We didn't say a word, instead we let them fall from our hearts like the blood flowing through our veins, bound in chains of an unspoken intimacy, basking under the moon's watching gaze, her steady, softened light washed over you, bathed you in a soft, angelic glow, blurring your face, placing a mask of endearing drowsiness over your fine features- I watched you, with the understanding not that of a friend, nor a lover, not someone as trivial as that but with that of a soul inextricably intertwined with your own, we were one and the same at that very moment, you and I, veiled by the heavy mist of the unknown, utterly in the present, would let anything happen, let it pass by around us as we lay, in the moon's spotlight, verging on the edge of sleep, of dreams, I saw you smiling ever so slightly, lips quirked up, other's might have missed it. You looked at me, glanced quickly, just a flick of the eyes in my general direction, I thought, I hoped, eyes ablaze with the warmth of a thousand fires, you couldn't have seen the heat rising to my face and despite my unabashed tendencies I looked away, embarrassed, vulnerable, tired, loved- although whether on purpose or on accident I did not know- sleep hung over me like a warm blanket, almost swallowing me whole but I remained conscious, held awake by the faintest thread, a lazy smile painted on my hidden face, words so eloquent in my mind unable to spill past my lips in innocent whispers, happy accidents just waiting to occur, or misunderstood (how disastrous that would be). The world before me spun into a muddle of muted colours, dimmed light, my eyelids drooped shut, snapped open, closed again- I was fighting this, I couldn't let my tranquillity be taken away by the presence of sleep, I was calm, certainly, so full of peace and lacking shame, incapable of feeling it at that singular moment; I smiled, perhaps I meant it, perhaps I didn't, I didn't know. Was I in love? Or was I simply lonely, unable to differentiate between love and fear and want and all the other feelings of the world- they were too blended into my hazy utopia, I could see the corners of my vision fizzing out, my eyes closed again, they remained shut for longer this time, I was so sure they would open again- any second now- my mind raced, then it was blank- todays, tomorrows, yesterdays, garbled into one nebulous life. I could hear you laughing, was that you? Were you still there, or was I imagining it, was it the you of my dreams instead? Would I dare to ask, with my tongue heavy in my mouth, glued shut by fear, wonder and agitation of the most wonderful kind, aching to touch you, feel your breath on my skin, close the mere inches between our mouths, slip into a blissful, temporary paradise- but oughtn't I let you speak first before it all tumbled out, all my feelings, all my pain, I couldn't stop it even if I tried, I wouldn't try, I'd lie there, immune to my stupidity in that moment, the words cascading out of my mouth, my very soul, every fibre of my being would be poured out to you like a waterfall, unstoppable. There would be time for regret later, later in the glaring condemnation of the sun, when life would carry on in it's rigid regularity, so plain, so dull, devoid of life, of beauty. Beauty which coated every breath we took, every crevice of the room, every page of our tattered books. Beauty, in it's most simple, luminous, sparkling, bright. Beauty, having removed it's old, worn cloak, shedding the layers of normalcy under which it had, shone gracefully, outshining the pale moonlight streaming through the windows.

its not because theyre gay its because BOTH OF THEM RUINED MY LIFE AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THEM DATING

i sure hope theyre not using gay sex as psychological torture