makes sense? Like a sorta “The Play that Goes Wrong”/“Noises Off” kinda thing in terms of the vibes and all that (a fictional play which should go alright instead going very wrong in the process lol) except it’s about a backstage crew who have to find a missing prop which is important in the fictional play, as well as trying to calm down a very anxious actor in the process.

I’ve suggested some input to the director if he could make my character transgender (since I’m transgender myself) cuz imo it would realistic cuz there are queer and trans people who do work behind the camera and in (specifically stage theatre) productions in general, and also asked him to maybe have my character, who does unfortunately face transphobic microagressions (cuz unfortunately that does happen to trans & non-binary people working in the theatre industry), but with support of their peers, they (my character) does eventually stand up to the person doing the transphobic microaggressions.

I’ve also suggested to the director that my character could be an anxious little bean just waiting to explode and feeling like they have a lot of pressure weighed on them most of the time (not helped with the missing prop lol), and that they feel like if they don’t do everything perfectly or if they complain about the workload, they’ll at best not be taken seriously, or worse be let off their job and be labelled as “difficult to work with”, which could serve as a reason as to why they don’t come forward with them facing transphobic microaggressions in the workplace, which whilst they (my character) might say it doesn’t affect them personally, it really does clearly affect their mental health, but they just mask it and they try to get on with it. But again, the other characters do support them (my chapter) and give them the strength to stand up to the transphobic bully in the process.

In order (from left to right) :

“The Wardrobe” by Sam Holcroft

“Period Parrrty” by Gayathiri Kamalakanthan

“Dear Young Monster” by Peter Machale

I deffo can’t wait to read each play text/script, especially since all 3 deal with queer themes and feature queer characters (both “Period Parrrty” and “Dear Young Monster” feature a non-binary and trans character respectively as the main character in each respective play, whilst “The Wardrobe” (which is basically an anthology of sorts where different scenes take place in different historical periods and feature different characters throughout, and in the play it has one recurring object throughout all the time periods, which is the titular wardrobe) features a queer character in the last ever scene, which takes place in modern day)

(also my drama club is doing a production of the play “The Wardrobe”, but only a 9-scene version due to time reasons and stuff, and the original play text is 12 scenes, so it will be interesting to read it in the original 12-scene form)

However, I can’t pretend that it hasn’t taken a toll on me sometimes.

As a young trans person, seeing and hearing transphobes essentially calling me and my fellow trans brothers & sisters & non-binary siblings both “child molesters who want to indoctrinate children and make them cut their body parts up” and “confused gay & lesbian kids who are indoctrinated into the trans lobby and that we as children don’t have autonomy over our lives and can never be able to think for ourselves and be our true unique selves” has made me feel…….sad sometimes, I won’t lie.

Like, ofc I know it’s not true. Like it’s obvious anti-trans propaganda, ofc it is. But sometimes, I feel like…..idk how to explain it, but it’s like I have to prove myself that I’m a “good” person in order to have my identity be valid, and that if I slip up I’ll have my identity not respected. Even tho I’m a human being who has and will make mistakes, just like everyone else.

My family hasn’t really been the best about it. My dad thinks trans people are disgusting. My mum and older brother are , at best, centrist about it (as in they don’t necessarily hate trans and queer people, but they’re supportive in that “love the sinner, hate the sin” type of way”) (btw I only came out to my brother and mum, not my dad, as explained previously.)

My college has been supportive tho, and I’m extremely grateful for my teachers who do respect and accept my trans identity and I’m super grateful to be in a trans-supportive environment. I’m lucky to be in a position where I can be out as my true self, even if it felt scary at first. For real I am. But then I think about other kids in my college, the kids who can’t come out for any reason whatsoever, even in a safe environment. And I don’t blame them. Not one bit.

The world is scary at the moment. It really is. (Especially as I live in the UK which has a horrendous track record of throwing trans people under the bus)