#internalized kinmisia

Internalized kinmisia is thinking your kintype is "too cool" for you to identify as and you must be faking, so you deny it for years. Hahaha. Couldn't be me.

kinmisia is me feeling for a very long time that being kin with something/someone was a very bad and unhealthy thing to do. that sure, i GUESS you could believe you were a fictional character, but you have to out 6 disclaimers beforehand everytime you mentioned it that you knew it was ridiculous, you shouldn't be thinking like this, and really you didn't actually believe it that deeply because that'd be weird and cringe. i'm gonna need to unroot all these beliefs but ohh my godd. goddamn that internalized kinmisia can put up one hell of a fight.

Constantly thinking I'm not otherkin "enough" because I'm ghostkin and don't have much kin dysphoria.

is it internalized kinmisia if i don't like being/want to be fictionkin sometimes? because i'll think about my kintypes and be upset that i am them, that they are part of me. i know part of being otherkin is that your kintypes aren't a decision, but sometimes it feels difficult to be who i am in this life without wishing i was more like who i was during my time in my sources, or wishing i could detach myself from my sources to be more of an "individual" or something. idk does this make me more or less valid? sorry for ranting but thinking about my kintypes has been difficult lately because of this and idk where else to go.