Hey man, all these funding cuts to research have left my PhD project studying ribosomal recruitment on the chopping block. I’m kinda desperate otherwise I’m gonna have to drop out if I don’t find a new source of funding. I heard something about an InstaJock scholarship program for people who download the app? Am I crazy for considering it?
I don’t know if you’ll get this in time, but if you haven’t downloaded the app, or even just haven’t set up an account yet, I am begging you not to do it. I know that with your funding having been cut you’re probably desperate for any way to continue to work on your project, but it is very important that you don’t download that app, and not just because it will turn you into a dumb jock. In your case, getting converted could be downright disastrous, for everyone.
See, Instajock having a scholarship doesn’t really make a lot of sense. Not just because it’s a social media app giving out a college scholarship, but because there's no need to try and increase publicity. Once someone gets an invite to InstaJock, they’re naturally compelled to set up an account on it, and once they do they’ll transform into another one of the Master’s loyal jocks. Considering almost everyone who gets turned sends out an invite to at least one other person, Instajock is already spreading at a truly terrifying rate. There's no need to use something like a scholarship to entice people to join, if just sending a magical invite is enough to enchant a person into doing it. Unless, perhaps, they were trying to get a specific person to join. Someone with a ridiculous amount of security on his phone. Someone who's working on some very interesting genetics research that has applications beyond even his understanding. Someone like you.
The Master has a lot of money, and some very powerful magic on his side, but what really makes him dangerous are his connections. Getting your research grant cut would be easy, probably easier than making sure you’d find out about the “scholarship opportunity” that Instajock suddenly has. On the bright side, the scholarship is probably real. If you do join Instajock, you will get the money you need to continue your PhD work. You’ll just be dooming yourself to a life of servitude by doing it, along with a lot of other people.
See, The Master may be powerful, but he isn’t the only powerful transformation loving, jock obsessed guy out there. I’ve mentioned a rival of his, one I’ve called The Mad Scientist, before. The Mad Scientist is incredibly skilled, and unlike The Master actually does his own work. Biologically based transformations are his specialty, transformations that spread like viruses and essentially rewrite DNA. He doesn’t use magic, just… really crazy science. The Master relies mostly on magic and tech, so scientific transformations are a bit of a weak point for him. He doesn’t use them, and has trouble protecting against them. That's why your research is so interesting to him, why you’re so interesting to him. He needs someone under his thumb who knows the ins and outs of manipulating genetics.
If you download that app, you’ll become a jock, a beefy, cocky meathead with a big cock snaking down your pants and a dumb smirk on your face. But if my theory is right, you won’t actually end up losing your intelligence. Sure, most of it will be dedicated to picking up chicks and finding creative ways to bully geeks, but sometimes, when your perfect, sexy, god of a Master asks you to, you’ll use those brains to continue your research, and use it in whatever twisted way he plans. I know you’re desperate, but you can’t do this. Instajock is already incredibly dangerous, and I don’t want to see what will happen if someone finds a way to make its transformation literally go viral.
I mean, an app that not only turns you into a jock, but makes it so everyone around you slowly becomes jocks too? That's kind of overkill, right?
...right?













