#irina rozanova

(This is unfortunately common in fics with Ilya and is a not great steroeotype because not all people with depression have these symptoms).

So I imagine Irina trying her best to hide her depression, especially from her sons. She's taking them on outings to skate or other fun things, cooking/baking their favourite things, being funny, letting Grigori take her out to dinner or the theatre to show off his young, beautiful wife. And she thinks it's working, except sometimes she feels like a dancing corpse.

And she tries to hide Grigori's abuse. It's shameful. Maybe if she was a better mother or wife, he wouldn't be so critical. I don't think he beats Irina or the boys regularly, or even is always yelling. I think it's constant emotion/verbal abuse and then once in a while he lashes out and throws a plate at Irina's head, or little Ilya's getting up to some mischief and instead of just telling him to knock it off like usual, Grigori yanks him around by the arm and throws him into the wall.

I assume she had PPD and instead of any treatment or even sympathy, Grigori would say things like, "You have a healthy baby, what are you crying about? Pull yourself together and take care of him!" And maybe with Ilya it was easier the second time around, and Grigori was too busy trying to survive the fall of the USSR career-wise to critique Irina's parenting. (Although Andrei/Alexei was bitterly jealous of the new baby and she never managed to deal with that properly).

There were times where Grigori was in a good mood or busy, and things are fun and good for Ilya and his brother, and there are times when she sends them to their room but they can still hear him saying things like "weak", "worthless", "going to leave me". Ilya asks what he means and she tells him No, no, Papa doesn't mean it. She's not leaving.

She hides it well enough that her suicide is a shock to everyone. Nobody thought it was that bad. As Andrei/Alexei gets older he starts agreeing with Grigori. Mama needs to stop indulging herself and being so weak, what does she have to be sad about? Ilya is perceptive enough that he realizes she's sad and his father is so hard on her, but he's twelve and his education about mental health is nil, so he doesn't really get what that means.

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As he watches over his son's sleeping form, minutes away from his twelfth birthday, Ilya is confronted with an emotion he never expected to feel. For the first time in almost thirty years, the love he carries for his mother collides with the overwhelming anger of the boy she left behind. How do you continue loving someone after you finally understand the full weight of what they left you to carry?

And Yuna doesn't believe in spiritual visitation or anything like that so she just chalks it up to "dream."

But she does call Ilya to ask if he's checked the shower drain in his and Shane's guest bath for the necklace he'd been missing "just for no reason at all it just popped into my head as an idea randomly..."

And he does it while she's on the phone and the rattle of the drain followed by his sharp intake of breath let's her know they struck gold.

So what if Irina Rozanova was bi (it's genetic) and she had a /friend/ who was a figure skater named Shanon from probably America, and she would always make her days brighter and she was also the reason Ilya started to train for hockey because they would meet at the rink and talk for hours. Nothing ever happened between them, but the love and attraction was there. One day Gregori sees the look on his wife's face while talking to her, so he fobids Irina to go to Ilya's training, she can't get out of the house anymore, she gets isolated and he started to treat her even worse than before. The most horrible thing is that Gregori stops paying for Irina's mental health medication, and she can't buy it herself, so when she finds an old medication tube hidden in Gregori's office while cleaning, she took all the pills...

Ahhhhhh~ you get it anon you get itttt~ the Irina lives au makes me sOoOo sick to think about,,,,

Cause his mama IS still beautiful and funny, just like Ilya is on his best days - she's so charismatic and she loves Ilya so so much, these moments he gets to have with her are precious to him.