Pam, I am.
Although we have, in one way or another, conceptualized theories and deducted reasons as to why and how things happen and as to who and what we truly are, it will always be a never-ending question to answer: Who are we? What is our purpose? What has led us to be this way?
I have always thought that we lived in such a subjective world. Although sometimes, I tend to measure actions and situations in what I perceive as objective methods, I am still left with my incapacity as a human being to truly see the world in an omniscient and omnipotent manner. I realized, after months of lectures and lengthy readings, that I may only be able to understand my context in my environment. Judging one’s context would be impossible to perfect for one’s environment is phenomenologically experienced. Comparing this to my fascination with animals, it is impossible for us to truly explain today the intelligence of animals for it is apparent that we humans have continually compared and used our so-called intelligence in testing animal proficiency. If you’ve heard of the Mirror Test, where scientists place dots on the foreheads of animals to test whether they recognize themselves through their reflections, results show that animals such as the monkey have understood that their reflections are, in fact, themselves. However, does this say that dogs, who tend to be surprised upon seeing themselves in a mirror, are dumb? Dogs have way poorer eyesight than humans. However, their sense of smell is a lot stronger than ours. Thus, the mirror test fails to successfully capture the ability of all animals. Now, using such analogy in understanding different individuals, we are faced with the dilemma of genuinely understanding one’s complexity. We humans are often clouded by cognitive biases. Anger, joy, sadness, disgust, fear – even our emotions serve as uncontrollable variables. Although such aspects of our humanity have been proven to be helpful in our survival, will it be sufficient in reaching our goal of explaining the unexplained?
One’s complicated nature may be rooted in the intricate structures of society. Who could I have been if I were male? How different were things like when I was younger compared to today? How impactful are my peers and loved ones in my day-today living? What is the key role played by institutions such as the church or the government in my well-being? How do such interactions influence me? Chronosystem, Macrosystem, Exosystem, Mesosystem, Microsystem – these subsystems that comprise my network of relationships and beliefs have shaped me and if any one of these could be even any slightly different, it would mean a different story and a completely different person than who I am today. For instance, my demand and resource which could be completely similar to someone else’s could produce a different product due to differing forces. This explains how, for example, privileged people with the same personal characteristics and amount of resources could still differ in success. In the end, we still have something that’s inherently ours and with that, our future lies in our hands more than ever. Thus, despite the persistence of change in our lives, we adapt in order to combat perturbations in our daily routines. Unfortunately, such disequilibrium is sluggishly confronted. Thus, we may feel as if we are not good enough at times or that we are failures and disappointments. It is during such moments when I remind myself that change is necessary and inevitable. Ones lapses and shortcomings, however, should not be a measure for one’s capacity as we all adapt in our own paces.
Now, more than ever, I find the psychodynamic perspective an interesting way into seeing the structures of personality. I am often left to ponder about my ability to balance, and oftentimes, offset my Id, Ego, and Superego. What defense mechanisms do I use often? Is my whole personality a product of some metaphorical rug? I’m thrifty and spendthrift when I want to. What does that say about my toilet training as a child? As a teenager, approaching young adulthood, it is quite enthralling that I actually am experiencing identity confusion whilst stuck amidst the search of love and intimacy. Individuation, especially at a time such as the one my generation is facing, is generally erratic and, at times, constraining. Identity today, is such a big forlorn question to answer.
Furthermore, one big walking contradiction facing us is our globalizing world. As someone raised in the 21st century, in a developing country specifically, I am heavily vulnerable to the changes in culture and identity. As a teenager, I have developed a digital identity that has demarcated itself from my I-position offline. Such things like the “loob” are challenged as well especially with the growing burden of Filipinos stuck amidst a trafficked channel brought about by modernization and the constant push and pull of local culture. At times, it feels like I am burdened to play a performance for others, especially due to peer pressure and standards set by crowds in school that ostracize those who are different. As a straight female, such hardships do not stop there as we are continually under the mercy of a patriarchal society.
If I had one main takeaway from this semester, it would be that until now, there is no one way into understanding the self. We, humans, are deeply intertwined with complex histories and contexts that no one theory can totally define us. However, the measure of my progress from what I had learned in the beginning of the semester to my knowledge today, is not with my ability to concretely explain who I am and my upbringing. It is in the apparent expansion of my perspective and curiosity into who I am and in the complex society I am in today. Afterall, there is very much more to learn.
Thank you, Ms. Keh. Despite my course being far from Psychology, I have always been interested in the study of mind and behavior. I hope many others see the significance this subject plays for society. No matter how complicated and scientifically-convoluted the concepts get, it all boils down into the basic virtues that one upholds. We must all continue to better ourselves and to be kinder to others, for we, humans, like the saying goes, are not islands. Everything in this world is interdependent and reciprocally related. We only need to act with sincerity and kindness in order to make a change in this world, no matter how small.
