#intimacy log

I have an interesting relationship with smut fics. It took me a while to be comfortable writing them, and once I started, I found it was very difficult for me to write them how they’re supposed to be written.

Smut fics are supposed to be sexy. They’re erotica. It’s in the name—they’re meant to be erotic. But I found that very difficult. Partly because my character interpretations are not especially flexible—my UT folk know my interpretation of the characters follows essentially the same backstory and personality, no matter the fic—so it was essentially impossible for me to put the character in a situation that they wouldn’t enjoy and keep it sexy.

So…my smut fics are a bit unconventional. Sometimes, the characters have to stop midway through. They have to talk or re-evaluate a scene or situation. They sometimes find themselves getting triggered in the middle of things, or they’re unable to do something that their partner would really enjoy because of past trauma. Traditional smut fics are a bit like porn—they aren’t especially grounded in reality, and they can play a little fast and loose with consent. (This isn’t a dig, by the way. That unreality is part of the sex appeal. It’s a feature, not a bug. I just have difficulty writing it.)

My smut fics, on the other hand, are grounded in the reality of whatever ‘verse I’m playing with. And part of that reality is the character’s trauma and history. Exploring how that affects their sex life—how it shapes their limits and how they recover with time, patience, and care (even if many of those limitations remain)—is fascinating to me, and it’s something I enjoy exploring in fic.

Intimacy Log and Life Cycles both deal with that, and in very unique ways. They’re smut fics, but the kind that you could theoretically enjoy without ever reading the sex scenes. I suppose because both are more about emotional and physical intimacy, rather than being vehicles for erotica. And that’s the fun part for me.