#iris things

Itall looked surprised. “You’ve never done it? I assumed it was something everyone did as a child… You just give out random directions-left, right, straight, or whatever’s available–and go that way until you find something interesting.”

Sup bounced on Maris’ shoulder. ‘Just like my wander walks! Can we, person, can we please?’

Maris looked between the two of them, and shrugged. “Sounds like fun to me. I’ve never played it though. How does it work? Is there a specific person that gives the directions, or…” she trailed off.

“We could take turns,” Itall said, reaching to grab her hand. “It’ll be better that way–I’ve roamed around here too much already, I’d probably just lead us somewhere without meaning to…” He looked at Sup, tilting his head with a sly smile. “Someone looks excited…”

Maris grinned, looking to Sup as well. “ In that case, maybe he should go first, since he’s so hyped.” She grabbed his hand in return.

Sup only stopped bouncing to give Maris a kiss on the cheek. 'Uuuh, uuuh, uuuh… RwwlewwwwstrrrrrTHATWAY!’ He cried, pointing his hair/antennae to the left.

Itall chuckled. “That way, I’m guessing?”

“Yep. Let’s go then!”

Maris began to pull Itall to the left, down the street, to begin their little game.

Itall followed along, keeping in stride with her. “Do you know the capital well, Maris? Or is this game going to get you lost,” he said teasingly.

“I’ve gots this! Don’t worry about it!” 'Sup, please make sure I don’t get us lost.’

'Okay person! ….what does lost mean again?’

“Good to see your confidence,” Itall said, smirking at her.

“Yeah,” Maris stated confidently, “This’ll be fun!” 'It’s when you don’t know where you’re going Sup.’

'Oh… but we don’t know where we’re going, do we? So we’re lost anyway! Oops. Sorry person.’

They came to a crossroads, and Itall claimed it with, “Let’s go straight.” He squeezed her hand, looking at her, “What sort of games did you play, as a child?”

“Well, to be honest, I didn’t play that many games. I was usually reading all the time.” Maris tried to memorize the street name, in case they DID get lost… or maybe just her.

Itall nodded, “That sounds like you… though I suppose for me, it was games like this that helped me learn to read. All the orphans would be paired in groups to play together, and mine would usually go wandering… whether we were free to or not,” he added, smirking to himself. “And I’d as the oldest of the group didn’t know what the signs said. One of them, I can’t remember his name, but he was a redhead like me–he didn't want to admit he couldn't read either, so he’d lie about what the signs said… I caught on to that and learned to ask adults on the street instead. Women were usually the most sympathetic… and I’d try to remember the letters that were used with those words, and practice writing by myself…”

He stopped as they reached the end of another block. “Sorry,” he said, “I’m rambling endlessly now. Your turn, love.”

“No! I love hearing stories about you!” Maris pulled him to the right. “So you learned to read by playing this game? And you practiced writing because of it? That’s amazing!”

Maris smiled to herself. “I remember having a hard time writing… my handwriting was so bad as a child, my teachers would send angry letters to my mother! But reading was always fun for me. My father and I would read together all the time, when he was home.”

'I’m learning to read from Trigun!’ Sup squeaked. 'It’s fun! But he’s mean sometimes.’

“Can’t be worse than my handwriting was–even I can’t read my old diary entries… though when I wrote, I wasn’t always…” he shrugged the thought off, “Anyway, the teachers we had at the orphanage were full of hogwash, and I never learned a thing from them, other than how to be obstinate. I only even wanted to read because one of the boys had a book from his parents, which he abandoned in his bed when he was adopted. My curiosity couldn’t be contained, at that point.” He adjusted his hat, “What sort of books did your father read you?”

“Oh god, so many books! Classic novels, adventure, fantasy, biographies, history texts, journals from famous travelers. An horror. So many horror stories. And he would even make a few up himself, if he didn’t have one on hand. My mother would be PISSED when she caught him telling me a scary story, it was hilarious!”

They stopped at a crossroad again, and Maris turned to Itall. “What was the name of the book you found, do you remember?” she asked while waiting for Sup to pick a direction.

'OH IT’S MY TURN! Uuuuuummmmm… THAT WAY!’ he pointed left.

“The Hobbit,” Itall said, smiling at her. “I kept that on me for years… even after the Warnings picked me up, when I was five. Well,” he shrugged, “supposedly five… just as I’m supposedly forty-two… they designated my birthday as the day I was handed to the orphanage.”

Maris pulled Itall left. “I love that one. My father and I would re-enact it every once in a while. He even made me a wooden Sting! I would play Bilbo, and he would be… Smaug.”

She paused. “It’s ironic. He played the dragon, yet I AM the dragon.”

A bittersweet smile formed. “ What would he say to that, I wonder?”

“If he’s anything like you’ve portrayed him, I’d say he’d be proud.” He squeezed her hand tight. “You’ve done quite well for yourself, my dear…”

'Peeeersooooon,’ Sup whined, 'We jus passed a candy shop and now I’m huuungry…’

Maris stopped and glanced at Itall, her smile brighter than before. “Sup said there was a candy shop we just passed. How does sweets sound?”

Itall nodded, “Sounds like we’ve found our destination.”

'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!’

Sup hopped to Itall’s shoulder, nuzzling his face.

Itall froze up, clearly uncomfortable. “Um… could you please not?”

Maris gently grabbed Sup, and put him back on her shoulder. 'Sweet pea, remember what I said. He doesn't feel comfortable with sudden touching. Let him come to you next time, okay?’

Maris looked to Itall. “Sorry 'bout that. He just got excited. He APPARENTLY likes your decision.” She joked.

'Huh?’

Sup seemed confused, then looked to Itall, realizing the man was legitimately upset, still sort of shaking it off. Sup’s head drooped.

'I’m sooorry…’ “Suuup…”

Itall forced a meek smile, then gave Sup a light pat on the head. “Y-you’re learning, it’s… it’s fine.” He then squared his shoulders, clearing his throat. “Alright, then–to the candy!” he said, opening the store door for them.

Maris went inside the shop, while giving Itall a small bow. “Why thank you kind sir.”

“You are quite welcome, ma'dam.” He beamed at her, walking in after her.

“Hey there!” The shopkeeper welcomed behind a counter, tossing a blond braid over her shoulder, “thanks for stopping in! We’ve got a sale on–”

Sup hopped over to a shelf full of bags of mints, caramels, and butterscotches, kicking at them as if this would help him figure out their tastiness.

The woman’s face fell. “Hold on, I’ll get that.” She reached behind her, grabbing up a broom, “Hey, you, shoo!”

“Woah woah WOAH!” Maris retrieved the sup guy from the shelf and held him protectively. “I’m sorry, he’s usually well behaved! Please don’t hurt him!”

The shopkeep stopped, startled. “I… what?”

“He’s a tamed Sup,” Itall explained, “well, as tamed as one can get. This young woman should be able to keep him out of your hair,” he pointed at Maris.

The shopkeep stared, then lowered her broom. “Well, that’s… that’s a first.”

“Quite possibly,” Itall replied, turning to the shelves himself. “Candies, candies, nice and dandies, landies fandies… fancy pancy…”

The shopkeep now gave Itall a worried look. “Right, then… S-sorry about that,” she said to Maris, “most Sups that run in here are purely mischievous thieves.”

Sup poked his head up from Maris’ protective hold, and gave the shopkeeper a long, wet raspberry.

“Sup, be nice!” Maris scolded. She gave the shop keeper an apologetic look. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into anything else. My apologies.” She then went over to Itall. “Found anything nom-able?”

As the shopkeep made her way back behind the counter, Itall grabbed a box of chocolates. “These are always fun–having to guess which candies will taste like what, what they’re made of and all that…”

'I want butterscotch,’ Sup said poutily.

“Although that doesn’t work out if you have allergies–you don’t have any allergies that I’m unaware of, do you?”

'BUUUUUUUTEEEEEERSCOOOOOOOOOTCH!’

“SUP, BEHAVE.”

Maris gave Itall back her attention. “No honey, I’m not allergic to any kind of food. We should try these. And maybe get butterscotch for Sup.”

Sup fussed aloud in her arms, but otherwise refrained from causing any more of a ruckus.

Itall nodded to her, “Sounds good to me. Do you want to get that and then continue our adventure?”

Maris smiled. “Sure! I’d like that! Oh…”

Itall raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

She looked down at Sup, and then at the candy. “Ummm…. This might be awkward.”

Itall side-stepped to Maris’ side. “Oh?”

“I, uh, won’t be able to hold the candy and eat it at the same time… especially if I’m going to have to hold Sup for making a fuss…” She turned red with embarrassment.

Itall shrugged. “That’s not much of a problem. I have an extra hand, or two,” he said, reaching to grab a bag of butterscotch candies, before sauntering up to the counter. “Alright, miss, we’re ready…”

Meanwhile, Sup poked his head up once again, looking at customers at the other corner of the store–a little girl being told to not mind the Sup and to pick something out. He blinked at the little girl a few times before she looked away, embarrassed.

'Person? Why are people weird?’

Maris grinned down at Sup.

'No one really knows, sweet pea. I guess it’s because each person is made uniquely, and that leads to some weird things. Why do you ask?’

'I dunno. I just started to understand you guys… I think. But everyone’s so weird, and that makes it hard. And there’s all this stuff people say and do that I don’t understand, I’ve noticed it on my walks…’ he cocks his head at her. 'Person, are you my Momma or my Daddy?’

Maris’ grin drop, leaving confusion. 'I um… I guess… well technically I’m not really either, but I could be considered a momma? But I wouldn’t object to being called a daddy? I don’t know…’

She paused, and then asked ’ What would YOU call me Sup?’

Sup gave an armless shrug. 'What’s the difference?’

'Well… before I try to explain, do you understand the difference between male and female. At least for humans?’

'Ummmm… what’s that again?’

Itall stood in front of Maris, leaning in towards them curiously. “Should I give you a moment alone?”

“Ummmm…” Maris looked to him hopelessly. “Actually… can I have your help explaining something to Sup? When we leave the shop, preferably?”

Itall nodded, “Alright, let’s head out then.” He went ahead of them, holding the door open once again, and giving the shopkeeper a departing nod.

Maris and Sup exited the building, the former blushing madly and confused.

Sup looked puzzled. 'Did I do something wrong, person?’

Itall stepped out beside Maris. “So, what’s up with the Suppy Sup?”Maris hesitated for a few minutes, but relented and told Itall everything Sup had told her.

Itall looked from Maris to Sup to Maris again.

“…Well, when you get right down to it… gender is a very strange thing that’s hard to understand, even for me, at times. I’m not really sure Sup can understand.”

Sup glared, and let out his low 'suuup’ of a growl. 'He thinks I’m stupid!’

Itall put up his arms defensively. “Hold on, look–I’m sure you can understand the basics… most people identify as male or female, and, er, fathers are generally male, while mothers are generally female… so to answer your question–wait, hold on,” he shook his head. “Why do you see Maris as a parental figure in the first place?”

Sup looked so confused he shrank back in shame. ’…What’s a… a pair of entails?’

Maris couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor sup guy. These kind of topics were always hard to talk about, much less understand. And for him, it must be even more confusing.

She squeezed her familiar affectionately, hoping to make him less uncomfortable.

'Do you mean 'parental’ sweet pea?’Sup nodded, 'Yeah, that. Does he mean Momma and Daddies?'

She nodded. 'Yes he did.’

Sup seemed a bit less nervous at that. 'Well… when I go on my walks I see little people getting walked around and talked to by big people, and the little people call them Momma or Daddy. And they take care of the little people, and… and I’m little, and you take care of me, so… is that how it works?’Maris held him close, starting to understand what his questions were about.

'Sweet pea, the bond we share is… is not quite the same as the ones the little people have with the big people. The little people are the children of the big people. The big people, parents, brought the little people, children, into this world. And children are too young to protect themselves just yet. That’s why there’s parents.

So yes, I take care of you, and love you very, very much. But I myself didn’t bring you into the world, and you are WAY better at taking care of yourself than a child can, even if you eat too many sweets sometimes. So you are not obligated to call me Momma or Daddy. You can still call me Person.’

Sup listened intently, then looked down, a bit concerned.

'I think I remember something like that… a little bit. For my folks, not yours. But I don’t remember exactly… I don’t remember much before meeting you guys. I feel like, maybe, because I was too little to remember things… something like that.’

He stopped, then beamed up at Maris. 'I’ll call you whatever you want me to call you. Because you’re my person, and I’m your sup guy!’

Maris let Sup’s word sink in. When they did, she teared up, and buried her face into Sup’s head.

“Aw Sup! You can call me whatever you want! I love you so much sweet pea!”

She nuzzled her face onto his head.

Sup seemed surprised, then let out a light giggle. 'Persooon, don’t do the cry thing! It’s okay, we’re happy now, see?’

Itall, with only half the conversation, if not less, simply watched the two with an adoring smile.

“I am happy Sup. I’m just a little teary eyed, that’s all.”

Maris kissed Sup on the head several times, before holding him so they could be face-to-face.

“Now, if I remember correctly, there’s some butterscotch and chocolates with our names on them, and a night of adventure ahead of us. What do ya say?”

Sup beamed and nodded, 'Is yes the right answer?’

Maris laughed and set Sup on her shoulder. “I think so!”

She glanced at Itall, and her smile grew.

“What?”

Itall shook his head, still smiling. “Not a thing, my dearest, not a thing.” He then offered an arm to her, “Shall we?”

Maris grasped his arm with her own. “ I think we shall. Onward? ”

Itall thrust his other arm into the air. “ONWAAAAAAAAAAARD,” he shouted, earning himself a few stares.

'YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!’ “SUUUUUUUUUUUP!” Sup pointed his hair straight up as well.

The excitement was contagious. Maris joined in. “ONWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD TO GLORY!”

She lifted her nub as high at it could go without knocking over Sup.

"Swiggity swancy, I am so fancy."

"Knowels, we're in a restaurant, can you please stop that?"

"A restaurant is the EXACT right place to do this--WAITRESS! OVER HEEERE!" He popped his hat on and off his head, making faces at the woman.

Maris covered her blushing face. "Why?"

Itall tugged his hat more firmly on his head as the waitress ignored him. "Am I embarrassing you? Because I thought it was just me I was embarrassing."

"NO! ... I mean, no, you're not. I'm sorry."

She stared at the table. "I'm just not used to... this, you know?"

He gave her a bemused look. "Used to what, exactly? Being out in public in classy attire?"

"Not just that... being out in public in classy attire... with you. With the one I fell in love with."

Her face got redder.

"....Oh." His face turned red as well. "Y-yes, I... almost forgot this was a sort of, uh, date... NOT that I mind, I'm not saying that, just, um, I, well, uh..." He looked away."Damn, now I really am making a fool of myself..."

She smiled softly at him. "No, you're being you. And I wouldn't have you any other way." She got a mischievous glint in her eyes, then. "Speaking of, has anyone ever told you how adorable you are when you get embarrassed?"

At the first comment, he just stared blankly, before managing a smile of his own. And then--

"Ad-adorable? Me? No, that's your job." He realized what he said. "OH! That was... I didn't mean to complement you, it just slipped out. I MEAN, not that--I just meant if you didn't like it--I mean I didn't mean to make you possibly uncomfortable, or, something, and..."

He tugged his hat over his eyes. "Shutting up now."

Maris' smile got brighter, and she stood to lean across the table, gently lifting his hat. "How did a girl like me, get so lucky to find a guy like you? "

Itall glanced at her, wincing somewhat. "You need to stop saying such sweet things.... I'll start believing you before long."

"Then I won't stop until you do."

He smiled, shoulders dropping as he finally relaxed. "I might never understand it, but... I might at least learn to stop complaining." And with that, he gave her a kiss.

"... ...Are... you ready to order?"

When the waitress piped in, he pulled away, face burning as he sunk in his chair and hid even deeper in his hat.

Maris was startled by the waitress, and smiled sheepishly. "Umm... we might need a few more minutes... if that's alright?"

The waitress nodded. "Okay, sorry, I thought I got flagged over--enjoy your, uh.... hehe?!" She walked away quickly.

From under his hat, Itall mumbled, "Is she gone?"

"Yea, she's gone."

He let out a loud Phew! and reappeared, fanning himself with his hat before putting it in his lap. "Okay, uh, food, food is.... good. Good food is..." He looked at the menu, and grew puzzled. "....What is this nonsense?"

Maris leaned so she was reading from his menu. "Ummm...not quite sure? Wait, does that say what I think that says?"

He held it up for her, but upside down. "What do you think it says? Because it's not meringue. ....Is it?"

Maris righted the menu for him. "Nope, no meringue on here... but there's a... Blobfish Truffles? What the hell...? And lobster ice cream? Are we in Abborre?"

He shrugged. "Are those that unusual for the capital? It seems peculiar to me, but I only know so much about food..." He gestured at the menu. "Which do you think I'd have a better chance of surviving, then, truffles or ice cream?"

"... Or, we could both survive by sneaking out of here? We haven't ordered, so we can escape...?"

Itall slammed a fist on the table. "They've seen us, Maris! We can't back down now, it'll reflect badly on us and we'll lose face...." He paused. "Do we have face to lose?"

"If we eat their food we might." She leaned in closer to him. "And who cares what they think, we're never gonna see these people again. Come on, I know a nice little café with a better selection... that includes meringue." She smiled encouragingly. "What do ya say?"

He smiled back, and dropped the menu. "Auf Wiedersehen, Blobfish!" He put his hat back on and got up to leave.

She grasped his arm. "Und hallo meringue!"

Itall cackled encouragingly, sure to keep her beside him. As they made their way outside and to the street, he looked over at her, still grinning. "I know this has hardly begun, but... thank you. I'm glad you came with me tonight."

"It's my pleasure. Thank you for making me feel special."

He chuckled. "I don't have to make you feel special, do I? You are regardless of what I do."

His hand found hers.

"But only you could make me believe that." She gently squeezed his hand.

"Now THAT certainly needs to change..." He squeezed back, glancing at her hand, bringing it up like he was about to kiss it. But then...

He stopped walking, quite suddenly, and looked the other way, suddenly very tense, his grip on her hand very tight.

"...Did you hear something just now?"

"Huh? Hear what?"

"That... it sounded like a Sup, but not yours. I haven't seen--"

He tensed even more, inhaling sharply. He'd figured something out, but that didn’t provide him comfort. He dropped her hand entirely, taking a step forward, staring out into the crowds around them. Then he dropped his gaze, the brim of his hat covering his eyes. "...Nevermind. It was... just my imagination." He started to walk again, "Let's go."

"..."

She followed him, trying to catch up to his long strides.

He faced away from her as he went, head low. "S-so, this café... Is it in this area here, do we turn at the next street, or..." He let out a shaky breath. "Sorry, I'm... just a tad distracted."

"... It's just up ahead." She lowered her voice, "Knowels, what's going on?"

"Don't start worrying over me, it's... " He reached a shaking hand to his face, over his... mouth? Eyes? Hard to tell, with his face hidden. "It's just nonsense. Meringue conquers the blobfish--let's go back to our happy outing."

"Knowels, please..." She came to a stop. "... you're scaring me."

Knowels stopped at that, still staring elsewhere. It took some time for him to face her, gaze low and shining with held tears. He took in a shaky breath.

"I... " he grimaced. "I'm scaring me, too, Maris. I... I'm sorry. I don't know.... how to explain, or what to do..." He turned away again. "Can we go inside, somewhere, maybe, and then I can..."

Maris stood there, her heart hurting for him. She then seemed determined, marching over to him and grabbing his hand, leading him forward.

"It's right here."

She led them inside the café, and found the booth at the end, thankfully empty, along with the surrounding booths. She gently pulled him to it, sat him down, and slid into the other side, all the while never letting go of his hand.

She then waited patiently, making circles on his hand with her thumb.

His grip on her hand was much gentler now, and he tried to hide falling tears with his hat's brim. "I..." He wiped at his eyes. "I suppose I'm not allowed any fun, am I?" He forced an empty chuckle. "I don't even know why it's happening NOW of all times... it's not as bad as it, could be, but..."

He finally took his hat off, putting it beside him in the booth seat, before running a shaking hand through his hair. He couldn’t look directly at Maris, but his grip tightened just before he spoke again.

"I can hear them. If that's what this is, hearing... my mind seems to think so, at least. I can hear them, so many of them, Maris..." He forced a snort. "Must be each and every one I've ever possessed, antagonizing me for my crimes against them... trying to ignore it seems to only make it worse."

He spared a glance at her, terrified of what he might see.

There were tears forming in her eyes, her gaze soft. She continued to say nothing, but she squeezed his hand, letting him know she was there for him.

He managed a jerky nod, hanging his head.

"Maris, I.... I should warn you. This isn't the worst side effect I've felt, and... well, if this is going--" He shut his eyes, cringing hard. "God, shut UP..." He shook his head, "Sorry, I know it's not real, I just... got frustrated. But, if this is happening, then there might be more. I don't... I haven't just, h-ha… hall..."

The word seemed painful on his tongue.

"Hah, hallucinated... sounds. There can be more, at times. You might say it brings my nightmares to life..."

He puts his other hand, still wet from tears, over hers.

"It's why I write down, in my diary, when I've had a nightmare, in case I... forget myself, what's real...." He shook his head again. "I really have lost my mind, haven't I? My just desserts for what I've done..."

She hiccuped, unable to fight the tears anymore. As they fell, she let go of his hands and rose from her seat, only for her to slide in the one Knowels was in. She slid close to him, gripped him as tightly as she could with her one arm, and buried her head in his chest.

" Don't you fuckin' say that. Don't you dare..."

She let out a soft sob.

He held her tightly, unable to hold himself back either. "Maris..." he choked out, hands still shaking, before muffling his own sobs into her head.

He lets himself have a good cry. Just sitting there, clutching her and crying. Eventually, it seemed like he'd suddenly remembered how to breath evenly, and every bit of him started to relax. He kissed the top of her head.

"What're you crying for, love," he joked hoarsely, "that's my job, not yours."

She moved her head from his chest and met his gaze. "That may be the case. But I can't help it." She tried to smile for him, but her lips trembled and only makes her cry more. "I get it. You've done things you're not proud of. Things I'm sure you'll never tell me. But just because you made mistakes doesn't mean you deserve this... this hell you're going through."

She hung her head, closing her eyes as she did so. "I wish I could protect you from your nightmares. I wish I could chase them as far as I can from you, so they can never hurt you again. I wish... I wish I knew how to make your tears go away."

His grip around her tightens again. "I should be the one to do that for you." He kissed her again. "That I could take away what I've done to you... I'd suffer a thousand nightmares to free you from yours."

"...Even if you could, I wouldn't let you. Yes, I'm cursed, and I might be for a long time. But I don't care. If I didn't have this... I wouldn't have you. I wouldn't see you in the mornings, with your slept in clothes and couch-hair. I wouldn't hear you singing in the evenings, with some notes off-key. I wouldn't get to have those special moments when you hug me, or hold my hand, or kiss me, regardless of who’s watching. I wouldn't have the man I've fallen so deeply in love with. And my life would remain lonely. So what if I now have breathtaking anger management issues. I least I have you. I love you Knowels, and I'd rather suffer any amount of nightmares than lose you."

She looked into his eyes, and for a moment, her voice became even. "And given the chance, I would save you from all your nightmares, if it meant that you would always smile."

He just stares back, biting his lip. Then he nudges her forehead with his, shutting his eyes. "You shouldn't speak that way... I can't stand you losing a limb, or even a hair, for silly old me. Keep saying you'll take the bad away, and I'll start to think I deserve better."

He rubbed his head against hers. "But I wouldn't have found you either, Maris, if not for my past. If not for this... I would never have known what it meant to be happy."

She closed her eyes as well, and her hand finds his cheek. Only then does she try to smile again. "Then I'll continue to make you happy, if you'll allow me."

"Only as long as I can return the favor." He leaned back enough to kiss her forehead, then pulled away, just a bit, leaving one arm around her as he rubbed his wet eyes.

"...Th-they're starting to fade... just a bit. They were never that terrible, really, just noise. I've made such a fuss over nothing."

"I don't care if you think it's nothing, if it's bothering you, tell me. Don't hide it all from me, let me help. Make as much of a fuss as you want, I don't mind." Her hand rubs his cheek, and she attempts to wipe some of his tears away. "I would do anything for you, hon."

He gazed sadly at her. "We both have enough problems without..." but he stopped, biting his lip again as he thought on it.

"I'm not going to convince you otherwise, am I?" He smirked. "I couldn't even convince you to not be with me... I try to warn you, to keep you from getting hurt... I..." A sort of pain flashed over him. "I don't want to hurt you again."

"...I know." She smiled at him, trying to be strong for him.

" I love you, my Tongueless Itall."

He smiled back, leaning in.

"And I love you, Dragoness Maris."

Itall didn’t want to sleep. Not if it was going to just lead to more nightmares.

He stared at the ceiling, back against the couch, only to decide this was a bad idea. He reached a hand lazily under the couch, pulling the diary out (no use hiding it any better NOW) and pondered writing in it. Instead, he flipped through it, cringing at everything that Maris and Asher now knew, and faced the ceiling again with a sigh. He’d already read every book in the house (unless Maris had a second hidden library) and he wasn’t hungry or even all that bored… but he had to distract himself, lest he fall to the dark world of dreams, lest he let his mind wander to forbidden corners.

A soft, wall-muffed cry. Panic hit him, and he was snapping the book shut, getting to his feet, striding swiftly towards the sound--had someone crept in and attacked her, had Trigun done something, had she done something, what had happened, what--

Yet the next cry stopped him, right outside Maris’ door. She wasn’t crying out for help, she wasn’t crying out in shock or surprise or pain… she was just...

Crying.

Itall wasn’t really sure what to do. It had been a few days since he and Maris had become… well, something. It didn’t feel right to describe them as an item, when they’d only just begun--they’d fallen in love well enough, certainly, but the relationship itself was springboarded into. Was he allowed to just barge in and check on her? Or would that be an overstep? Or would not barging in immediately be seen as an oversight? Did he still sleep on the couch for his own comfort or hers? Where were the boundaries? What were boundaries?

He was older, he was wiser… but he was just as inexperienced. He wound up standing there, his heart falling to his knees as her sobs pierced through him. He reached for the doorknob so many times, and dropped his hand so many times after.

Then he heard…. Uh oh. She was getting up.

Itall rushed to the couch, sat down and shut his eyes, hoping Maris wouldn’t suspect with the light still on. It wasn’t until she was passing by into the kitchen that it occurred to him how silly he was being. He cracked one eye open, which was natural enough, to find her switching a light on to better see the kitchen. He inhaled slowly, mustering the courage to say something, anything…

“You alright, love?”

And every part of him tensed. Shit. What did I just do. We don’t have pet names yet I can’t just start throwing out random pet names what the fuck was I thinking she’s going to get creeped out and freak out and this is exactly the worst possible moment for me to be creeping on her and fuckfukcufukc WHAT DID I DO?

Maris looked at him, probably unaware of how wet her cheeks were. “I… what?”

Itall cleared his throat. “You just seem, um… I was just checking in, you seem…” He got up slowly, in case quick movements would frighten her, or reminder her of the dream world. “Trouble sleeping?”

Maris blinked, then grew self aware, wiping her eyes. “I--No, I’m okay, just… I just wanted some water.”

“Maris,” he said gently, “I think I know enough about nightmares to know when someone’s had one.”

“But-”

“And I know enough about you to know when you’re lying,” he added, cracking a soft smile.

Maris gave in, shoulders shlumping, glancing down as she nodded.

“Might I ask what it was?”

She kept her gaze low. “To be honest… I don’t even remember very much. Just… bits and pieces.” She crossed her full arm over her half one, as if she’d grown cold. “And the pieces I have, I feel like, they’re not even the worst…just… I remember being lost in the ocean, and… and...”

Itall knew better than to push further than that. Yet he knew he had to do something. He knew what his instincts were telling him to do, but… was that the right thing to do now, or…

“Would you, er… would you like a hug?”

At that, a warm smile broke across her face, and she chuckled at him. “Yes,” she said, his heart rising back to his chest, “I would like that.”

Itall felt a wave of relief as he held her. Even when she started crying again, comforting her had never been more natural. He could get the hang of this, being her other half, balancing her worst with his best, and vice versa. That was what this was, wasn’t it?

So… they were a couple, then.

“Maris, it’s far too close to dinner time to be lollygagging... or so says the mook in the library.”

Maris had been lying there since Itall got home, maybe even since before he left. Exactly the right detail to miss, to leave him not knowing how serious the situation. From Trigun’s attitude, and the vacant look in her eyes, something had transpired, but what...

He watches her lie there. She is completely unresponsive. Itall can’t blame her, though he tries--but anyone trying to save the heart of a monster has to get fed up at some point... and maybe, that was what this was. Maybe, she was reaching her limit. Itall didn’t like thinking that. "Nope." Itall grabs her by the arm and starts to pull her out of bed. "You're coming with me into the kitchen, and I'm going to make something, and you're going to tell me how to make it because you're not going to watch me fuck up and poison myself. And we're making enough for two."

Maris didn't cooperate. If anything, she felt like deadweight.

Itall gave up trying to drag her and just picked her up. Making his way to the kitchen, he sat her on a chair in the dining area, straightening her when she started to slip. He tried to balance her in the chair like she was a fork on someone's nose. After, he took a few steps back with arms stretched out to test if she'd stay.

Maris balanced, neither moving nor speaking.

Itall grabs literally every pan, pot, and strainer, and stacks them all on the stove in a disorderly fashion, everything barely balancing on top of each other.

He then lifts the last pot, turns to face her, with a very serious expression, to see how she's reacting.

Blank expression.

Itall widens his eyes as much as possible. Slowly, he begins to lift the pot, as high as he can, over his head, facing down. He hold it there for a good thirty seconds, never changing his expression. Then he suddenly drops it, the pot falling over his head with a 'BONG' and covering his face like a helmet.

"...Ow."

He grabs the pot and tilts it so he can see her. His face drops, worry etched in every line.

Her head tilted to the side, but nothing more.

"...Maris?"

No reply.

He steps up to her, staring, chewing his lip with his acorn tooth. He waves a hand in front of her face, then snaps.

"Maris?"

Her right eye twitches for a moment, then goes back to blank. Either ignoring him, or not hearing him.

Itall takes off the pot, crouching in front of her, keeping at eye level. "Oh, no... You're not allowed to do this, Maris. Only I am." His eyebrows met. "Hmm, if a Maris found me like this, what would she do to snap the Itall out of it? I can't recall what works, you see," he said softly, "hard to remember when you're the snappee, instead of the snapper."

Although her eyes met his, it was hard to tell if she's looking at him, or past him. Her eyes were too dull.

"I could bang things together, but that might just make your world more frightening... wherever it may be."

Tentatively, he lifts the pot back up, and puts it over her head, gently.

"Can you hear me now?"

Her head straightens with the pot on it, and although her face is still blank, he sees something there... He couldn't tell what it was... but it was something.

And he would get to that something, no matter what.

He lifted the pot again, then back down, letting it conk the top of her head, just a bit.

"The pot gods call upon thee to RISE, Maris Raven, RISE and live AGAIN!"

He then pulls the pot away dramatically, throwing it into the pink booth beside, where it thumps lamely.

This time, her eyelids rises for a moment, as though the swift movement had caught her off guard. It stayed for a few moments, until they slide down again, eyes half closed.

But he saw the something again. He knew he did.

He frowns. Quick movements, then? Was that dragging out the something? Or just action in general? He reared back, then punched a fist nearly into her face, bopping her glasses just a bit, letting out a loud battle cry as he did.

And then he flinched. Shit. Loud sounds.... He'd forgotten himself.

And although he had barely touched her, her eyes went wide again... and she slipped from the chair.

Fuck. He pulled out of the cheesy fighting stance, falling to her side. "Shit, Maris--Are you alright? I'm sorry, I fucked up, I was just trying to help, I'm sorry, oh god...."

Then he noticed a change.

Her eyelids stayed up. And now the eyes held something... but not the something from before.

This seemed... worse.

To make matters worse, he still couldn't tell if she was looking at anything, or staring off into space.

What was going on?

"Maris?" He grabbed her shoulders, hands shaking. "Maris, can you hear me? What do you see? Maris..." What had he done? "Maris, wherever you are, get out of there, now!"

But she wasn't responding. Why the hell wasn't she responding?

"Maris? Come on, snap out of-"

And he knew.

He knew what the something was.

The somethings he had been seeing were bits of emotion trying to break free.

And the one he saw now was fear.

At this, he felt conviction overwhelm him, that she was lost in her own mind, as he'd feared. He wanted to beg at her, scream at her, to get out of that world--away from whatever nightmare he'd brought her to. But he knew that wouldn't help. Somehow, he willed himself to be calm, rational. If he was going to pull her out of that world, he'd have to convince her that this one was better, find some way to show her that it was there...

"Maris," he said, voice level and calm now, "Come find me. The year is 1883, the fall season is beautiful here, and a crazy old man has just ruined your kitchen. Come here," he said, voice starting to break, "please."

Light.

He had seen light.

The fear lingered, as if to torment him more than her. As if that world were taunting him, attempting to give him nothing but hopelessness.

But for a moment, there had been light in her eyes.

Did she hear him?

No, he was not going to cry, not now. "Maris, you're not alone. I won't let you be alone ever again..." he felt a whole rush of words come to him, and held them back, for they couldn't be real. "Rue is coming to visit in a month or so, remember? You were just telling me yesterday. You were here, yesterday, when you got home from work, telling me about your day and asking about mine. You were here, just as you're here now. You're here, if you'll let yourself be, if you follow me back..." Fuck it, he was crying. "Please, look at this mess I made and tell me what I fool I am. I need you to, I... I need you, Maris."

He flinched. He'd meant to swallow that last part.

But he'd already said it. There was no point worrying about it now.

Right now he needed to bring Maris back.

Despite his tears, he kept his eyes locked on Maris', hoping he would see a change. Praying he would see that light again.

Instead, he saw the fear fade.

It had left, leaving it empty once more...

No.

It wasn't empty.

There was another something. Another emotion. But unlike the other, he couldn't place it.

He knew he had a chance.

"I need you," he said, again, starting to realize how true it was, but unable to go further... "We all need you. Rue needs you, Sup needs you, Asher, Mishy, they need you, even Vivian needs you, and he-" Itall grimaced, "he may not know it but HE needs you. I can't... I can't do this on my own, Maris. Please, come back, and we can clean this up, this stupid mess, and I can make whatever dinner you desire, or don't desire, just let me get you something, even if you don't want it, just let us have more days like yesterday, days worth living. Please," his grip on her shoulders tightened, "I'll do anything."

The dull eyes stared into his own. The other something began to fade as well. He feared it would be the last thing he saw.

Then she blinked.

And blinked again.

The light returned to her eyes.

She blinked several more times, before they retained recognition.

And Maris frowned.

"...Itall?"

His heart stopped. Was she...?

She looked around, quite clearly confused as to where she was.

"The...kitchen? But I was in bed..."

Then an idea must've struck her, because she began to panic.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck OH FUCK!"

She sat upright, and surprisingly started to pat him down.

"Fuck, are you okay? I didn't hit you, did I? Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that, I swear I thought they were done with! The last time had been Dax and... fuck... I'm sorry Knowels, I didn't mean to worry you-"

He didn't say anything. Just hung his head, and pulled her into a hug.

His face buried into her shoulder, he started laughing. From relief, at first, then from the avoidance of sobbing.

"I never knew," he croaked, "how unnerving that could be.... You scared me, Maris Raven, you sca..." he couldn't finish the word, and took to drying his eyes on her.

Then he lifted his head up, and started to pull away. "Sorry, I got carried away, I didn't mean to just... flop on you, like that..."

She gave him a worried glance.

"No, it's okay... Wait... have you been crying?"

Her hand went to his cheek.

"Oh no... Itall, whatever it was you saw, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I scared you, I never meant for it to get THIS bad..." She paused, then continued. "Look, I, ummm... I don't know what exactly what it is I do, but I promise, this isn't a normal thing... it's only because I became overwhelmed... but I won't do this again. I'm sorry I was a bother..."

Maris stared at the floor.

"I really fucked up."

Itall looked her over as she spoke, uncertain why--he felt like he were checking for some sign that she might not be fully awake, fully out... but as her explanation went on, he relaxed. Yet as her explanation finished, he shook his head.

"No. Not a bother, never so. I just..." He glanced at the mountain on top the stove. "I just hope I was able to help. I know what it is, to... lose yourself, at times. I don't wish it on anyone," he said, looking to her again, "least of all you."

She smiled, meeting his gaze.

"Still... I won't go that far again... not if I can help it."

She followed his line of sight, and frowned again.

"Umm... what happened to my kitchen?"

Itall ducked his head. "I, uh... was testing different methods to get your attention, before I realized you weren't... quite here." He managed a soft smile. "You missed quite the performance art, my dear. I have a bump on my head and everything."

She spun her head around.

"WHAT?"

She instantly lunged forward, grabbing his head and scanning his crown and scalp.

"WHERE? WHERE'S IT AT?"

Itall laughed, heartily, grabbing her wrists to pull her hands away. "Calm down, Dragoness! I just banged a pot on my head. Don't you fret," he laughed, beaming at her, acorn tooth in plain sight with his grin.

As he found himself holding her wrists and looking right at her, her face near his, he felt an urge to hold her again, to say something, to... but no, that was nonsense. He forced the smile to stay, then let her go, and started up to his feet.

"Let's start this evening over, shall we? I'll make us something, we'll talk about the weather... let's have our day," he said, offering a hand to help her up.

He watched her frown with uncertainty, but she accepted the hand, and he gently pulled her up.

" Right... start the evening over... yeah, I can do that..."

Once she was up, he was supposed to let go and start on the stove mountain. But he found his grip on her hand tightening, in what he hoped was a comforting way.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

With that statement, her frown disappeared, replaced with a smile once more.

"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

A weak smile broke over him. "That's not going to happen." He squeezed again, and let go, moving for the stove. "If you need anything from me, just say so," he said, not facing her as he reached for a strainer at the bottom of his mess, only to rethink it at the last moment and reach for one at the top.

She watched as he worked on the pile he had created. It was only due to him having his back turned that he didn't see her smile falter at his caring words.

If he only knew.

It was impressively difficult to not just have everything come crashing down from the stove--though it would be quicker, he felt. He busied himself and didn't face her for a long while, needing to recompose, remind himself to limit himself; that'd been too close, back there. She was already burdened with so much. Jeopardizing their friendship, showing unwanted attention, that was the last thing she needed.