#insu-be

there are several reasons why yuwol hesitated when it comes to trying out the band scene. the first is obvious, his father wouldn't approve. he can hear his father telling him, 'you'd be staining our legacy,' or something to that affect. eventually, yuwol overcame that hurdle on his own, but—there had been something else stopping him, which he still thinks about to this day. it's a different type of guilt than the one his father poses he should be feeling, as if he's overstepping in ( @insu-be )'s territory.

bands had always been insu's thing, yuwol witnessed firsthand the way insu struggled to achieve his dreams. it's a passion that yuwol doesn't exactly have—because to yuwol, music is survival—and it's something admirable, even though insu shouldn't have to endure all that he did to get where he wanted. insu had a difficult father, after all ( yuwol knows what that's like all too well, but it's different—at least his own father paid attention to him when he held a violin, it isn't the same for insu ).

to say he feels bad is an understatement—it feels as if he took what is meant to be insu's, tainting it. even when their relationship was still teetering on okay, yuwol isn't blind to the jealousy and envy brewing within. it's why yuwol tried to stay in his lane. yuwol had his violin, insu had his band. their paths shouldn't cross ( and by that point, yuwol should've realized their relationship can no longer be salvaged ).

but something shifted, somehow. and insu was bound to find out.

it slipped out in conversation. "i have band practice later," yuwol had said, realization hitting him much too late. the silent stretches for far too long, partially yuwol's fault. it takes many moments before he could talk again, but there is no hope to remedy the situation at this point. "i haven't told you about that yet," was all he could say.

apologizing would mean he isn't certain with his decisions, so he forfeits the notion. that doesn't stop the strange guilt to rise, nor does it quell the frustration that's bubbling.