Summary: The neon-soaked nighttime streets of Tokyo: home to an underground of fast cars and bad choices — the kind that can get you killed. Being in the wrong place at the right time gives upcoming driver Ichigo Kurosaki the chance to immerse himself in the seedy and cordite-laced world of high-powered backroom deals and rain-slick asphalt. Soon, Ichigo will have to make a lethal choice, and see if his skill behind the wheel can save his own life, let alone hers. (Canon-typical violence, smut, a bit of angst)
As always, thanks so much to @gunnerpalace for his work on turning my nonsense into coherent storyline. This chapter is a bit of setup for the next couple of parts, please enjoy. Let me know you’re reading!
Part 7: Rendezvous
“I’ve got a place,” Rukia says when they break apart.
Ichigo steps back. He’s breathless. Rukia’s eyes shine in the parking lot lights, and Ichigo lifts his hand to trace along the edge of her jaw.
“I—” he starts, and Rukia smiles. She brings her hand up to rest against his own.
“Text me when you get home,” she says, and Ichigo lets his hand fall.
“It’s not that I don’t—” Ichigo tries, but Rukia presses a finger to his lips.
“I know,” she says, “I know.”
Rukia unlocks her car with a press on her keyfob, and Ichigo lifts his hand again in parting as she drives away.
Ichigo does text her from home, after sneaking in. He’s going to be achy and miserable in the morning—or rather, later today, given that the sun is already just starting to touch the horizon. He curls around his pillow and watches the light bleed across the sky, thinking about the way Rukia had felt in his arms and the way she'd looked at him when he’d woken up in her lap.
His mind turns his firmly away from the memory of the crash, not yet ready to relive the moment again. It steals into his consciousness anyway, and Ichigo grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut against the remembered panic. He breathes deeply, willing himself to calm down. Finally, he rolls onto his back, stretching one arm out over the edge of his bed, letting his hand hang into empty space.
Why hadn’t he taken her up on her offer? He sighs and stares up at his ceiling. The rising sun casts his room in a soft gold. He wonders what Rukia’s skin would look like in this light—whether the raven wing black of her hair would soften, whether her violet eyes would turn sunset-hued instead of midnight-dark. He ponders the curve of her mouth, the delicate arch of her brows, the taste of her lips. He thinks about the slide of her skin under his hands, about the dusting of freckles across her shoulders, and the constellations he could make with them, one kiss at a time.
Ichigo falls asleep.
---
Across town, Rukia slides a pair of sunglasses onto her face. She shifts gears, double-clutch, and her car jumps to respond. She weaves in and out of morning traffic on the freeway, her window rolled down to let the scent of the waking city waft in. The sky turns rose gold with the dawn, and Rukia blinks against the glare of sunlight off the glass and steel office buildings as she down-shifts around the exit ramp, heading for the Kuchiki tower at the heart of the financial district.
It’s not until she’s riding up the elevator that she notices the grime on her dress. It's too late to do anything about it now though, so she steps through the opening doors and ignores the receptionist, shouldering her way into her brother’s office.
Byakuya raises a hand to silence the conversation he's having when Rukia pushes open his door. The men arranged around his desk are all cut from the same cloth and she ignores them, striding forward. She plants her hands on Byakuya’s desk and leans across it, looking at him over the lenses of her sunglasses.
“You nearly got Ichigo killed,” Rukia hisses, “and for what?”
“Rukia,” Byakuya says, his voice like silk.
It’s a warning Rukia doesn’t heed. “What use could you possibly have for him? He’s just a kid, nii-sama.” Rukia’s voice rises at the end, not to form a question, but simply in volume. Her heart thuds in her ears.
Byakuya waves a hand dismissively at his assembled meeting, and there’s a disgruntled rumble behind Rukia as the room clears.
“Sit down, Rukia,” Byakuya says When she doesn’t move, he lifts one eyebrow. “Please.”
Rukia pushes off his desk and stalks to one of the recently vacated couches. She throws herself down onto it, knowing that she looks like a petulant child.
Byakuya steeples his hands and leans back in his desk chair, surveying her with a frown. “Your dress is dirty,” he says.
“I pulled Ichigo out of the wreckage of your fucking getaway car, of course my dress is dirty.”
“Language,” Byakuya says mildly. Rukia glares at him. Byakuya sighs and lifts one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose before levelling Rukia with his own stern glare.
Rukia shifts under the scrutiny, annoyed that she feels exposed under his implacable gaze. “He got hurt,” she says finally. “He nearly died.”
“He could do the same or worse any time he gets into his own car.”
“It’s not the same,” Rukia protests. She leans forward, calculation in her gaze as she looks at her brother. “Why were you there too, I wonder? Not very traditional to go in with your men,” she says, propping her chin in her hand with her elbow resting on the arm of the sofa. “Whose warehouse did you blow up last night? One of the Twelve Dragons' haunts?” Rukia’s eyes narrow. “No,” she says, tilting her head slightly. “One of Aizen’s dens, I think. That rat.”
“You speak of matters that you know very little about,” Byakuya says, his chiding evident in his tone.
“Only because you keep me out, oyabun.”
The title makes Byakuya bristle. “I am not—”
“If the shoe fits, brother, why would you not wear it?”
---
“Kira,” Gin calls, lifting an arm in greeting as the other man steps off the dock and onto the boat.
Kira nods, shading his eyes with his hand and grabbing one of the rails tightly while he finds his balance. “Ichimaru-san,” he says, inclining his head.
Gin scoffs. “None of that now. We’re friends you and I; how many times will I have to remind you?”
“At least once more,” Kira says. Gin eyes him side-long before turning his back on the blonde man and punching the start button. The deck of the boat vibrates slightly and the engines catch with a rumble. Kira grips the railing, still unsteady.
“Cast us off,” Gin says, already moving towards the bow to lean over and unloop the rope holding them to the dock. Kira does as he’s told and unwinds first the middle rope and then the one at the stern. The last rope slithers into a pile at his feet and Kira reaches out, pushing against the piling, while Gin does the same at the bow. Floating free, the boat dips and bobs until Gin makes his way back to the helm and grips the throttle, easing it forward. The engine's pitch changes and the boat grumbles away from the dock, leaving its neighbours rocking in the gentle wake.
As they put some distance between themselves and the shoreline, Gin leans further into the throttle, and the boat picks up speed. The bay spreads like diamonds and glass in front of them, and behind them the Tokyo skyline glints in the sun. Kira steps carefully towards Gin, holding onto the back of the helm's chair while Gin stands. The wind rises as they gain speed until they're flying over the water, the wake curling in a boiling wash behind them.
Throwing the boat into a sharp turn, Gin whoops as they cross back over their own wake, spray dancing up over the bow and showering them in a cool mist. In the bright sunlight, Gin’s hair is pale enough to seem almost silver, and he squints against the glare. Turning them over their own wake one more time, he eases back on the throttle and takes them down to cruising speed, the bay to their left and the skyline to their right.
There aren’t many other pleasurecraft out on the water today, as it’s not quite yet the season for afternoon cruises along the bay, so they mostly have the water to themselves. Gin eases back further on the throttle, pitching the engine all the way down to a deep idle, and then leans against the windscreen with his arms crossed, looking out over the bow.
“You know someone blew up one of Aizen-sama’s warehouses a week ago,” he says, conversationally.
“I do,” Kira says, “The news said it was a gas leak.”
“Tch,” Gin sounds off, “You can’t believe everything you hear.” He turns to look at the other man, who's settled against the other chair. Kira’s arms are crossed over his chest and his hair is blown back from his face by the wind. His cheeks are faintly tinged pink from the windburn.
After a long moment, Kira says, “No, I guess you can’t.”
Gin drags a hand back through his own hair, letting the strands fall back onto his face. “Do you know anything about it?” Kira asks, and Gin turns, his mouth quirking up in a half-smile.
“Funny you should ask,” Gin says. Kira’s expression turns expectant and Gin flops back into his seat with more drama than is entirely necessary. “There was a car wreck about three blocks away almost right after. I heard,” Gin drops his voice conspiratorially, “that Kuchiki Byakuya was in the car.”
Kira can’t quite school his expression fast enough, and Gin catches a glimpse of surprised fascination before it's buried underneath quiet interest. “Was anyone injured?”
“No,” Gin says with a sigh, as if this was a personal affront. “A kid was driving the car though,” he continues, “Name’s Kurosaki. Do you know him?”
Kira inhales sharply. Gin toasts his own success. Kira has always had a miserable poker face, and even worse, he’s a goddamn bleeding heart. “Heard the Kuchiki girl pulled him out of the wreckage,” Gin says, casually. “Also heard he’s a damn good driver—”
“He won the hill race at the end of the season,” Kira says, distantly.
“Kid’s been driving for the Kuchiki stable for nearly a year now,” Gin says, and then gets up. “You want a drink?”
Kira nods, and Gin disappears down into the belly of his boat, the soft soles of his deck shoes making no sound on the wooden stairs. On the deck, Kira makes his way to the stern, sinking down onto one of the plush benches and letting himself slouch a little, stretching his arm out along the top edge of the hull. The sun is gently warm on his skin and the boat rocks in the low rollers, the rhythm soothing enough that Kira thinks he could probably fall asleep.
He’s startled by the press of something cold into his bare forearm, and opens his eyes to find Gin handing him a sweating can of beer. There’s another one stuffed into the pocket of Gin’s shorts, and in Gin’s other hand is a plate of something. Kira takes the beer and flicks it open; the Snickt! and hiss of the pressure release is satisfying, as is the first long swallow. Carbonation tickles the back of his nose.
Gin sets the plate down—cheese, crackers, black olives, and some kind of dried sausage—and then sinks into the bench across from Kira.
“So,” Kira begins, leaning forward to make a sandwich from a pair of crackers, some cheese, and a piece of sausage. “Kurosaki wrecked a car with a Kuchiki in it. What does that have to do with Aizen-sama’s warehouse?”
“Not a Kuchiki, Kira—the Kuchiki.” Gin grabs an olive between two slender fingers and pops it into his mouth. After a moment, Gin spits out the pit and tosses it off the boat behind him. “The Kuchiki patriarch, in a car wrecked after a high speed chase, within three blocks of the deliberate razing of one of Aizen’s warehouses. You do the math, Izuru-chan,” Gin drawls.
Kira wrinkles his nose. “Don’t call me that,” he says, testily. The dried sausage is very good, but Kira takes another pull from his beer instead, refusing to lean into Gin’s space.
“Sorry, Kira-kun then?” Gin’s voice lilts in a tease.
“Just Kira.”
“Fine,” Gin says. “Spoilsport.” He leans back and takes a long draw on his beer.
Kira makes himself another cheese and cracker sandwich while he mulls over what Gin has been telling him. Gin eats a second olive and takes another sip of his beer, before leaning back against the rear cushion, arms spread out and fingertips idly tracing the seams within his reach.
“Kuchiki can’t have been responsible for the explosion,” Kira says, slowly. “He’s not—he never gets his hands dirty like that.”
“All I know,” Gin says, looking at Kira over the bridge of the sunglasses he's pulled down over his face, “is that he was in the car that got wrecked. The car Kurosaki was driving. The car that came to an undignified end three blocks away from the south-end facility.” Gin takes another sip of his beer, setting the can down gently in front of him and then leaning forward, elbows on his thighs and his chin in his palms. “I think you could find out more though, couldn’t you, Kira?”
Kira can’t see Gin’s eyes behind the mirrored lenses; all he can see is his own face, brows drawn together in thought, and his mouth turned down in displeasure. “I—”
“Aw, c’mon Kira-kun, I can make it worth your while.” Gin watches as Kira’s eyes glint, narrowing in calculation. Gin feels the moment he takes the bait, feels the line he’s been unspooling all afternoon go taut, and feels the catch in the reel before the brake kicks in. Now all he has to do is set the hook and pull Kira in.
Kira’s eyes close briefly and when he opens them again his expression has cleared. “Alright,” he says.
Go fish, Gin thinks, and he shifts to pick up his can, reaching out to clink it against Kira’s. “Cheers.”
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Date: March 28, 2017
Art: Juujishou (@vosteium)
Story: @gunnerpalace
Beta: @synoshian, @sequencefairy, @duckiesteasmiles
Chapters: 3 (unfinished)
Word Count: ≈17,800
Rating: M (likely future E)
Genres: romance, thriller, action, crime, drama
Warnings: blood, violence, angst, trauma
Summary: United States Air Force A1C Ichigo Kurosaki wanted to get away. Against all odds he's assigned to Security Forces at Yokota Air Base, under an hour from home. Seirei-gumi Yakuza family "Older Sister" Rukia Kuchiki wanted to fit in. Dispatched to Karakura, she discovers a plot to overturn Japan's criminal underworld. Their chance meeting is anything but, and they'll only survive the web of lies cast over Tokyo's concrete jungle by sticking together.
Notes: This is the start of a (long) retelling of the series within a realistic (non-fantasy/supernatural) setting. You can read the notes if you'd like (1, 2, 3) although you're warned that there are spoilers of upcoming events and some of the information is out of date. Big shout out to my artist and beta readers, you’ve all been lovely and I couldn’t have done it without you guys! And thank you to IRBB chat for the positive encouragement!
Mood Music:
The Black Angels - Young Men Dead
Megadrive - Night Prowl
Tokyo Rose - Last Run
Lucy in Disguise - Velvet Dream
Chapter 1: Neon Rain
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Neon rain fell in sporadic sheets, always hot. Asphalt steamed, glowing with rippling prismatic bands. Every color of the rainbow coruscated, glinting off umbrellas—mostly clear plastic—that hurried to and fro.
A white and lilac wagasa parasol advanced steadily through the bustle. It bore an unseasonable lunar crescent of snowflakes and was lit from below by carefully concealed soft white LEDs.
Rukia strode beneath it with poise and grace, immune to the heat and humidity. Civilians flowed by her on instinct, like schools of fish about a predator. She wore a Western-style two-piece suit—a black jacket and slacks—and the collar of her white blouse rested open above the former's lapels.
To all appearances she made for a plausible—if rather short—office lady, yet her bearing alone suggested something was off. If one looked carefully, her dress shoes hinted at the story. However, the wagasa, and especially the oversized pink pair of almost-oval shades she had on, really advertised what she was—the street was lit up, but the sun had set almost two hours before.
It wasn't long before she passed yet another nondescript alleyway leading off the thoroughfare. Her shoes splashed in a puddle that echoed in optical riot as she halted. She turned and trekked into the gloom, taking off her sunglasses and letting her parasol light the way. It was soon the only source of illumination, silhouetting her as she disappeared around a corner and vanished from the night.
All my contributions for this year’s IchiRuki Big Bang in one big post. :D
Go read the wonderful fic they’re meant to illustrate here, courtesy of the great Keiian! It’s got UST, ForeverShinigami!Ichigo, fake dating, Mayuri FINALLY in trouble, Workaholic!Rukia and live Ukitake! Plus Byakuya, which is always a nice bonus.
The sketches aren’t meant to be taken too seriously, lmao. I’m afraid there is no traditional naked pole-dancing Kuchiki courting ritual to speak of...
Continuing the IRBB with art from ichigough's story, linked here! Sorry for the delay, and thanks so much ichigough for suffering through my multiple changes and redo's. Please enjoy her work!
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With March already behind us, the Ichiruki Big Bang comes to a close. And we, the team behind it, couldn’t be happier with the results.
The Bleach ending was hard on us ichiruki shippers. The backlash was immediate. While there was a lot of (justified) bitterness and negativity in the fandom, we proved to be above and beyond it all and it also provoked an implosion of new works. And why not keep it going?
The aim of the IRBB was to a) create even more content for the ship, and b) bring the fandom together by pairing up artists and writers. We loved it every time a fic or a piece of art was posted, and we loved it even more when it was obvious that the artist and writer were happy to be paired off together.
We’re very glad for giving the fandom this opportunity, and we certainly enjoyed putting it together, and then seeing and reading the results. We really didn’t want March to end.
The fandom has always been filled with wonderful, talented people, and this event highlighted this fact more than ever. You guys keep the ichiruki flame burning. Sometimes people would thank us for organising the IRBB, but, in reality, it wouldn’t be more than a project if all of you hadn’t signed up to participate. So a round of applause for everyone that took part in it!!
What to expect from now on?
-You’ll receive an email with a link to a poll, so you guys can give us your feedback, things to improve on, etc.
-Possibly more works, as some people haven’t posted theirs yet. They can definitely still do it, and please tag it as IRBB so we can reblog it here (first five tags!).
-Updates of the fics that are still being written.
-A masterpost listing all the works made for the IRBB for easier navigation.
-Another Big Bang in the (hopefully near) future :)
So here is my contribution for the IRBB. It was actualy so hard to write that story and I thought so many times I wouldn’t make it on time, but here it is and I’m happy I did it.
Please check out the corresponding art by my partner @ deathbympreg here. I really adore your work, I’m glad we were paired up! :)
Summary:
It’s been seven years since the war. Haunted by Yhwach’s theart to kill them at their happiest moment Ichigo left Karakura to protect everyone. Deciding for an unhappy life he moved to Hokkaido and became a doctor. Now after so many years he reminisces about how he ended up in this life: What could have been? How would his future have unfolded without this threat? What if he had told a certain someone about his feelings?
Will he regain the resolve to crush destiny once again and claim the life he’d always longed for?
Rating: T
Genre: Drama, Angst, Romance
Canon-compliant till 684
“Yo, it’s been a long time.”
He couldn’t remember how often he had imagined himself saying this particular sentence. Sometimes it had been more than once a day – especially when this day was drawing near again.
It had been ten years already. Ten years since his life had changed drastically. Ten years since his world had changed. Ten years since he had met her on that night in May. And nearly seven years since he’d last seen her.
He had tried to leave everything behind – his family, his friends, his hometown, his past, her.
But it was useless. In the cold winter months the snowy landscape always reminded him of her. And in the summer months it was the blooming lavender fields. It was hopeless. He should have thought that through before moving to Hokkaido. Sure, he could have enrolled at a different university, but as time passed he realized that the reason for staying was probably because he didn’t want to forget her. Maybe he was just being a masochist.
“It’s been a long time! … Not… really.” Rukia hummed jokingly with a smile on her face entering the all too familiar house. It was one of her routine visits to Karakura after she had been reassigned to her former position here. Over a year had passed and although Soul Society was still under reconstruction she had volunteered to be in charge of this town again right after the war.
Her smile and anticipation faded away in an instant when she noticed Karin’s expression. The girl closed the door behind Rukia avoiding to meet her eyes while declaring emotionlessly: “He is gone.” The seconds passed as the raven haired woman tried to progress what was going on.
“He left.”
“So when is he going to be back?”
Her mouth had formed the words too fast as if it had been by instinct, but her soul seemed to have known the truth the moment she had stepped through the door. The way Karin had just refrained from addressing her brother as she would have done usually hurt. It hurt. She should have seen this coming, right? Why did she even ask? She knew the answer. //Please, don’t say it. Please.// she begged internally but reality hit her hard when she heard the word she was so incredibly afraid of.
“Never.”
“I’m sorry.” Rukia muttered motionless, staring at the floor. His sister walked past her, not turning around even once: “There’s a letter for you upstairs. Maybe you should read it.” With that Karin left to the living room.
Dear Rukia,
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I didn’t have a choice, although you probably would have said otherwise and called me a fool. I don’t expect from you to understand the reason I left – maybe you already knew. If so, thank you for not holding me back. You always knew me better than anyone else, anyway. There are so many things I would’ve liked to tell you, that I couldn’t. But I want to thank you. Thank you for stepping into my life, for changing my world. I’m glad I was able to meet you and I hope you have a slight idea how important you are to me. Those words surely can’t make up for my sudden disappearance and I’m sorry for seemingly not trusting you enough to tell you about my plans.
I’m going to study and become a doctor. I’ll protect lots of people without being a Shinigami. That’s what I want to do. I’ve made my choice so please don’t try to find me to knock some sense into me. If you do I will never forgive you. It’s better that way.
Take care and be happy
Ichigo
“I hate you, Ichigo.”
That was the moment he lost her, the moment he gave up on her and his former life.
He was sipping at a coffee, sitting at the small kitchen table of his one-room apartment. He had woken a little too early due to a dream that had been haunting him.
“Again, huh?”
It was the same dream. The dream he had the first night after he’d moved to Asahikawa. A dream he’d been obsessed with for the past years. A dream he couldn’t let go off:
“So, what are you going to do now?”
They were at the riverside of Karasu River casually sitting next to each other when her question broke their silence.
He kept staring absent-mindedly into distance. His voice sounded rather disinterested.
“What do you mean?”
She frowned a little, examining him suspiciously from a corner of her eye.
“You have just…” Rukia put special emphasize on the following word as if to highlight his supposed naivety: “…graduated.”
“Well, don’t know. Haven’t decided yet.” Ichigo answered without batting an eye.
“You haven’t decided?” Now she was directly facing him with as much disbelief or consternation – which was a little more accurately put – she was able to express. “Don’t you humans usually attend university after school?
“Yeah, probably going to study something…” He still sounded bored and didn’t really care about whatever she was trying to tell him.
“You really have no idea what you want to do with your life?”
She paused, waiting for a reaction but he didn’t respond. She wasn’t even sure if he’d listened.
“Are you sure?”
Nothing. Again.
For the first time she had really no idea what was going on in his mind.
Rukia turned away obviously annoyed by his behavior or non-behavior. “Maybe you should get yourself a wealthy wife so you can just keep slacking off and laze about as much as you please, stay home and take care of your children.” she sarcastically mumbled to herself.
“Very funny.” He was finally facing her.
She flipped over to look at him: “Oh so you were listening this time?”
“I was listening the whole time.” He glared at her slightly pissed.
Again, silence ensued with both of them resuming their own thoughts.
…
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No.”
“I figured as much.”
“Well, thanks a lot.” he snarled.
Rukia again turned around to face him: “Do you want a girlfriend?”
Ichigo sighed: “…no.”
“Why not? Are you…?”
“Why are we even talking about that?!” he barked but his voice sounded hurt and his expression gave away she had just touched on a sensitive topic.
“I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
He averted his gaze, looking to the ground. “No. I am sorry. “ It was just a whisper.
“If you want to talk about…”
Ichigo chuckled, but it wasn’t out of joy. It was sadness, bitterness.
“There’s… someone I can’t forget.”
She examined him for a moment. It was hard to see him like that... “Does she know?”
“Of course not.”
“You didn’t tell her?”
Ichigo sighed again: “No.”
“Why? You should’ve.”
“Because it doesn’t matter.” His tone delivered a finality that left her speechless for a second. Was it really that hopeless? Did he really give up that easily?
“How can you say something like that doesn’t matter?” She was shaken and she wondered if it was because she was just empathizing with him or if there was something else she couldn’t grasp yet.
“I know what she’d say.”
“And what is that?”
She could feel how painful it was for Ichigo to voice these words when he turned around and locked eyes with her:
“We can’t be together.”
Rukia took a deep breath without breaking eye contact: “Are you sure?”
“You know who I am talking about, don’t you?” It was a plea. He begged her to change their outcome. “I’m talking about you.”
The world around them slowly started to crumble.
“Don’t.”
She couldn’t move.
Trapped in the circle that was called fate, destiny, live. It was the way things went, the way of the world, the course of time. It was inevitable although she wished it was not. How things were, how things should be, how things would always be – for them.
“Don’t say that.” She was close to tears without even noticing it.
“Why not?” It was a remnant of who he’d been: Someone who’d fight against the rules, someone who’d fight for his friends, family, ideals… but never for himself. So it was a pointless question, he knew that. It wouldn’t lead anywhere. He knew her answer, knew the ending, the conclusion their story always had.
“Ichigo, we can’t be together.”
He wondered what could have been different. What if he had made other choices in his life than the ones he did? What if there was a parallel world where he was someone entirely different from the person he had become here? He could be anything, anyone. He could have everything he’d always wished for in another timeline - maybe.
Well, why not? He told himself, while his thoughts were wandering about.
“I’m in my house?” he exclaimed disbelievingly while sitting up in his bed.
“Yes, you’ve been asleep for almost a month yet.”
He looked at her, still a little confused about the circumstances.
Ichigo remembered this moment all too well. It was as if he could revive every word they’d exchanged that day, so he once again listened to her explanation closely examining her features.
His teenage-self pretended he didn’t care: “I see. I figured as much.”
“Y-you’re not alarmed?” She watched him incredulously.
His expression changed. He looked to the floor, not sure what to say.
The way she looked at him, pained, was still breaking his heart.
“Can we go outside?” he was finally able to phrase.
That was the moment where he gently patted his old-self on the shoulder, as if taking his place.
Everyone else in the room was about to leave for the door, when he added a confident: “Just the two of us?” He rose from his bed and she followed.
They were standing opposite each other, both with a melancholic atmosphere surrounding them.
“So… this is goodbye.” Rukia nearly whispered avoiding his gaze.
‘So it seems’ he had the urge to answer, but…
“No.”
“What?” She looked up, not sure if she’d really heard that.
“No, it can’t be.”
“But, you’re…”
“I don’t want you to disappear from my world.” He cut her off with a determined glance.
“Ichigo…”
“I’m sorry, please listen, cause I think there’s not much time left.”
Her silhouette was already starting to get blurry. Ichigo was scratching the back of his head: “Damn, how do I say this? Uhm… I…” He took a deep breath to collect his thoughts.
It was hard. Harder than he’d thought it’d be.
“You’re really important to me, you know.” He felt relieved after finally uttering that and suddenly the world seemed to be a little lighter weighing on his shoulders.
“You’ve changed my whole life – for the better.”
“For the better? Are you sure?” She wore a sad smile.
“Yeah, I’m glad you gave me your powers.” Although Ichigo didn’t know, that was probably already enough for her to hear, because it was proof that she didn’t have to blame herself for anything she’d done. She hadn’t ruined his life, she hadn’t dragged him into a world he didn’t want to belong to. He’d just thanked her for all she’d done.
“Maybe that’s the reason it feels as if we belong together somehow, because our souls are connected since that day.”
She didn’t say anything but he could see it in her eyes, that she was feeling the same.
“I don’t want to lose you. I’ll train hard to get my powers back to be able to see you again.”
He took a step closer to her.
“Will you wait for me?”
She placed a hand over his chest.
“Of course.”
“Rukia, I…” he wanted to add but was cut off by her midway.
“Maybe I’ll come visit to sneak up on you.” She offered playfully.
“Yeah, whatever.” He retorted with feigned anger. “I’ll see you around then.”
It could have been like that, if he’d had the courage back then, but in reality he didn’t say any of that. There was just her voice in his head with the ever same phrase he was tired of hearing: ‘We can’t be together.’
Instead he went through seventeen months of sheer unsteadiness without any purpose in his life, without any powers, without her.
“What if we had never met?”
“No.”
“What if we had not met on that night?”
“No, stop. Don’t.”
“Then…”
“You would have died.”
“I don’t believe the right girl will just walk right through my door someday.”
That was his answer to one of Keigo’s repeated attempts to drag him to one of those stupid trips to hit on girls. Without a good-looking wingman this idiot would be kinda left alone – literally.
In retrospect it was a little funny, he had to admit, that said girl had done exactly that. Well, strictly speaking she had walked just through the walls of his room, but one shouldn’t be too pedantic.
It had been seventeen months already since he’d lost his power. It seemed as if the rain would just keep on falling every day since she’d left, even when no single drop was falling from the sky it was raining, in his heart. He didn’t want to admit it in front of anyone else, he even had difficulties admitting that to himself. Something was missing, something important and it were not only his powers he was talking about. Actually he would have liked to punch himself in the face, one because he felt utterly stupid to be such a wimp, second because he didn’t have the guts to tell her what she meant to him.
Sometimes he’d hear her voice in his dreams but he was never able to reach out to her. He wondered what that meant.
He clearly remembered the expression on her face when they said goodbye. She had seemed as if she’d wanted to say something. Maybe he’d never be able to find out what that would have been.
Thinking back on that time he figured it must have been his own fault for never making the first move. However somewhere in the back of his head there was another voice saying that it was fate, that it was not meant to be, that it was engraved into the grain of sand he currently was on.
“Why can’t we be together?”
Rukia was on one of her regular visits to the human world. They were walking down the snowy streets of Karakura, when his question caught her completely off guard.
“What are you talking about?” She really had no idea what he was talking about.
“Every time I told you about me feelings you said we couldn’t be together.” He remembered all these times by far too well for his liking.
“How many times did I tell you that?” She still didn’t get his point. Well, no wonder because all these rejections had happened at different times, at different places, in different timelines. It was the first time she’d ever heard him say something like that.
“I stopped counting.” He desperately retorted looking to the ground.
“I hated you, you know.” Rukia stopped in her track.
“I’m sorry.” He was feeling down, utterly horrible.
“You left without telling me. I always thought you trusted me.” She folded her arms giving him a reproachful glance.
“I do. You’re the person I trust the most.” He knew he’d made a mistake, a huge mistake, but he wanted to get things sorted out.
“Why is that?”
“I don’t know actually. I don’t think you can really explain the concept of ‘trust’. It is what it is.”
She continued staring at him disappointedly: “It’s been four years already.”
“I know. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think about you, these four years.”
She sighed. “You’re such an idiot. Why didn’t you tell me back then?”
“Huh?” He didn’t get where she was aiming.
“I’m engaged. I’m getting married.”
It felt as if someone had just stabbed his heart.
“To whom?” He sounded accusing.
“Renji.”
Ichigo had to contain his anger somehow.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” Her voice sounded so far away.
“You don’t love him.” He declared as if that was the one and only truth.
“That’s not the point.” Rukia continued to walk, walk away from him.
“Why do you marry him?” He ran after her, still not getting why she’d do something like that. That wasn’t her.
“Because I have to. I have no choice.” She kept going and looked straight avoiding his eyes.
“You have no choice?” He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. That wasn’t the same Rukia he’d known for so long. What did happen to her? Was it his fault? Was it because he left?
“It is my duty you could say. I am responsible for the clan and…”
He caught her wrist and turned her around so she had to face him.
“Marry me.”
He had never been that serious about something like this before.
“What? Don’t be stupid.” She labeled him an idiot, an insane idiot, he could hear the subtext in her voice.
Again, he seemed to lose everything, lose her.
“That’s impossible. We can’t be together.”
I want to forget you. I tried. I tried really hard to just forget you. You’ve turned me down so many times hurt me so many times – why do I still keep trusting you? Why can’t I have a peaceful, normal life without you? – Without you on my mind.
Why can’t I forget you? Just leave! Leave me please! I can’t take this anymore. Why is it so damn hard to get you out of my mind?
Because you changed my world? Because you made me a better person?
Why do I feel as if something was missing when I’m without you? I saved two, three worlds and still why don’t you give me a single chance – give us a single chance? Why do I even try again? I know you. I know you better than anyone else does and still I don’t get it. I know about your feelings and you know, too. I know you’re lying. Stop your lame excuses and finally tell me what you really feel.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No, I want you to stay.”
“You just said you want to forget me.”
“I do. But I can’t.”
Their first goodbye hadn’t been a goodbye in that sense – it had been forced, their parting. She had been taken from him, just like that and he hadn’t been able to do anything at all. He had been lying on the ground soaked wet from the rain and his own blood. When his sight started to blurry away he still saw her sad face before his inner eye and that was the moment he knew, he wanted to see her smile again no matter what.
When the time came he finally was able to see that smile he ironically didn’t feel happy. He was happy for her, because she seemed to have found the place she belonged, the place she wanted to belong, but… this place wasn’t with him. Back then he didn’t quite get why he felt so down. He had just blamed the long time they both had spent so close to each other.
“I’ve decided to remain here.”
It took a while to process her words.
“Ok, that’s good.”
No it’s not.
“Well, if you’ve already made up your mind…”
Stop pretending, you…!
“If that’s what you really want…”
How do you know?!
“Then the best thing for you would be to stay here.”
Come back with me.
“Come back with me.” That’s what you should have said, god dammit! You should have just thrown her over your shoulder and carry her home!
But he didn’t.
He never did.
Sometimes he would dream about his fight against Juhabach. Although he had fought the battle relatively alone he would sense someone else’s presence on the battlefield who hadn’t been there before. The silhouette of a woman surrounded by a cold, white, misty atmosphere. Her reiatsu was so familiar, although his heart knew who she was his mind was completely at a loss – it just didn’t get through. A blurry image of the one person he would have wished to be by his side on the battlefield, guiding him like a ray of light in the darkness, giving him strength when he needed it the most, trusting in him and his abilities, believing that they both together would be able to end this war.
What could have been if they had fought together? Would they have succeeded? Would they have been able to destroy their enemy to protect Soul Society and the human world
“Have you made your decision yet?” She looked over to him.
They were both sitting next to each other somewhere outside Sereitei on a hill.
“Yeah.” His short but sincere reply drifted through the air.
“So… are you going?” Rukia asked him a little insecure.
“I think so.” He was staring in the distance, but he wasn’t absent-mindedly at all. He was calm, he was at peace.
“Are you sure?” She waited a moment before she continued. “You really want to abandon everything?”
A tiny sigh escaped him. “Well, someone has to do it and Kyôraku-san is right when he says that I’d be a good choice, so…” The war was over, but there was a lot to do now. Sereitei needed to be rebuilt, some ranks had to be refilled, a new Soul King had to be elected.
“You’d stop being a human. Are you really ok with that?” Her voice sounded concerned. She didn’t want him to accept the offer just because he felt he had to.
“I am.” Ichigo answered determined, to her surprise.
“It may sound stupid, but deep down I had already decided I would stay here after the war… although I wouldn’t have imagined to be offered to become the next Soul King.”
He sighed again suddenly a little uneasy.
“I wonder if I can do that.”
“I’m sure you can.” She reassured him turning to face him. “You’ve changed a lot here in Soul Society, you know?” She smiled and he remembered the first time he had to say goodbye to her after she’d told him she’s stay here. He remembered the reason why he wanted to save her so desperately that time that he plunged into a whole new world beating the hell out of anyone who’d get in his way.
“We won’t see each other a lot when I’m in the Royal Realm.” He noted, his mood getting rather melancholic.
“Yeah, that’s probably right.” She replied equally mournful.
They sat in silence, daydreaming for a while.
“Why don’t you come with me?” Ichigo finally had the courage to ask what had been on his mind for quite a time.
“What?” She was confused by this sudden strong commitment.
“We could do that together – change Soul Society.” He turned to face her. “Without you I wouldn’t be here, maybe I wouldn’t even be a Shinigami and I wouldn’t have been able to change all that in the first place. It’s all thanks to you.”
Rukia still seemed a little uncertain: “But is that even possible?”
A smirk formed on his lips: “Well, as the new Soul King I could just order you to come with me.”
She feigned indignation: “You wouldn’t do that.”
He still grinned stupidly: “Maybe not, but I could.” His expression changed back to his more serious side: “So what do you say? Are you coming?”
She smiled: “It would be an honor.”
He couldn’t tell when he fell for her but he’d always remember the moment he became finally aware of his feelings. It was after his first fight against Grimmjow where she’d been severely injured – again just to protect him.
All he could do at the moment was watch. Watch as Inoue was healing her wounds, waiting for her to open her eyes. He couldn’t be of any use here, he felt completely worthless. He hated it to be protected, because for him that always meant that he himself hadn’t been strong enough, that he had messed up again. So he was the one to be blamed for her current condition. If anything happened to her it would be his fault. It would be his fault cause his fight against Grimmjow had taken so long, because his defeat had taken so long, that he didn’t have the chance to take her to a save place earlier.
His eyes were fixed on her as if her wounds would heal a little faster with that, as if he could change anything watching her. He would never ever allow that to happen again, her getting hurt because he was a powerless idiot who couldn’t protect the people he loved. And there it was, the moment he realized she had belonged to that part of his heart for quite some time already. When did that happen, he wondered. He remembered all too well how annoying he thought she was, when they first met. She was rude, her language completely weird, a damn smart-ass, bossy as hell and her drawings really sucked. Well, she still was all of that, but at the same time she was sincere, caring for the people around her, way smarter and stronger than one would expect her to be and she was always right. She was someone you could trust no matter what, who’d risk everything for the people important to her – something he had subconsciously admired her for. Everything he was now he was thanks to her. So, is that really what you called love?
She was in the middle of arranging his tie, when he finally spoke his mind:
“I can’t do this.”
“That’s what everyone is saying right before they’re getting married.”
She wasn’t impressed in the least by his behavior and continued her work.
“No, I’m serious, I can’t do this.” He grabbed her hand forcing her to inevitably look him in the eye.
“I can’t marry her.”
She watched his face for a moment then tended to his tie again, ignoring his grip.
“Then why did you propose?” Pleased with her job she let go of his collar freeing her other hand and gave him a curious and kinda cheeky look.
“I made a mistake. I can’t marry her. I don’t love her. I…” he was getting a little overexcited.
“Ichigo.”
The tone in her voice brought him back, for the moment.
“You. Cannot. Ditch her. On her wedding day.”
“But…” he wanted to object.
“I said: You. Cannot. Ditch her. On her fu-“
“Rukia.”
He took her hand silencing her, letting their eyes interact on their own for a while before declaring with all his sincerity:
“Run away with me.”
She took his words in. He couldn’t tell what was going on in her mind at all. The seconds passed and her face slightly started to look enraged.
“Have you completely…?!” She paused before her voice could reach an unpleasant pitch.
Rukia seemed as if she tried hard to sort her words.
“You are going to marry an amazing woman who really loves you and…”
He had to intervene here: “But I don’t love her.” His voice was dead serious.
Now she was really getting angry: “Would you please…”
Of course she wanted to say ‘let me finish speaking’ but he couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I love you.”
Again the seconds passed. It felt like a painfully long time before she raised her voice:
“Ichigo, I already told you…”
“…that we can’t be together, got it. But why?”
Now he was the one getting mad.
“And don’t tell me it’s because I am a human and you are a Shinigami, I am a Shinigami, too. My father is one and my Mom was a human. So what? There is no reason for us to…”
“Have you ever wondered if it is worth that? If I am worth that? If you’re time is worth that?”
She looked at him with watery eyes.
“I did. I did for the past five years. No, seven years.”
Rukia chuckled a little, although she was on the verge of tears: “You were 15 seven years ago.”
“Exactly.” He shot back.
“Did you think I’m that naïve not to think about any consequences? What it would mean to be in a relationship with you? I know damn well that it would not be and could not be the ordinary kind of relationship a normal human has. But my life is not normal, it never was. I don’t care, ok? I don’t want to have any regrets because I didn’t tell you about my feelings. So please, don’t tell me that you never had any feelings for me at all.”
His eyes flipped open. He was right. Well, the Ichigo in his imagination was right. He didn’t want to have any regrets. It didn’t matter what her answer would be, but he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life wondering what could have been. He made a decision, a decision he should have made years ago. He was determined – a feeling he didn’t have in a really long time.
He got up, took a shower, packed his suitcase and left for Karakura.
And with that he was somehow able to jump from one grain of sand to another.
“Urahara, you there?!”
The store hadn’t changed at all. Everything looked as he remembered it from his teenage days, as if he’d never left.
“My, my, Kurosaki-san. What an honor to see you here. What are you doing in Karakura? I thought you left for the better.”
Kisuke himself hadn’t changed one bit as well. No wonder, he thought, he was using a gigai anyway, so no one would ever be able to tell if he aged or not.
“I need to go to Soul Society.” Ichigo declared without batting an eye.
“How come, I wonder?” Kisuke retorted slightly amused, hiding behind his stupid fan.
“Just open the damn gate, ok?” he was a little pissed.
“How long haven’t you been in your Shinigami form?” the shopkeeper asked momentously.
Ichigo flinched, still annoyed although he felt Urahara had just seen through him.
“Since I left.”
“Well, that is a problem. You’ll have to train before you leave unless you don’t want to put yourself in danger.” Kisuke remarked calmly.
“I don’t have time for this shit!” the former substitute barked.
“Mmh, then there’s nothing I can do for you.” The ex-captain was about to turn his back.
“Wait!”
Kisuke moved in slow motion, pretending he didn’t hear.
“Mmh?”
Ichigo had difficulties containing his anger: “I said ‘wait’! I’ll do it!”
A mischievous smile appeared on Urahara’s face: “If you truly desire to see her that badly, then…”
She was sitting in her office doing nasty paper work, when a knock at the door suddenly interrupted her.
“Kuchiki-Fukutaichou, there is a visitor for you outside.” Sentarou bowed to excuse the inconvenience.
Rukia looked up from the pile of empty forms: “I’m busy, so please tell the visitor to come back later.” She tended back to her work.
Sentarou cleared his throat, feeling a little uncomfortable: “I, uhm… don’t think he came here to wait. He seemed… rather impatient and short-tempered.”
She lifted her head up in an instance wearing a shaken expression. There was only one person she knew who’d fit such a description, but that was impossible. It was impossible that he was here. There was no reason to. She was entirely confused. She wasn’t even able to tell Sentarou to send the visitor in. Rukia sensed another presence behind her subordinate, who backed off to make way for the former substitute Shinigami.
Ichigo stepped inside. He took his time to examine her closely. He couldn’t believe he was here, right in front of her. She hadn’t changed at all.
He took a deep breath, getting rid of all the doubts he’d had for the last couple of years, getting rid of every feeling of regret to just focus on this exact moment.
“Yo, it’s been a long time.”
This time he had said it, for real.
She was just staring at him, confused, puzzled, disbelieving, shocked. Her lips were shaking as they tried to form a word. She inhaled deeply trying again: “Y-you…” She closed her eyes, her mouth twitched.
When she finally looked at him again, she seemed a little steadier.
“Wh- what are you doing here?” she was able to vocalize.
“I wanted to see you.”
Rukia only kept staring at him. She could still not believe he was really standing in front of her. They hadn’t seen each other for years, they hadn’t even said goodbye.
“I missed you.” He continued to explain his sudden visit.
She wanted to scream, leave, run away but her body didn’t move. Of course she was happy to see he was alright but on the same time it just hurt so much.
“I made a mistake, a huge mistake just leaving like that back then. I should have…”
“Yes, you should have! You are the worst, you know?! I hated you! I hated you so much, although hating you was the least thing I wanted to do!” She tried hard not to cry.
“I know.” He answered remorseful.
“It was because of Juhabach’s threat, am I right?” Her voice was accusing, justifiably so.
“Yes. He is the reason I left. I did it so…”
“Oh, I know what you did!” she cut him off. “You thought you’d take the blame all by yourself, to put the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. You thought if you’d give up on your own happiness everyone else could just live a peaceful live! Do you even have the slightest idea what you have done to your family, what you have done to your friends, what you have done to me?! You could have told me, you should have trusted me! We could have done that together, you know?! Don’t you think we would have defeated him a second time if he really did show up again?!”
Her voice was getting silent until it was only a mere whisper.
“Why didn’t you trust me?”
“I am an idiot who has made a lot of wrong decisions so far, because it is a lot easier to run away sometimes. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to run away anymore. It doesn’t matter if he comes back or not, because I will defeat him, again and again and again if necessary. And even if he’ll be haunting me for the rest of my life it would be a lot better than being haunted by my own mistakes for the rest of my life.”
Although his outer appearance could be misleading to think he was still his usual impatient, rebellious self, he really seemed to have matured a lot.
She didn’t say anything but she had calmed down a little.
“Can we go outside to talk?”
They were sitting next to each other somewhere outside Sereitei on a hill.
“So, what have you been up to these past years? You’ve become a doctor?” She asked after a long silence.
“Yeah, I’m in the middle of my practical year at a hospital.”
“And you just took some days off to rush to Karakura head over heels and ask Urahara to open up a senkaimon for you.”
His head flipped around: “How do you know? Did you spy on me?”
“Of course not, you stupid.” She smiled. “I just know you, that’s all. You don’t want to tell me you thought this visit through for months. No, if an idea enters your mind you’re set to do it without thinking about any consequences and without questioning, that’s why you’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?” Ichigo felt a little offended and wanted to retort something, but Rukia was changing back to their first topic.
“So, how have you been? In Hokkaido?” The way she had just highlighted the word ‘Hokkaido’ sounded as if she was making fun of him… again.
“Any interesting stories from your love life? I won’t give anything away, you can tell me.”
“Well, what about you?” He turned the tables. “Any husband waiting for you at home?”
She frowned. If that was a joke, she didn’t get it. “Why would I be married?”
“Isn’t that what is expected from you as a member of the Kuchiki clan?”
“I rejected every suitor so far.”
“Why is that?”
She paused. That was such a dump question.
“Why is that?” She imitated him. “Well, it’s because I didn’t want to marry any of them, of course.”
“Why not?”
Now she was starting to feel annoyed: “Are you trying to pick a fight, Ichigo?”
“Are you dating Renji?”
She looked at him, as if he’d just gone insane.
“What?! No, I’m not! That would be… gross.”
He let himself fall onto the soft grass, staring into the sky.
“I’ve seen a future where you did. I even saw a future where I was engaged to Inoue. Maybe somewhere at a different time, at a different place this is exactly what is happening. There are so many possibilities out there. There could also be a reality where we both never met.”
“More like a reality where we haven’t met yet.”
She was lying next to him, staring at the same sky.
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“Huh?” He turned his head.
“What about your love life? You finally have a girlfriend?”
He pondered for a moment.
“Well, you know, there is someone I can’t forget.”
She tried to contain her laughter, but he had already noticed.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’ve said that before.”
Now it was him time to frown. It was a nostalgic sight to see his brows furrowed like that.
“I did? When?”
Rukia shook her head slightly, smiling at him obviously amused.
“Back then, right after your graduation ceremony. Don’t you remember? We were sitting at the riverside just like we’re sitting here now.”
He nearly jumped up from his position. “Did I tell you who I was talking about?” Ichigo was starting to get suspiciously nervous. Rukia followed him, rising as well. “No you didn’t. You just looked at me and told me to forget about it.
“Huh…” He wondered how that was even possible. As far as he remembered he had never told her about that.
“So…” she began, waiting to get his attention.
“Is it the same person it was back then?”
He sighed, chuckling a little, because he couldn’t quite believe what was going on.
“Yes it is. I couldn’t forget her all this time, although it has already been seven years. I tried to forget her, but I just couldn’t. That’s why I’m here.”
“Fool.” She smiled.
“You knew I was talking about you back then, right?”
“Of course I did.”
“Why didn’t you say anything back then?”
“I would have never done that.”
She made a break to get her words sorted out.
“I always thought you should have the choice to decide whether it is worth that. I would have never robbed you off any of your possibilities. I have no right to step into the depths of your heart if I am not sure that this is what you really want.”
“So, what would you have said if I had told you back then?”
“I probably would have asked you if you’re serious.”
“You wouldn’t have told me that we can’t be together?”
This time she really laughed.
“Please, even if I did you wouldn’t have listened. You never listen to what I say. Remember?”
She was right. Had he been wrong all this time? Had all of this just existed in his imagination? Had everything really always been just his decision? Did he choose to be rejected, because he decided that this would have happened, that she would have reacted like that, because he had already given up on his happiness?
She was right. She was always right.
“So, what do you say now?”
“Seven years are a really long time to not forget someone.”
She took a step closer to him.
“Well, you’re lucky that there’s someone I couldn’t forget all these years as well.”
She placed a hand over his chest.
“I told you I’d wait for you, didn’t I?”
“Wait, what?” he suddenly was alarmed. What was going on here?
“Would you please stop pretending to be stupid, Ichigo?”
“You just said you waited for me?” he was confused.
“You wish. I didn’t say anything like that, I’m not that desperate.”
“Misheard that, I guess.” He mumbled to himself.
Is that really what you called love?
He decided they didn’t need any label for whatever it was they shared. It wasn’t necessary, it never had been. It didn’t matter anymore how often he’d heard her saying that they couldn’t be together, because it was just his own stupid imagination that had come up with that. He could have made other decisions at different points in his life, true. But looking back on that day he came to Soul Society to see her every seemingly wrong decision, every mistake he’d made had simply lost its weight. As long as he’d make that one important decision to let everything behind and change what was often falsely interpreted as fate. He didn’t believe in fate, there was no bigger force driving them apart they had pushed each other away somehow and sometimes things just need time. Maybe it would have been too early to tell her when he had lost his powers. Maybe it had been for the better that he had waited these seven years, that he had at least matured a bit, that he had at least a perspective in life and that he was finally sure he knew where he belonged, where she belonged, with him.
“So…?” Her voice brought him back from his thoughts.
“Huh?”
“Are you coming or what? I bet your family is already waiting for us, if we don’t hurry your dad will freak out and send some task force to search for us.”
It wasn’t always easy to live a life between two different worlds, but for them it worked, it always had.
“Rukia?”
“What?”
“Thanks to you the rain has finally stopped falling.”
She examined him for a moment.
“You are a sappy idiot, you know that?” She dryly noted.
